I'm Still Here

I'd like to take a moment to thank my 7 followers. Every time I look at that list and see all of your names, I can't help but think that you all really care about all of my daily-drama. Have the dailies here first.

"Lil" Song of the Day: Free Fallin' by John Mayer

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: You know that I write about you a lot on here, and I just wanted to sit here and thank you for everything that you've done for me. I don't care whether it's big or small, I still care that you care for me. I really appreciate that you've been here for me. I know that our drama gets overwhelmingly difficult, but I know that through all that we've been through, we can get through anything. Thank you for truly inspiring me, even if you think that you haven't done much. You treat me like a princess. Again, thank you.

Thank you to everyone, from just reading my blog to commenting on it, or liking on it. It inspires me to be better, and try to be a better person. I'm trying to quit some of my bad habits because I honestly don't want you all to end up repeating some of the mistakes that I end up making. Life is all about learning, and I want you all to be inspired to try your best. I'm not the best example of people to follow, and strive to be like, but I'm trying harder to be that person and example. How great would it be if people came to you and said something like "Hey, I just really wanted to tell you how much you inspire me, and you make me want to be a better person. Thank you for everything." When you guys tell me stuff like that, it makes me love what I do even more. I'm so glad that I started this blog, and I had to thank Dawson on this post about being thankful for where I am because he's been with me ever since I got this blog. It's people like him that make other people want to be better. From the point of either wanting to help them out, or striving to be like them. I see all the experiences that Dawson has been through, and I feel the obligation to help him, because I know that he wants to help me too. Thank you everyone for reading my blog. This isn't the last you'll hear from me.

Building Dedication

Alright! My boyfriend's leaving to Burley for 3-4 days, and I just have to say that I'm going to miss him a bunch! I know that lately I haven't talked much about the wonderful relationship of Drawkah, but I guess it's good to have a break from that every once in a while here on Lil Miss Epic. Anyways, today is the magnificent event of the Building Dedication for our new school, and the Troylairs get to go up and sing The Star Spangled Banner, and we'll welcome those who have participated in Rigby Choirs before to help us all sing it. If you know anybody who's participated in our choirs, the event starts at 6 TONIGHT. If you yourself are a Troylair, you need to come at 5 so that we can practice. I wish everyone luck in participating in this event.

[Part of this blogpost has been removed due to Bek feeling bad about it. Since the rest of this blog was pretty dang decent, we'll leave it up, and just change the title from So Dependent to Building Dedication]

"LiL" Song of the Day: 100 Years by Five for Fighting
This song has grown deep in the bond with me and my brother, this song is truly our song, and every chance we get, and when we bond, we sing this together acoustically  and it's truly beautiful. Our voices match, and it sounds magnificent with the sound of his strumming guitar. I miss you, Jordan.

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day: 
James: I know you know that I know what it's like to be separated by the ones we love. I'm talking about Jamlia, Drawkah, and our siblings out on their mission. I know that we miss them all dearly, but the truly amazing thing is that we can look forward to seeing them again, and reminisce in the feeling of what it's like to be around them again. Don't feel lonely and all alone because you really aren't. What you and I tend to end up doing is realize that the ones we love most are gone, and then we miss them so much that we forget that there's other people out there to spend our time with. For example, when you and I are sad about Julia and Dawson, what we sometimes don't realize is that we can cure our loneliness by talking to each other, and making the best out of it! Please don't feel alone, I care about you, and I care about your feelings, and I hope that this has helped, and possibly inspired you. 

Sticking Up For Others

Going about my daily life, I noticed that one of my friends was picking on another one of my friends, and I felt like it was my responsibility to step in and say what I believe is right. To give you a little bit more on the situation before we start, let's just say that the girl broke up with the guy, but they only went out because the girl was dared to by one of her friends. Let's look to Facebook once again for what happened!
Rebekah: "I'm the one who told Bridger about this, and he was really mad and upset. It's just not even cool... Don't date people out of dares, whoever dared you shouldn't be messing with peoples love lives. I had to help him through that experience and let me tell ya, he was devastated. We've all been hurt, and how would you feel if you were played by some person who didn't want to date you in the first place when you thought there was something there? Treat others how you would like to be treated."

