Bek's gone for a while, sorry guys.

Eyyooo,  guys!  It's Chelsea.  I'm here updating for Bek because she's not going to be on until she gets back from girls camp (which will be Friday, July 2nd or 3rd) she is trying to prove her step-dad wrong,  and not use her laptop all the time like he says she is.  So,  don't worry,  she's not dead if she doesn't update in the next week or so.  Thanks guys!

-The Scootalooser.

Lil Miss California Girl

Oh man, the reason I didn't blog for over a week was not because I didn't want to, and I didn't want to tell you guys anything, but because I was in a magical heck-hole called California. As you guys may know, I get home sick very easily.

The first day of our "wonderful" vacation was at Universal Studios. The first thing we went to was a Haunted House. Since I am the one who's nearly scared of everything, I held Sarah's hand tightly as we walked through the haunted house with random creepy actors popping out everywhere, I flinched and squeezed tightly. I started to get more and more pissed off as Andrew kept wandering away from the group, and ahead of all of us. However, let's face it, he's 13, and he's excited to be somewhere he might never go to again. Next we waited in line forever for the simulation "The Simpsons" ride. It was exhausting being in line for around 90 minutes. I'll never forget that dumb wait. We watched little clips on these TV's above the line that played the same crap around 4 times total. Again and again, we saw Bart being swept away on that dumb kiddy ride that he was too tall to ride. The ride was not worth the wait, not only had I already been on that ride while I was in Florida, but it was simulation, all you did was rock back and forth while watching a show. After that, we were pretty much starving after that long wait, and decided to get some pizza. After waiting around 30 minutes in the hot sun in a big crowd, we got pizza that could've convinced us it was sunburned. The pizza was so hot, and so undercut that it was both the worst pizza I've ever had, and it burnt my hand a little and made me even more pissed off. Being dragged to a tour, Marilyn Monroe said she absolutely loved my shirt, and said she wanted it for herself. After being a little flattered, I notice my phone's life was halfway depleted. We went on the tour, and saw some pretty breathtaking stuff like sets from movies, and TV shows such as Desperate Housewives and Back to the Future. We also saw one of the biggest crashes that Steven Spielberg made himself from a movie that escapes my mind right now.
After that we went on the Jurassic Park ride, and got soaked, but it felt good in the California weather. After that, we got addicted to "The Mummy" one of the most addicting rides there at Universal because it took us backwards and it was in the dark, and it wasn't simulation like most of the rides. Following the 3-4 times we rode that ride, we decided to head back to the hotel after a long day of shows and rides that really weren't worth the wait.

The second day when we went to Disney Land, I was immediately sick of vacationing. Let's face it, I was getting pissed off with nearly everything, and I missed my boyfriend that I couldn't talk to as much. Not only was I missing my boyfriend, but I was missing back home too, and my bed, and...that's about it. However, my mom was attending a seminar up there in California so I didn't get to see her the first three days of our vacation. Around 6, I started complaining about how much I wanted to go back to the hotel, and pretty much home because my feet and legs were sore from all the walking. But because Andrew wanted to go on all of the little kiddy rides that Disney Land had, we stayed there until the park closed, and then had to walk back to the hotel. The only thing that Disney Land had that was totally worth it was Space Mountain and looking at the Iron Man suits. Other than that, I kind of hated that place.

The third day of our vacation, we went to California Adventures, another part of Disney Land. Zach, Sarah, and I didn't expect much of California Adventures because we all didn't have as much fun as we wanted back in Disney Land, it didn't meet our expectations. California Adventures was pretty amazing for these points:
1. California Screamin': Such a fun rollercoaster, I was kind of scared to go on it at first because of how fast it was and how big the drops were, but the whole thing was really just a breeze. I loved it. We even went on it around 4 times.
2. World of Color: The one ride where Zach and I actually started bonding. Before this World of Color, we pretty much disliked each other. With all the colorful water, and scenes from movies and oooing and ahhing. We simply adored how amazing the lights were and how much the music matched with the water. It's a MUST see if you're up in California Adventures. Much better than Disney Land's lame fireworks.
3. Radiator Springs Racers: Scenes from the movie, while riding in a sports car, everything was exactly on from the movie, along with Cars Land itself. I felt like I was in the movie! It wasn't worth 90 minutes of waiting, but I see why it was so popular. If you're going to ride this, you're going to have to do it when it gets dark. If you're still in line when California Adventures closes, they'll let you ride anyway, and the line will start to speed up because they want to get their day over with.

