A Funeral Talk for My Dad

 For my dad, Vaughn.

My dad and I always had a relationship that had its ups and it’s downs. There were always things we didn’t see eye to eye on. But we could always agree on one thing: A good joke.

My dad always had his catchphrases—

When he’d see any of his kids, he’d say

“Hey Baby Hey Baby Hey!” 

If he’s missing you, he’ll say

“I want some,” which to anyone else may sound creepy but to us kids it just means he wants time with us. 

Instead of asking, How are you, he would ask

“Staying out of trouble?”

If you would respond yes, he’d tell you that it sounds like you’re not having enough fun. 

As a kid, my dad tried hard to teach us to be good neighbors and care about others. When we lived in Rexburg, our dad would help us make some cookies, and then we would get some plates and a print out that says “you’ve been boo’d,” and we’d go and drop these off at complete strangers houses. Yes, it was often us that started the “Booing” each year. We even invented new ones for other holidays like Easter or Christmas. My dad taught us to look out for our neighbors, even the ones we didn’t know very well and the ones we didn’t know at all! 

In my teenage years, dad and I would go out to eat while he would help with my homework. It was often Denny’s, with an occasional Chinese food restaurant. At these restaurants, we usually did math homework. If I didn’t have any homework, he would encourage me to open up about what subject I might be struggling in. He would ask me if I was staying out of trouble, and how my grades were. Even if I had 100% in the class, he would ask if there were extra credit opportunities available. 

He always wanted me not to try my best, but to be my best. High expectations from him made me nervous, but in the end all he wanted for me was success. He drilled this into us at young ages. Always encouraging us to save our money, live well below our means, and not to forget to have fun once in a while. Those are unforgettable lessons in my life. And did I mention this is the man that taught me how to read, tie my shoes, and fold a fitted sheet?

Even in my adulthood, my dad was constantly finding ways to continue being a good parent. He was thrifty. He would go out and buy cheap groceries that were on sale, and then visit and invite me to “shop out of his trunk.” He always had advice, stories, groceries, and plenty of quality time to give out. You need him for something? He’s already on his way!

I have no regrets with my relationship with him. We had plenty of positive interactions. For those of you who don’t know, Jared and I just bought a house! Dad was always encouraging us to invest in property, so this was a very big deal. My last real interaction with him was via FaceTime sharing the big news. He was happy for us. He had no fatherly wisdom to share or questions to ask, just happy for us. I couldn’t have asked for a better final interaction at the time.

The night I went to go say my goodbyes, we waited in the waiting room for 30 minutes outside of the 60 minute window for the visiting hour. I was extremely frustrated, but understood that the hospital workers were trying their best. After all, my dad got one of the last beds in the ICU after having spent a night in the Emergency Rooms. There he was. No catchphrases, just laying down sedated in his hospital bed. I just stayed by his side for a while, and finally said “I love you,” and left him there.

On my way home, I thought about how hollow our goodbye was. He didn’t tell any of his usual jokes, or say any of the usual catchphrases. I was okay with this because I really knew it was goodbye at that point. However, I had a dream that night…

In my dream, my dad said “Hey Baby Hey Baby Hey,” to me and my siblings. He gestured to each of us giving us hugs, and at the end all he said was not to worry about him. After that, I woke up. I knew he was leaving us. A couple hours pass, and we find out my dad is brain dead after his brain had hemorrhaged. It really was time to say goodbye. I was glad I could still do that while my dad was really alive.

Now that he really is gone, I am thankful that he is no longer in suffering. Thankful that he’s no longer going unheard. This is not the end of my dad and his influence on others. He will continue to hold place in our hearts, and even our budgets.

With that, I know that our Savior, Jesus Christ lives. That he loves each and every one of us. That he knows exactly what we’re going through in our trials. I know that we will get to see my dad again one day. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Who Am I?

For the majority of my life, I've been in school, but that's all about to come to an end. Who am I without school? Does it even matter who I am after school? Will I just end up doing what I did during school to scrape by? Do I even want to aspire to more? It's not that I don't have goals, it's just that I feel lost within the possibilities.

Career Goals: I really want a flexible career. Something that I can work as little or as many hours as I'd like. I also want to do something that's easy to get in-the-zone with. As a dog photographer and jill-of-all-trades at Idaho Jewels Poodles and Red Carpet Doodles, I find a really amazing flow when I get really into what I'm doing. While what I do right now is amazing, I know that nothing lasts forever.

Education Experience: I attended Jefferson County School District growing up, and graduated from Rigby High School in the class of 2016. Throughout Jr. High and High school, I participated in the choir. I moved up from the Rigby Jr. High Choir to the Troyalirs auditioned choir, and then to the even-higher Chamber Singers choir. I loved to sing in high school.

While I still love to sing, I no longer participate in choirs in college. During Spring semester of 2016, I auditioned and participated in a choir called From the Heart. This choir was student-led, but I didn't feel that my vocals were being improved upon, and I felt even more so, that our practices were useless. I enjoyed performing every week, but I didn't enjoy that I didn't feel prepared for it as our practices were ongoing even after the performances.