Marie:True, and Rebekah when i tell the guy over 3 times he should know
Rebekah: That is true, but I must say this: It's not a reason to completely ditch someone. Did you thoroughly explain why you don't like him? Maybe he just didn't understand. I'm not trying to blame this situation on you, but we all need to be better and consider the other person's situation and feelings.
Bridger: Thank you to everyone who can see through the untruths that have been said about me

Phebe: Bridger. Know I havent always been the nicest person but like I said I don't think what happend was fair. I will repeat your not a worthless joke and you don't need to be treated like one. I'm sorry to hear about what happend

Bridger: Thank you so much for your support.

Rebekah: You're a great person, Bridger. I hope you can move on, and hopefully someday forgive Marie for what she did to you.

After dealing with all of that post and stuff, I got up this morning and checked my Facebook and was surprised that Bridger's mom had actually contacted me to thank me for what I had done! Let's look to Facebook again to see what was said!


Amy: Rebekah, this is Bridger's mother. My name is Amy, and you are an angel! I read your post through Bridger's Facebook and I appreciate that you are mature enough to stand up for my son and not believe all those comments said about him by a certain young lady. Bridger has Aspergers Syndrome and does tend to get obsessive about things occasionally. But he is a good person and I've tried to teach him the proper way to treat a girl. He's learning and growing and maturing just like everyone else your age and he deserves to be treated with respect. Thank you for doing just that! You're a good girl!

Sincerely, Amy

Rebekah: Thank you so much! That message seriously just made my day! Amy, I've known Bridger too long to know that he would do the things that she said that he did. My dad went about this situation a different way however, he said that I should have confronted her through private message. Honestly, I don't think that would've worked because she probably would've felt threatened, and I felt like that was the right thing to do. Standing up for people in public, regardless whether the situation is "Vulgar(like my dad said)" shows others that it's okay to stand up for what you believe in, and that it's okay to stand up for others. Standing up for Bridger, not only has strengthened others, but it has strengthened me as well. Realizing that what I did was the right thing to do regardless of what other people think, is something that we could all learn. Kind of like Nephi and his brothers. Nephi was choosing the right, and Laman and Lemuel didn't believe him at all! Amy, I don't know what's gotten into me but I just see how long this message is and I'm kind of happy about it. I have so much to say to you! Bridger is such an amazing kid, and to see him getting picked on by another one of my friends that we went to elementary school with, hurts... It shows that People Can Change!! (I capitalized that because it's the name of a post title on my blog!) I was so inspired to do the right because recently someone apologized to me, and it was what I really needed at the time because me and this girl had some history that we both were not very proud of. After coming to a realization that I had to forgive her for what she had done, I unblocked her Facebook account, and yesterday she apologized to me, and I told her I had forgiven her. We had a long conversation about what we believe is right, and after going to her wall to see the conversation about Bridger, I just knew I had to pitch in. The girl I had been talking with seriously didn't know enough about Bridger, and she knew the other girl better... That's why she had believed her instead. I told Phebe that nothing she had said about Bridger was true. If you have seen my blog before, you would be able to see that I get super obsessed with things. My top three obsessions would probably be inspiration, speaking from the heart, and my boyfriend. Don't let the word boyfriend get you fooled, he's actually a really sweet guy once you get to know him. He's helped me grow so much more, and realize why some things are the way they are. Bridger is kind of the same way, but I just don't love him the same way that I love my boyfriend. Amy, you've raised such a great young man, and it's been fun to grow up with him, and see what he's becoming into. I agree with you about him needing to be treated with respect because everybody needs that. If you really think about it, we're all the same... We're all heavenly father's children, and we're all going to get judged some day, and I guess you could say I feel as if it's my responsibility to make sure everybody else is happy, or even has hope. I have so many inspirations, and I am able to get inspired by the littlest things that make me strive to be better. Bridger has inspired me in little ways, and it helps me to gain more appreciation for him. He's such a great kid, and if anything, I'm striving to inspire my inspirations.