Our fourth day of vacation was good old Knott's Berry Farm. The last I had been at Knott's I was three years old and I had been just a baby riding on a kiddy ride with a giant envelope bawling my eyes out. I had to admit, I was pretty scared of all the rides there at Knott's. I went on every single ride there though, and even thought the Exelerator was the most scary ride of them all, I still went on it twice, along with the Boomerang and a ride that looked like The Mouse back in Lagoon. Knott's Berry Farm was by far the funnest day of my vacation because my mom told me to just laugh when I got scared. My mom's kind of giving me the advice that Pinkie Pie told the other ponies to do when they saw all the spooky trees. She just told them to giggle at the ghosties, just like how my mom told me to laugh in the face of fear. She said the best part of roller coasters is that you know you're safe. After a big day of laughter, we all had voted to go home except for Andrew, who ran off and did whatever the heck he wanted kind of like an excited 6 year-old. Not only did he not act his age, he rode all the kiddy rides that we could've done back in Lagoon there. We waited for Andrew for over 2 hours and played Charades on Sarah's phone, which was really fun. Zach, Sarah, and I bonded even more during the games.

The next day, we went to Six Flags with hot weather as high as the 85 degrees, and maybe even higher. Without any shade, and with "Flash" passes that kind of sucked, we sat around doing nothing because the lines were way too long and none of the rides were worth the wait. Six Flags was never even worth it. I'm never going to Six Flags again unless I have the Flash Pass that speeds up the wait by 90% instead of absolutely nothing. I wanted to go home as soon as we got out of the car. Six Flags made me dizzy, and it made me miserable after this big hill we went up and down around 5 times. The hill made me want to get the hill outta that park! It even gave me an asthma attack that made me dizzy and I couldn't breathe for a while. It wasn't until a little after Dawson prayed that I could breathe normally again. Truth is, I needed a lazy day. The next day we were planning to go back to Universal, where we had already done everything there, and it wasn't really worth it. After being so exhausted, I took off my socks, and climbed into bed realizing that my toenail had fallen off along with a couple of blisters on my toes. I had done so much walking, it seemed like I was hiking 10 miles every day. I missed my bed, I wasn't getting enough sleep, and I wished I could come home to my boyfriend who was missing me just as much, maybe even more.

It was time for my lazy day along with Zach and Sarah. We all decided to stay at the hotel because to us, there was no point in going back to Universal Studios if we had already done everything there. We were lucky we didn't go because we got to rest up our legs and feet, and relax in the hotel's swimming pool, eat some pizza, and have all the food at our hotel rooms to ourselves (chocolate, yogurt, potato chips, and whatever else we could find). They had came back after being stuck in traffic for hours. The next morning we were all to make our way back to Idaho, it was about freaking time. No offense to any californians, but I hate that state. It's too humid there, and everywhere I sit I feel like I pee myself.

