Saturday, May 20, 2017

Finally His Mrs.

Well, the married life has definitely been a relief. Jared and I were so done with all of the drama that came along with planning a wedding and pleasing family. Needless to say, there was a lot going on directly beforehand, and a lot of it needed to be sorted out before I could write on the blog again.

So far, marriage has been full of service. I'm not used to having to take care of another person and letting another person take care of me. The closest you could get to marriage without getting married would be a really good friendship with your parents. You cook and clean up for them in hopes that they'll give you a roof to live under, food, and take you fun places.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that your relationship will suffer if you keep score. Thinking back on all that we've done for each other within the last few weeks, I can't really even think of who's the better spouse. We both help each other in different ways, and that's what's needed. I'm so thankful that Jared and I are so different. Because of our differences we are able to help our household in different ways.

Job hunting has definitely been scary. I've gotten rejected a lot, but I'm really hopeful that I might get a job at Maurice's. I went in to check on the status of my application, and the employee working there said she really liked me and then she put my name on her manager's desk saying to look out for my application. I bought a couple things there just to make a good impression, but dang the clothes there are just my style. Not only are they fashionable, but they're also pretty casual!

I'm so thankful that Jared and I don't have to be apart anymore. It's so nice to come home to each other and spend quality time together, whether it be laughing and talking with each other about our days, or binge-watching "How I Met Your Mother" on Netflix. The real motivation behind our actions is that we love each other and want to make each other happy. If we can keep that motivation alive, our relationship can last for time and all eternity.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Calling it Quits.

I came home. I couldn't handle the constant stress that my roommates unfortunately provided. I wish that I could say that they were always supportive and loving. Unfortunately, after reporting my roommate for breaking the honor code, my roommates started to completely ignore me. I couldn't handle that stress; especially when it is in addition to the stress I already was feeling from school, family, and wedding planning. 

I fully acknowledge that I did nothing wrong. However, my roommates are still upset for what I did, and I'm not sure that they'll ever forgive me for being a "bully." But that's okay. I'm just excited to be done with my last group of roommates. It's not like roommates are bad or anything, but there's a burden lifted off of your shoulders when you find out you don't need to deal with them a week earlier than you expected.

I love living in my mom's basement. The bed is so comfy and I feel like I can just hide from the world. I know that there's a world out there ready to meet me, but sometimes I just need to lay down and rest from it. I'm just so tired of the stress and worry surrounding me. It's time to get over that and make it a point to focus on what's soon to be my marriage. I can't worry about what other people think anymore, so I had to take myself out of that position.

It's only a week early, but you'd be surprised how much of a change happened. Not only was I feeling less stressed, but I've been able to catch up on so much sleep and concentrate and pace myself so much better on my homework. I'm able to actually sit back and relax. I nearly have everything packed up for married housing!

It's finals week up here at BYU-I. I'm so ready to be done with this semester. I'm so excited to move in with Jared and start our life together. We're already starting to share money, and it's been an incredible blessing to have him by my side. It stresses him out when we spend so much time together because he's got other things he needs to do, but with the wedding so close and stresses surrounding us, I can't help but need him around more.

I'm so glad that I have a place to stay other than A15. My last week there was full of anxiety and I wasn't sure how I was going to get through the rest of the semester living with those people. I needed a feeling of belonging, and even though I can't really get that when I live at my mom's, I am out of the sense like I don't belong.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Diamond

Here is a poem I wrote for my Personal Achievement class. I turned this in as a Personal Mission Statement, but it came out as a poem of sorts. I guess that's just what my heart wanted for the assignment. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy.

Diamond
by Rebekah Phillips

I am a diamond.
I change under pressure.
If it wasn’t for the worst,
Then could I get better?

If it weren’t for ink,
Could I have changed?
If I weren’t covered in faults,
Could I have been refined?

Through trials and hard places,
I found comfort in familiar faces.
I turned bad into good;
I turned can’t into could.