Spoken from the Heart, 

Rebekah Phillips

Long story, short. I was inspired by the fact that she had taken time out of her daily life to thank me, and I probably went a little overboard with the long message I had sent her, but I felt an obligation to telling her more and more, and sharing my testimony with her, and striving to be better and speaking from the heart, etc. Hope this post was inspiring!

"LiL" Song of the Day: Little Girl by The Fold

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:

Bridger: Your mom was so inspiring to me today, and I want to let you know that everything that I said in the reply to her was genuine and spoken from the heart.

Forgiveness is Key to a Brighter Future

Just what I wanted! Things are finally coming together. I knew things would get better and better when you try to be a better person! Know how I was scared of two certain people way back in the post-times of  "Why? It's a Long Story". Two other posts that I'd love to reference back to that deal around this situation would be: "People Can Change" and "November's Resolution." I reference back to these 3 posts because we have something that happened that I knew was going to happen in the future, and here it is! My story with Phebe! Originally I thought Phebe was quite suspicious, and recently, I've been scared of her, but I'm here to say that things are going a lot better than they were. Let's look to the Facebook messages that her and I shared about all of this!

Phebe: Hey rebekah I know things between me and you have not really been all that good.. and to be honest I had no right getting into your and mandis drama.. and I should have been a lot nicer to you.. I'm really really sorry for everything but I hope you can put it in the past and forgive me.. I am not asking for your full trust just maybe a friend..?"

Rebekah: "You're forgiven. =)"

Phebe: "Thanks Rebekah(:" Rebekah: "No problem. All I really wanted from you was an apology. =)"

Phebe: "Oh haha well I guess I read your mind(:"
Rebekah: "Haha yeah! Did my mom say anything about me? Haha. The reason I hid when you came over to my house is because I was scared that you'd like glare at me and I really was just scared of what might happen."

Phebe: "She says nothing bad really haha just your her daughter, and I would have hid if I was you too haha"

Rebekah: "Haha yeah. I just..I hate to be hated, you know? It's a big fear, and probably a problem on my part. I didn't want to deal with it so I just hid and whenever they said you were coming over, I'd like go downstairs or in my room because I knew you didn't really like me. I tried to smile at you when I saw you at school and stuff because at the time I was trying to consider forgiveness, and I had already forgiven you because my mom told me that you and Mandi weren't even friends anymore and that she talked you into doing dirty work or whatever. So I started really thinking about whether or not I was willing to change my opinion of you, and thank you for the space because honestly it helped~ I think we have a possibility of being friends now!"

Phebe: "I have no reson to hate you other than mandi. To be honest she is no longer my friend and I don't trust her. If you were with the room I would respect and treat you fair, and yes mandi did use me ALOT!! I really think we can be friends too."

Rebekah: "I'd really like some closure as to what happened with the whole "beating you up in the bathroom" thing...was that all her?"

Phebe: "Yes she told them it happend without telling me. I got called down and they told me what she told them.. so I agreed even though I dident want to.. then they called you down.. I felt super bad!! I'm sorry I took her side over it I was really dumb"

Rebekah: "I was terrified of you after that because me and Chelsea got dragged into something that we didn't do, and we were pretty sure it was all you because Mandi hadn't acted like that before and all the evidence or whatever pointed to you, and then I started to really think about it, and I just blocked both of you for a while and then after my mom said that you really weren't that bad I unblocked you, hoping to give you a second chance. All the evidence really did point back to her instead, and I honestly wonder what's on her mind. Heck, I used to be her best friend, but it's crazy that she completely ditched everyone as quick as she did. She's lost a bunch of people, and became a completely different person. I forgive you, and I'm trying to forgive her...but it may not work because of all the crap she's put everybody through, including what she did to you!"