I've been attending Brigham Young University since Fall semester 2016 and will be graduating in Winter semester 2020. That's right. I graduate in the next couple of months. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm sad. I'm happy. It's a confusing time.

Philosophy: If you're going to do something, I believe that you should do it as much justice as you possibly can. When you are passionate about something, you should aspire to do something about it. I'm passionate about dogs and I like to take pictures and decorate. Because of this, being a dog photographer has been kind of like a dream come true. I'm also passionate about critiquing media. I strive to use this platform in order to showcase my ideas and thoughts on popular movies, TV, games, and music.

Change in the Nostalgic Generation

In the age of a highly nostalgic generation, it's hard to accept change. Change is good though. If we didn't experience change, we couldn't experience nostalgia.

There's something interesting about this nostalgic experience... In Psychology, we refer to this as the positivity bias. This effect refers to how we look back on the past with a positive lens rather than a negative one. This effect is at its strongest within the older generation. It explains why older people often reflect on their childhood as a joyful experience rather than a hard, traumatic experience.

In short, changing allows us to experience opposition between good experiences and bad experiences. In all that we do, we are able to choose our consequences. I, for one, am thankful that we can change. So much good can come from it.

Because of change, we can become better people, and our enemies can become our friends. Because of change, we can grow up, we can move on, and we can overcome anything. It is our ability to change that empowers us to become who we are meant to become. The best part is that we can decide what we are meant to become. We can break the cycle of who we are in order to become who we want to be.

It's easy to want to go back to when things were better, but why not look towards the future with as much fondness as we do the past? Often, I find myself looking forward with dread. As much as I love planning and organization, I stress and stress about upcoming events and tasks instead of focusing on what I can get out of them.

What's the point of doing anything when we dread everything we do, but look back on those same events and want to go back?

We can choose to enjoy the events we experience now.

Change is empowering. If we learn to embrace the power of change, we can look forward with excitement instead of dread. We can grow from the challenges we are presented with instead of being weakened by them. Nostalgia is powerful. If we can find a way to look forward in the same way that we look back on past events, our motivation will increase!

Wired Differently

Well, the year as it stands has been pretty eventful.

I got a life-changing surgery called gastric sleeve. I basically got most of my stomach taken out, leaving me with 20% of what I normally could carry in my tummy. Recovery has been pretty painful, but I'm feeling thankful to finally be making headway.

Truthfully I didn't feel like I could really post about all this for such a long time because I didn't know if ANYBODY would support my decision if I talked about any downsides on here, but I'm so proud of myself, especially since I can post result pictures!

I'm just a pound away from getting under 200 lbs. I'm so excited to be down a few pant sizes too!

Just prior to flying out to Mexico for my surgery, I got to go through the Idaho Falls temple with my best friend. It feels so amazing to say that we are sealed together for time and all eternity. It also feels pretty good to be able to feel like you really belong in the married wards on campus, and to finally feel "more" accepted into our respective families.

I feel like I've learned a lot this year about marriage. Mainly about how as husband and wife, we are wired differently.

Let me rephrase.

Everyone is wired differently.

Just because something is right for someone, doesn't make it right for someone else.

I also learned that one of the biggest things that can heal a relationship is time. Not due to my marriage, but due to the relationships that I've had with friends and family over the years. It seems like with these kinds of relationships, you can hit a rough patch, and be really mad at each other for a long time, but if you're really true friends or good family, you will be able to move on with time and forgiveness.

Since we're wired differently the amount of time it takes to reach forgiveness can definitely vary from relationship to relationship. Christ teaches us that we should forgive our fellow man no matter what, and immediately. Since we're not perfect like he is this can be really hard, but with a lot of will power, faith, and strength of heart, it can be done.

I'm so thankful to be able to return to the blog and write out my feelings when times get hard. I feel that sometimes everyone needs a break, a time where they can just sit back, and take in life as it comes. I feel that my time away from the blog has given me that opportunity while so much was going on in my life.

Summer's End, Capstone Project

I'm putting together this new website for a school project that I'm doing. I think it's a fantastic way to display my testimony through the eight topics that I chose to talk about I figured that I'd share it with all of you before it's finished.

Enjoy!

Capstone Project

Here's a list of quotes that I liked about the Atonement. You can find more quotes about other topics like family, agency, obedience, and more. 

1) “The fundamental principles of our religion (are) the testimony of the apostles and the prophets concerning Jesus Christ, … that he died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended up into heaven; and all other things are only appendages to these which pertain to our religion.” (Smith, Joseph. Elder’s Journal. July 1838)

2) . “Under the Father’s great eternal plan, it is the Savior who suffered. It is the Savior who broke the bands of death. It is the Savior who paid the price for our sins and transgressions and blots them out on condition of our repentance. It is the Savior who delivers us from physical and spiritual death… The Savior’s atoning sacrifice…is best understood and appreciated when we expressly and clearly connect it to Him.” (Nelson, Russell M. “Drawing the Power of Jesus Christ into Our Lives.” General Conference. April 2017.)

