Friday, September 27, 2013

My Thoughts Are To Blame

So... lately, my world has been falling apart... Ever since I got sick, things have been crappy for me. But, it wasn't until yesterday night that I realized that we might be falling apart a little bit. It was all just a misunderstanding, and then he asked me... "Do you think we're slowly fading away?" I felt terrible. What was I supposed to respond? I said no, of course, but things just kept getting worse & worse. I started to cry while we were talking on the phone, and I thought it was just because I missed him, but then I gave it more thought, and it was all because I thought he was fading away, and getting out of my reach. I had nightmares that night, and I didn't know what to do, as he told me that he would hurt himself because he hurt me. It ended up with him getting bruised by his older brother, from a requested fight, but it still hurts to see him hurt.

So, I get to school. I see Dawson, and I rush over, hugging him and saying hi... I don't get a hug back, but I just get kind of a quiet "hi." as we walk. He was walking quickly, almost as if he were trying to get out of my reach. I bite my lip as I felt a pit in my stomach. I knew what was coming. We go inside through the side door, and I hold onto his arm, and when I drop my grasp, he walks out another side door. Braxton and I look at each other, wondering what had just happened. I look out of the window, seeing him come through the entrance. He looked so troubled. I didn't even know why he left my side. I walk towards the hall, where he might be...but he just turns around and talks to Isaiah. I turn to Braxton, and I say "I feel like I'm gonna cry." I just started bawling before I even got all the way into the hallway. I clung to Braxton... at that moment he was my only friend. I felt so alone... like nobody even cared, but him. That's when I decided my friendship with Braxton is important, and that I can trust him. He was there for me, and there's probably no way that I could ever repay him.

Seeing me crying on Braxton's shoulder, Dawson ditches his friends just to see me. He just sort of walks by me, and when I knew he was actually going to stick around and walk with us... I clung to him tightly, as I got looks from the people in the hallway. Everyone saw me... Everyone saw me at my lowest point, clinging to him. People had their suspicions, but I didn't want to say why...I just kept saying that I didn't know why I was bawling, but that's not true. I did know. I was hurt... because it seemed like I was getting avoided by the one I love most. It was almost like he didn't need me, but here I was the second he leaves my side, in full-blown tears.

We got to my first hour... Algebra. There was a test, and I was one of the first to walk into the class. The three people that had came in before me, stared as I cried and cried and cried, and tried to stop myself. Keely came to my aid, with some tissues, and a hug. I knew she was concerned, and that she'd be there for me. I knew a lot of people were concerned. I hadn't been in tears like that in public since around the beginning of Freshman year. I sit there, and I do my test, fighting back all the tears and thoughts of him leaving. The bell rings, after a long time of thought and silence.

I see him... He's there, rushing to my aid. Making sure I'm okay, and caring for me...Worrying about me. I shook...as I imagined what It'd be like if he didn't care.. I clung to his arm, squeezing tighter with every bad thought to come to my mind. I felt very clingy, and unnecessary to him, I felt like I was just there...like a nobody, but like a crybaby. We walk down to get a drink, and he talks to Linsey. I blush as I get that drink. As you all know... I get very jealous of her. They didn't say much, it was more of just a hi, but what if it was like that in the future in our high school. I go down to get a drink, and there they are.. talking.. laughing.. having a good time.. being happy. I knew it was just too scary... We walk up the stairs, and I cling tight to him, and we go up to talk to some of our friends. Bridger, Kellsie, and Juan. I didn't pay attention to a word that was said, really. I was too distracted by all my thoughts. I cling tight to him, and walk away from them...as they say bye, I don't say a word.

I pull Dawson behind the hall, where less people will see us, but it will still be a little bit too crowded for the comfort of my tears. I look at him, and sit down, and he asks what's wrong, and I just start crying again, bawling... There it was again, I need him. He thought I was going to break up with him because I pulled him aside right after Bridger said something about being dumped, apparently. I didn't time it right, I guess... .but I wasn't even listening anyways. For this entire day, I had my thoughts to blame...

