It's really hard...going through another Summer without the one I love the most. First Summer I did that was torture, I'd cry all the time, and sit alone in the dark waiting for an e-mail, text, Facebook message, or even a call. That one time he did call, after we had hung up, I always burst out in tears because of how much I missed him. This Summer, hopefully won't be as bad as the last. One reason, his parents don't hate me, and Dawson would do anything to contact me...ANYTHING.
As I said, it's really hard being without him so far. However, I'm not the one who should be saying it's so hard because Dawson is the one who's suffering more than I am. It's really sad when he tells me that he's bawling, and that he misses me like crazy and that he woke up in tears, and continued to bawl. However, it makes me just a little bit satisfied because I know that this is our REAL test...If we can get through 8 months and 10 days of being together, I'm pretty sure we can get through a Summer without seeing each other ever single day. Now that I think about it, it won't be absolutely horrible because when we look at the bright side, Dawson and I will still be able to see each other on occasion. Whether it be a Movie night, hanging out at the park, or having the missionaries come and visit. I understand what Dawson's really thinking about though because he's thinking that something drastic will happen, and it will ruin Drawkah and we won't be able to fix it like we did at the trailer and like we did with simple alone time. My solution: If we truly love each other, we'll be able to get through the Summer.
I find it surprising that I haven't been bawling over him, like I had expected. Obviously last year was full of tears and darkness, so I had completely gone through depression like that. It took Dawson and I like 20 minutes to say goodbye, and during those 20 minutes, we kept saying stuff like: "I'll miss you, I love you, and Kay see ya." The problem with us saying "Kay see ya," or "Goodbye," is that we didn't actually leave for the longest time. We just sat there repeating ourselves, and wiping away tears, and listening to a little bit of Maroon 5, with songs like "How" and "Runaway," which I had to turn off because it was making me want to cry. One of our last kisses was like an "all-in-one" kiss though. It started out with just a peck, then open mouth, then him biting my lip, and me doing the same, and then one with tongue. I expected that to be the last kiss, but then it wasn't because he had kissed me while i was sitting down, and he was standing up, getting ready to run out of there because I told him he had to. I told him to run because he wouldn't be able to see me cry, I won't get the torture of seeing him leave so slowly, and I didn't want to see him crying.
If Drawkah had undergone any other difficult experiences, I'd choose the Almost Break-Up because that one was super major, if you didn't already know. It was so hard, and I think that if we got through that, then we can definitely get through this. I miss him so much already, and it's always hard to say goodbye...but at least we didn't break-up.
Song of the Day: How by Maroon 5
Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: I'm just asking you to stay strong because I know that we can get through this Summer..if we got through The Almost Break Up, then we can get through this, I promise you. It'll all be fine in the end, I think that this Summer will end up making or breaking our relationship. Even more though, I think it will make our relationship stronger knowing that our relationship is more than quality time and physical touch like part of our love languages. However, we have another love language we could obviously use..that we share of course, and that is: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION! It'll all be fine, darling. We'll get through it I promise. It's hard hearing about you crying all the time, and I just want you to know that you won't have to go through what I had to last Summer. I won't leave you alone like he did, even though he didn't mean to. I know what it's like, and I'll try to make this Summer good for you. I love you, sunshine.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Saturday, May 25, 2013
I'm 15 For a Moment...
Looking back, the past two and a half years have flown by. My years in our little junior high school are coming to an end it seems. Every day I learned something new, whether if it was from my friends or in our math classes. I can't believe that THIS was the last year ANYBODY is going to that accursed junior high. Sure, we all hate the school, but at the same time, some of my most fond memories were made there. To be perfectly honest with you, my time in the junior high, was the best 2 years of my life. MOSTLY this year because I got Drawkah, and a bunch of new friends. Sure I loved being 14, but I have got to admit it. I think that being 15 might be a disaster. I think it's going to be because of all the high school drama. At least I have something to look forward to though...I'm turning 16 in like 364 days now! =)I've never really had what people would call a good birthday. TO be perfectly honest with all of you, this recent birthday was number 3 on my chart of horrible birthdays. Here to list some reasons why it sucked.
1: Waking up to a text talking about somebody else's problems.
