Friday, August 19, 2016

Move Along

So I've started actually packing today. I discovered that the only days I would have to pack to leave the house are the days leading up to my Coldplay concert on the 31st, so until then, I'll be packing up my room to leave this place. It's really weird. I've only had to pack up and move a handful of times before this.

The first was when I had to move to my dad's apartment in Rexburg. I didn't take very many of my things because I wasn't given any time at all. Instead, we shopped at D.I. for the clothes I needed. I was only in 3rd grade, so it wasn't too much of a big deal to get up and leave like that. However, this was my first time moving out, so I was very homesick and missed my first home.

The second time was when me and my brother went up to live with my mom for the Summer in Utah. We didn't know it would just be for a Summer, but my mom bought a house and we stayed up there with her over the Summer. I remember bringing two or three boxes with me to Utah. In that house, me and my brother never really had actual mattresses. We slept on inflatable mattresses that we had to blow up every night because my mom didn't want them out during the day.When we lived there, my sister was still really sick and that's part of the reason why we had to move back to Idaho. She was having some serious mental issues.

The third time we moved was when me and my brother went back to my dad's, I brought only a handful of things with me and left some of my stuff with my mother because I figured I would continue to live there off and on. At this time, my dad had started to date other women and found somebody he liked. He then married her, and we had to move out into an actual house.

The fourth time we moved was to this big pink house, it was one of my favorite places to live just because downstairs there was a little door that me and my little kid friends would go into to play. I kept all my stuffed animals and books down there. It was truly my happy place, and where I would go to get away. My barbies were the only toys I kept upstairs in my room. I had a big doll house in there along with all my hand-me-down barbie dolls. That was definitely one of my favorite toys back then.

The fifth time we moved was out of my mother's house in Utah and into an even bigger home, still in Utah. This house is the biggest home I have ever lived in, and yet I enjoyed it the least. I was starting to get sick in this house. My mom would never pay attention to me because she was off dating guys on motorcycles and such, so me and my siblings would stay home. I got an ear infection, and even though I'd cry about it almost non-stop because of the pain I was in, I kept getting ignored. I was miserable. I just wanted to go to the doctor. Desperately. Finally my mom noticed how much pain I was in and took me to the doctor to clean out my ear infection. Things started to look up from there. I started to enjoy the house a lot more. The coolest thing about that house was the basement because I got my own room, there was an X-Men arcade game, and a GIANT flat-screen TV. It was so big that it took up the entire wall. Me and my brother would stay up late and watch it until we fell asleep on the couch.

The sixth time we moved out was when my dad got a divorce with his 2nd wife, and we moved into a new complex. I briefly lived here, considering I usually would house-jump during school time so I could go to Rigby. I would jump from my grandma's house to my cousin's, and back to my neighbor's house. I was very welcome at each home, but it never felt the same as my little home in Grant. I remember feeling very very homesick in this apartment.

Finally, I was able to move back to my real home in Grant. I missed this house so much, and I haven't left it for years. To move out is very bittersweet. I'll be leaving behind a great home. One that I've spent most of my life loving and missing. To move out will be a new adventure, and will mark my ninth time moving, but this time I won't be moving in with family. I'll move in with strangers. I'll still have all of my family nearby, but this is a big step for me. Especially considering how much I love to live here in Grant with my mom. I'll be coming back to this house eventually, so it's not like I'm leaving it forever. I won't even be gone for a year. Just a couple semesters, and I'll be back home, but never permanently.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Play By Faith

So I'm going through some boxes, thinking of what to bring with me and what not to bring with me. In reality, it probably doesn't matter much what I bring since my parents only live 30 minutes away and my brother even less. Jordan and his wife said that they're thinking of making me a spare key so that I can come over and chill with them whenever I'd like. I'm so glad to be a part of the family. It's a big deal to me when they invite me to spend time with them, and they always make me feel welcome. And without realizing it, I do the same for them.

