Saying Goodbye to Him

It's really hard...going through another Summer without the one I love the most. First Summer I did that was torture, I'd cry all the time, and sit alone in the dark waiting for an e-mail, text, Facebook message, or even a call. That one time he did call, after we had hung up, I always burst out in tears because of how much I missed him. This Summer, hopefully won't be as bad as the last. One reason, his parents don't hate me, and Dawson would do anything to contact me...ANYTHING.

As I said, it's really hard being without him so far. However, I'm not the one who should be saying it's so hard because Dawson is the one who's suffering more than I am. It's really sad when he tells me that he's bawling, and that he misses me like crazy and that he woke up in tears, and continued to bawl. However, it makes me just a little bit satisfied because I know that this is our REAL test...If we can get through 8 months and 10 days of being together, I'm pretty sure we can get through a Summer without seeing each other ever single day. Now that I think about it, it won't be absolutely horrible because when we look at the bright side, Dawson and I will still be able to see each other on occasion. Whether it be a Movie night, hanging out at the park, or having the missionaries come and visit. I understand what Dawson's really thinking about though because he's thinking that something drastic will happen, and it will ruin Drawkah and we won't be able to fix it like we did at the trailer and like we did with simple alone time. My solution: If we truly love each other, we'll be able to get through the Summer.

I find it surprising that I haven't been bawling over him, like I had expected. Obviously last year was full of tears and darkness, so I had completely gone through depression like that. It took Dawson and I like 20 minutes to say goodbye, and during those 20 minutes, we kept saying stuff like: "I'll miss you, I love you, and Kay see ya." The problem with us saying "Kay see ya," or "Goodbye," is that we didn't actually leave for the longest time. We just sat there repeating ourselves, and wiping away tears, and listening to a little bit of Maroon 5, with songs like "How" and "Runaway," which I had to turn off because it was making me want to cry. One of our last kisses was like an "all-in-one" kiss though. It started out with just a peck, then open mouth, then him biting my lip, and me doing the same, and then one with tongue. I expected that to be the last kiss, but then it wasn't because he had kissed me while i was sitting down, and he was standing up, getting ready to run out of there because I told him he had to. I told him to run because he wouldn't be able to see me cry, I won't get the torture of seeing him leave so slowly, and I didn't want to see him crying.

If Drawkah had undergone any other difficult experiences, I'd choose the Almost Break-Up because that one was super major, if you didn't already know. It was so hard, and I think that if we got through that, then we can definitely get through this. I miss him so much already, and it's always hard to say goodbye...but at least we didn't break-up.

Song of the Day: How by Maroon 5

Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: I'm just asking you to stay strong because I know that we can get through this Summer..if we got through The Almost Break Up, then we can get through this, I promise you. It'll all be fine in the end, I think that this Summer will end up making or breaking our relationship. Even more though, I think it will make our relationship stronger knowing that our relationship is more than quality time and physical touch like part of our love languages. However, we have another love language we could obviously use..that we share of course, and that is: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION! It'll all be fine, darling. We'll get through it I promise. It's hard hearing about you crying all the time, and I just want you to know that you won't have to go through what I had to last Summer. I won't leave you alone like he did, even though he didn't mean to. I know what it's like, and I'll try to make this Summer good for you. I love you, sunshine.