Sunday, December 28, 2014

Give A Little More

Eight days of vacation and all I've been doing is binge watching TV shows and movies on Netflix. Other people are out doing things and yet here I am just laying in bed with my step-sister, Sarah, watching Sword Art Online. As the days of my vacation pass by, my phone seems as if it hardly ever goes off. Here I am again... lonely. Sure, I've got a few people that would like to talk to me... but they're just the kind of people that I don't feel like conversating with because I'm always the one carrying our pointless conversations. As the hours of my nothing-filled day pass by, my phone seems to be filled with nothing as well.

There's always that one guy that we, as teenage girls, usually count on. For me, that person has ended up being James. I always feel like talking to him. He brightens my day and makes me feel wanted. He's the best guy friend I could possibly ask for. When we text and talk on the phone he makes me feel like I'm actually wanted. I always hope that when he talks to me he feels the same... but lately he's been busy with work and family so we haven't been able to talk that much, but that's okay because I always have Netflix and video games... but all I really want to do is hear from a hand full of people (no name dropping).

Loneliness. What else can you expect after getting out of a super long relationship? After being used to all of this constant "I love you" stuff, I've realized that I took it all for granted. There's always those days where I think the fact that I'm single is the best thing ever... but the opposite is true too. I think I say that for every single person on the planet when I say that. It's just human nature. 

I just hope that someday I'll actually have my love life figured out. Right now it's easy for me to say that I'm more confused than I've ever been about love. It's not that hard for me to decide what kind of guy is the guy I should marry in my future; It is hard to decide what I need to do to improve myself for him so that I can be the girl that he's looking for. With how little my dating experience has been, I still have a lot to learn about detailed qualities.

For example, it's easy for me to write down on my list that a guy has to be faithful, but it would be better if I were to write that he would stay true to the gospel and to me. Different qualities can be taken in many different ways, and as you go down the list of qualities you can easily settle for less...  which is something nobody should consider when searching for a future partner. Making a quality list may also help you figure out whether or not they're doing all the things on the list as well. If they fit your list perfectly and you want to marry them, you want the feeling to be mutual, right?

Fixing myself after I got dumped has definitely been one of the biggest-- if not the biggest challenge I have ever gone through. I remember how devastated and broken I was. I still had friends there to support me after all the drama like Gabby, Kiley, Sienna, and James and I'm thankful looking back to see how much they've gotten me through. They all taught me that it wasn't really the end of the world after 'Drawkah.' Turn Around, Bright Eyes. After all, if it weren't for them, I may have abandoned my blog or done something equally as drastic just because of how lonely I felt. I have to thank the Lord for this one because my friends helped keep me sane.

I am so grateful for all of the blessings that come from writing this blog. Some may not know what the good in having a blog is but I know that having a blog was good for me because:
  • My friends are able to check up on me
  • I am able to look back on how I've dealt with situations in the past
    • Helps me relate my past situations to now
    • Helps me remember what I've gone through
  • It has helped me share my own beliefs
  • It has given out inspirational thoughts and advice
As this year comes to an end, I look forward to seeing what 'epic' things may happen to me in the future and what advice I may give to some of you that may inspire us all to be better people. Give a little more than you take. Think before you speak. Comfort those in need. It'll all be worth it. Kindness circulates through the law of attraction, but so does negativity so be careful what you give to others.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

To The Moon And Back

What makes somebody your best friend... or even your 'bestie?' For me, there's several contributing factors. Currently, I don't consider everyone I talk to as my best friend. There's a few select people that I'd pick out above the rest. However, I can't 'put all my eggs in one basket' like I used to because I know it'll hurt when the friendship comes to an end. What's with friendships anyways?

A best friendship is essential in everyone's life at some point or another because I don't think anyone should have to stand alone while going through their own personal challenges. It's always nice when you can talk to somebody about your problems and share experiences in hopes to make each other better in the end. However, not everybody's paths of life match up so you can't always expect these types of friendships to last.

A true friendship is a friendship that in my eyes will never have an actual point in ending, so it doesn't unless it "fades" away. Whenever this pair or group of friends fight, it always ends in apologies and ends because of how strong the friendship is on all sides. I, personally, have several true friendships in my life. For example, when me and Sienna fight, it may get extreme, but we always end up hugging it out because our friendship means the world to us. The reason this happens is because both sides of the friendship see no more point in fighting and decide to resolve it all. I always end up praying that these friendships will last forever because of the joy that they bring into my life.

When a friendship ends, sometimes you end up feeling like a fool for believing that the friendship was true. But don't worry, that's normal, I know that I feel like that every time that I lose someone that I considered close or even true. But believe me when I say that it will happen in your life. If not once, than you may be getting lied to.