Phebe: "I had a lot of dumb stufd happen with her!! She came to my house witg vadca when she new a 55 year old man who loves drinking was here! They all started to drink and I gave in and had a drink and then mandi passed out.. her mom got her and she blamed me! Then she blocked me! Now she is going out with my bestfriend Corbet. So me and her are talking but she is just not the same person and I scares me for him. I am worried she is gonna hurt him or make him act like her.. oh well its over now and out of my hands. But the best thing you can do with her is not even get caught in her stupid drama"

Rebekah: "No kidding! She's gone absolutely nuts! I seriously don't know what happened to change her...She's gone crazy. Heck, I was willing to do anything for her, so I can't really blame you when you had confronted me in the choir room that one time, because you were just trying to help out a friend. Honestly though, she's not who she used to be, and she's probably going to end up changing anybody else who wants to be her friend. I wish that she could realize that what she's doing is wrong, and I seriously hope that people can realize, like I did, that you're not as bad as they think...and that all of this is truly her fault."

Phebe: "Yes it is her fault! She made a lot of people hate me and I got caught into protecting her! I would do it for any friend no matter who but she messed my life totally up! People think I'm some evil person and it really bugs me because I'm not..or atlest I try not to be. I wish she could change back to that silly girl. But I am sad to say iwas most of the reson she is the way she is. At one point I was a drama freak like her who did bad things but I've cleaned up my life a lot. She just needs to grow up!"

Rebekah: "Yeah, well, Phebe I'll try to help you, okay? I've got this blog, and I blogged a little bit about you two, and I even blogged about the possibility that I may forgive you. Now that it's happened, I feel like I need to show that on my blog, and tell people that you're not a bad person."

Phebe: "Haha thanks Rebekah(:"

Rebekah: "No problem, you honestly deserve it. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your situation and people thought I was a terrible person... We all get that way sometimes though, but she really needs to just grow up. I'm glad that you've cleaned up your life. Don't let other people control your life, live your own life, and do what you think is right. =)"

Well then! There you have it! As Phebe and I's story comes to both an end and a beginning, I can look to a brighter future thanks to thought and forgiveness. Remember, People can change! =)

"LiL" Song of the Day: All Over You by The Spill Canvas "EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:
Phebe: I just knew I could forgive you! You had the potential, and I'm so glad that I unblocked you, and gave you a chance. Just remember to stay true to yourself, and don't let people change you unless it's for the better. I invite you to my blog with open arms, and I hope that you can be inspired, because you inspired me by coming to me and apologizing and being honest with me about Mandi.

Yet Here We Are.

This past week has been so filled with experience that I didn't get a good time to sit down and really just... blog about it! I've been too busy having way too much fun. First of all, I got my hands on a Play Station 2, and the game Final Fantasy 9, and I'm addicted, I'm actually on the last disc! Anyways! What I did this week was sit around lazy, and try to get away from the world, go to Troylairs, go hang with Dawson, and go to Julia's birthday party... That's about it. Thing is, I make things way more complicated than they need to be, so this could take a while!

Troylairs... The class I've been waiting 2 years for... I remember 2 years ago when I was a little 8th grader who's passion was to sing, that I looked up to The Troylairs. I had dreams about becoming one, and there I was... being welcomed into Troylairs by Mr. Burrows, himself. My stomach had began to get aches that first day... I was nervous, yet really... I was overwhelmed that I was in it. Was I really good enough? As we all began to sing The Star Spangled Banner, I thought to myself: This is exactly what I wanted, but.. Do I deserve it? Then I got kind of a mini-flashback as to what I said to James once... Does it deserve you, Bek? Is Troylairs worth your time? Are you willing to be here? Are you willing to try your best? Will The Troylairs accept you for who you are? I kept asking me all these questions, when I realized. I already know that I deserve it. If I didn't deserve to be in Troylairs, I wouldn't have gotten in. There's people out there that would KILL to be in your spot, Bek. I knew that was true! I realized I need to quit being so hard on myself.

