Thoughts and Decisions.

She's leaving...She's leaving this week. There's so many times I've had with her... Maile and her family. I sure will miss them. I remember meeting her...coming into primary and just saying hello was probably one of the best things I've ever done. I remember she used to be jealous when I went to kindergarten. This is Maile's last Sunday in Grant 2nd. Marlee, Maile, and I used to be the Three Musketeers. We could never be separated. When we were separated, we fought hard to get back together. I remember one day I went over to Maile's house and slept on her trampoline...I got sick during the night and Kai (Maile's older brother) and Maile picked me up off the tramp and took me into her house and tucked me into Maile's bed. They took care of my sickness the next day because they said it was best if I didn't travel anywhere. I know that Maile cares about me. I care about her too.

Kai...Maile's older brother...the one I have felt is the perfect example of a priesthood holder...he's moving this week too. I had a small crush on Kai for 5 years(8-13)He's always been so good to me. He's always been so helpful, and awesome. I'm very very upset that he and Maile are leaving because I feel like I need him to be there for me. At Martin's Cove I was having a hard time carrying my bags to where they needed to be. Even though I told Kai I didn't need any help with my bags, he came over and forcefully took them away from me. He knew I needed help. I love it when Kai plays his ukulele and his violin. It always gives me confidence that I might be able to move people with my voice and my words and my singing. Now that I think about this... Kai is my example of a hero. I've talked to the girls in my ward about what they think about him, and every single one of them has mentioned either a crush or him being the example of what they want in a husband. I wish Kai and Maile would stay.

As I was sitting in sacrament meeting this morning, I saw this family...I've always looked at little children and their parents as: "hey...this might be my future. great...stress." but this time...I looked at it differently. I was listening to the words of the speaker as he said that family was important and that it was just as important as protecting the little ones. I payed attention as I saw that the children depended so much on their parents...The littlest girl, got up and walked towards the mother, and she picked her up and smiled at her without a care in the world. She had the little girl sitting on her lap as the two of them smiled and listened to the speaker. This is when I realized: I want that..I want that so much.. I want to be that mom that the children depend on...I want to be able to treat my children like they are the most precious thing in the world to me. I need this. I need this so much. I need to be able to have a family. If I don't get a family...I feel like I'm going to miss out on a lot. Family to me, is really important...I've never really had a true family because of my parents getting a divorce, and the age differences between my brother, sister, and I. I love them all and wouldn't trade them for anything. Yet, I still feel like I need to be the one with a big house, maybe a dog or two, children, and a husband that cares for all of us.

Looking back yesterday, I was scared about who I love more...James or Dawson. I think this is a problem because eventually I am going to have to choose between the two of them. So, I was talking to James about how sweet Dawson can be, and then I ended up making them have a contest. I'd ask them both a question, and they'd come up with an answer that I would end up rating. After about 3 questions, I got even more confused. They are both super amazing guys...I know now that there's no way I'll be able to choose for a long time. I need all of us to finish up our high school experience, date around when we're 16, and then after praying hard, and a lot of consideration, I'll be able to choose. There's no way anyone could expect me to choose in under a year. Heck, I'm only 14 years old. I haven't even started dating yet. I'm completely fine with my current plan...dating around, and then deciding when I'm out of high school. Sounds good to me!