Cutting Out Negativity

Hello everyone! As you may know...I'm having a little bit of difficulty with James right now...and with a couple of other people. I just wanted to post a public apology about how sorry I am for posting negative things about them... Next, I wanted to say that I honestly don't think I should be worrying about people like him anymore... After all, I'm not his girlfriend, so why should I even care? Since it's negative, I'm going to cut it out of my life. As we all should do... I was just trying to get my thoughts out of my system, and all my current emotions. I didn't truly mean to offend anyone or be a bully. So I wanted to apologize to a couple of people. First we have, Kathrine, aka Kat. On my last post, I ended up calling her a whore...I only think that she's a whore because of what I know about her, and what other people in my life have called her...but now I realize that that was really hypocritical of myself. After all, I did freak out when James' family called me bad names when they didn't know me either. Next, we have James. To be honest, It's kind of hard to apologize to him when I feel like I didn't do anything wrong...but I feel like I'm mad at him because he went back to Kat, which he promised he'd never do...Kat seems like a really bad person to be around, and I can't help but continue to worry endlessly. Hopefully, this worrying will stop. I guess my worrying will stop when I truly stop caring. If I stop talking about him, writing about him, and thinking about him, It will eventually happen.

I'm going to try to leave him alone...as best I can anyways...If he wants to be friends with me, then I don't really know what I'm going to do yet. I'll try not to talk about him on here anymore, unless it is completely necessary. Same with Kathrine. I'm super sorry for being such a bully and posting something on here to offend, and make you guys never want to read my blog again.

Song Of The Day:  Breathe by Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift has always been very clever with all the songs that she writes. To be honest, I feel like I can really relate to this one more than some of her other songs.

My Life In A Jar- First Entry

Okay! So...every once in a while when I don't have anything to really talk about in my journal and on this blog, I'm going to pull out a little something I like to call "My Life In a Jar!" My life in a jar is a jar that is filled with questions. TONS of questions. So! What I'm gonna do is enter in the questions in a RED font, and then enter the answer in a BLACK font. Sounds epic, huh? Anyways! Here we go! *draws first question*

What do you do that gets you into the most trouble with your parents? How do they handle that?
What's this "into trouble" you speak of? I'm doing actually pretty well with my parents right now... However, I'm not doing so good with my biological father...He and I are mad at each other, and we're in a big fight. He's mad at me because I have a boyfriend, and he thinks that my boyfriend is distracting me from what I need to be doing..Schoolwork. He thinks I need to break up with Dawson, and re-prioritize to make school my number one priority. The funny thing is that we had this argument directly after he congratulated me for getting straight A's all of last trimester. If you even know who I am, you would know that school is my priority one. Obviously, my dad doesn't know me as well as he thinks he does.

What is your greatest joy? Your greatest sorrow?
(For those who haven't read December 1st's entry..read it real quick) November 30th was freaking amazing...i was full of joy. Hanging out with Julia, Gabby, and Dawson was the best. haha. Are you kidding? my greatest sorrow? Hmm...I know I said I was over it, but my greatest sorrow was when I SAW James kiss Julia. I was totally broken. I was confident that he would never do that to me, but then he did...I was broken...I never and never will have the same trust in him ever again. Because when you cheat on someone...you can't take it back, no matter how much you want to.

If you could be an animal, which would be? Why?
If I were an animal, I think I'd be a cat because cats are playful, smart, AND lazy...Like me! However, I hate cats...but cats hate cats too, so it's a perfect fit, right?

OKAY! PURPLE FONT BECAUSE I JUST WANTED TO GET YOUR ATTENTION AND SAY THAT WE'RE DONE WITH QUESTIONS!

Song of the Day- Still, Still, Still
I chose Still, Still, Still to be the song of the day because today I joined our ward's choir, and we're singing it! Plus, in Rigby Junior High choir we're singing it too, but they are both different arrangements... I still think that Still, Still, Still (aka the snow carol) is an AMAZING song though. It makes me happy.

Shout-Out of the Day- Marlee Lords!
Marlee! You're so amazing! Don't worry...I won't tell anyone your secret. ;) Okay! I'm super glad you got me to join the ward choir, and help out the sopranos! I have to admit I was pretty bored in there though... no wonder you wanted me in there...to ENTERTAIN YOUR FACE!! =3 Anyways...i love you!