Alright! I don't have much to say, really, about Dawson and I hanging out on his birthday. It'll be pretty self-explanatory if I give you some pictures. All I can say right now, is that he made me feel like I was wanted, and needed. He told me, that I had proved that I wanted him, and that he can't stop thinking of the expression on my face when he had to leave. Wait... Why does that sound so... familiar? More... Familiar than usual. Could it be that... James told me that same thing when we had to leave... That's why it's so familiar. It's happened to me before, and I caught the same worry that I had last time it happened. Except... I'm sure this time was more genuine. I don't want to lose him... Every time me and Dawson kiss there's something there...it leaves me wanting more and more. Love can be complicated and explainable, but Dawson and I's love is just so simple. Dawson and I love each other, and that's that. Nobody can change our love. But yeah, I have to say that was a good Thursday, even though I hate Thursdays.

Drawkah. A subject of war, peace, and love. One of the most important things in two peoples lives. They love everything about each other, whether it's a flaw or a skill. Drawkah, as of yesterday, has been together for 11 months. Drawkah is a roller coaster of drama, but can always be solved by just a kiss or by dropping it by saying that they still love each other more than anything. Drawkah...

Song of the Day: Venice by The Lighthouse and the Whaler

Shout-Out of the Day:
New Relationships: "Build upon what you may or may not have. When you crumble, build each other up again. Do you want to be known as someone who has nobody to trust, or is not to be trusted? Love each other. Help each other. Be there for each other." -Lil Miss Epic

What Prayer Brought Me

Lately there's been some possibilities of Drawkah eventually splitting when I turn 16, because I'm not allowed to steady date... Me and Dawson cried for a long time together over this, and we were so sad that Drawkah wouldn't end up staying together forever. I prayed for help...because I knew I wouldn't be able to fix this tragedy all on my own. I told Braxton about what had happened a couple hours later, and then he suggested that me and Dawson go on group dates and double dates. I kind of laughed about it first, but then...I took it into consideration, and later that night I told Dawson, and he still doubted the fact that we'd stay together. I told him all we had to do was go on group dates and double dates. He still cried because he knew my mom wouldn't want me and Dawson to be together.

The next day, I was talking to my mom, and I had told her this: "Now that I think about it, 1 on 1 dates sound incredibly awkward... but I think GROUP dates sound fun!!!" I was truly honest about that, group dates and double dates honestly sound more fun, and memorable than 1 on 1's. What was the point of 1 on 1's if you don't even really like that person anyways? I wanted to do group dates...it sounds like you'd get to know everybody even more! My mom replied to me that she had felt the same when she was my age. She said that she went on a lot of group dates and double dates with a lot of the same people even if they were bopeer pressure on group dates because she doesn't want me hanging out with the wrong crowd. So basically she told me it's alright if I have a boyfriend and we do double dates and group dates.
yfriend and girlfriend. She just told me to beware of

I decided to keep the news a secret up until Dawson's birthday, but I just couldn't contain my secret after I had come back from Troylairs yesterday. He had told me he had thoughts of us breaking up that day and that's why he didn't stick around me much or hold my hand or hug me goodbye unless I told him. I came home and I just wondered what would happen because he was acting so...different. Usually, he freely grabs my hand, and knows to hug me goodbye, and sticks right by my side. But that day, he just was like 3 feet away from me, and didn't hold my hand, and it was so different. I wasn't used to it at all. I started getting paranoid on the way home from Troylairs. He told me he was paranoid that I was gonna basically break up with him, and then I blurted out my little secret that we don't have to break up anymore. I made him cry tears of happiness for such a long time. He basically told me I had repaired his broken heart 100%, and that he had nothing to worry about now. I told him that I got the true solution from my Heavenly Father, because let's face it, if I hadn't prayed, on my 16th birthday I'd be breaking up with the best boyfriend in the world, which would turn my "Sweet 16" into the worst birthday of my entire life. He started loving life again, and I felt like I had fulfilled part of my purpose.