The rest of the day was tiring, almost every time I thought about what had happened, I sat and fought back tears. Even writing this blog-post, I had a hard time... I was bawling within the first paragraph. If you didn't get the point of this post, it was said a while back. I'll say it again... Forgiveness of a friend will repay you big time.. Friendship really is worth fighting for, and if you give them a chance, they can be there for you when you need them most. Forgiveness of a partner can be hard sometimes too though. The reason I can forgive him so easily is because I love him unconditionally. It doesn't matter what he does, I'll always be in love with him. That's the truest form of love, in all honesty. Forgiving and Forgetting doesn't exist. You can always forgive, but almost never forget. I believe in giving multiple chances, because that's what we all deserve. If nobody ever got a second chance, there'd be no couples on this earth, no friendships, and everyone would have trouble trusting anybody. Some of the longest friendships would probably last a month, and then crash and burn, but with multiple chances, we can have forever love...and forever friendship. Remember that.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Pegasister Sick at Home

I don't know if I've ever told you guys this, but I get home sick very easily. If I don't have enough time at home, with time to relax, I flip out, and break out sick. Today, I've been much better though, because I've stayed at home all day today, with the exception of a drive at 4 o'clock today. If you've been wondering where I disappeared to, just know that I'm home with a very well deserved break. Everybody kept telling me to stay home, so it's a good thing that I'm not there today.

Anyways, as I've been sitting here sick, I've found a couple of ways to entertain myself. First of all, I was finally going to finish Kingdom Hearts, but to my discovery, the Truemans took their PlayStation 2 back to St. Anthony, so that was out of the deal. Braxton suggested watching the ending on YouTube, and coming over to his house and playing the next game in the series. It was so nice of him, that I might just go ahead, and do that! Anyways, I got on YouTube to watch the ending, when I noticed... Brony updates...EVERYWHERE. As you all know, I'm a proud pegasister, and I love to participate in watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and watching analyzing videos and Pony Music. So, let's just give you a little bit of a set up of some things that I watched. (NOT IN ORDER)





And, finally! Our song of the day!!

LiL EPiC Song of the Day: Proud to be a Brony by BlackGryph0n

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

September Dreams Come True

WARNING: This post will be in fact, very long, and very detailed, so prepare to read yourselves a STORY. I do apologize ahead of time to anybody who believes I'm being rude within this post, or bragging about what a good time I've had. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the contents of this post.
-Lil Miss Epic


Yeah, so both my anniversary and homecoming was a dream come true, aside the fact of a few minor details.


Drawkah's Anniversary:

Alright, so here's how it all went down. At the beginning of school, he gave me a Mountain Dew Voltage. He knows that I always love a good Voltage, and so I drank it all within 3 days, because I'm not a huge fan of soda. Anyways, we went on with our lives, until we got to lunch, when basically we were gonna celebrate it because that was one of the only times we get to be with each other, aside from 5 minute breaks. Anyways, we go outside, and walk a little bit, and then we sit down. What I did for Dawson on our anniversary, is I wrote a song meant for him to hear. It included, in the lyrics the names of songs that are in our Drawkah playlist that I gave to him for Christmas. Anyways, he ended up loving it. I had written the song in a time frame of maybe 2 hours, total. It was difficult to write a song that quick, but I'm sure he liked it mostly for the fact that he got to hear me sing about how much I love him. Anyways, it was all just very great for the two of us. However, our anniversary was not only about Drawkah.

The day was about the Homecoming game here at our new high school! Nearly everybody was wanting to go to it! It was very exciting and eccentric. In the excitement of the game, after the parade, we walked around town a bit, and ran into none other than, Jamlia! In case you didn't know, but Jamlia is the lovely couple known as James & Julia. James, the owner of The Daily Tower, looked so happy to be with her, and Dawson and I could tell that she felt the same.