2: A good morning text from Dawson, and nothing else.
3: People keep telling me what to do!
4: School.. =P
5: One of my friends said I was fat...
6: Dawson kept ditching me!
7: Chelsea didn't stick to her word...at all.
8: Drama
9: Party split in half between me, Emily, Dane, and Dawson to Julia, Gabby, and Chelsea.
10: Lies!!
11: Am I even alive right now?
12: "Hey it's Bek's birthday!!" said a friend. "NOBODY CARES." says my bus!
13: Can we open presents now? One person will be gone, and then someone goes up to get them, and then they disappear so on, and so forth.
14: That skyping dork told me to get off his computer screen because I'm ugly on my birthday!
15: ^ He lied to Chelsea and said he sang to me.
Here to list some reasons why it was amazing.
1: Stepbrother's call.
2: Samantha's beautiful first birthday present.
3: Songs about Jane!
4: Dawson came to my party!
5: Harrison's birthday songs. (Math and Seminary..preferably Seminary)
6: Chocolate cakes!
7: Playing Honey Do you Love me?
8: Set of the most beautiful scriptures.
9: Dawson addressed the issue, and has stopped ditching me.
10: Krista seemed to really care about how I was doing!
Yeah, well there's more reasons to why it was horrible sooooo yeah. My birthday is higher up on the bad birthday list for a reason. That's okay though, there's not a lot of advantages to stuff that you can and cannot do when you are 15. For example, next year will be a big deal because I'll turn 16 and I'll be able to go on dates.
Song of the Day: 100 years by Five for Fighting
I'm fifteen for a moment...caught in between 10 and 20, and I'm just dreaming...counting the ways to where you are.
No shout-outs because I can do whatever I want on my blog. =) Love you guys!
Monday, May 20, 2013
Comfort Zone: Triplet Skating
Hello everybody! This is a comfort zone project, it's a project that we do in Choir every trimester, and this is what I did this trimester. As I read through it again, I realized that it could also be considered as a very "well written" blog post. I hope that you guys enjoy reading this! Thank you!
Back before I was born, my parents hadn't met until they had bumped into each other at a skating rink. Back then, I don’t know if it was either Starlight Skating or some other skating place they had both went to, but that’s where they had met. My father, who was sort of shy, didn't really know how to skate; he’d never gone before. My mother was the complete opposite, and she loved to skate and talk with her friends and wasn't at all shy. My mom and one of her friends spotted my father sitting all alone with skates on, but just sitting on the bench. They both felt bad, and decided to go help him learn how to skate. That night, they both held his hands as they skated across the floor. Later, of course, my mom and dad fell for each other, and got married and had three kids, the last one being me of course.
Looking back at this story of how my mom and dad met, I had realized that not only have I not triplet skated with anyone; I hadn't had much experience with skating at all. I had only gone skating two times. Both times were with my dad, who has turned out to be pretty good at skating, like my mother. However, I never really learned how to skate, I just made assumptions about how to. I have never really tried to pull off the triplet skate before because I usually need a lot of room to be able to skate normally, and I didn’t want the other two people to fall because of me. As an attempt to fix this, I invited a couple of my friends and my dad to go skating with me.
My entire plan was to invite Krista Phillips, Mary Landon, Dawson Hammond, and my father to go skating with me. I planned to just basically have fun with them, and when given the opportunity to Triplet or Couple skate with two other people, I would. After that plan was over, of course my comfort zone project would be done, except for the fact that I would have to basically write about my whole experience with the situation.