Ever since I had met Dawson, I felt that it was my duty to help him, and get him to be where he's supposed to be. I honestly have prayed about him multiple times, and I've felt the urge to pull him closer and closer to me. If it weren't for prayer, Dawson wouldn't be reading the scriptures like he is now. Dawson wouldn't want to get back into religion. I guess I've helped him realize what's important to him. I'm not trying to take credit for this, but I'm giving Heavenly Father all the credit, all I had to do was pray about it, and talk to him, and be there for him. I feel like I need to do all that I do for him. I even prayed that Dawson would come into my life.. (as creepy as that sounds) He came to me through a Summer wish and a Summer prayer. I prayed to meet somebody who cared about me, loved me, and that we could help each other get stronger, as we fell more in love... I got exactly what I wanted. I met Dawson that year, when he moved into our school. He's my fallen angel, we're making each other stronger, and better each day.

LiL Song of the Day: Pioneers by The Lighthouse and The Whaler

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day:

Those Lacking Hope: Pray... Prayer runs off of Faith. The more faith you have, the closer you are to Heavenly Father. Pray to him, and determine what his answer is for you. God works in mysterious ways. Don't doubt that he's listening, he listens to everyone, for we are the children of God. It doesn't matter what color you are, or whether you're straight or not, he loves every single one of us. Just choose the right, even when you've done wrong in the past.

It Gets Harder, Don't Give Up

With every day it gets a little bit harder, Through every trial and problem, we get a bit smarter. We develop feelings for someone, and the pain gets stronger. Through all the time apart, every Summer gets hotter. My heart breaks a little more every time I see your face, from all the times, and all the secrets that went to waste. Crushes that fade, heartbreak that stayed, every day's harder. It's never time to give up. Even though we may get rejected, we can still try harder until we're dead.

LiL Song of the Day: Purpose by Avenue Q

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day:

Those Who are Struggling: I know it's hard, but keep trying... It gets better.

Safely Staying

I was feeling a bit sick, and then Gavin told me that Dawson wanted me to check my tablet, so of course, I did it as soon as I can, and saw that he got his iPod privileges back along with Xbox. Smiling to myself, I replied that I knew that would happen, and I knew that at MOST he'd be grounded for a week. Heck, he hadn't even lost his iPod privileges for one entire day! I found out why he got grounded though, and I know he must be really upset about it... I know I would be.

Anyways, as we continued to chat on Tango, he began to get more & more flirtatious and "clingy" (according to him). He asked me what I would do if he fell asleep while we were cuddling, and I didn't really know, and then I said that I would kiss his forehead, and he replied "That's it?" and then I said "I'd continue to cuddle?" and then he said this: "Hun, if you fell asleep while we were cuddling, I'd stay there by your side and just let you dream away while I get to be with my magnificent beautiful girlfriend, who I love very much, and when you woke up, I'd hug you so that the first thing you feel is to be in my arms." Freaking out at his magnificent answer to this somehow hard-to-answer (for me) question, I sat in silence for a bit trying to think of what to reply. I simply said "Awwwwwwwwwhhhh" because what else are you supposed to say to something so cute and sweet? I told him it was just what I wanted to hear, and he smiled and said "Well I wanna give you everything you want from me." He truly made me happier than I had been at that moment, and as he told me he misses my kiss, I wondered why. Why does he love me so much? What have I done to deserve him? I asked him what's so amazing about my kiss, and he replied "It's because it's the closest we can get to each other besides you know, and you're the girl I love." I asked him how much he likes my kiss on a scale of 1-10, and he said "I love it when we kiss, it feels like I'm somewhere else with just you, and scale 1-10 would be 1000."