Anyways, Reino, my step-dad, eventually comes to pick me up, and gives me some money to spend on the game if Dawson ends up not paying. Him and I basically talk about responsibility and how much he actually trusts me. It was so amazing that he just flat-out TRUSTS me. He told me all of the things that I wouldn't be allowed to do if he thought I wasn't responsible and he didn't trust me. It was then that i realized, I have a lot of freedom in my life! I began to be very thankful of all the things my parents have done to bring me up the way they did, and have been doing. I've become a very responsible young woman that they can be proud of. I love all my parents, and have a lot of respect for each one of them. To them, I'd love to flat-out say Thanks.

So, Reino drops me off at the high-school so that I can be with my friends again, and we all pretty much hang out. James' mom comes in, and then I start to freak out, knowing that she doesn't like me or Julia at all. I felt SO bad for her! It almost was like James' mom was hovering over him at every second in time! I don't blame his mom all that much though. After all, James is the youngest, and the baby of the family, and he deserves to get all that motherly protection. James comes over to talk to Julia, and she, being sad about his mother not liking her, basically says Go away to James. Hurt by what she said, he walks away, and Dawson and I make a connection through eye contact that he'll talk to James, and I'll talk to Julia. All me and Julia basically talked about was the fact that his mom was super protective. When I say protective, I mean SUPER. I remember that the reason Jakeah(James&Me) broke up was because his family doesn't like me. I told her my experience with his family, and we established that we could totally relate. With Dawson and James, all that was established was that Julia cares and that she was there to help, and that James didn't even want to talk at that moment. Telling Julia to go, Dawson and I sat there waiting for them to make-up, and discussing what would happen if they didn't. I had to go over to her, and hug her because I saw her crying in a corner, and then she went up the stairs to talk to him, as he sat with another girl talking. They both looked sad as Dawson and I climbed the stairs.

It was weird... We noticed Chelsea(The Scootalooser) and this other guy, Louie were holding hands a day or two after Chelsea had just become single. Of course, she was the one who broke it off, but she was going around bragging that she was "#livinthesinglelife" Anyways, I sat with them a bit, and when we all went downstairs I remembered the twentieth of twenty-twelve. Chelsea had gone up to Dawson, and said "Do me a favor, and kiss Bek." Then, running over to me, she said "Do me a favor, and kiss Dawson." In high hopes of accomplishment, I run to Louie, and whisper "Do me a favor, and kiss Chelsea." as he blushes. I run over to Chelsea, and whisper "Do me a favor, and kiss Louie" and out loud, she says "okay" and I just laugh. Louie comes up to me basically saying he needs mints, and so he gets the keys from Chelsea, goes the wrong way, comes back out the other door, and discovers Chelsea ATE all the mints. Anyways, they both end up kissing. I won't say her opinion on it, because I'm sworn to secrecy, and it's her story to tell. Let's just say that it was her first kiss.

Looking over at Jamlia, I realize that James is gone, and when he finally walks in, I run up to give him a hug, and as I'm hugging him, he looks broken down... He had just talked to his mother, and it looked like things weren't going so well. He had that same look in his eye, the look that said "I have to break up with her." The same look that he gave me when he pulled me aside to explain that his parents were forcing him to dump me. I didn't know what to do, as he went over to her, and they just sat there, speaking with words that we all couldn't hear. Drawkah fell to the floor, just sitting, and looking at what all had just happened. On one side, we had Jamlia, with the possibility of coming to an end. On the other side, we had Lousea coming to a start. Trying to make the best of things, I basically tell Louie to ask out Chelsea, and he got all sweaty. I told him to go wash off the sweat so that he could feel comfortable asking. I never really saw them together after that, but all I know is that their happy beginning has just started, and they're now a couple. I never really found out exactly what happened that day with Jamlia, other than they are still together. Hopefully, TDT will fill us in with that information, or else it's just better not to know.

Anyway, we get to the game, and Rigby won against Skyline. We literally beat the crap out of them. Within the last 8 minutes of the 4th quarter, me and Dawson decided to leave the field before it got too crowded. Overall, the game was just kinda... boring. Drawkah doesn't even like sports, but we just went cuz we thought we could spend some more time together on our 1 year anniversary. We kissed goodbye, and then I went home to get rest for the next day to come.

