Distracted? More Like Emotional Interference.

The worst possible feeling is being sad and not being able to tell anybody why or what they can do to help you be happier overall.  For all I know, they're probably going through the same thing. Maybe a lot of my friends are sad and aren't telling people. The main thing that you can't expect your friends to be on top of is your own happiness.

I wish I could tell people, but I just can't. It's tragic and most of all, private. The most I can do is distract myself from whatever it is. Even though the topic keeps coming up in everyday conversation. Or at least factors that effect the issue. Few people have even noticed that I'm growing more and more depressed. I plaster on that fake-smile and it's gone. As easy as that. Or else I just act as if nothing's the matter.

They tell you to fake it until you make it, but sometimes that can get exhausting. Usually, when I get home, I distract myself  by sitting alone with Facebook, video games, and homework. Whatever can get me not to think about what's on my mind, I'll do it.

Serenaded

Wow. Just wow. I've had my doubts and frustrations about Jared and I's love story, but now I can see that it was all worth it looking back on it. I'm just so glad that we both love each other the same now. So much so that he wrote me a song explaining our entire love story and how we got together and sang it to me as he held both of my hands and stared deep into my eyes.

Could I ever find a man so loving and adoring as Jared? I don't think I've ever been loved this much before. If only I could show you guys how happy we were in that moment. Jared was nervous out of my mind, but I was just falling more and more in love with him as he continued to sing to me. I was shocked. Completely. Ask Krista. She was there. I wish she would've recorded it all.

Later, in fourth hour, I find myself sitting there humming the tune in my head remembering all the different parts of the song, and spacing out and forgetting the equations and formulas that I needed for the test I was taking. I was just so happy because I felt loved and cared for and it gave me hope for the future.

Maybe he could be the last boyfriend I ever have, ya know? I guess it depends on the future's events and how things work out and whether or not I screw things up. I really want this to last though, but I'm willing to suffer a little bit for my future happiness.