Change in the Nostalgic Generation

In the age of a highly nostalgic generation, it's hard to accept change. Change is good though. If we didn't experience change, we couldn't experience nostalgia.

There's something interesting about this nostalgic experience... In Psychology, we refer to this as the positivity bias. This effect refers to how we look back on the past with a positive lens rather than a negative one. This effect is at its strongest within the older generation. It explains why older people often reflect on their childhood as a joyful experience rather than a hard, traumatic experience.

In short, changing allows us to experience opposition between good experiences and bad experiences. In all that we do, we are able to choose our consequences. I, for one, am thankful that we can change. So much good can come from it.

Because of change, we can become better people, and our enemies can become our friends. Because of change, we can grow up, we can move on, and we can overcome anything. It is our ability to change that empowers us to become who we are meant to become. The best part is that we can decide what we are meant to become. We can break the cycle of who we are in order to become who we want to be.

It's easy to want to go back to when things were better, but why not look towards the future with as much fondness as we do the past? Often, I find myself looking forward with dread. As much as I love planning and organization, I stress and stress about upcoming events and tasks instead of focusing on what I can get out of them.

What's the point of doing anything when we dread everything we do, but look back on those same events and want to go back?

We can choose to enjoy the events we experience now.

Change is empowering. If we learn to embrace the power of change, we can look forward with excitement instead of dread. We can grow from the challenges we are presented with instead of being weakened by them. Nostalgia is powerful. If we can find a way to look forward in the same way that we look back on past events, our motivation will increase!

Wired Differently

Well, the year as it stands has been pretty eventful.

I got a life-changing surgery called gastric sleeve. I basically got most of my stomach taken out, leaving me with 20% of what I normally could carry in my tummy. Recovery has been pretty painful, but I'm feeling thankful to finally be making headway.

Truthfully I didn't feel like I could really post about all this for such a long time because I didn't know if ANYBODY would support my decision if I talked about any downsides on here, but I'm so proud of myself, especially since I can post result pictures!

I'm just a pound away from getting under 200 lbs. I'm so excited to be down a few pant sizes too!

Just prior to flying out to Mexico for my surgery, I got to go through the Idaho Falls temple with my best friend. It feels so amazing to say that we are sealed together for time and all eternity. It also feels pretty good to be able to feel like you really belong in the married wards on campus, and to finally feel "more" accepted into our respective families.

I feel like I've learned a lot this year about marriage. Mainly about how as husband and wife, we are wired differently.

Let me rephrase.

Everyone is wired differently.

Just because something is right for someone, doesn't make it right for someone else.

I also learned that one of the biggest things that can heal a relationship is time. Not due to my marriage, but due to the relationships that I've had with friends and family over the years. It seems like with these kinds of relationships, you can hit a rough patch, and be really mad at each other for a long time, but if you're really true friends or good family, you will be able to move on with time and forgiveness.

Since we're wired differently the amount of time it takes to reach forgiveness can definitely vary from relationship to relationship. Christ teaches us that we should forgive our fellow man no matter what, and immediately. Since we're not perfect like he is this can be really hard, but with a lot of will power, faith, and strength of heart, it can be done.

I'm so thankful to be able to return to the blog and write out my feelings when times get hard. I feel that sometimes everyone needs a break, a time where they can just sit back, and take in life as it comes. I feel that my time away from the blog has given me that opportunity while so much was going on in my life.

Summer's End, Capstone Project

I'm putting together this new website for a school project that I'm doing. I think it's a fantastic way to display my testimony through the eight topics that I chose to talk about I figured that I'd share it with all of you before it's finished.

Enjoy!

Capstone Project

Here's a list of quotes that I liked about the Atonement. You can find more quotes about other topics like family, agency, obedience, and more. 