Homecoming:
Homecoming! What a day it was, it was so fun! It was the best night ever! I get to Julia's for the hangout and Jamlia and Drawkah had a fun time complete with tickle fights, cuddling, wrestling within couples, and the couple jar, which asks just random questions mostly about your partner. Anyways, I had fun except for the fact, I'd see Jamlia cuddling, while my boyfriend is behind the couch, texting and refusing to move. He was constantly texting during the entire time we were there. I was sick of it, and when he tried to cuddle, and asked me what was wrong, I wanted to cry. I felt like he thought there was better things to do than sit with me and spend time with me. He was texting his guy friends instead of spending time with me. I just wanted to go home, and not even go to the dance, I was so upset.

When it came to getting ready, I took a quick shower, and put on my clothes, and blow-dried my hair so that it was okay when he got to my house. I put on my makeup, a necklace, and earrings, and my boots, and I was ready to go! He came to the door, knocked, and I came to answer it, and it was both Jason and Dawson. In case you didn't know, Jason is Dawson's step-dad. He asked me if my folks were home, and I called Reino over to come talk with us. Long story, short. His step-dad thought I looked lovely, and would love to have me over for dinner sometime. I looked at my boyfriend. He had a grey shirt that matched my dress, grey jeans, and then when it came to his shoes... He had bright blue tennis shoes with florescent orange laces. My eyes widened, as I thought "Oh my gosh...That's ridiculous." It was honestly like those shoes are attached to him wherever he goes. When my step-dad noticed, he immediately went in to get him some boots. He put on the boots, and he actually looked pretty good in boots. I liked it.

We had 2 hours to kill before we were going to head over for the dance. I complimented him, and Reino suggested us watching a movie. I thought for a second, and then suggested Aladdin Aladdin being my top Disney favorite, and on my bucket list to watch with my lover. We got it to play on the Blu-Ray player. I wanted him to give me his phone so that we could put it on the charger. I gave him my phone, and said "Here, this is what you can use if you still want to text Gav." I was so pleased by his response, he said that he was sorry for what he did to me earlier that day, and that he should've just taken that time to spend with me instead, and that he won't text when he's with me. Because of that, and it was Aladdin, I was so happy throughout the entire movie. We both loved watching Aladdin with each other. It was so fun! It was probably one of my highlights of the entire night. It was awesome! We took pictures, and then decided to go to that dance.

When Dawson and I got there, we noticed how well of a job they did decorating it. They had a red carpet, and stars on the ground, because after all, the theme was Hollywood! Not a lot of people came because it was $20 a ticket for couples, and it was too expensive for most people. Drawkah met up with Jamlia, who looked lively and well, and we danced whenever music came on, and had a great time. We heard that Sienna was getting her pictures taken, and we ran over to see her come out of the band room. She looked MARVELOUS. Her hair was now maroon and her dress was matching, she was so pretty! It was probably my second favorite part of the night. Definitely a highlight. She was probably the prettiest one there, and I'm sure others would agree.

Sienna was probably the most important person at that dance. She was there taking pictures of everyone having fun! Let me tell you, it was so inspiring to see her taking pictures of all these people and their date, and saying that she had THE BEST TIME. If Sienna weren't there, a lot of the amazing things that happened that night, with pictures to prove it, wouldn't be here to remember. So, I'd just like to say, Sienna is AMAZING. I love her! Thanks for all the fun!

Pictures!! Pictures played a major role in this entire night of fun!! So, here! Have fun looking!






