During this whole vacation, Dawson was acting super sweet to me, he actually acted like he was obsessed with me. It was so cute and sweet, and it made me feel so special. Here's just one of the texts he sent me over the vacation. "Dawson: Baby iloveyou, you're my world. When I see you, you make my heart skip a beat and I just get dizzy when you're in the same room. Being with you makes me feel like I'm 'floating and it's unreal. Sometimes I think I'll wake up with knowing that the past 10 months was just a good dream ~Bek'sMan<3" Of course, when I read that I thought it was the most adorable thing I've ever read, but some of the texts he had sent me over vacation took up a whole page in my book for locked messages. It's ridiculous how long it took to write down ONE message in that notebook. Of course there's other sweet things he had said to me while I was away, but that one just makes my heart flutter whenever I read it, as does this one. "Dawson: I'm dedicated. I'm obsessed. I'm addicted to being by your side. You're the one I want, you take my breath away at sight. You're an amazing beautiful girl, the best I can ever wish for, and the one I'm in love with. ~Bek'sMan<3" and this one. "Dawson: Honey, you're one in a trillion, I'm so glad I met you last year and even more so to get to be your boyfriend and I'm never ever ever going to find someone as good as you are. iloveyou<3 forever and always. ~Bek'sMan<3" My point is, I really am glad that he realized how much he means to me, and I'm glad I can see how much I mean to him too. I'm grateful for everything that has happened that helped this all happen. I'm Lil Miss Epic, and I'm here to say, I love my life. Our lives have it's ups and downs, but we'll always get that happy ending.

 Song of the Day: California Girls by Katy Perry
What else would we have other than the song I couldn't get out of my head when we landed there in Califonia?

Shout-Out of the Day:
Dad: I don't know what you want from me, but I feel hurt by what you've said to me, and I've pretty much stopped taking pictures of me because of how you've offended me. Because of your little comment, my self esteem has dropped a bunch. I know you said you're sorry, but I didn't feel like you meant you were sorry. I just want you to know that THAT isn't something you should joke about around me. Sometimes I do have self esteem problems about my weight, but now you switch it to whether or not I look alright. I couldn't care less about my weight now, it's just how I look now. I feel like I look terrible. I love you, but I can't hang out with you today. I'm hurt, and still offended by what you have said to me.

Turn it Around

Today, I woke up with a frown on my face, and decided I didn't have a good reason to come out of my room. Since it's Fast Sunday today, I still had to get up and get ready for church, so I did. I was really upset about a lot of things. It was just one of those days where you didn't want to talk to anybody except for one person, in my case, Dawson, and you just wanted to lay in bed all day and eat chocolate. Getting up, I walked to the car because it was time to go to church. The bishop shook my hand, and asked me how I was doing. I couldn't lie, so I told him I was doing terrible with a smile on my face. He said "Come and see me after church ends, and tell me then. I guarantee you'll be better." We sat down, and we happened to be right behind the missionaries. We shook their hands, and just waited for the meeting to start. When all of a sudden, I'm asked to give a youth talk...In my head I think Oh great. Then I'm saved, as my mom says that we won't be here next Sunday, and so he tells us the next Sunday I'll give one. He asks me what I need to work on, and my mom slips in and says "Nothing! She's perfect!" As the missionaries write down what day I'll be going up to give my talk, he says "How about prayer?" Mom and I look at each other at the same time, and both think "That's my/her strongest subject!" We both laugh and continue to wait for the meeting to start, when the missionaries turn around and start giving me tips on how to give a good talk. Elder Simmons cracked a joke, and said If you want them to be touched, uplifted, and moved, all you have to do is have them touch their heart, stand up, and step two feet to the left. THAT way, they have all been touched, uplifted and moved. We all laughed and then Sacrament meeting started.