1) “The fundamental principles of our religion (are) the testimony of the apostles and the prophets concerning Jesus Christ, … that he died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended up into heaven; and all other things are only appendages to these which pertain to our religion.” (Smith, Joseph. Elder’s Journal. July 1838)

2) . “Under the Father’s great eternal plan, it is the Savior who suffered. It is the Savior who broke the bands of death. It is the Savior who paid the price for our sins and transgressions and blots them out on condition of our repentance. It is the Savior who delivers us from physical and spiritual death… The Savior’s atoning sacrifice…is best understood and appreciated when we expressly and clearly connect it to Him.” (Nelson, Russell M. “Drawing the Power of Jesus Christ into Our Lives.” General Conference. April 2017.)

3) “Jesus was the only one who could offer such an infinite atonement, since He was born of a mortal mother and an immortal Father. Because of that unique birthright, Jesus was an infinite Being.” (Nelson, Russell M. “The Atonement.” General Conference. October 1996)

4) “The Creation required the Fall. The Fall required the Atonement. The Atonement enabled the purpose of the Creation to be accomplished. Eternal life, made possible by the Atonement, is the supreme purpose of the Creation. To phrase that statement in its negative form, if families were not sealed in holy temples, the whole earth would be utterly wasted.” (Nelson, Russell M. “The Atonement.” General Conference. October 1996)

5) “The Savior has admonished us to become as He is. Thus, following the Lord includes emulating Him. We continue to come to know the Lord as we seek through the power of His Atonement to become like Him. In His mortal ministry, Jesus marked the path, led the way, and set the perfect example.” (Bednar, David A. “If Ye Had Known Me.” General Conference. October 2016.)

6) “The Atonement of Jesus Christ provides the cleanser necessary to be made pure and clean, the soothing salve to heal spiritual wounds and remove guilt, and the protection that enables us to be faithful in times both good and bad.” (Bednar, David A. “Come and See It.” General Conference. October 2014.)

7) “Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, all spirits blessed by birth will ultimately be resurrected, spirit and body reunited, and inherit kingdoms of glory that are superior to our existence here on earth.” (Cook, Quentin L. “Our Father’s Plan—Big Enough for All His Children.” General Conference. April 2009.)

8) “Overcoming the world is not one defining moment in a lifetime, but a lifetime of moments that define an eternity…Praying, repenting, following the Savior, and receiving His grace lead us to better understand why we are here and who we are to become.” (Anderson, Neil L. “Overcoming the World.” General Conference. April 2017.)

9) “The miracle of the Atonement can make up for imperfections in our performance.”  (Stevenson, Gary A. “Your Four Minutes.” General Conference. April 2014.)

10) “You have the Savior of the world on your side. If you seek His help and follow His directions, how can you fail?” (Stevenson, Gary A. “Your Four Minutes.” General Conference. April 2014.)

11) “The Atonement, which can reclaim each one of us, bears no scars. That means that no matter what we have done or where we have been or how something happened, if we truly repent (the Savior) has promised that He would atone. And when He atoned, that settled that… The Atonement can wash clean every stain no matter how difficult or how long or how many times repeated.” (Packer, Boyd K. “The Plan of Happiness.” Ensign. May 2015.)

12) “The miracle of the Atonement can make up for imperfections in our performance.” (Stevenson, Gary A. “Your Four Minutes.” General Conference. April 2014.)

Aside from quotes, I have a position statement/ testimony for each of the eight topics that I talk about in the project. Lastly, I have a personal application project about the Atonement.

Feel free to read up!

Care More

Sorry guys! I know that I haven't posted in a while, but life got kind of crazy, but I didn't really have much to talk about at the same time. Anyways, this month I started a couple of classes for the Summer. They've been really interesting so far. I'm taking Marriage Skills and Teachings of the Living Prophets.

We've been talking about the importance of communication in my marriage skills class, and it's been really interesting to see all the little things that couples are doing wrong. I thought it was intriguing that being defensive is a way to tear your marriage apart because all you're doing is placing the blame on your significant other.Turns out the best way to communicate and resolve your issues with your partner is to strengthen your friendship and truly CARE about one another.

Moral of the story is: Be friends first and foremost and always remember to LISTEN to one another. Because if it's important to them, it should be important to you.