 "Lil" Song of the Days: Rarity's Big Night Mashup

"EPiC" Shout-Outs of the Days: 
My parents:

I have a lot of freedom in my life! I began to be very thankful of all the things my parents have done to bring me up the way they did, and have been doing. I've become a very responsible young woman that they can be proud of. I love all my parents, and have a lot of respect for each one of them. To them, I'd love to flat-out say Thanks.
Sienna:

Sienna was probably the most important person at that dance. She was there taking pictures of everyone having fun! Let me tell you, it was so inspiring to see her taking pictures of all these people and their date, and saying that she had THE BEST TIME. If Sienna weren't there, a lot of the amazing things that happened that night, with pictures to prove it, wouldn't be here to remember. So, I'd just like to say, Sienna is AMAZING. I love her! Thanks for all the fun!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Within the Next Two Days

Yeah, so... Tomorrow's Drawkah's anniversary! I'm so excited! Except for one thing. I don't know if Dawson'll love my gift or not. However, it doesn't really matter because as he always says, it's the thought that counts! I love him to death, and I can't wait for the next two days to come because tomorrow is homecoming game and homecoming DANCE. We're going to both, of course. I'm so psyched. I won't have any time to blog during the next two days, so just keep your eyes open on the 22nd, I may be able to post on that day.

Anyways, yeah. It's been great lately. Driver's Ed, yeah... That's going okay too. I just had my first drive today, so look out, Bek's on the road! I'm not all that confident with driving, I'm really paranoid and scared about doing it because there's all these things that you have to do, and it freaks me out. My days since Driver's Ed started on Monday this week have been really long. That's okay as long as I'm getting things done, though. I hardly have any free time, but when I do have free time, I'm just trying to relax, as best I can. Speaking of which, I need to hop on that finale of Big Brother! I have a lot of stuff to do, and to keep me occupied. Looks like I'm not going to be bored for a while!

Anyway, yesterday was Superhero day and I went as Link, and Dawson thought I looked great, and so did a lot of other people. Here, have a looksie! I had so much fun!

"LiL" Song of the Day: Popular Song by Ariana Grande

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:
TDT: Hey, sister site! We're gonna do a combined blogpost on Homecoming and stuff, and I'm gonna add deets about my life as well, hope you do the same. If you do, I'll "link" your blog to mine on that Homecoming post!

Monday, September 16, 2013

Thanks, It's Been Tough

So... Yeah. I've been having kind of a hard time lately, but some of my friends have been trying their absolute hardest to pull through, and are really being a true inspiration to me. So, as a shout-out to me, Lil Miss Epic, Gabby wrote this:

Hey Bek! First off I really sincerely hope you get this message because I tried to do it in your blog and it didn't work, but no worries! Anyway I just wanted to say that I really love your blog, its really fun to see what happens in your life, and to see you talk about all the good things even though I may not talk to you or the hyper peeps much (which I seriously like to change, it always seems that you guys are so busy that I don't have a chance to talk to you, but I also guess its up to me to have a good attitude on things and just do it). You know a while back I really considered starting a blog myself (your blog "inspired" me, if you will) I personally think it would be a ton of fun, although I know it would also be a ton of work, but I know I can do it. I thought if I were to do one you could help me get started! I think it would be an amazing experience for both of us! I would also really appreciate it! Anyway just thought I'd tell you some of that! I really want to say that I consider you a true, true friend, a beautiful girl, and a person I can rely on! I also hope you truly realize that I am a good friend as well and that I'll always be here to help you , if you ever need me, because I will (don't you take it for granted sweetheart). Love you so much sis! I can't imagine loosing you or any of the hyper peeps! Love you sis! <3
First of all, my comment on this is, of course, I love to receive fan-mail like this about my blog. It makes me feel so much better about myself, and what I'm doing to somehow help out in the world. Showing my appreciation to those of you who would like to fan-mail me, I would love to post it here on my blog to show you all that I appreciate the support you've been giving me over this past year. It helps me get through life, it really does. Thank you so much.

Yeah, today at school was Twin-day if you haven't noticed, so Dawson picked out our outfits, and we went to school wearing the same clothes. Oh, how typical of us. Yay for Drawkah, nonetheless!