The original plan was to basically leave to skate at around 2:00 p.m., but it turns out that’s when the skating place closed! Krista contacted me and told me that it wasn’t really going to work, so immediately I contacted my dad and all of my friends basically saying that I was headed to pick them all up right then and there. Of course, being 3 hours early would be a big surprise to them all; they were in shock because they had other things to do. Dawson just happened to be washing a car, Mary was hanging out with some of her neighbors, and Krista was basically home alone so our parents couldn’t meet each other. However, they all happily joined us as we drove to Starlight Skating in Idaho Falls. When we got there, we all felt like we were going to fall on our faces and be super embarrassed. Surprisingly, the first hour or so had no falling for any of us except for my dad, who’s getting weaker and weaker so we can’t blame him. During the first 15 minutes, Mary and I kept holding on to the bar surrounding the rink because we were scared we were going to fall still. Krista and Dawson kept intimidating us so we finally just let go of the bar, and skated around without it. With that to be my third time skating, and I hadn’t been skating in 2 years, I was actually doing pretty well. However, I had those moments where I almost fell, but not quite; I kept catching my balance last second! Right when Mary and I got used to skating, that’s when they had the Triplet or Couple skate light on, so that you can only skate if you’re holding hands with another person, or two other people. I looked at whoever was next to me at that moment in time, and it just happened to be Mary and Dawson! I took both of their hands, and took the middle position. In my case, that’s the spot I wanted the least just because I could easily mess the two of them up anyways. We were all doing just fine!! We got half-way across the entire rink, and then BOOM! Mary hit the back of my skate making me fall and dragging Dawson down with me! Somehow Mary survived the “Triplet Crash,” and skated to the bar for safety. That was the only time I fell out of the whole entire time we had skated at Starlight Skating. I was so surprised with myself, that I just decided to keep working and working at it to improve. As the rest of the day went on, Dawson was a little bit more curious about the relationship that I have with my dad, and wanted to know the story to its fullest. As a result of that want, we basically held hands and skated around countless times without falling. Of course, both of us were getting better and better at skating in a “Couple.”
If you think about it, triplet skating wasn't that big of a deal, but it teaches me a little bit more about how my dad felt when he had met my mother. He didn't really know how to skate that well, just like me. My mom and her friend, or in this case, Dawson and Mary, helped me through it, and let me have an amazing experience with skating. Not only did this comfort zone help me to try new things, and let others help me, it helped me get in touch with a little bit of family history. I feel even closer to my mother and father after I did what they had done, and it’s incredible the little things we can do to improve ourselves and become better people.
Back before I was born, my parents hadn't met until they had bumped into each other at a skating rink. Back then, I don’t know if it was either Starlight Skating or some other skating place they had both went to, but that’s where they had met. My father, who was sort of shy, didn't really know how to skate; he’d never gone before. My mother was the complete opposite, and she loved to skate and talk with her friends and wasn't at all shy. My mom and one of her friends spotted my father sitting all alone with skates on, but just sitting on the bench. They both felt bad, and decided to go help him learn how to skate. That night, they both held his hands as they skated across the floor. Later, of course, my mom and dad fell for each other, and got married and had three kids, the last one being me of course.
Looking back at this story of how my mom and dad met, I had realized that not only have I not triplet skated with anyone; I hadn't had much experience with skating at all. I had only gone skating two times. Both times were with my dad, who has turned out to be pretty good at skating, like my mother. However, I never really learned how to skate, I just made assumptions about how to. I have never really tried to pull off the triplet skate before because I usually need a lot of room to be able to skate normally, and I didn’t want the other two people to fall because of me. As an attempt to fix this, I invited a couple of my friends and my dad to go skating with me.
My entire plan was to invite Krista Phillips, Mary Landon, Dawson Hammond, and my father to go skating with me. I planned to just basically have fun with them, and when given the opportunity to Triplet or Couple skate with two other people, I would. After that plan was over, of course my comfort zone project would be done, except for the fact that I would have to basically write about my whole experience with the situation.