3) “Jesus was the only one who could offer such an infinite atonement, since He was born of a mortal mother and an immortal Father. Because of that unique birthright, Jesus was an infinite Being.” (Nelson, Russell M. “The Atonement.” General Conference. October 1996)

4) “The Creation required the Fall. The Fall required the Atonement. The Atonement enabled the purpose of the Creation to be accomplished. Eternal life, made possible by the Atonement, is the supreme purpose of the Creation. To phrase that statement in its negative form, if families were not sealed in holy temples, the whole earth would be utterly wasted.” (Nelson, Russell M. “The Atonement.” General Conference. October 1996)

5) “The Savior has admonished us to become as He is. Thus, following the Lord includes emulating Him. We continue to come to know the Lord as we seek through the power of His Atonement to become like Him. In His mortal ministry, Jesus marked the path, led the way, and set the perfect example.” (Bednar, David A. “If Ye Had Known Me.” General Conference. October 2016.)

6) “The Atonement of Jesus Christ provides the cleanser necessary to be made pure and clean, the soothing salve to heal spiritual wounds and remove guilt, and the protection that enables us to be faithful in times both good and bad.” (Bednar, David A. “Come and See It.” General Conference. October 2014.)

7) “Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, all spirits blessed by birth will ultimately be resurrected, spirit and body reunited, and inherit kingdoms of glory that are superior to our existence here on earth.” (Cook, Quentin L. “Our Father’s Plan—Big Enough for All His Children.” General Conference. April 2009.)

8) “Overcoming the world is not one defining moment in a lifetime, but a lifetime of moments that define an eternity…Praying, repenting, following the Savior, and receiving His grace lead us to better understand why we are here and who we are to become.” (Anderson, Neil L. “Overcoming the World.” General Conference. April 2017.)

9) “The miracle of the Atonement can make up for imperfections in our performance.”  (Stevenson, Gary A. “Your Four Minutes.” General Conference. April 2014.)

10) “You have the Savior of the world on your side. If you seek His help and follow His directions, how can you fail?” (Stevenson, Gary A. “Your Four Minutes.” General Conference. April 2014.)

11) “The Atonement, which can reclaim each one of us, bears no scars. That means that no matter what we have done or where we have been or how something happened, if we truly repent (the Savior) has promised that He would atone. And when He atoned, that settled that… The Atonement can wash clean every stain no matter how difficult or how long or how many times repeated.” (Packer, Boyd K. “The Plan of Happiness.” Ensign. May 2015.)

12) “The miracle of the Atonement can make up for imperfections in our performance.” (Stevenson, Gary A. “Your Four Minutes.” General Conference. April 2014.)

Aside from quotes, I have a position statement/ testimony for each of the eight topics that I talk about in the project. Lastly, I have a personal application project about the Atonement.

Feel free to read up!

Care More

Sorry guys! I know that I haven't posted in a while, but life got kind of crazy, but I didn't really have much to talk about at the same time. Anyways, this month I started a couple of classes for the Summer. They've been really interesting so far. I'm taking Marriage Skills and Teachings of the Living Prophets.

We've been talking about the importance of communication in my marriage skills class, and it's been really interesting to see all the little things that couples are doing wrong. I thought it was intriguing that being defensive is a way to tear your marriage apart because all you're doing is placing the blame on your significant other.Turns out the best way to communicate and resolve your issues with your partner is to strengthen your friendship and truly CARE about one another.

Moral of the story is: Be friends first and foremost and always remember to LISTEN to one another. Because if it's important to them, it should be important to you.

Finally His Mrs.

Well, the married life has definitely been a relief. Jared and I were so done with all of the drama that came along with planning a wedding and pleasing family. Needless to say, there was a lot going on directly beforehand, and a lot of it needed to be sorted out before I could write on the blog again.

So far, marriage has been full of service. I'm not used to having to take care of another person and letting another person take care of me. The closest you could get to marriage without getting married would be a really good friendship with your parents. You cook and clean up for them in hopes that they'll give you a roof to live under, food, and take you fun places.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that your relationship will suffer if you keep score. Thinking back on all that we've done for each other within the last few weeks, I can't really even think of who's the better spouse. We both help each other in different ways, and that's what's needed. I'm so thankful that Jared and I are so different. Because of our differences we are able to help our household in different ways.

Job hunting has definitely been scary. I've gotten rejected a lot, but I'm really hopeful that I might get a job at Maurice's. I went in to check on the status of my application, and the employee working there said she really liked me and then she put my name on her manager's desk saying to look out for my application. I bought a couple things there just to make a good impression, but dang the clothes there are just my style. Not only are they fashionable, but they're also pretty casual!

I'm so thankful that Jared and I don't have to be apart anymore. It's so nice to come home to each other and spend quality time together, whether it be laughing and talking with each other about our days, or binge-watching "How I Met Your Mother" on Netflix. The real motivation behind our actions is that we love each other and want to make each other happy. If we can keep that motivation alive, our relationship can last for time and all eternity.