Anyways, updates on Drawkah... Ever since that homecoming ask, I've felt so much more close to Dawson. Believe it or not, this picture off to the left, was taken off guard because we had put it on a timer hoping for a kiss pic and had totally forgot about it. Anyways, it turned out cute, so yeah.

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day: 
Dawson: You give me so much confidence, and you're like the only one I'm completely myself around. You know me better than anybody else ever could. The bond we have is so strong, and I hope to never lose it. I love you so much, and I wish to never lose you.

LiL Song of the Day: I'm Yours by Jason Mraz


Thursday, September 12, 2013

Just Kiss Me

Dawson and I went outside yesterday, and we were sitting there and I was eating something and he said something in French that I didn't really get, or understand. Turns out, the last word was "moi" which means me in French. Since Homecoming is soon at our school, I thought about it while I chewed my food. My eyes widened a bit, and then I processed it, and told him: Sure! It took him a bit to process that the sure was just said for Homecoming. We kissed a little, celebrating the fact that we're going to go together. Of course for us, it wouldn't be a date. We were going to go with the Hyper Peeps, which consists of Drawkah, Jamlia, Mary, and Gabby. Knowing that James had already asked Julia, I decided that I needed to ask the rest of the hyper peeps to go with us. Our plan was complete... Mission, get the Hyper Peeps in one place at one time, was now in action!

Later, the same day, I was waiting for Will to come pick me up from school, and Dawson found a place to sit and we started playing and teasing with each other. At one point, he said "Guess what!" and I said what? expecting him to kiss me or something, and the next thing I know, Dawson licked my cheek like a dog. It was so funny and gross, that I did it back, then after we finish laughing, we kiss... At that very moment, I felt like he wanted me more than ever before. We made use of all of our inside jokes, and grew closer. I opened up more to him, and he opened up more to me. You all know that I have trust issues? Yeah, well I trust Dawson completely. When Will pulled up, I had my jacket backwards so I could put my hood over my face, and I had Dawson walk with me to Will's car. It was so funny, and I'm pretty sure that Will was thinking: What the heck? I was probably walking like I was drunk! We kiss goodbye, and I find myself neglecting text messages because I'm too caught up in my thoughts about him.

Today, I decided to show him my back up plan for if he had never asked, and if it was all up to me. I wrote him a poem, a sappy poem at that. I was shaking a little, and blushing as he stared at me. Here it is:









You'll always be my best friend and my lover.
You're the best song ever, wanna hear the cover?

You're amazing, you've captured my heart.
There's no way we could ever part.
You've been the one right from the start.
Don't ever leave me, I would instantly fall apart.

You're the answer to my prayers, you're the figure in my dreams,
I know now how truly unreal all this seems.

This question's been on my mind, I know that it's kind of stunning.
Take my hand now, shall we go to homecoming?



As I say homecoming, I look up and smile at him, and he looks back for a bit, and I ask him if he will, and he says yes. Of course I already knew the answer, but I was happy to know that he wanted it too. I love Dawson so much, and I was happy that I could tell him, in person, how much he means to me.

LiL Song of the Day: Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day:
Jamlia: Hey guys, I just wanted to say that your picture on Facebook of you two love birds kissing, was fantastic. I'm so happy for you two.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Conquering Stage Freight

I go up to the front of the room, with confidence in my steps as the class cheers me on. I look up to all the people that I'll be singing to. "Hi, my name's Rebekah Phillips and I will be singing The Star Spangled Banner." I said, confidently. I start to sing, and it went amazingly, and just the way that I practice when I'm alone, and singing the way I do when nobody else is around. My true voice was coming out, but without all the voice tricks and showing off, as others would do. I get to the halfway mark, and I slightly look up to see all of their faces staring at me, intently, and I quickly looked back down at the stand with the words on it. I start to shake, as I get a weird vibrato going on. I tried to make it stop, and I was so nervous. When I hit the line "Gave proof through the night," I regained my focus, and had almost stopped shaking. I smiled as I sang the rest of the song, and my voice echoed across the room. "And the home of the brave." I sang, as I thought: Bek that was brave... The class cheered for me, and clapped enthusiastically. I got looks such as "Wow, I didn't know you could do that!", "Good job!" and "That was amazing, Bek!" I was actually proud of myself. I turn around in my seat, and Mr. Burrows smiles and nods at me, symbolizing the words "Bek, that was amazing." I did it... I conquered my fear of stage freight, once more. I can do this.