The original plan was to basically leave to skate at around 2:00 p.m., but it turns out that’s when the skating place closed! Krista contacted me and told me that it wasn’t really going to work, so immediately I contacted my dad and all of my friends basically saying that I was headed to pick them all up right then and there. Of course, being 3 hours early would be a big surprise to them all; they were in shock because they had other things to do. Dawson just happened to be washing a car, Mary was hanging out with some of her neighbors, and Krista was basically home alone so our parents couldn’t meet each other. However, they all happily joined us as we drove to Starlight Skating in Idaho Falls. When we got there, we all felt like we were going to fall on our faces and be super embarrassed. Surprisingly, the first hour or so had no falling for any of us except for my dad, who’s getting weaker and weaker so we can’t blame him. During the first 15 minutes, Mary and I kept holding on to the bar surrounding the rink because we were scared we were going to fall still. Krista and Dawson kept intimidating us so we finally just let go of the bar, and skated around without it. With that to be my third time skating, and I hadn’t been skating in 2 years, I was actually doing pretty well. However, I had those moments where I almost fell, but not quite; I kept catching my balance last second! Right when Mary and I got used to skating, that’s when they had the Triplet or Couple skate light on, so that you can only skate if you’re holding hands with another person, or two other people. I looked at whoever was next to me at that moment in time, and it just happened to be Mary and Dawson! I took both of their hands, and took the middle position. In my case, that’s the spot I wanted the least just because I could easily mess the two of them up anyways. We were all doing just fine!! We got half-way across the entire rink, and then BOOM! Mary hit the back of my skate making me fall and dragging Dawson down with me! Somehow Mary survived the “Triplet Crash,” and skated to the bar for safety. That was the only time I fell out of the whole entire time we had skated at Starlight Skating. I was so surprised with myself, that I just decided to keep working and working at it to improve. As the rest of the day went on, Dawson was a little bit more curious about the relationship that I have with my dad, and wanted to know the story to its fullest. As a result of that want, we basically held hands and skated around countless times without falling. Of course, both of us were getting better and better at skating in a “Couple.”
If you think about it, triplet skating wasn't that big of a deal, but it teaches me a little bit more about how my dad felt when he had met my mother. He didn't really know how to skate that well, just like me. My mom and her friend, or in this case, Dawson and Mary, helped me through it, and let me have an amazing experience with skating. Not only did this comfort zone help me to try new things, and let others help me, it helped me get in touch with a little bit of family history. I feel even closer to my mother and father after I did what they had done, and it’s incredible the little things we can do to improve ourselves and become better people.
Songs of the Day: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen (for my dad) AND A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton (for Dawson)
Shout-Outs of the Day:
Dawson: It's our 8 month anniversary, and we celebrated it without fighting...except the deal with cupcakes. Haha, anyways it's been an amazing 8 months with that, and did you know what 8/12 reduces to 2/3? This means we've been together for 2/3 of a year! Do you KNOW how crazy that is? It's crazy! It's even crazy when people ask us how long we've been together. We say 8 months, and they freak out! Let's face it, 8 months takes dedication, but so does 1 year and over. I'm pretty sure we both know that it's hard for people our age to get even around 1 month anniversaries. It tells me, and I'm sure that it tells you, that we are both "head-over-heels" for each other, and that we feel so close that we can't even imagine everyday life WITHOUT each other. Haha anyways it's been an absolute pleasure to be your girlfriend for this wonderful 8 months, and I hope to continue to be be it.
Dad: Hey Dad! What a heck of a "birthday party" we had! It was so crazy that I ate too much! Why'd you have to over-feed me like that! It's just not healthy, you know? Here I am trying to lose weight, and you go and ruin it for me by giving me cupcakes and ice cream and pizza, and offering me tater-tots and stuff like that! Of course I'm going to run to the bathroom and sit by the toilet and want to give it up! It's just too much, even though it's all so good! You can't let me have HALF of a pizza, and still have cupcakes and ice cream and ADD onto it! That's a horrible idea! Thanks anyways though, I don't know...I think it might've been worth just the pizza and cupcakes. Gee that was wonderful. Anyways, I love you and I look forward to seeing you on Thursday. Hope you find some arm candy.
Dawson: It's our 8 month anniversary, and we celebrated it without fighting...except the deal with cupcakes. Haha, anyways it's been an amazing 8 months with that, and did you know what 8/12 reduces to 2/3? This means we've been together for 2/3 of a year! Do you KNOW how crazy that is? It's crazy! It's even crazy when people ask us how long we've been together. We say 8 months, and they freak out! Let's face it, 8 months takes dedication, but so does 1 year and over. I'm pretty sure we both know that it's hard for people our age to get even around 1 month anniversaries. It tells me, and I'm sure that it tells you, that we are both "head-over-heels" for each other, and that we feel so close that we can't even imagine everyday life WITHOUT each other. Haha anyways it's been an absolute pleasure to be your girlfriend for this wonderful 8 months, and I hope to continue to be be it.