I asked what I could do to make him happier, and he said (over voice chat) "You don't have to make me happy babydawl, You've already made me as happy as I can be." Not only did that STATEMENT make me smile, but it made me think... I make him happy... I make him happy... How does this compare to his past? Well, in his break-up text from forever ago, he told me that I make him sad. Well! This means I'm improving at whatever I'm trying to accomplish! He started to get more flirtatious, and kept saying "I love you." over and over, but it was an appropriate time to say it, so it made me just that much happier. Flirting back, I told him he should come cuddle with me, and he said "Believe me, Darling. I really really wanna cuddle right now. I'm kinda really clingy right now, and I don't know why." I told him he was cute, and he told me he loves it when I say that. I know what you all are thinking, but don't give up on my blog just yet, of course it's gonna get a bit gushy and romantic...but that's because I'm in a gushy and romantic relationship... with my boyfriend, Dawson. <3 Alright alright, so Dawson and I sent each other pictures and stuff, and then he sent me possibly the cutest picture of Drawkah I have ever ever seen. I haven't seen this photo until last night when he sent it to me, but it's a picture of us kissing at my birthday party, where I made him stand on a stool.

This is possibly the cutest kiss pic I have ever seen in my entire life. Not only is it perfect, but the fact that he has his arm around me, and my face is red from blushing just makes this picture 10 times cuter.

Getting to the point, I'm not the only one who's clingy, but it turns out he can get clingy too. I've realized this before, but this clinginess from him, was somehow needed because I felt like I was the only one. I felt like I didn't even deserve him, but now that I see that he wants me just as much as I want him, I can safely say that I feel safe now. Safe enough to be with him longer. Safe enough to make Drawkah stronger. Safe enough to say that we're a cute couple. Through all the fights, trials, and cute things, we'll always be the same-old Drawkah, but improving every second, minute, hour, day, and so on. We'll fall in love more with every kiss, hug, word, and movement. Because that's how we work. That's how we are. But we are meant for each other. Whether it be for right now, or farther on into the future. I am safe to say that I love him very much. I can safely stay in his arms.

LiL Song of the Day: Comatose by Skillet

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day:
Chelsea: Thank you for helping, with peer pressure, to get Drawkah together. I know that you didn't even try to get this to happen, but look at what you've created. You've made two people happy. Sure, Dawson and I already liked each other, but we needed that extra push to realize that it was okay to make a move. Thank you.

The Almost Break-Up 3

Here we go again. Dawson's once again grounded, at least his parents gave me a deadline. They said at least one week. Knowing Dawson's recent history with being grounded, I'm going to say that at most he'll be grounded for a week. Plus, who wants to be grounded on their birthday, anyways? That's right! Dawson's birthday is on August 15th! I'm so excited to give him his birthday present, don't worry, it's nothing naughty. Haha. All I know is that he'll love it... or um.. I hope he loves it.

So basically before I had left for Girl's Camp, I did something that I regret, and Dawson did something I'm sure he regretted. Dawson texted me after we had gotten off the phone one day, the day before I left for Girls Camp(July 29th), and he texted me "Hey Linsey" Flipping out, I gave the phone to Krista because I seriously had no idea what I was going to do next. I know that to you guys, it's just simple, I bet you're all just sitting there saying "Bek, it was just a wrong-number." To me, there was a lot more to say about it. Here's why I think it's wrong:
1. I don't like Linsey very much because I'm positive that she's got a crush on my boyfriend.
2. My contact name is "<3<3My Girl<3<3" on Dawson's phone... which means he just basically called Linsey his girl.
3. Why is he texting her?
4. He texted her first, it looks like.
I know that you guys are probably thinking that that was nothing to worry about, but it's not that I don't trust Dawson, because I honestly do, I don't trust her. It's only because I don't know her that well, and the idea of her just makes me both scared, and full of worry. It's nothing personal, it's just jealousy. Complete jealousy. I know I shouldn't be the one jealous because I'm with Dawson, but he gets to see her instead of me, and I can't help myself. I'm like any other girl, I want the guy I'm dating all to myself.

Krista kept telling me stuff about what Dawson was sending her through texts, it was all what I didn't want to hear. All the faults that others see about me, Dawson tells me that he loves about me. Well, he might've lied. According to Krista, he said that my obsession is annoying, when he tells me he loves it. He told Krista that I'm annoying because I won't let him be friends with any girls. Which isn't true, I just don't like it when he's friends with girls that I'm sure have a CRUSH on him. I started to get angrier and angrier, as the possible lies came out as a possible truth. I was scared. Krista told me I had two choices. Break-up with him, and get hurt... or stay with him and get hurt. I told him to let me think about it... I analyzed the locked messages I had kept from him, and then I analyzed what he had put me through, after Not a Break-Up Story, because he had changed. I thought about it, and I thought.. If I let him go, I'll be giving him to her... I don't want that... I want him to myself. I told him that I was staying, and he was bawling.