So far my day seemed to be going uphill since everyone was smiling at me, and giving me that look that tells me that I need to be happy. I start to think during Sunday school, and I ask myself, Am I happy? and I think of course I am. Later in Young Women's, it was time to bear our testimonies because after all, it was Fast Sunday. I told them about how my morning went, and how I told my step-brothers to not even talk to me, and then I told them how the bishop shook my hand, and how I got asked to do the next youth talk. I mentioned how Taylor and Samantha had kept smiling at me, and how the missionaries were by us, and giving me tips on how to do it. I closed by saying that I love our ward so much, and that everything has a reason, and that I love the gospel, and I closed my testimony, and went back to my seat. The next girl who had gotten up to bear her testimony said that she also woke up with a bad day, and that her step-brother was able to cheer her up, and then the next testimony was Maggie, Taylor and Samantha's little sister, confirming that Taylor and Samantha are phenomenal at cheering people up. I smile, as I bow my head for the prayer. Shaking after we had said Amen, I run out to my car. I was excited to get home and blog about my bad, but wonderful day. I'm here to say that if you're having a bad day, count your blessings, and know that the future is going to get better and better the more trials you go through. Just know that it's all for something good. We're all going to be saved.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Chelsea: Hey girl, I'm leaving Friday to somewhere..(that you know about) I'm sorry but we won't be able to hang out this next week either, and the week I get back, I'll have 2 days to pack for Girls Camp, and then I'll be gone even more. I love you, Chels, but no joke..I'm not even free any time soon. Stay strong, and remain positive. Just know, it gets better, it gets better. it will get better.*referring to a Fun song*
"Epic" Song of the Day: Sunday Morning- Acoustic by Maroon 5

He's Dedicated

Nights earlier, due to this post, I had written a song named "Little Miss Lonely." Later that night, I had insomnia, and couldn't sleep. *in the time of "The Same."* I looked up at the stars, not only thinking of him, but wishing. Wishing that I could get another chance because I felt like things were falling apart. I talked to James about Dawson. We both agreed that at the time he seemed not dedicated at all, as we sort of referred to one of my first songs, "Before You," where in the bridge it says how dedicated the two people are for each other. I felt horrible... At that moment, when I was all alone and looking up at the stars listening to my playlist, and wishing...praying for one thing. I whispered.. "I wish Dawson was more dedicated to us..." I said it again, I said it 2 more times. I broke out in more tears, and finally leave to actually get in bed.

The next morning, Dawson calls. To be honest, I was a bit shocked, until I found out that it was actually about my post "The Same." So on the night of July 2nd, I went to bed praying that he would be ungrounded, and that I could finally have him back. Because...I missed him horribly. July 3rd- No contact with Dawson. July 4th- A text from Dawson appears on my phone. I freak out, and start smiling. I tell him what time we're picking him up for the fireworks that night, and he says he's mostly ungrounded. Dawson later told me that he was actually ungrounded on the 3rd, but he had to charge his phone. It worked. Now all I needed was dedication. A little before the fireworks had started, it felt like Dawson was ignoring me, and on his phone too much, and didn't want to be with me. I didn't get that look that he gave me the last time I saw him. I had him sit next to me, and I gave him back his phone, that I stole because I was just looking for attention. He could tell something was wrong. I told him, and he basically said "and I'm sorry for that." and the fireworks started.

Remembering something that I had on my bucket list, he said "Hey bek.." and I turned my head, and he kissed me. Feeling surprised that it had just happened, I kissed back without a real reason. It was almost like one of those kisses that you just want to get over with, and it didn't really mean anything to you other than, yeah, Dawson likes you. As the fireworks progressed, I tried to see a sign in them. I saw a heart...and as I kept watching, I thought of fireworks as hope in the sky. I thought to myself, Yes Bek...there's hope for Drawkah. Dawson whispers that he loves me, and I said I loved him back. I found myself leaning in for a kiss that was supposed to be full of meaning, but it ended up being just a kiss on the cheek, and he kissed me on the forehead. After what had been 30 minutes of fireworks that seemed like just 5 minutes, we headed back to the car.

