He's Dedicated

Nights earlier, due to this post, I had written a song named "Little Miss Lonely." Later that night, I had insomnia, and couldn't sleep. *in the time of "The Same."* I looked up at the stars, not only thinking of him, but wishing. Wishing that I could get another chance because I felt like things were falling apart. I talked to James about Dawson. We both agreed that at the time he seemed not dedicated at all, as we sort of referred to one of my first songs, "Before You," where in the bridge it says how dedicated the two people are for each other. I felt horrible... At that moment, when I was all alone and looking up at the stars listening to my playlist, and wishing...praying for one thing. I whispered.. "I wish Dawson was more dedicated to us..." I said it again, I said it 2 more times. I broke out in more tears, and finally leave to actually get in bed.

The next morning, Dawson calls. To be honest, I was a bit shocked, until I found out that it was actually about my post "The Same." So on the night of July 2nd, I went to bed praying that he would be ungrounded, and that I could finally have him back. Because...I missed him horribly. July 3rd- No contact with Dawson. July 4th- A text from Dawson appears on my phone. I freak out, and start smiling. I tell him what time we're picking him up for the fireworks that night, and he says he's mostly ungrounded. Dawson later told me that he was actually ungrounded on the 3rd, but he had to charge his phone. It worked. Now all I needed was dedication. A little before the fireworks had started, it felt like Dawson was ignoring me, and on his phone too much, and didn't want to be with me. I didn't get that look that he gave me the last time I saw him. I had him sit next to me, and I gave him back his phone, that I stole because I was just looking for attention. He could tell something was wrong. I told him, and he basically said "and I'm sorry for that." and the fireworks started.

Remembering something that I had on my bucket list, he said "Hey bek.." and I turned my head, and he kissed me. Feeling surprised that it had just happened, I kissed back without a real reason. It was almost like one of those kisses that you just want to get over with, and it didn't really mean anything to you other than, yeah, Dawson likes you. As the fireworks progressed, I tried to see a sign in them. I saw a heart...and as I kept watching, I thought of fireworks as hope in the sky. I thought to myself, Yes Bek...there's hope for Drawkah. Dawson whispers that he loves me, and I said I loved him back. I found myself leaning in for a kiss that was supposed to be full of meaning, but it ended up being just a kiss on the cheek, and he kissed me on the forehead. After what had been 30 minutes of fireworks that seemed like just 5 minutes, we headed back to the car.

Dawson wasn't going to sit by me, but then I told him that he needed to. Dawson asked a question that he had asked earlier on that evening, he asked the question What do you mean you need a new start in your blog? I thought for a minute, and then I hugged him, and then I thought about it some more as I glanced out the window. I turned to Dawson, and gave him another hug, and said I know what I meant. I basically told him that it wasn't what it seemed because I didn't want to break up with him, I just wanted to be happier because let's face it, I've been pretty depressed lately. I told him that I've been trying to get happier, but nothing's been working, and that I put that on my blog because it was what I was feeling. Dawson said he understood. .I could tell he understood, and we hugged again.. Even though we were one-empty seat apart, we still managed to be together. He kept his arm around me from the hug, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I could tell he was looking at me, and so we kissed..but it was another one of those kisses that you want to get over with. Looking down after the short-disappointment of a kiss, we turned a corner, and I kissed him with a reason. It didn't make sense that I was brushing him off like that. It didn't make sense that most of that night, I wasn't attracted to him that much, and not even clingy. I had to make up for it, and this was it. We kissed 5 times, and then we kissed again because he had to go. I knew that if I didn't kiss him and mean it, I wouldn't miss him, and I would lose him, and that I'd feel terrible. When we kissed, I got dizzy. I love Dawson, and I'm going to take the time to do my shout-out right now, even though it's not the end of this post.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: I know that this blog must be an eye opener to you because I didn't tell you that 2 of our kisses that night were just to get it over with. I never want to do that again because when we sat in the car, I could tell how much you loved me, and I could put myself in your shoes because of my fear of having my feelings not be returned. I hope I fixed this, and I'm going to tell you right now, I'm sorry that I did that.

The next day, Dawson and I were finally texting more, but his phone kept dying. Finally, when it was charged again, he started sending me these really sweet texts. Some of them I didn't even know where they had came from. Of course I wondered if Isaiah had anything to do with it, but apparently he didn't. One of the texts I locked, was simple, but it still made me smile. It reads "You take my breath away, you're a supernova. ;)" and another says, "No matter what my hears aiming right at you ;)" and "You're smoking, almost too hot to bare ;)" Even though all these texts were just kind of small, and probably from a pick-up line site, I still felt loved. Dawson hadn't done that earlier in our relationship. He literally was going on and on about how bad he wanted me for 2 hours straight. He even gave me his full attention. Later that night, I told him something that I had been hiding from a little earlier in our relationship. I won't post it here because it's a little deep, but what I will say, is that I don't regret saying it because now I know that he feels the same way too.

Today, I was walking my dog Reagen, I looked up at the sky and think to myself, I love my life. Everything I wanted was now back in place, back where I wanted it to be. Everything was better now, and I have no reason to worry. Sitting here writing this blog helps me to analyze my situations better, not only have I been able to foreshadow what has come, or what might come, it's helped me see what I'm like, or what I can improve on. The thing I love most about this blog, is that my posts can inspire you guys to sit down and think, or write a song, or tell someone you love something important to you. I'd love to thank you guys...for everything. Thank you for reading my blog, it's been amazing. Not only may it help you to read my blog, but it also benefits me because when I see that so many people have even looked at my blog, I grin. People care. Once again, Thank you.

"Epic" Song-Of the Day: Me Without You by Sam Tsui