Dad: Hey Dad! What a heck of a "birthday party" we had! It was so crazy that I ate too much! Why'd you have to over-feed me like that! It's just not healthy, you know? Here I am trying to lose weight, and you go and ruin it for me by giving me cupcakes and ice cream and pizza, and offering me tater-tots and stuff like that! Of course I'm going to run to the bathroom and sit by the toilet and want to give it up! It's just too much, even though it's all so good! You can't let me have HALF of a pizza, and still have cupcakes and ice cream and ADD onto it! That's a horrible idea! Thanks anyways though, I don't know...I think it might've been worth just the pizza and cupcakes. Gee that was wonderful. Anyways, I love you and I look forward to seeing you on Thursday. Hope you find some arm candy.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Hold On...To Your Everything
How many of you have lost someone, or gotten close to losing somebody that you love? That's right...raise your hand if you have. *Bek raises her hand* Okay, so here's the deal...when my sister, Rachel, had cancer...my family started to fall away from the gospel, and not hang on as tight as we should've. I personally know some people that WOULD be LDS if it weren't for a loved one to die. Here's what I am to say... Hold on tight to the gospel....it will help you get through your trials and hardships. Going through something incredibly hard? Hold on...he will protect you. Remember, life is all just a test to see how faithful we are towards our Heavenly Father. Are we going to blame him, and start taking the wrong path, or are we going to try holding on tight, and get help from other friends that care? What's the true point of this post? *sigh* Lately in my life, there's been a TON of talk about cancer...and the experiences people have gone through with it. I'm going to admit this, when Rachel was diagnosed with cancer, my world pretty much stopped, and I thought to myself "Why...why her?" Having a loved one be in risk of dying is possibly the scariest thing ever...unless you're about to die yourself. Through all of your troubles, hold on...hold on to your friends, and hold on to what you believe in. It'll effect your life deeply.
Song of the Day:
Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne
Shout-Out of the Day:
Viewers: If you ever have an incredibly hard trial such as someone going through cancer, or trying to get through a fight...Please just write down your feelings on paper. Do what I never did until now. This notebook is helping me be a lot less stressed. It's just a bunch of letters to all sorts of people. It's filled with secrets, and deep feelings, and it's helping me a TON. Please consider it?
Song of the Day:
Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne
Shout-Out of the Day:
Viewers: If you ever have an incredibly hard trial such as someone going through cancer, or trying to get through a fight...Please just write down your feelings on paper. Do what I never did until now. This notebook is helping me be a lot less stressed. It's just a bunch of letters to all sorts of people. It's filled with secrets, and deep feelings, and it's helping me a TON. Please consider it?
Monday, May 13, 2013
Top Secret.
I have this new top secret notebook entitled Things I'll Never Say, and it's full of heartfelt letters that are full of feeling...id like to share the last sentence out of each entry.
Please...Miss me.
Please...Need me.
Please...Love me.
Please...Stay with me.
Please...Care for me.
Please...Acknowledge me.
Please...Spare me.
Im not going to say who each letter was addressed to, but I just though I should let you guys know ive been getting into some very deep thinking lately. These past weeks, ive been so confused about what is right, and what is wrong in my life. What I can do to strengthen myself, and stuff like that. Im almost 15, what am I going to do next year, when I dont know what im doing? When in doubt, fall on your knees and pray. I dont know if the feelings I have been getting are bad or good lately, and I dont know half the things going through my head right now. Hence why I focus on one letter to someone, and address my next issue, and vent with that a little.
Song of the Day: What's Good? By Jordyn Taylor
Shout-Out of the day:
Chelsea: thank you for ALL of your help with the whole patch up Drawkah situation. You're good at supporting others.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Patching Things Up
Alright. Lately, ive been thinking about what it means to patch up a relationship or a friendship... I've come to a conclusion that it doesn't mean start over, it means to resolve past issues and basically move on.
People Im patching things up with:
Dawson (attempting)
Sienna (completely)
James (slightly...)
I want these three people to know that I want to be amazingly better with you guys in the near future. I love you guys.
