2013 Spring Cleaning

Anybody having dejavu on my blog posts? Haha...this is kind of interesting to watch. The progression on my blog is CRAZY. To think, the first day that I had my blog up, it only had 2 page views because me and James looked at it. =P EMBARRASSMENT! Yeah.. well anyways!

Yesterday night, I decided to relieve some of my current stress and went to Julia's house. (sounding a little bit familiar, if you know what I mean.) We pretty much just sat at the computer up until we got tired and went to bed...which we then just surfed the web...on our tablets. We're so epicly(is that a word?) lazy! Anyways, the next day I think it was Julia's aunt who came over and helped clean the house! We've been cleaning like all morning. I started out on the front porch, where there was leaves and all this dirty crud up on the sidewalk...I kept sweeping and sweeping with Julia until we got it done. (However, we did take a little break to eat some Wendy's food.) After that, me and Julia went inside and went downstairs...all the boxes that used to be stacked up were now GONE. All that crud was going down to D.I.! We filled up the entire truck one time, and then they dropped it off. While Julia's aunt and cousin were gone, we continued to clean downstairs. 

There was this drawer right next to the couch..the one that Dawson and I sit on..I opened it up, and there was a crap load of fetch in that drawer. That drawer looked like it contained NARNIA! Anyways, I'm cleaning out this drawer, and I'm finding jewelry  string, quarters, pennies, a screw driver, a razor, headphones, notepads, dead batteries, a first aid kit, band-aid wrappers, an awkward ring watch thingy, etc. Anyways, after I cleaned out that drawer, all that I put in there were the remotes and a couple of cables. 

After I had finally finished with that, I got a text from my mom basically saying that she'd be there soon. I went up stairs to wait, and then my mom showed up. I said goodbye, and they said thank you and then I left! THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THAT I'M FREAKING THIRSTY!! Once I got home, I drank some Sunny D...but I'm still pretty thirsty. Oh well...I'll go get some water when I finish up this blog post!

The point of this blog post, you ask? TO SHOW THAT SPRING CLEANING IS FREAKING IMPORTANT!! As my mom always says, "You find things by cleaning"

Song of the Day:  E.T. by Katy Perry
This song talks about Katy Perry's total dedication to someone..preferably an alien. It's like she's falling for someone that is "totally out of your world" As Katy may say, "Boy, you're an alien. Your touch so foreign  It's supernatural. Extraterrestrial." It could also mean a different thing. Like, maybe, a forbidden love. Since it's forbidden she says "Kiss me ki-ki-kiss me infect me with your love and fill me with your poison. Take me ta-ta-take me I wanna be a victim ready for abduction." Or if you want to wrap it all together, it could mean all of this.. Someone that is out of your world in a forbidden love. Anyways, those are my views on that song. If you don't completely understand the song, I suggest taking a closer look at the lyrics...it talks about dedication to someone you love.

Shout-Out of the Day: 

Isaiah: Truth is, I'm not completely sure if you like my blog...at all. It's probably too much drama for you. But as you said like...last week I believe, I know that you at least CARE about me, and what I'm feeling. Right now I feel like everything I do is wrong, and it's pretty hard to explain. First, it's the Mandi situation, then it's the Shine situation, and now it's the Sienna situation. I don't know what the heck I'm doing, or what I need to do to change it, or whether these people are just being total jerks. Anyways yeah...if you ever want to talk about this just text me with "What's wrong?" so that I know that you've read this blog post. Thanks! 

Hate Me...But Why?

Is it possible to have somebody say that you're bothering them when you literally haven't talked to them in like 2 weeks? I kind of have this problem myself...I was going to hug some of my friends good bye, and so I was hugging them, and then one of my friends was just like DON'T TOUCH ME! I was just like..ummm okay then. She had a look that said "BEK, I HATE YOU, AND WANT TO KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!"