Dawson wasn't going to sit by me, but then I told him that he needed to. Dawson asked a question that he had asked earlier on that evening, he asked the question What do you mean you need a new start in your blog? I thought for a minute, and then I hugged him, and then I thought about it some more as I glanced out the window. I turned to Dawson, and gave him another hug, and said I know what I meant. I basically told him that it wasn't what it seemed because I didn't want to break up with him, I just wanted to be happier because let's face it, I've been pretty depressed lately. I told him that I've been trying to get happier, but nothing's been working, and that I put that on my blog because it was what I was feeling. Dawson said he understood. .I could tell he understood, and we hugged again.. Even though we were one-empty seat apart, we still managed to be together. He kept his arm around me from the hug, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I could tell he was looking at me, and so we kissed..but it was another one of those kisses that you want to get over with. Looking down after the short-disappointment of a kiss, we turned a corner, and I kissed him with a reason. It didn't make sense that I was brushing him off like that. It didn't make sense that most of that night, I wasn't attracted to him that much, and not even clingy. I had to make up for it, and this was it. We kissed 5 times, and then we kissed again because he had to go. I knew that if I didn't kiss him and mean it, I wouldn't miss him, and I would lose him, and that I'd feel terrible. When we kissed, I got dizzy. I love Dawson, and I'm going to take the time to do my shout-out right now, even though it's not the end of this post.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: I know that this blog must be an eye opener to you because I didn't tell you that 2 of our kisses that night were just to get it over with. I never want to do that again because when we sat in the car, I could tell how much you loved me, and I could put myself in your shoes because of my fear of having my feelings not be returned. I hope I fixed this, and I'm going to tell you right now, I'm sorry that I did that.

The next day, Dawson and I were finally texting more, but his phone kept dying. Finally, when it was charged again, he started sending me these really sweet texts. Some of them I didn't even know where they had came from. Of course I wondered if Isaiah had anything to do with it, but apparently he didn't. One of the texts I locked, was simple, but it still made me smile. It reads "You take my breath away, you're a supernova. ;)" and another says, "No matter what my hears aiming right at you ;)" and "You're smoking, almost too hot to bare ;)" Even though all these texts were just kind of small, and probably from a pick-up line site, I still felt loved. Dawson hadn't done that earlier in our relationship. He literally was going on and on about how bad he wanted me for 2 hours straight. He even gave me his full attention. Later that night, I told him something that I had been hiding from a little earlier in our relationship. I won't post it here because it's a little deep, but what I will say, is that I don't regret saying it because now I know that he feels the same way too.

Today, I was walking my dog Reagen, I looked up at the sky and think to myself, I love my life. Everything I wanted was now back in place, back where I wanted it to be. Everything was better now, and I have no reason to worry. Sitting here writing this blog helps me to analyze my situations better, not only have I been able to foreshadow what has come, or what might come, it's helped me see what I'm like, or what I can improve on. The thing I love most about this blog, is that my posts can inspire you guys to sit down and think, or write a song, or tell someone you love something important to you. I'd love to thank you guys...for everything. Thank you for reading my blog, it's been amazing. Not only may it help you to read my blog, but it also benefits me because when I see that so many people have even looked at my blog, I grin. People care. Once again, Thank you.

"Epic" Song-Of the Day: Me Without You by Sam Tsui

Ratchet

He just called again. I'm still speechless about it. Last night, I laid awake thinking of him, and praying for him to either get ungrounded or for us to have the ability to talk the next day. I fell asleep to tears in my eyes once again, and headphones blasting with the same playlist as the night before's.

We just talked, that's all it was. He told me what had happened to him that night after he read my blogpost from the previous day, "The Same." I felt bad because I saw how he had taken the last couple of sentences. "Of course there's still hope for Drawkah. It's just...I'm still shattered after all that has happened to me because of the simple mistakes that Drawkah has made. It's hard, but I'm ready for a new start." That was hard for him to read for multiple reasons. On the top of his list, which he was trying to see what would happen or what was going through my head, was he thought that I was getting prepared to break up with him, and call Drawkah off. After all this time, would I ever just drop him suddenly like he worried about? I thought to myself, Would I ever do that to someone? The answer was no, because in a situation like that, you have to let them fade away. Just like I stated in "The Key to Understanding," we need to put ourselves in other's shoes, and look at it from their perspective. So that, I did. I saw what he meant. I saw that he was hurt and confused, and it's why he needed to talk to me about it. I felt terrible. I know that if I ever read something like that, but about me, I'd feel horrible, and be confused, and think that he was going to break up with me again. I'd just like to say: It won't happen, and I'm sorry, Dawson.