Song of the Day:
She will be Loved by Maroon 5
Shoutouts of the day:
Sienna, Dawson, and James. =)
Thursday, May 2, 2013
The TERRIBLE Feud
Wow! Now that the TERRIBLE feud we all had is over, and I've been super busy with everything like our Trapezoid video that me and my friends made for Geometry, I have NOT been able to get some time to myself. Right now, I'm taking a risk doing my blog before I finish homework. Apparently writing about feelings and stuff relieves stress, and that's something I ABSOLUTELY need to do!
After this feud ended, I'd been thinking about how the way I would want to be treated would be. I'd also been thinking about ways I could try to improve, or inspire, myself and those around me to do better, and be better. The feud you ask? Well LONG STORY SHORT: It was ALL just a misunderstanding. However, lots of people still have doubts about who to be friends with! If you're not sure you want to be friends with somebody, honestly, just look at yourself, and see if they would need you as a friend. Truth is, everyone needs good friends. You are what you attract, and if you're going to be nice, you'll get nice friends. However, we all need and deserve a friend, someone to talk to, and someone to have your back. Friends are SUPER important. I don't care WHO you are. I know, I know...Some of you probably came to this blog post to see what's up with me doing my so-called evil deeds, well lets put your rumors to rest. I DID NOT tell Chris to break up with Sienna! I asked Chris what was wrong, and he simply said that he was fed up with her behavior, he started telling us(Isaiah and I) about some of the things that he was bothered by. As a result, he was basically saying "Yeah, I want to dump her so bad!" All Isaiah and I pretty much suggested was that he should do what he felt was right, and since that's what he wanted, he dumped her! Of course, nobody likes to be dragged into something that's none of their business.
Well anyways, rumor got around, and that's when nobody cared about feelings anymore. We said stuff that offended, but it got to the point where none of us could stand it anymore. The main friends that were in this feud (in my opinion): Sienna, Chris, Dawson, Bek(me), Isaiah, and Gavin(kinda). Sienna, later that day, apologized to me, and we both agreed that we should wipe the slate clean, and start new. So, that's what we did! First time I saw her when we had made up, I said hi, and she said hi back! It was almost as if that feud never even happened! However, for me it was just a titch more awkward than before. That's okay, because friendship takes time. This, for me, was most definitely a major learning experience. We all make mistakes, but that doesn't mean that most of our friends have to suffer the consequences of our actions, and bad choices. We all just need to be the best that we can be. Then again, we all have hard days, and tough times, so just give people another chance. It's worth it in the end. =)
Song of the Day: Say You Like Me by We The Kings
Yet another song about dedication to somebody! Of course, he sees this girl differently than other guys see her. He's courageous about it, and basically tells her that he's never going down, and he's never gonna leave. He wants to be her boyfriend, and this is his way of confessing his love to her, and it's probably one of the most beautiful love songs, that I, personally have heard in a long time. Lots of the love songs nowadays, are just about lust, and sex..but this actually gives a good message about love, maybe even young love. Of course, this is probably what MOST girls (especially teenage girls) would want to hear! That's why it makes it SUCH a good song, that people could relate to!
Shout-Outs of the Day:
James: Yikes, I had all this fun stuff to tell you about, but I swear I just can't find the time to do that! It's taken me half an hour to write this entire blog post! Haha, well I know that you probably miss talking to me, seeing as to how, it's great to "catch-up" on what we're both doing nowadays. Yeah, well you'll see me in like 21 days because of that Awards Concert! =)
Dawson: Hey Dawson...I know I've been super stressed lately, and it's probably getting just a LITTLE bit annoying... Let me know. Also, I'm sorry that we don't really act like the couple we used to be. Yeah, I just want you to know that I still feel the same way I did back at our 6 month anniversary, and maybe even more now. At this point, I feel committed to you, and it's amazing because I want you to know that you're possibly the most important person in my life right now.
New Readers: Hey everybody! I'm finding out that a lot of you guys like to just start to wherever I am nowadays! What I strongly suggest, is reading the first blog post, and also Why? It's a Long Story, Movie Night Memories, and People Can Change. Those will show you just a TAD bit of back story also I think it'd be wise to read some of the posts before this one. Enjoy being a cloud reader! =)
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