Here we go again. Dawson's once again grounded, at least his parents gave me a deadline. They said at least one week. Knowing Dawson's recent history with being grounded, I'm going to say that at most he'll be grounded for a week. Plus, who wants to be grounded on their birthday, anyways? That's right! Dawson's birthday is on August 15th! I'm so excited to give him his birthday present, don't worry, it's nothing naughty. Haha. All I know is that he'll love it... or um.. I hope he loves it.
So basically before I had left for Girl's Camp, I did something that I regret, and Dawson did something I'm sure he regretted. Dawson texted me after we had gotten off the phone one day, the day before I left for Girls Camp(July 29th), and he texted me "Hey Linsey" Flipping out, I gave the phone to Krista because I seriously had no idea what I was going to do next. I know that to you guys, it's just simple, I bet you're all just sitting there saying "Bek, it was just a wrong-number." To me, there was a lot more to say about it. Here's why I think it's wrong:
1. I don't like Linsey very much because I'm positive that she's got a crush on my boyfriend.
2. My contact name is "<3<3My Girl<3<3" on Dawson's phone... which means he just basically called Linsey his girl.
3. Why is he texting her?
4. He texted her first, it looks like.
I know that you guys are probably thinking that that was nothing to worry about, but it's not that I don't trust Dawson, because I honestly do, I don't trust her. It's only because I don't know her that well, and the idea of her just makes me both scared, and full of worry. It's nothing personal, it's just jealousy. Complete jealousy. I know I shouldn't be the one jealous because I'm with Dawson, but he gets to see her instead of me, and I can't help myself. I'm like any other girl, I want the guy I'm dating all to myself.
Krista kept telling me stuff about what Dawson was sending her through texts, it was all what I didn't want to hear. All the faults that others see about me, Dawson tells me that he loves about me. Well, he might've lied. According to Krista, he said that my obsession is annoying, when he tells me he loves it. He told Krista that I'm annoying because I won't let him be friends with any girls. Which isn't true, I just don't like it when he's friends with girls that I'm sure have a CRUSH on him. I started to get angrier and angrier, as the possible lies came out as a possible truth. I was scared. Krista told me I had two choices. Break-up with him, and get hurt... or stay with him and get hurt. I told him to let me think about it... I analyzed the locked messages I had kept from him, and then I analyzed what he had put me through, after Not a Break-Up Story, because he had changed. I thought about it, and I thought.. If I let him go, I'll be giving him to her... I don't want that... I want him to myself. I told him that I was staying, and he was bawling.
The next day, I had to leave, and I knew that a number of people were upset with me after Dawson's story to tell. I told Marlee, and she totally understood, and didn't think what Dawson was doing was cool. I still felt terrible, and that it was my fault. The entire time when I was at camp, I kept thinking about him, constantly, about how he's probably sitting there alone, in misery. I hoped that Gavin was comforting him... which he was. I just hoped that nobody convinced him that he should leave while I was gone. When I pulled out my phone, and waited for service on the way back, I started to think about him again, about how I might contact him, and he might be crying... There were so many possibilities to how he may react to a text from me. I texted him.. and he warned me about Gavin, and that he's mad at me. I, at first, decided not to reply to him... but then I did.
I was taking everything Gavin said to me terribly wrong, and after dropping Krista off, I started crying.. because I didn't want to hurt Dawson, but now that I have, I felt that everything bad that had ever happened in Drawkah was all my fault. I didn't feel good enough for him. I was sad, depressed even. I didn't deserve my boyfriend. I didn't deserve anyone. I told Gavin that I was sorry for being so defensive, when it really was all my fault. I was breaking down into depression. I felt terrible. If only Dawson could see how depressed I was, if only he knew what I was going through... But maybe he did. Maybe this was the feeling he had, the previous 3 situations that had happened with Drawkah's close break-ups. I felt like nothing could cure the loneliness. I told Gavin that I almost broke up with Dawson because I felt like he was trying to change me, and that I felt like he didn't like me for who I am. Gavin told me that Dawson just does stuff like that to seem cool to everyone else. That didn't comfort me, at all. I felt that he was ashamed of me when Gav had said that. I was still trying to change... Trying to get less obsessed, less clingy, less... jealous. I eventually told Dawson how I felt, and he confirmed that he loves it when I'm obsessed and clingy. I didn't mention jealousy because, it's something we all need work on... I'm sure he doesn't like it when I am jealous...but when I get jealous, it's a sign that I care about you, and that I want you to myself. It's just more evidence that I love him. He told me he just wants to make me happy. I sent him a really long text about how I feel, when he had fell asleep... He later, (as in last night) told me he loves the text. Now I'm sorry that he's grounded, but I hope that I'll be able to talk to him soon.
EPiC Song of the Day: Infatuation by Maroon 5
LiL Shout-Out of the Day:
Gavin: I know you were just trying to help out Dawson, and you did a good job... Your advice on Drawkah is phenomenal. You're a great friend to him, and I want you to know that everything I said to you that might've been rude the other day, please take no offense.
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