3 Classes With Him

The start of a new trimester! For once, I was totally comfortable in each of my classes. Here's how it all went down. =)

Math- Okay, I wasn't so sure when I moved into Ms. Kelsche's class, but she turned out to be really really nice. I didn't want to move out because I adored Mr. Brown, him being my favorite math teacher. Kelsche is still pretty cool though, so I'll be able to manage especially when I'm sitting next to Braxton...FOR NOW.

Input Tech- TECHNOLOGY! I knew I had some friends in that class...but when I walked in I thought to myself: I KNOW EVERYONE! There's Cora, Sienna, Isaiah, Tressa, and Kenzyl. This trimester, I don't think Mr. Williams will be able to shut me up. However, I'm a gg(abbreviation for good girl) so it could happen.

Choir- I was super nervous about this class at first because I don't think I do well in big classes and in crowds. However, I was still able to be my funny old self, and stuff. I told a ton of people that I had a blog today, I also said that I had a fake family Mary. Choir's a lot of fun so far especially since there's a lot of my friends in that class. I also learned that Burrows hates cats, and thinks short people are awesome. haha =) Dawson's in my class! YAY.

Science- Oh gosh...Mr. GREEN?! I was freaking out! Mr. Green is usually super super strict, and I've never really enjoyed having him, so since I was nervous Dawson started telling me information about the class, and I got more "Ok" with it. Yet, when Dawson got the iPads for our group, I started getting really nervous about making the movie trailer. I didn't know how to work the thing! We chose the movie trailer option: adrenaline. It was really exciting! Bailey made me and Dawson in charge of drawing the subatomic particles and stuff, and we all came up with ideas, and Bailey came up with what to write on the inbetween slides where it says the explanation of the movie. Anyways, what confused me was that Dawson loves to draw, but he really didn't want to be in charge of drawing in class.

English- Okay...my THIRD class in a row with Dawson. =) So happy about that. I was ALSO super nervous about going into Mrs. Baker's class because she's super strict on PDA, and I just happened to be sitting next to my boyfriend in that class. I just hope she doesn't yell at us for it after she eventually realizes that that one day I was the girl that Dawson was holding hands with. Anyways..Mrs. Baker has a VERY interesting way of getting know each other with games and stuff. I have to admit that it was fun though. She had a game where you had to say of what she was thinking of, if you got it right you got a spray in the face, if you took too long, then you'd get a spray in the face. haha =) but if you got it WRONG on the other hand...NOTHING happens. haha

OKAY. And here's what happened after school! =)

Dawson and I were going to the bus gate, and stuff, and when we got there I just talked to my friends, and tried my best to avoid Chris because I knew what he'd want Dawson and I to do: kiss in front of him.
Chris: Bek! Get over here.
Bek: No.
Chris: Get over here now. (he says in a strict tone)
Bek: *awkward wimpering sound as she walks over to Dawson and Chris*
Chris: Bek. Kiss Dawson.
Bek: Why?
Chris: Because.
~interuption~okay..i feel super retarded because I don't even remember what Chris and I said after that because I was looking at Dawson. haha
Bek: *eventually says okay* *hugs dawson*
Dawson: *hugs bek back*
Bek and Dawson: *kiss*
Chris: Holy crap! They just made out!
Bek, Dawson, and Marcus: hahahaha
~interuption~ i still can't remember what happened after that...but I think I just talked to Bethany and Cheyenne.
*gate opens*
Chris: you guys should kiss again.
Bek and Dawson: *hug* *kiss again*
*BEK WALKS THROUGH GATE REALIZING THEY HAD JUST KISSED TWICE IN A DAY!* *Bek's thoughts are all like: ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygoshh!!!*
*Bek gets on bus.*

ANYWAYS! TRAAANSITION!!!!

