Dysfunctional Inspiration

Here I am, sitting here without any inspiration, but somehow still writing. Lil Miss Epic was about inspiring my inspirations...but it's turned into a mess as soon as some.. ahem dumb ahem drama popped up. It's rather girly of me to sit here and talk about one person over and over and over. My blog would totally die if me and that person stopped.. ahem seeing each other. I'm not trying to clue anything right now, it's just that my blog is a place where I'm supposed to be myself. There's all this dysfunction in my life that I'm trying to fix now, and I just don't see how I'm supposed to inspire my inspirations. I, myself, don't even feel all that inspired nowadays. Sometimes, I get those sparks though. Like that one post about the song Be Strong With Me by Jenny Phillips. By that song, I was completely inspired. Now that school's over, I feel like nothing's happening, but at the same time, it feels like everything is happening at once. Yet today, I find myself in bed all day taking a day off when in reality, I'm just being really really lazy. It wasn't until I found out that a comment has been left on my blog, that I decided to get up, and start to write. Sometimes I forget that I have a blog, or that people even read it. So, I sit here and vent and vent and vent, but go in having absolutely no expectations of a reply, or even a page view.

What my blog post was going to be about today was the lack of strength that I have right now. Not only am I being a baby about my personal boy troubles, but I need to lose weight. I'm back up at where I started when the doctor told me that my weight was really unhealthy, and I needed to lose it. I need to start setting some goals.

1. Limitation to Him: Should I be limiting myself to how much I text Dawson in a day, or how long our phone calls should last? I don't even know if it should be a goal, but I'm starting to think that I send him more texts than he sends back. Maybe I should only text back when he texts me. I'm not sure though. Any advice?

2. More Friends: Originally this Summer, I was doing stuff with my friends every single day. Now, I'm not really doing anything. I need to get more active with my friends. Last time I hung out with a friend, it was Chelsea, and we actually went on a bike ride, which is good for you. I need to make more active activities to lose some calories.

3. Get a Job: Well I used to have a job, but now I'm just doing diddlysquat. I see all my friends and family having goals of what to do with their money, but I just sit here and save up, but not expecting to get anywhere because I don't have a job! Maybe I need to get into cooking every night again? Am I even willing to commit to a Summer job? I don't know what I'm going to do!

4. Blog: I musn't keep you guys hanging all Summer! That wouldn't be inspirational at all, now would it? I'm going to try to put up a post every week at the LEAST. So keep checking in every now and then to see if anything's new.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:

James: Oh my gosh I can't believe you actually commented on my blog. I haven't heard from you in what seems like forever. We seriously need to catch up, and I need some inspiration from my inspiration. Truth is, you're the one that inspired me to make a blog in the first place. I hope that I have given some form of inspiration towards you. Right now, I need your help. I don't know how I managed it, but last Summer, I had grown incredibly strong from the experience we had both gone through. Sure, I just sat in the dark alone at the start of Summer, but then it had eventually come to around a month, when I realized I don't need to talk to you every single day, and every single minute, to still like you in that way. I was wondering if you could help me get a little experience from last Summer. Just to let you know, I caught myself bawling after the post I put up the other day, and it was just because I had listened to you sing "Never Gonna Leave This Bed- Acoustic Version " by Maroon 5. I started bawling as  soon as you said "You push me." I bawled not only because it brought back memories, but because it helped me feel more of my pain last Summer. I thank you for that though, because I feel like I need to feel that again to figure out that it's all going to be alright. Thank you, James. Thank you, for everything.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Never Gonna Leave This Bed- Acoustic Version by Maroon 5