Life gets tough when you don't have that special someone next to you to depend on all the time, especially when they were the one that you sought approval from and were closest to in your time of need. For me, that special someone is Erik Jordan Phillips, my 21 year old brother. When he read out his mission call, I knew that I would miss him more than anything else but with him out in the field, I've had to face a lot of things out on my own.
At first I knew it was going to be okay because my boyfriend at the time was able to comfort me and tell me that everything was going to be alright with him gone. As time progressed, I started forgetting about him and dealing with my own teenage activities like hanging out with friends and participating in choir. Every once in a while, I would stumble upon a little piece of him as I went about my daily life. I found items like photos, poems, songs, and even letters that he had written me. Those items gave me a quick little reminder that my hero was out serving the Lord on his LDS mission.
A lot of the letters from my brother happened to be apologies for "not spending enough time with his precious little sister." It humbled my heart in seeing that even he makes mistakes. Of course, it did hurt not being able to hang out with my very-busy-brother, but the apology he gave me made me forgive him and miss him even more than I already did.
It was scary being without him sometimes. There'd be spiders in my room, and I couldn't call for my brother to come smash it dead! But while he was gone on his LDS mission, I realized most of the qualities that I want in my future husband. As I tried to change things with my current boyfriend, things started failing in the relationship and I ended up getting my heart broken. It killed me not being able to talk about it with my big brother, face-to-face. Heck, I didn't even get a letter telling me to 'cheer up' from him. I was heart-broken, not just over getting dumped, but also over the friendships that seemed to be falling through as time went on.
I was depressed and life was darker than ever. I had gone on a couple of dates to try to cheer myself up, but it was then that I realized that I wasn't looking in the right places for what I want. I needed my friends back... but what could I do to get good friends? I started writing my brother again, and he sent me some adorable dating stories. I knew that I had to change so that I was attracting the right energy into my life, and be the right kind of girl for my future man and the right kind of friend to attract good friendships. After all, I did know what I wanted, it was just time to go after it.
Now, I find myself missing him so much with just four months left of his mission. I can't believe he'll be back in March. There's so much I've learned about him, learned from him, and learned without him while he's been gone. The real question is-- Has it been worth it? Absolutely. I wouldn't trade anything for the important life lessons I've learned and the eye-opening experiences I've experienced.
TWO YEARS
A lot can happen in two years.
A lot of fear, a lot of tears.
But what can you do to change?
What is there to rearrange?
Your heart is shattered.
Your brain, scattered.
Look to him in every way.
He will brighten up your day.
Before you know it, two years have passed.
Two years seemed as if they had a lot longer to last.
You could've been broken, but you were full of cheers.
Now I ask you, Would you have changed those years?
-Bek Phillips
HAPPY TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO MY BEAUTIFUL
LIL MISS EPIC BLOG PAGE!
It's been amazing working here on the blog.
LIL MISS EPIC BLOG PAGE!
It's been amazing working here on the blog.
I've learned so much within these past two years.
I wouldn't change a thing if I were given the choice to.
I love you all, thanks for reading.
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