I get home...and as I was trying to open up the gate at my house...it wouldn't work. I wondered: WHAT THE FETCH?! I GOTTA GET IN!! IF I DON'T IM GONNA CRY like REALLY bad. In panic, I started  honking our car's horn hoping that someone would come out and HELP me with the STUPID FREAKING gate. I was starting to get angry, so I decided to TEXT my boyfriend about this. He was all like: Bek! Just climb over! I was like: I don't have the physical ability to do that right now! The gate's too tall anyways. I then realized that there's this odd part hanging off of a hole next to the handle thingy on the gate. I thought...I NEED TO GET THAT THINGY OUT BECAUSE ITS BLOCKING MY WAY. I hadn't recognized the metal thingy before...so I knew it didn't belong there. Eventually, I figured out how to get that metal thingy out. I was pissed off though. I KEPT that metal thingy with me when I walked into the house, I slammed the door, and threw the metal thingy across the room, and my stepdad was all like: Get back here and put that metal thingy back into the gate! I was like: NO! As I walked into the bathroom and slammed the door again. Sitting in there...haha...I realized...ITS NOT MY FAULT! I went back out there to yell at my stepdad some more. I got the stupid metal thingy from my stepdad without a word, and put it back into the gate. I walked back into the door, slamming it behind me, and I ran off to my room as Reino, my stepdad was all like: REBEKAH! COME. HERE. I was like: NO! As I slammed my bedroom door. I then told my boyfriend what had just happened...even though I knew he was gonna read this blog post. haha.

I guess that's a total re-cap of my day...even though I left out the part of me talking to my mom about this...it's just that....I forgive...WAY too easily..but sometimes..I can hold a MAJOR grudge.

SHOUT-OUT OF THE DAY:
Bailey Page- Okay...you're iPad skills are AMAZING! I didn't think our movie trailer would look that good. Thanks for the great communication skills with me and the rest of our little group. I know that you probably don't read my blog, but if you do, this shout-out is dedicated just to you!! Thanks for being awesome.

SONG OF THE DAY:
Beauty and a Beat by Justin Bieber.
I don't usually enjoy listening to Justin Bieber...but with this song, I really enjoy it. Don't ask me why, but I'm truly not a "Belieber" or what whatever his fans are called. Heck, I'm not even sure that I'm spelling his name right right now! Sienna Wareham suggested that I make the song of the day a Justin Bieber song soon...so I decided to take her advice, and do what my "fans" want me to do.

If you read this blog today...and enjoyed it...I want you to go to school tomorrow or whenever you can, and reccomend my blog so that I can get more people into...umm...well...my life...and reading!  I know of a few people who have read my blog, and they don't even know me, but they enjoy it. Posting this blog, makes me very...happy, and I feel like I'm not hiding that much anymore. Thank you for those viewers who are reading everyday. Thanks to all of my "fans" I have 323 page views and counting! However, December 2nd for some reason got 35 page views. Again, Thank you.

Klub Karaoke

Okay! So last year..EXACTLY. My favorite place to go closed. It was called Klub Karaoke. Me, James, Julia, and Mary would always hang out there. It was our favorite place to go sing and dance at. =) Then we found out it was closing, and so we got everyone together at Klub Karaoke. I remember it well actually... James and I had gotten back together after he had cheated on me, and I was having a hard time not being emotional. I felt like I was gonna cry, but then he put his arm around me and everything seemed okay. I couldn't cry in front of him. I just couldn't. So I didn't cry. I remember slow-dancing with James. I remember kissing his cheek for the first time ever. Haha, I feel so girly talking about this..but it's what I felt, and I want to be honest about it! I remember the last song we sang together. Billionaire. That was the last song we actually sang together, just me and him, and I have to admit that it was an amazing memory. I remember when I saw James sitting on the floor drawing a heart with our initials in it, and how he had put my initial first, because I apparently always come first according to him.

Things have changed though...

Now I'm with my new boyfriend, Dawson. I know he loves and cares for me a lot... maybe even more than James did back then. I know that he just wants the best for me, and even though we're opposites, we can still agree on a lot. Especially our feelings towards each other. Even though there's no more Klub Karaoke to hang out with him at, I still have lots of fun when I'm around him.

OKAY. I feel so obsessive right now! I'm gonna stop right there before this becomes TMI.