Sometimes there comes a time in life where you have to accept and let go of a friendship or a best friendship because your friend decides that you are 'no longer needed' for whatever reason. I won't call these ex-friends jerks because there's a clear reason why they can't be your friend anymore. To put it simplest, your paths no longer match up and you have grown apart, or rather they ditched you to be in a relationship with someone that probably won't last anyways. The easiest way to accept this, in my own experience, is to rely upon your other friends. 

If you don't have any other friends, go out and make some. I can't tell you how many times random strangers and I have communicated and became friends. Heck, even ask Keely Keele. I remember getting onto the bus on September 20, 2012, a little bit before Dawson and I got together, during my Freshman year and sitting next to her and just starting a conversation with "You know what I hate? When people whisper across the classroom!" Making friends is easy, you just have to make sure you're open to it and that they are too. Heck, I made friends with Kiley and her brother over something as simple as a Tootsie Pop!

One of the biggest things that me and my close friends do together is give each other nicknames and tell each other that we love each other and even sleep in the same bed during sleepovers. But hey, that's totally normal, right? Sienna came over about two weeks ago and we laid in my bed and watched Peter Pan and at one point we posted a Snap Chat to her story of me "cuddling" with her. We ended up texting people that night and talking about drama and even changing the names in my contacts. Now, in my phone, Sienna is Pimp, Kiley is Bae, and Gabby is Sexy Latina Teacha. Even back in the eighth grade, me and my friend Mary were planning on having a fake wedding for our friendship family. 

Guess you can't have super close friendships with your friends
 without loving them to the moon and back.

Song of the Day: Always For You by The Lighthouse and The Whaler

Post Dedication: James
You are amazing, and are a very close and important friend to me. I know that at some point we will all have to go our separate paths, but I really hope that we will be able to keep in touch and keep our true friendship, you guessed it... true.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Dating in Highschool

Whilst talking to my stepbrother tonight and visiting with my friend Sienna last week, I realized that there is a huge controversial topic in our age group. The question being, when is dating appropriate?

Of course, the age old question is-- When are you old enough to date? As for my personal beliefs, sixteen is the age both because of my religion and statistics show that ages 16-18 is the range of age when teenagers can start feeling that 'love' for somebody else. 'Love' doctors have proved this! Now that I've gotten out of my earlier teenage years, I'm able to see that I really didn't know what love was back then, but the more I went about my life and closer to this more mature age, I was able to see it and grow and appreciate it more than I did the strong friendship that I mistook for love. If I were just a little bit younger than 16 when I started dating, I probably would've ended up in a dangerous situation where I would've been tempted or unprotected on the so-called 'date.'

I know that I speak for my age group when the term 'dating' means that you are exclusive with that person and that you are in your own little relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend. I've gone through that process twice now, and both times I've ended up telling myself "Pf, I don't need a boyfriend to be happy!" I know that I at least speak for myself when I say that people are attracted to confidence and happiness. When I see somebody that looks happy and confident with their life I'm definitely gravitated towards them.

Nowadays, I see the exclusiveness between couples my age and younger as a type of cluelessness about what else is actually out there. Through just dating people, there's no pressure of having to 'break-up' with one another. Through just dating people, there's still a chase and mystery factor of whether the other person might actually like you. Whereas couples straight up say "I love you." I think it's more exciting not knowing if they do or not, the chase is a wonderful thing, I know that the chase doesn't turn out to be as strong when you're in a relationship. Why stick with one flavor when you can sample all sorts of different ones? Sure, maybe your 'flavor of the month' might be chocolate, but you'll never know any better unless you go try some of that rocky road.

I know that for Mormons, it can be very difficult and stress-inducing to date before your mission. There's a big factor of teenage hormones that drive teens to like one another, but there's also a factor of that want of obedience and dedication towards God. I know a few men in my life that are in a relationship with some one else pre-mission. I know that I speak for a good amount of women when I say that waiting hurts.

My brother's love interest before he left on his mission wanted to wait for him and he had to debate on what to do and whether to stay in a relationship. He finally made the decision of telling her to just live her life without him for the next two years. About six months into his mission, his love interest got engaged to his best friend. Of course, my brother was very happy for the happiness of his two best friends, but was also going through a little bit of heart break at the same time. I know from this experience, that forming serious relationships before serving a full time mission may be toxic in the floating factor of possible heartbreak.

My advice on this matter is to stay single and date around. I at times regret going into the two relationships that I did, but I know that I wouldn't have had the experience to share and the advice to give if I didn't go into those two relationships. I'm glad that I have the chance to stay single and meet lots of other teens to discover more qualities of what I might seek in a future partner. Jumping into a relationship can be dangerous because you don't always know what you're getting into with the person. There could be a total deal breaker involved and you may feel super bad because you have to break up with them over it. Once again, through just dating people, you can sample all the different flavors.