So... lately, my world has been falling apart... Ever since I got sick, things have been crappy for me. But, it wasn't until yesterday night that I realized that we might be falling apart a little bit. It was all just a misunderstanding, and then he asked me... "Do you think we're slowly fading away?" I felt terrible. What was I supposed to respond? I said no, of course, but things just kept getting worse & worse. I started to cry while we were talking on the phone, and I thought it was just because I missed him, but then I gave it more thought, and it was all because I thought he was fading away, and getting out of my reach. I had nightmares that night, and I didn't know what to do, as he told me that he would hurt himself because he hurt me. It ended up with him getting bruised by his older brother, from a requested fight, but it still hurts to see him hurt.
So, I get to school. I see Dawson, and I rush over, hugging him and saying hi... I don't get a hug back, but I just get kind of a quiet "hi." as we walk. He was walking quickly, almost as if he were trying to get out of my reach. I bite my lip as I felt a pit in my stomach. I knew what was coming. We go inside through the side door, and I hold onto his arm, and when I drop my grasp, he walks out another side door. Braxton and I look at each other, wondering what had just happened. I look out of the window, seeing him come through the entrance. He looked so troubled. I didn't even know why he left my side. I walk towards the hall, where he might be...but he just turns around and talks to Isaiah. I turn to Braxton, and I say "I feel like I'm gonna cry." I just started bawling before I even got all the way into the hallway. I clung to Braxton... at that moment he was my only friend. I felt so alone... like nobody even cared, but him. That's when I decided my friendship with Braxton is important, and that I can trust him. He was there for me, and there's probably no way that I could ever repay him.
Seeing me crying on Braxton's shoulder, Dawson ditches his friends just to see me. He just sort of walks by me, and when I knew he was actually going to stick around and walk with us... I clung to him tightly, as I got looks from the people in the hallway. Everyone saw me... Everyone saw me at my lowest point, clinging to him. People had their suspicions, but I didn't want to say why...I just kept saying that I didn't know why I was bawling, but that's not true. I did know. I was hurt... because it seemed like I was getting avoided by the one I love most. It was almost like he didn't need me, but here I was the second he leaves my side, in full-blown tears.
We got to my first hour... Algebra. There was a test, and I was one of the first to walk into the class. The three people that had came in before me, stared as I cried and cried and cried, and tried to stop myself. Keely came to my aid, with some tissues, and a hug. I knew she was concerned, and that she'd be there for me. I knew a lot of people were concerned. I hadn't been in tears like that in public since around the beginning of Freshman year. I sit there, and I do my test, fighting back all the tears and thoughts of him leaving. The bell rings, after a long time of thought and silence.
I see him... He's there, rushing to my aid. Making sure I'm okay, and caring for me...Worrying about me. I shook...as I imagined what It'd be like if he didn't care.. I clung to his arm, squeezing tighter with every bad thought to come to my mind. I felt very clingy, and unnecessary to him, I felt like I was just there...like a nobody, but like a crybaby. We walk down to get a drink, and he talks to Linsey. I blush as I get that drink. As you all know... I get very jealous of her. They didn't say much, it was more of just a hi, but what if it was like that in the future in our high school. I go down to get a drink, and there they are.. talking.. laughing.. having a good time.. being happy. I knew it was just too scary... We walk up the stairs, and I cling tight to him, and we go up to talk to some of our friends. Bridger, Kellsie, and Juan. I didn't pay attention to a word that was said, really. I was too distracted by all my thoughts. I cling tight to him, and walk away from them...as they say bye, I don't say a word.
I pull Dawson behind the hall, where less people will see us, but it will still be a little bit too crowded for the comfort of my tears. I look at him, and sit down, and he asks what's wrong, and I just start crying again, bawling... There it was again, I need him. He thought I was going to break up with him because I pulled him aside right after Bridger said something about being dumped, apparently. I didn't time it right, I guess... .but I wasn't even listening anyways. For this entire day, I had my thoughts to blame...
The rest of the day was tiring, almost every time I thought about what had happened, I sat and fought back tears. Even writing this blog-post, I had a hard time... I was bawling within the first paragraph. If you didn't get the point of this post, it was said a while back. I'll say it again... Forgiveness of a friend will repay you big time.. Friendship really is worth fighting for, and if you give them a chance, they can be there for you when you need them most. Forgiveness of a partner can be hard sometimes too though. The reason I can forgive him so easily is because I love him unconditionally. It doesn't matter what he does, I'll always be in love with him. That's the truest form of love, in all honesty. Forgiving and Forgetting doesn't exist. You can always forgive, but almost never forget. I believe in giving multiple chances, because that's what we all deserve. If nobody ever got a second chance, there'd be no couples on this earth, no friendships, and everyone would have trouble trusting anybody. Some of the longest friendships would probably last a month, and then crash and burn, but with multiple chances, we can have forever love...and forever friendship. Remember that.
No comments:
Post a Comment