Song of the Day: Star Spangled Banner


Shout-Out of the Day:
Gavin and Dawson: Stay strong you guys, you know I'm here for you guys no matter what happens. You're the best guys I could ask for! Dawson, as your girlfriend, I promise to never leave your side or cheat on you, or betray you in any way. Gavin, as your sister, I promise to help you as best I can, talk to you when I can, and be there for you always.

Hey guys, it's kinda my 90th post, and I wanted to celebrate it with you guys! Go like my Facebook page?

Thursday, September 5, 2013

I Can't Reach You...

He's sad and hurt. Where did we go wrong? He says I didn't do anything wrong, but yet he writes over & over I'm dying inside knowing that I probably hurt her. What could all of this mean? I'm super thankful that Dallon told me what happened with all of this seriousness about technology and all. Thing is, I'm really worried about him. Every minute of every day he's on my mind and it makes me wonder what can I do to help him? He's just fine when we're in person, but when I'm gone it seems like his world just collapses onto him and he needs me ten times as much. I can't talk to him. It's not that he's not able to, but that he's ditching technology and actual speech. I know what happened, but I still continue to wonder. Is that all that's wrong? The loss of his father, and of Gavin's grandma was of course hard on both of them. Dallon tells me that he does this every year, but it's never been this bad before. He's falling apart, but what can I do?

Dawson's been sad all week, nonstop. Am I just making everything worse? Am I even helping him? What do I do? I've been so selfish, wanting him to do things for me and wanting him to do what I want. What about what he wants from me? What can I do to cheer him up if I can't even talk to him? He can't even see what I'm saying right now, and that's hard. I need him, and he needs me. I hope he's praying silently for strength. I just hope that he will be okay. I hope he doesn't cut or hurt himself over depression. If he did, or he has already, I'm still going to stand by and support him, but if he commits suicide, I just don't know what I'd even do anymore. I love him so much and the fact that he's being like this makes me want to go anti-social and bawl and stare at my phone until he texts. I know it's not the happiest thing to do, but it's what I feel like.

When he falls apart, I fall apart. When he's sad, I'm sad. I've tried making him happy, but I guess the best thing that I can do is just cry with him and for him. Dawson, if you're reading this... I love you.

Lil Song of the Day: Always for You by The Lighthouse and The Whaler

Epic Shout-Out of the Day:
James: What do I do? I'm so lost right now. Dallon says this is the worst it's ever been, and I want to help but I just can't... I can't...get to him. I can't reach out and touch him. I'm scared.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Hello everyone, It's September... In my opinion, one of the hardest months to go through, yet very long awaited. It's hard for me for very personal reasons. It's one of those months where you just want to cry all day long, and wonder why life is so bad. It's the month I go back to school, and get stressed out all over again. But at the same time, it's the month that me and the love of my life, Dawson got together. On September 20th, Drawkah will have it's 1 year anniversary. I'm so excited, and I didn't really think we'd get this far, but here we are, still together after one year of crushing, and another following with loving. September, it's great but not great.

So, feedback on how I've been doing? Not so great, I've been super stressed lately, and when I had registration I got stressed on how school's going to be like. I had things running through my head like: What am I gonna do? Please don't let me get lost. Then I realized all that I need to do is pray, and find buddies that are in the same classes as me. For example, my friend Hailey is in my first three classes. Now all I need to do is find a buddy that's in both my 4th and 5th hour. Let's hope that I can do that.

This post isn't very inspiring, I know. There's not much to say though, so I guess this was just an update on life. Sorry, guys. I don't really have inspiring words, today.

"LiL" Song of the Day: Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

No shoutouts.