Going on with my day, I thought I'd tell about my dream. For some reason my family was doing a version of "Big Brother," and we had to travel the world for all these competitions, but whoever was the best at their chores, received the Head of Household room, and privileges of choosing where we went next. In my dream, we went to Africa, and one of the competitions there was held in Kenya. However, I didn't know how to get to my home there in Africa, and everyone else had already left. I waited outside for a bus to come, but nothing came. Suddenly, I see a tiny little bike that has a motor, and is being driven by a bug-looking creature. The bug's name was Ratchet, and he asked if I needed a lift, and he dropped me off at a house that looked identical to my house back home. I walked back inside, and fell asleep. I wake up, and it's time to get the Power of Veto to save myself from the block, and I walked to the kitchen to make some food, and there's Ratchet making me food. He smiled, and gave me a plate full of Blueberry muffins and hash browns, and french toast. I took the food knowing that I had just made a new friend. Ratchet drove me to the competition on his tiny little motorbike, that also kind of looked like a wagon. After the competition, Dawson said he wanted to hang out at my house, as his sparkly veto necklace hung from his neck. I said yes, and called Ratchet to come pick me up. Ratchet drove us to a party, where his house was. It felt like we weren't even in Africa at all! It was like we were just in a big big neighborhood. We walked into his house, and were greeted by Hatchet, Ratchet's brother. We hung out for a little bit, and then a girl from my school, Juli, told us to get out because she didn't want any guests. Ratchet, Dawson, and I all left the party, disappointed, and Ratchet said he was sorry, that he had to go, and I had to drive myself using his motor-bike/wagon thingy. Hopping on to the bike, I realized that it was really easy to control. Dawson sat behind me, and rested his head on my shoulder, as I drove. We made a tiny pit-stop at his house, when he said that he wanted to drive. Since he was going the wrong way, I hurried and sat on his stomach somehow, and started driving even more. We kept driving and Dawson was on the ground screaming "Stop it, that tickles!" I laughed, and continued to drive. Dawson and I got home, and he said that he'd sleep on the couch, and he let me know that I was safe for the following week. I woke up that next day, and Ratchet made us breakfast once again, and I knew that Ratchet was probably the best friend I could ever have. Then I ended my dream by waking up.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Ratchet and Hatchet: Even though you two are both just a figment of my imagination, and a creature in my dreams, you both are still the best friends I could have, and I hope to run into you again soon. Thanks for everything, and I love you!

"Epic" Song of the Day: Meet me Halfway by The Black Eyed Peas

The Same

It was night, I just sat there in silence as the music blasted in my ears from my headphones. Looking up at the stars, I was wondering if everything was going to be okay. The thing I needed to do, was just wait for him...just wait for him to contact me, but I just couldn't take it anymore. It had been 3 days since we had talked, and still no call or response. I started to cry, and look up at the night sky. The stars were so bright, but there were two that stood out the most, but were far apart. I felt that those stars represented Drawkah. The thought crossed my mind, is he doing the same thing? Does he miss me just the same? Are our feelings both the same? I continued to worry, as the tears streamed down my face. I listened to the new playlist that I made that I titled "Missing You." This playlist, as you would imagine, reflects how I feel about this Summer's separation.

It was getting hard, and that's when I realized, it was now July 1st, I smiled and thought to myself, calm down...it's a new day. Maybe he might call...just maybe. I layed down, leaving my window that was now foggy because I had been breathing on it with the tears in my eyes. With the playlist still blasting in my ears, the song "Vanilla Twilight" pops up, and I start to sing along faintly. The playlist goes by another 2 times, and 2 hours pass, when I finally fall asleep. I wake up, and I'm still listening to the playlist. I cry a little bit more, and then I get up, and do the other things that I need to do.

