There's A Future Ahead

I don't normally talk about relationships on this blog anymore, but I thought I'd share some of my experiences lately.

As you guys may know, I have been in a relationship with Jared for over a year now, and we're pretty serious about getting married some day. Last night we expressed some concerns about our future, and it helped me realize that I'm an adult now. I could have kids 5 years from now. I could be married to Jared in less than 5 years from now!

In the moment, I felt a little overwhelmed over the plans we were talking about. I was thrilled that he was talking about our future like that. I was so happy that he was actually thinking and talking to me about our future and what we should do now to prepare for that. He was serious for that. It's not like I haven't talked about marriage with a guy before, but I've never talked to one who was genuinely serious about it. I guess that's the difference between a high school relationship and a relationship in the adult world.

We talked about his mission and my classes, and what I needed to do now to ensure that I don't have to go to Pocatello for my Psychology classes. Hopefully things can work out, and we can live in Rigby, so that he can travel to Rexburg for BYU-I, and I can travel to Idaho Falls for ISU. Where would kids fit in with all of that? We discussed that I could be a part-time student while Jared finishes up his schooling, so that I can take care of kids, the apartment/home that we will live in, and work on getting school through my website designing.

After that conversation, I walked up to my apartment feeling shocked. I felt a little excited because it's what I want. But I still felt a little bit overwhelmed. That would be my life in less than a decade. I remember imagining what it would be like to start dating boys, and now I'm sitting here planning on doing everything that I can to raise a kid.

Overall, I'm just stuck deep in thought. I have so many conflicting thoughts about everything. I think it's alright to have your first kid when you're just a college grad (graduating from BYU-I, I would be 22, but if I did full-time at ISU for 2 years, I'd be 24). It's still not very old. I think it's acceptable. However, I don't think it's right to just flat out say that I'm not having kids until I graduate. It's important to have kids. Kids should take priority over everything in life. Sure, we'd need to be financially stable. If we can't support each other, than who says that we can support a baby? I think that having a kid is overall just something that we'd need to pray about together when we're married. I'd rather take that question to the Lord than feel all this doubt and conflicting thoughts.

All I can do now is think about what I need to do to prepare now so that I'll be ready for what's next in my future.