Shout-Outs of The Day:
James Facer- Hey. Thank you so much. I know that you're trying your hardest to get your parents to be okay with me, and that means a lot to me. I hate having all of this on my mind, and in all honesty, I'm scared to listen to the recorded conversation that you have with them. I know in my heart that I'm not gonna get a direct apology right away. That's okay, it might take time for them to be able to apologize. However, I also know that your parents might be a little stubborn, and that I might never get an apology from them at all! Thanks anyways though.
Dawson Hammond-  Can I just say that you're probably one of the most oblivious people on earth BESIDES me? haha, anyways. Since I know you read my blog a lot, I decided to leave you a shout-out to make you feel even MORE part of my life. I apologize for all the awkward things I say on here about you though..because I know about that feeling that someone out there is writing about you. It's okay though, because I bet it makes you feel just THAT much more loved. ^^ I love you. <3
Jules!- Okay...I don't really know you that much, but I know that you go to my school, and that you read my blog. I know for sure that from what I know about you, you are a super cool person, and fun to be around. From the moment I heard your singing voice, I got super jealous I have to say. I hope you get into the talent show! Your voice sounds AMAZING. Tell me if you want to hear a cover of my own. Friend me on facebook please. haha =)

SONG OF THE DAY- 
Every time We Touch by Cascada.
I was listening to this song, and thought... This makes me REALLY happy. I LIKE IT. Have fun. <3 =)

AND AS TOBY TURNER ONCE SAID: IF YOU SNEEZED WHILE READING THIS, BLESS YOU. PEACE OFF!

Movie Night Memories

Okay. Let's do a little recap on what happened last night.

I went to Julia's house for a movie night with Dawson, Gabby, and her. I was excited because for one, i get to see my boyfriend outside of school, and the two I get to see my friends! Movie night has always been super fun, but I thought this one would be kinda awkward because Gabby and Julia didn't know Dawson. First off, I'm not even gonna talk about the Avengers. even though we all went over there to watch it, we all got bored. Sure it's a good movie, but we all get super distracted at movie nights so this movie was super super long according to us. When we first went downstairs, we were just sitting around while Julia played Just Dance on the Kinect, but then I realized that Dawson and I were sitting clear across from each other on the opposite sides of the room. Being me, I decided to get up and go sit by him. It was a little awkward at first, but then we coped. A few minutes passed and my hand was on Dawson's. Trying to be funny, I told him: "I'm going to keep staring at you until you do what I want you to do." and then he realized that I wanted him to hold my hand. haha. =) NEXT, we went upstairs and watched some YouTube  TOBUSCUS and Gir were pretty much all we watched... besides two videos of Jenna Marbles and one episode of Teens React! Okay, so I felt a little bit awkward because I had two fold-up chairs behind me pressing into my back, Gabby told me to lean on my boyfriend, but I didn't want to make things awkward and be a clingy girlfriend. So I didn't at first. But then after a couple of minutes I started to, and then I ended up putting my head on his shoulder, and like hugging his arm. haha. I have to admit, he looked like he thought it was all a little bit awkward, so I just held his hand...but then my OTHER arm refused to let go of his...so I ended up hugging his arm like the whole time almost. It was time to go home! Dawson needed a ride, so Reino and I took him. We sat in the car pretty much, and then I was reminded of another time where I gave James a ride home.

(Flashback to way back when: Okay, so we had done this festival thingy for choir, and decided to go eat pizza afterwards while we waited for our parents. I had said goodbye to James and stuff, and then later I found out he still didn't have a ride, so I texted him to come to 5 Buck Pizza and eat with us. So, he did. We ate pizza, and chatted a little bit, and since he needed a ride, I asked if my mom could take him, and she could. So we took him home. It was silent, in the car, and pitch black...I was wondering if that was the moment I would've told him how I truly felt about him, but I decided not to. We got to his house, and he said goodbye, and walked away.)

Flashback at 5 Buck Pizza

Squeezing Dawson's hand tighter, I remembered how James had cheated on me with Julia. I remembered the pain I had felt when I saw him kiss her...but then I scooted closer to Dawson and glanced at him. I thought to myself: I'm over it... I forgive him. We arrived at Dawson's house, and then this commercial came on about like getting an engagement ring and stuff. haha. It said that the guy had better make his move and give her the ring, I laughed and then I hugged Dawson, and then we like backed out, and then stared at each other for a minute and then kissed. I haven't kissed anyone since...maybe March, so this whole kissing thing was still kind of new for me. As he hopped out of the car I thought to myself: holy fetch..I was his first kiss. =) I felt amazing, and then I jumped into the front seat. haha Reino had seen it all in his mirror. He was like: so that was you guys' first kiss, huh? and I was like: yeah. =) The rest of the night I thought about how awesome this experience was. It sure replaces a bad memory with a good memory.