The next day, I had to leave, and I knew that a number of people were upset with me after Dawson's story to tell. I told Marlee, and she totally understood, and didn't think what Dawson was doing was cool. I still felt terrible, and that it was my fault. The entire time when I was at camp, I kept thinking about him, constantly, about how he's probably sitting there alone, in misery. I hoped that Gavin was comforting him... which he was. I just hoped that nobody convinced him that he should leave while I was gone. When I pulled out my phone, and waited for service on the way back, I started to think about him again, about how I might contact him, and he might be crying... There were so many possibilities to how he may react to a text from me. I texted him.. and he warned me about Gavin, and that he's mad at me. I, at first, decided not to reply to him... but then I did.

I was taking everything Gavin said to me terribly wrong, and after dropping Krista off, I started crying.. because I didn't want to hurt Dawson, but now that I have, I felt that everything bad that had ever happened in Drawkah was all my fault. I didn't feel good enough for him. I was sad, depressed even. I didn't deserve my boyfriend. I didn't deserve anyone. I told Gavin that I was sorry for being so defensive, when it really was all my fault. I was breaking down into depression. I felt terrible. If only Dawson could see how depressed I was, if only he knew what I was going through... But maybe he did. Maybe this was the feeling he had, the previous 3 situations that had happened with Drawkah's close break-ups. I felt like nothing could cure the loneliness. I told Gavin that I almost broke up with Dawson because I felt like he was trying to change me, and that I felt like he didn't like me for who I am. Gavin told me that Dawson just does stuff like that to seem cool to everyone else. That didn't comfort me, at all. I felt that he was ashamed of me when Gav had said that. I was still trying to change... Trying to get less obsessed, less clingy, less... jealous. I eventually told Dawson how I felt, and he confirmed that he loves it when I'm obsessed and clingy. I didn't mention jealousy because, it's something we all need work on... I'm sure he doesn't like it when I am jealous...but when I get jealous, it's a sign that I care about you, and that I want you to myself. It's just more evidence that I love him. He told me he just wants to make me happy. I sent him a really long text about how I feel, when he had fell asleep... He later, (as in last night) told me he loves the text. Now I'm sorry that he's grounded, but I hope that I'll be able to talk to him soon.

EPiC Song of the Day: Infatuation by Maroon 5

LiL Shout-Out of the Day:
Gavin: I know you were just trying to help out Dawson, and you did a good job... Your advice on Drawkah is phenomenal. You're a great friend to him, and I want you to know that everything I said to you that might've been rude the other day, please take no offense.

You Inspire Me...

Just like yesterday was all about a song, today's post is all about a shout-out. To one of my best-est friends, Chelsea-Evelyn. You never cease to inspire me, and it means a bunch to know that I can inspire you. You know me, when it comes to inspiring my inspirations, I try my best. Not only is it her blog-posts from The Scootalooser, but it's from her magnificent words, poems, and updates. Chelsea is what I can consider an amazingly true friend! When it comes to her, she will stop at nothing to make others happy, and help out those in need. She may deny it at times, but I know this is true. To Chelsea-Evelyn, I love you, and I hope to keep inspiring one of my biggest inspirations, you.

Song of the Day: Oath by Cher Lloyd

Fly Higher, and Inspire!

We can all be inspirations if we just get off of our feet, and try our best to soar. I encourage you all to take a leap of pure faith, and try to get off the ground, and whatever's holding us down. Raise the bar, and do better than your best. Strive to do the impossible. Strive to inspire. I love you all, and I hope you can enjoy this amazing song of the day.

Also, here's August's Cover!


Shout-Out of the Day:
To those who inspire: I love you