Starting as coal
Changed due to weather,
I am a diamond.
I change under pressure.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Ready for the Change

Here I am, the semester is almost over! I didn't think I could make it through, but I'm almost finished with my freshman year here in college. I still have 5 more years of schooling to endure, but it's still exciting to be able to take a break until September. Of course I end school in two weeks, but that's still a pretty big deal!

I'm so thankful for the opportunity I've been given to attend school here at BYU-Idaho. It really is wonderful here, but I have to say that the culture is a little scary at first. Just like in high school, you'll meet a ton of hypocrites. Over the past couple semesters I've learned that not everybody bows their head for the prayer and that some students are late to every single class. Respect for the rules is definitely an issue even at religious schools. Overall, I'm most excited to get out of the regular student housing.

Jared and I bought an apartment a couple weeks ago located above the Craze here in Rexburg. We're really excited to move in together. Move in day is just a month away! I can't wait to live with my best friend and not have to wonder about whether or not me and my next roommate will "get along." Marriage is bound to be hard, but I'm ready to go through it all with Jared. He is my strength and I couldn't imagine being married to anybody else. I'm so ready to be with this man for the rest of my life and on through eternity.

Change has always been the scariest thing, but I feel so prepared. I probably feel more prepared for this than anything else in my life. This change is going to be big, but I know that I'll be with the most important person, and that's what matters most. I get a lot of people asking me if I'm scared. I used to be... but I'm over that! I've done my wallowing and I've prayed for help and I've gotten it. Changing can still be for the better. Change never has to be a bad thing. In fact, we should always be striving for change. It helps us to become who we're meant to be.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

You're Engaged?!

It's about time I posted this on the blog. My boyfriend proposed to the 25th, and now we're engaged! It's a very very long story, but I know that this is the right thing for us. We've been waiting 2 months to come to this point!

Story Time!

One December night, I got on my knees to say my night prayers. I had nothing specific in mind that I was praying for, but I was given words that weren’t mine while I had prayed. Though I had no intention of asking, I asked for Heavenly Father to let me know what I should do if Jared were to propose before or instead of a mission. As soon as I said amen, I had an overwhelming and immediate answer: Yes. Thinking that this prayer was something hypothetical and didn’t come from God, I kept trying to put it in the back of my mind.

During the first weekend of the semester, and of January, I hung out with Jared. We had a great day, but the prayer kept popping into my head until finally I felt like I couldn’t resist the prompting to tell him what had happened. He was pretty shocked, especially considering this totally went against everything we had planned. We started to make connections between what had happened and the other things that were happening in our lives. I’m taking a class called The Family and another class called the Eternal Family. I had scheduled my Family class for this semester only because I couldn’t get into another class that was in my Graduation Plan. Jared and I both have the Eternal Family as an Institute class in Rigby, which was also unplanned.

Along with connections to my patriarchal blessing and things everywhere that I needed to hear, everything seemed to fall into place. We continued to think and pray as we went through everything. It was all very scary. I remember telling my mom the day after I told Jared and she felt that it was correct because of the past experiences she’s had with my spiritual gifts. She had complete trust in the Lord and support for us through this difficult transition and decision making time. At first, we were very confused as to what everything meant, but as we were led by the Spirit we felt more and more inspired to keep asking and praying for guidance. I was so scared and stressed by the situation that when I was hanging out with my mom, I started crying in the Dollar Tree and puking by the time we got back to my apartment. The entire situation was new, scary, and I didn’t feel ready. But as my Heavenly Father, my mom, and everyone else around me, comforted me and reassured me (regardless of whether or not they knew), I felt like I was given strength.

The hardest part about all of this for me was that I had spent my entire life judging people who got

married so young and people who got married instead of or right after a mission. I even judged people who went to BYU-Idaho because I thought they were only going there to get married. Prayer led me to study at BYU-Idaho and even though I didn’t understand why I had to come to this university, I’ve been able to receive the blessings that were waiting for me here. I feel like this entire experience has been a spiritual slap. I feel terrible for judging people who hadn’t gone on a mission. Though I have a strong testimony that every worthy young priesthood holder should serve a mission, I have an even stronger testimony of personal revelation.