Thing is...I don't completely understand what I did to piss her off. Maybe it's just all in my head? I don't really know, but I feel like we're not friends anymore. Those of you who know how I am, you guys KNOW how I am about losing ANY friend...or previous friend. I've been friends with the girl for like a little over a year, and I don't really see why she flipped out on me.. 2 weeks ago..or whenever I got my tablet, we were totally cool. I just don't understand!

Song of the Day: I Won't Apologize by Selena Gomez

Shout-Out of the Day:
The person that this post is about:
Hey...umm I'm really confused about what I did. I know you know that this post is all about you, so hence the shout-out name. If you're going to hate me...please give me a reason, first.

Devotional: Sin

Song of the Day:
Nearer My God To Thee (Hymn)

Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: I really hope you read this...I'm not saying that you're a sinner or whatever and that you need to knock it off, but I just hope that you know that I love you a lot, and that I care about you and that I feel that you need help...not in that way, but I feel like you need to hear from the missionaries, and see what they have to say. I think that you'd enjoy it, and so part of why I posted this devotional on my blog was to show that I'm not ashamed of my testimony, and to also be my own little missionary, and possibly turn heads by showing people that this gospel really is true. I hope you know that this is very important to me, and that I'm not afraid of posting thinks like this.

Okay so usually I wouldn't do this type of thing...like share my Devotional-plan with you guys...to the world and stuff, but I put some stuff in there that's kind of important, and it's all I can seem to think about right now as I write on my blog today...So, If you don't want to read my Devotional, then I suggest leaving this blog post right away, because this post is based on religion, and my religious beliefs. Also, if you didn't already know, I am LDS, or better known as a Mormon. If you're interested in what we believe in or have any questions at all, ask the missionaries (lol) or go to lds.org to learn more. =)

Devotional: Sin

In the Bible Dictionary under Fear it says: "Sin destroys that feeling of confidence God's child should feel in a loving Father, and produces instead a feeling of shame and guilt."

Sin can be very corrupting and can ultimately destroy nearly anything that may get in it's way. Especially if you don't repent for the sin that you committed. Why wouldn't we repent for a sing we have taken part in when we have the opportunity to because of what Christ did on the cross. However, even though sin can be very bad, it's essential in God's plan. For example, Christ died so that he could repent for our SINS. AND nobody is perfect anyways. A life without sin, is almost like us choosing Satan's plan because in his plan, we're not allowed to sin or screw up. WE're all forced to "choose" the right, when in reality we can't choose anyway because there's no free agency.

I'd like to bear my testimony that I know this church is true, and that we can repent because of the Atonement. I also know that sin is essential, but not the right path to choose. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Bright Side

Hello, world. Dont let life get you down so much as to ruin your attitude towards the day. Look at the bright side of life, where the most beautiful things are...full of happiness,  joy, and peace. However, if you may turn to the darkness, where the most evil things are...full of scariness, worry, and regret...you could be in a bad attitude and will be more likely to ruin someone's day or do or say something that you will regret later because you dont mean it.

Song of the Day:
1000 Miles by ?..Vanessa Carlton..?

Shout-out of the day:
Isaiah: thanks for letting me rant to you about my problems earlier today. I really appreciate that you can actually LISTEN to me...unlike Marcus and Chris.

My Terrifying Prediction

As some of you may know, my school is having ISAT testing this week and next week. Due to the testing, we have a screwed up schedule. The only class I kept track of is the 3rd block of the day, and the last, with a total of 2 and a half hours, while our second block is juat an hour and thirty minutes. So much stress, but never have I had homework because I always get it done with how much time I am given, in either that block, or the last block of the day.

As a result of not having much to do right now, I've been attempting to calm myself down, and find some sort of inner peace. Ever since the almost break up happened, ive been terrified of losing Dawson, or anyone else. I feel like sometime in the near future, something big and dramatic is going to happen. Usually, id just dismiss the idea, but the idea of something like that terrifies me. I know something big will happen, and I dont know whether its for better or for worse.