Later, I started to talk to James on my Skype. He was sad, and it was obvious with the little things he'd add in his messages. It was about Jamlia, James and Julia, the couple that needed a little help. I told James that he's not obsessed, he's dedicated, and that it's amazing to be dedicated. We somehow got deeper into the subject, and talked a little bit about marriage. It was something that we both kind of regretted talking about back in the day, but it was one of those things that I knew was going to be brought up once again. Right then he said things like "I know that sure, it seems awkward to talk about it, now that we're both with someone else...and now that we're both so dedicated to those that we are with. And the fact that we both love our boyfriend/girlfriends to death." But then I replied with "James. Sometimes...Sometimes I don't want to love him, and I beat myself up for it. I wonder why I stay sometimes. He's great and all, but he's hurt me so much." He understood, and told me that it reminded him of his relationship and how Julia wonders why James stays. He said he got down the the point, along with a conclusion that he wasn't worthy of her. Then I say to him: "Questrion is-- Is she worthy of you? Can you look at her, and say that she's everything you've ever wanted in a girl? What you need to do, is take traits of the things you like in a girl, from past experience, and put it all in one. The girl with the most of those qualities combined, is the girl of your dreams." His jaw drops in awe of my excellent explanation of his situation and what to think and do. He said that she is a combination of those qualities that he likes, and so I told him to stay.

James and I continue skyping, and change the subject a little as we go along. The next thing we talked about was understanding. He had said that he understands why he had to go through some of the trials that he did, and I had told him this: "I finally understand why we went through that long Summer of no communication, I understand now the importance of my sister's cancer, and my parent's divorce.
I understand what I can try to pull out of the Mandi situation. I can understand Drawkah's problems...some of them. Right now, I deserve all the pain and heart break, because he's going to be that guy that's super sweet and head over heels for, but also the guy that was a dirtbag. We all need that pain because if we don't endure that pain, we won't come to a conclusion of what love is to us. We won't find what we like, and dislike. It's all so important, even though we may not like it... Everything has a reason." Going back a little to our Jamlia conversation, I tell James: "James, I know that you're dedicated enough to the point where you feel like you want to marry her... but there's a ton of girls out there. I'm not saying that you need to dump her, but what I'm trying to say right now is that your heart hasn't been beaten enough to where you know you've found pure happiness, and the definition of love. Stay...go through all of those trials, and endure what you can, because you're also making or breaking the image that she has of you right now. You're seeing how dedicated you are, you're seeing if this is it for you, and you've found where you belong. Right now, we say that we love someone because our hearts haven't been completely beaten enough to form the heart that could become our love. Right now, our hearts are being shaped, and broken, and fixed, and shaping into something that can love with even more power than what we started with. However, there comes a time when a person has to let go...but that should only occur when you know that person isn't the one for you. Going through a breakup, you should also thank your former partner because they helped shape your heart, and they can take the traits they liked and disliked, and put it into their vision of the perfect partner. Please think over my words, Jay." 

Shortly after, when I was helping Nikecia clean our house, I hear "Boyfriend" by BTR go off on my phone. I stand there for a little bit, look at my phone and whisper. It's Dawson. I give everyone the look of oh my gosh what do I do? Then I realize if I didn't pick up soon enough, it would take Dawson to voicemail. I pick up with a simple "Hi." I realized I was sweating really bad, and pacing, and I tried to say things, but I just couldn't figure out how. Dawson told me the information I really needed to hear: All he's been doing is drawing ponies. Just kidding, that's not the information I really needed  to hear. The information that Dawson gave me was that he's been reading my blog whenever he can. Freaking out, I stay kind of silent because I still couldn't manage any words. Around 7 or 8 minutes of talking, Dawson and I try to make subtle plans for hanging out on Independence Day, which I'm super excited for because I might run into Dawson. Of course there's still hope for Drawkah. It's just...I'm still shattered after all that has happened to me because of simple mistakes that Drawkah has made. It's hard, but I'm ready for a new start.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
James: Remember what I told you, and act on it. Write it down if you have to because I guarantee in the long run it's going to help. When you're broken down in tears, you can look at it. I hope that it gives you both comfort and knowledge. Love you, Jay.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Vanilla Twilight by Owl City