Missionary work is incredibly important and it’s something that everyone can do, regardless of whether or not they’re actually out on a mission. I have had so many missionary opportunities, and had always been told that I would make a great missionary one day. A year or two ago, I prayed about whether or not a mission was right for me and the answer was no. I was confused because I thought that the Lord wanted everyone to serve. But later and through my personal experiences, I found that I am needed here with my friends and family to serve as an example. I have a testimony that anybody can be a missionary, despite not being in the mission field.

I strongly encouraged Jared to pray about a mission after recounting how powerful that experience was for me. He already had felt that a mission was the right thing to do, but I wanted him to solidify that before he rushed into anything. After all, there had to be a reason why he hadn’t left on his mission yet. He has been working so hard, and my family has even given him money so that he could leave. To my knowledge, he prayed and felt that a mission was right and an eternal marriage with me instead of a mission right now was also right. However, the latter was more right in his heart. I found myself hoping, the same day that he had received his answer that his answer would be to stay. The closer I got to the spirit, the more pathetic Satan looked, and the easier I could notice his presence. I continued to get voices in my head telling me that Jared wouldn’t be good enough and physical pressure trying to prevent me from even getting to class. The opposition in the situation helped me to realize that I was in the right and that I was getting stronger.

After a couple of weeks knowing our answer, we approached my father. My father had instilled in me at a very young age that I should marry a return missionary, nothing less. He had also instilled a lot of negative beliefs towards people who got married at a young age and people who got married instead of a mission. Scared out of our wits, we asked for a priesthood blessing from my stepdad before we told him. In that blessing, we were given the words to say and the comfort to know that everything would work out the way it should. In Jared’s, he was told that the Lord was pleased with him. Though my dad had disapproved of my older siblings’ fianc├ęs and straight up told them that they couldn’t get married, he was able to understand and accept Jared and I’s situation. He even said “absolutely!” He still felt that going on a mission would be best for us, but that personal revelation was more important.

My brother, on the other hand, was absolutely against it all. He had returned from mission about three
years ago, and it had helped him to mature and gain an even bigger testimony. He had married his wife just a year ago. It felt that no matter what I would say to him, he just wouldn’t listen and would bring it back to the prophets in saying that every young worthy priesthood holder should serve a mission. Although I agreed with him, personal revelation told us that God had a different plan in mind. Trying to get to the bottom of my decisions, he claimed that I didn’t have any spiritual gifts or a real testimony and that this was a call for attention. After speaking with me, he asked to talk with my mother to try and get her to pull Jared and I out of this situation. My mom told him that she was thoroughly disappointed in him for not believing that I can receive my own personal revelation. He later received a priesthood blessing from his best friend and was able to have a change of heart and perspective. In the end, it just felt like he had to get out of the mindset that I was his little sister that didn’t know anything and get into the mindset that I was still his sister who has still has spiritual experiences, but not the same ones he’s had. 

We’ve set a date (April 29th) and we’ve even started planning the wedding now, and I feel more ready than I’ve ever felt about anything. Though it was scary at first, I was able to become more in tune with the Spirit and what God’s plan is for me. I am 100% confident that he is leading us in the right direction. He knows us and loves us individually and uniquely. My testimony of his love for me is so strong and I know that Satan is after us. As I know that many of our loved ones may not agree with our decisions, I am able to see this situation as an opportunity to bear my testimony.

God’s plan of happiness is real. He knows me, he knows Jared, and he knows all of us and what we need to be happy. God uses his prophets to speak to his people and uses each one of us as a mouthpiece when necessary. Opposition is in all things and helps us to realize and build our strength, both mentally and spiritually. I love my Heavenly Father and he loves me. The Lord’s timing is everything and he knows when we need to hear or experience something. My testimony has been strengthened through this entire experience and I know, even more than I did before, that he has a plan even if it might not be so clear.