Not only do they accept me for who I am, but they love my significant other as well. What I thought was going to be a sibling night with my brother and his wife turned into me, my brother, his wife, Jared, my step-sister, and her boyfriend. They make Jared into more than a boyfriend, they make him a part of our family too. Jordan and Christen are honestly relationship goals.

In my head I try to form the perks to moving out, and quite honestly, living at home sounds a little more appealing, considering I'm more introverted than extroverted. Moving out and getting to live with 5 strangers is kind of a big step out of my comfort zone. However, if I never try, I'll never know what it's like to live on my own out here. If I absolutely can't stand it, then I'll move back to Rigby and drive up to campus when I need. I think that it'll be a change that I think I can get used to.

At Institute last night we were playing volleyball, and when our team made the comment that we couldn't see well because the sun was in our eyes, one of our teammates said to "play by faith." That comment really resonated with me. It's weird, but after he said that, all of us started getting better. I know that he was probably being silly when he said it, but in life that's kind of what we need to do. As long as we "play by faith," everything will be okay and will start getting better than it did without it.

Lesson Learned: Everything is well played when played by faith.

Self-Evaluation Time! I need to be better at playing by faith, and trusting that everything will work itself out. I'm the person who thinks everything needs to planned to death so that we can get it right, but now I find myself with a bit of a lack of faith when it comes to planning these events and them working out. I worry, worry, worry and worry more that something will go wrong and I won't be prepared for something, but as long as I play by faith, everything will work out. No more worrying about adjusting to college life. I've got God on my side. For me, that's enough for me to play it by faith.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

See You In Three?

So I finally got a job. It's kind of, sort of related to the blog, so I might as well mention it. I'm officially a website designer! I get paid $150-200 depending on complexity. If it's a complex project then I charge $20 and hour. Here are some of my projects:

idahojewelspoodles.com
redcarpetdoodles.com
sterlingbrookdoodles.com

Finally, something that I like to do added with actually getting paid and being able to pay for my own education. I already know I'm going to be a starving college student up on campus. Hopefully I'll get some help from my mother. Hopefully I get enough customers to help me through my first year of college.

In other news, my makeshift closet collapsed/broke and I have nowhere to put my clothes. That makes me kind of excited to move out because I'll have a real closet! I'm just hoping that I end up with a real closet here at my mom's before it's time for me to move out.

Adulting is hard so far. You kids who are going back to school this month are kind of lucky. Maybe I'll like it more when I start getting the hang of it. Schoolwise, I may be more lucky. I have classes from around 8 to 2 every day and then I get to spend the rest of the day how I'd like. Probably doing laundry or something, but the difference is: I have to pay for everything.

On the bright side, I have a free class in Rigby every Thursday night. I'll still be coming to Rigby for Institute. I'll carpool with my friends. Maybe I can set up some other day where I can come home to spend time with my mom and switch out some of my clothes on some other day of the week. I should probably set up some times to hang out with my boyfriend before he leaves on his mission, too.

Rachel moved last week, which was pretty sad for me. She gave Jared and I some feathers because she's a hunter, but man. She hasn't been gone very long and I miss her a ton. We keep telling each other, 3 years maximum until we're all together again because of her and Jared's missions. I'll probably go visit Rachel during an off-semester up in Tennessee when she's off her mission, and I'll help her move back up to Idaho when it's time for her to go back to college.

College is going to be tough. I'm going up there with hardly any friends. The friends I do have won't even be roommates or sharing a major with me or even having the same semester-track. Hopefully I'll be good at making friends up there.

Lately I've been having some self-esteem problems. In the back of my head, I feel like somebody started a rumor or something about me because I went to go see one of my choir friends open up their mission call, and everybody there except for that friend, ignored me and wouldn't talk to me at all. I thought that these choir people were my friends. But now that we're graduated, it doesn't seem to matter. I don't seem to matter to them. I don't know what's going on, all I can do is try to stay positive, despite the fallen friendships I may have. All I can say is that I know where some of my friends' loyalties lie.