I'm confused about my feelings with certain guys, even though I know that it probably doesn't even matter. I'm scared about going on a date with Bridger, because I'm not even sure that I'm ready to go on a date, but at the same time, I feel more than ready. I'm not sure if Dawson even wants to talk to me, or if it's just because he's lonely because his girlfriend can't text him. Life is just out of control right now, and I need to get a grip of it.
As I talk to certain friends, I find myself loving life and wanting to go out and do more, and I feel a lot more confident because I know that I am diamonds and that anybody would be lucky to even be friends with me. But, when I talk to other friends, I find myself confused and alone and even having thoughts like "nobody wants me," even though my heart and my mind is egging me on telling me that I'm amazing and beautiful and should be confident in myself.
What's the solution? I haven't got a clue. But I have been trying different things. I bought this exclusive hair shampoo and conditioner to make my hair softer, I started my diet, I'm exercising more, I'm off of my phone more than usual, and I'm all about improving me. So that maybe, just maybe, I can become a whole lot more CONFIDENT. At times it's been working, but other times, it's gotten kind of hard to keep up the happy act, and that's where I draw the line and just have fun. I listen to music, I watch a movie, I do whatever it takes to keep my mind off of the drama that is my life.
The thing is-- it's not just drama. There's more. I have this spot on my leg, and I'm pretty sure that it's exyma. It's kind of scary looking considering that it won't go away and it changes colors every now and then from pink, almost skin color, to red, and standing out. I've had this spot on my leg since May! I've even talked to my dermatologist. About 3 weeks ago, he gave me this cream to use for, you guessed it, 3 weeks! I used the cream, and at first it made a big difference and it looked like it was healing, but then it just paused where it was, and stopped the healing process and it just won't go away now.
Not only do I have this weird spot on my leg, but I have back problems, but it's just not any back problem, it's this weird condition, that I can't remember the name of, anyway, I need to be taking these calcium pills, four a day to be exact. Apparently my back is too curved in and my joints are mashed together and so that's why my back hurts. I even had to stay home from church today because of the pain. I'm supposed to be doing some lower back exercises for it, but let me tell you this, Girls Camp was a trial because of my back.
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