Here we are now, engaged. A lot has happened between us from the time that I originally wrote this story-telling, but he has been so strong and I would be selfish and unappreciative to ask for anybody else to call my future husband.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Always My Superman

Life has certainly thrown me into a blender. Not to say that smoothies aren't wonderful, but I've undergone a lot of changes. I feel that I've matured into who God needs me to be right now. I've had a lot of things to figure out over 2017 so far. I'm sure that a lot of people have been saying that, but I know that I'm headed into a brand new direction.

Usually, I try not to do these, but this post is a dedicatory post to my best friend. I fell for him around 2 and a half years ago. I fell for him before I was ever into "Superman." I fell for him when I was at my lowest point and was trying to improve myself to be worthy for such a man to come into my life. Finally, a girl's choice dance popped up. I wasn't going to ask anybody, but then I felt the urge to ask him out. "Will You Be My Superman?" Turns out he liked Batman, but I got a date out of it anyways!

I kept lying to myself then. I kept saying that I liked Superman before I liked Jared and that I only liked Superman because of Smallville on the CW. No. The secret's out. I like Superman because he, to me, is the embodiment of my real-life superhero, Jared. I didn't really know him then. I'm still finding out about his kryptonite, but as time has passed, he becomes more and more like Superman.

After a life time of everyone telling him he was just Clark Kent, I came into his life and saw more. I saw him as he could become, and as he was to me. I saw him as a hero. He would later revive my testimony and my faithfulness in Christ. He would help me at my lowest, and later become my best friend. Time after time, I never thought I could ever measure up to Jared. Finding out that we've been saving each other this entire time is astounding.

Jared was truly the man I prayed for in my life. In each other and in Christ, we are made perfect and whole. Satan will continue to give us reasons to leave each other, but I know in my heart that his soul's worth is great in the sight of our Heavenly Father. For someone, so full of weakness, to be seen as superman, is staggering. But he's been there all along.

We were so lost and then when we found each other, we also found Christ. We didn't realize it at first, and then we looked behind us.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Ja-NEW-ary

I've been trying to do a lot of self-improvement lately. There's been a lot going on that I haven't been able to talk about here on the blog, but I'll just say that I'm going through a lot of transitions. I've had to rely on the Lord pretty heavily lately, but I wouldn't say that's a bad thing. I've come to know and understand God's plan to me a lot better than I did last year. This month has been overwhelmingly hard. The stress of getting things done in this college atmosphere is still prevalent, but not as relevant as the emotions that I've been overcome by.

I have felt the Spirit so strongly this month as I've gone about my studies and my personal life. Through discussions with other church members, my parents, and even my roommates, I've began to see the bigger picture a lot clearer than before. Reality is hitting me, and I'm actually not scared of it. I feel prepared for whatever is to come and I'm hopeful that it's really what I need to come closer to God and become a better person overall.

God has provided me with a few wonderful roommates to help me manage this life transition and rant if needed. I've got people in every class that I can sit and talk to about anything. I've been blessed with the ability to understand how things apply to my life.

I've been seeing connections to things everywhere. There's been things that would appear as coincidences, but I know they're just not. It's like I have been set on this path for a long time and am just now getting to an intersection where I have a big decision to make. I have already decided and confirmed with my Heavenly Father which path would be right for me out of the paths he has laid before me. Time will just be a matter of whether or not I actually go through with those paths.

College is a stressful time in life; especially when you have outside factors affecting your schooling. Life right now is literally eat, study, and sleep. For outside factors to play a role in college it makes grades and understanding suffer because there is so many other things that you could be doing rather than reading a chapter in one of your psychology text books or learning about aspects of photography and science.

Just remember the things that are important. Spend most of your time there.