I feel like soon I'm going to look back at my "Drawkah" relationship and have some form of regret, whether it may be for making a mistake that could ruin us, or regretting the entire relationship. I don't want him to leave me...he's so much more important than he thinks he is to me currently.  Sometimes I wish I could just tell him how much I care, but honestly I don't know how to put all my feelings into words.

I wish he could stay with me forever, but I know that its not always going to be this way with him. What will I do when I need him the most, but he doesn't need me? Do I still need that form of independance? As some of you may know, I have trust issues, and cws(chronic worrying syndrome). Any decision I could make with Dawson could alter my future at any time and any way. If I screw things up with him, I don't know what I will do.

Song of the Day: Infatuation by Maroon 5

Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: Please don't leave me...I love you even more than I know. I just want to be with you. You're so important, and you mean the world to me.

Almost-Break-Up

Warning: DRAMA POST!!

Something CRAZY happened last night! So let's just get on with what happened!

Dawson and I got into an argument last night.

My problem: He wasn't paying attention to me.
Effect: I told him he was annoying.


His problem: I said he was annoying.
Effect: He hung up on me.

I was full-on pissed off at him last night, and for the first time ever was okay with breaking off our relationship, but I quickly turned that around and was like: OMG i want to stay with him! Apparently, this is the twelfth time that Dawson has considered breaking up with me. I was getting very pissed off at him because I was trying to tell him that my day was horrible, but he just wouldn't listen, and you can imagine how bad that made me feel. He was also singing this song over and over. "I live to win till you die till the blood dries in your eyes" Trust me. You'd get pretty annoyed if you're trying to say something important, and then you get interrupted by THAT each time.

ANYWAYS!

We started to talk on Facebook because he turned in his phone! The argument got bigger and bigger, and as it continued to grow, I started bawling...and THEN...I said something that I even regret saying now!! "so its ur call- r we still a couple?" After a little bit of consideration, he said NO!! Oh my gosh! I started bawling even HARDER!! Over and over I kept thinking what have I done? Can I just restart this day?? I'm such a screw-up!! So then I basically told him that I STILL wanted to be with him! And he said he did too! And then I'm like so there's still a Drawkah? and than he's just like: Give me time to think. After a LONNNNG wait, he finally says You know what baby? I say there's still a Drawkah! Now turn that frown upside down and give me a hug! <3 *hugs*. As you all know, at this point I'm bawling even harder. It's around 11:35ishh and I'm so emotional to the point if something happy happens I'm going to be even more emotional. Either way, I bawled up until 4 a.m. when I finally fell asleep.

What I learned:

Honestly, I feel so much closer to Dawson now.

1. Dawson's more sensitive that he seems.
2. I need to have a higher tolerance level around him.
3. I care for Dawson more than I thought.
4. Your eyes can get swollen shut with tears.

That was possibly the most SCARY experience I've ever had. I thought I had actually lost him. I don't know what he's going to do to make it up to me yet...but I'm seriously going through major depression with this, and I think I just need some sleep. After all, I only got about 3 hours of sleep last night.

Song of the Day: Sad by Maroon 5

Shout-Out of the Day:
James: Okay I know that it seems pretty obvious that I'd choose you for a shout-out on this post, but I just wanted to say that you always seem to be my lucky-charm. As soon as you started replying to me, things with Dawson started to get better. After I said "I feel so alone... :'[ :'[ :'[" to you, Dawson finally replied that he wanted to be together still. If I hadn't talked to you at all, right now I might be single. SCARY. Anyways, thanks EPiCFACER/The Daily Tower/Spike/Jewboy/James!

Resolving Three Lies

Hey everyone! I know it's been kind of a while since I've had a longer post.I just kind of want to apologize, and I hope that you guys missed me. The past week has been quite challenging for me. It's not like anything huge and dramatic has happened to me or anything, but the thing is that I feel that now is the time that I look back at all that has happened so far in my life, and I start to cry about it. It's not that I have some huge "tragic back-story" though. However, like The Daily Tower has stated many times over and over, life can be hard; Life's not always easy. Now I'm not trying to get people to feel sorry for me or anything with this blog post, but do you ever start feeling that if you disappear nobody's going to miss you? Do you ever feel that your life is harder than everyone else's lives? Do you ever stop and think that you're the stupidest person in the world? Well I'm here to tell you that you are NOT right whatsoever!

Lie #1. Nobody will miss you: This is NOT true, and I think you know why. We all have friends and family. We all have that person that secretly has a crush on you, but is to shy to say. We all have at least two people who care for us deeply. God and Jesus Christ love us more than anything.
Lie #2. Your life is the hardest: This is NOT true, there will ever be one person with the hardest life ever. That person is Christ. Christ died for us, and he atoned for our sins. If you ever feel this way, I strongly suggest taking some time to think about the way that he died for us, and that he bled from every pore, he was whipped, he was put up on that cross because it was part of the Plan of Salvation. He did this for us because of his love. Because of the Atonement, we have the ability to repent for all of our wrong doings. Remember, nobody is perfect except Christ himself.
Lie #3. You're the Stupidest:  There is only  a few of people that are truly stupid. Those people are the ones that follow Satan. These people are considered Satan's Children. Satan's Children are, and always will be here on Earth to tempt us, and to convince us to make the wrong decisions. Nobody's stupid except for those who are Satan's Children.

Now a little bit about my life lately. There has been somethings that won't even leave my mind. For example, an experience that I found out about from Dawson about what Isaiah, him, and Chris were talking about. Here. Let me shape this story for you, from the information that I was given. The guys were playing Truth or Dare, and then someone brought up the subject of Bek, me. As a result, they started to say inappropriate things about me, while Dawson was around. Okay? Well who does that? Why would you talk inappropriate about this girl you like while her boyfriend is sitting right there? The worst part about this is Dawson won't tell me anything more on the subject because everyone thinks that he's lying on whatever the extra information might be, so he thinks that everyone's mad at him. However, he seemed to fix it because it looked like everyone was okay with him today!

If you guys keep in touch with The Daily Tower I just happened to have made his new April cover! I'm pretty excited with the way this turned out! Anyways! Check The Daily Tower out sometime. He's a very close friend, if you didn't already know. <3 SUPPORT TO THE SISTER SITE. (don't call him my sister. O_o)

Mmkay so well.. my mp3 is like completely dead. Reino went to Best Buy today to find out what's up with it. Just know that you probably should contact my phone...not my email if you want a relatively quick reply. JUST SAYING.

Oh goodness! I have GOT to talk about what absolutely made my day today! I was sitting in the last seat of the bus, and there were two guys driving behind us, and so I decided to try something different, so I made a heart with my hands! To my surprise, the teenage guy made one back! I flipped out because I was so excited that he did that and that he was paying attention to that! As his car passed the bus, he stuck his hands out of the window again making yet ANOTHER heart! I was so thrilled!! Too bad I don't actually know the kid. However, I kind of want to befriend him after this cool experience! He looked like he goes to my school. Omg.

Song of the Day: Hey Soul Sister by Train
I actually have a special kind of connection with this song. To me, it signifies the kind of love that's fun and sweet. The song shows that he's dedicated to her, and that she's always on his mind. Because she's in his dreams all the time, he always loves to think about her. It's not one of those love songs that's more like a LUV song. If you don't know what a LUV song is, it's about making love, and not loving each other. There's a difference between love and LUV. Know that difference.

Shout-Out of the Day: 
The Guy Who Hearted Me: I hope you and I meet someday! As I said in the other paragraph, it'd be so cool to meet you! You seem really fun and nice from that experience! Seriously! All that I can say to you right now is: We need to meet each other!