Finally His Mrs.

Well, the married life has definitely been a relief. Jared and I were so done with all of the drama that came along with planning a wedding and pleasing family. Needless to say, there was a lot going on directly beforehand, and a lot of it needed to be sorted out before I could write on the blog again.

So far, marriage has been full of service. I'm not used to having to take care of another person and letting another person take care of me. The closest you could get to marriage without getting married would be a really good friendship with your parents. You cook and clean up for them in hopes that they'll give you a roof to live under, food, and take you fun places.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that your relationship will suffer if you keep score. Thinking back on all that we've done for each other within the last few weeks, I can't really even think of who's the better spouse. We both help each other in different ways, and that's what's needed. I'm so thankful that Jared and I are so different. Because of our differences we are able to help our household in different ways.

Job hunting has definitely been scary. I've gotten rejected a lot, but I'm really hopeful that I might get a job at Maurice's. I went in to check on the status of my application, and the employee working there said she really liked me and then she put my name on her manager's desk saying to look out for my application. I bought a couple things there just to make a good impression, but dang the clothes there are just my style. Not only are they fashionable, but they're also pretty casual!

I'm so thankful that Jared and I don't have to be apart anymore. It's so nice to come home to each other and spend quality time together, whether it be laughing and talking with each other about our days, or binge-watching "How I Met Your Mother" on Netflix. The real motivation behind our actions is that we love each other and want to make each other happy. If we can keep that motivation alive, our relationship can last for time and all eternity.

Calling it Quits.

I came home. I couldn't handle the constant stress that my roommates unfortunately provided. I wish that I could say that they were always supportive and loving. Unfortunately, after reporting my roommate for breaking the honor code, my roommates started to completely ignore me. I couldn't handle that stress; especially when it is in addition to the stress I already was feeling from school, family, and wedding planning. 

I fully acknowledge that I did nothing wrong. However, my roommates are still upset for what I did, and I'm not sure that they'll ever forgive me for being a "bully." But that's okay. I'm just excited to be done with my last group of roommates. It's not like roommates are bad or anything, but there's a burden lifted off of your shoulders when you find out you don't need to deal with them a week earlier than you expected.

I love living in my mom's basement. The bed is so comfy and I feel like I can just hide from the world. I know that there's a world out there ready to meet me, but sometimes I just need to lay down and rest from it. I'm just so tired of the stress and worry surrounding me. It's time to get over that and make it a point to focus on what's soon to be my marriage. I can't worry about what other people think anymore, so I had to take myself out of that position.

It's only a week early, but you'd be surprised how much of a change happened. Not only was I feeling less stressed, but I've been able to catch up on so much sleep and concentrate and pace myself so much better on my homework. I'm able to actually sit back and relax. I nearly have everything packed up for married housing!

It's finals week up here at BYU-I. I'm so ready to be done with this semester. I'm so excited to move in with Jared and start our life together. We're already starting to share money, and it's been an incredible blessing to have him by my side. It stresses him out when we spend so much time together because he's got other things he needs to do, but with the wedding so close and stresses surrounding us, I can't help but need him around more.

I'm so glad that I have a place to stay other than A15. My last week there was full of anxiety and I wasn't sure how I was going to get through the rest of the semester living with those people. I needed a feeling of belonging, and even though I can't really get that when I live at my mom's, I am out of the sense like I don't belong.

Diamond

Here is a poem I wrote for my Personal Achievement class. I turned this in as a Personal Mission Statement, but it came out as a poem of sorts. I guess that's just what my heart wanted for the assignment. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy.

Diamond

by Rebekah Phillips

I am a diamond.

I change under pressure.

If it wasn’t for the worst,

Then could I get better?

If it weren’t for ink,

Could I have changed?

If I weren’t covered in faults,

Could I have been refined?

Through trials and hard places,

I found comfort in familiar faces.

I turned bad into good;

I turned can’t into could.

Starting as coal

Changed due to weather,

I am a diamond.

I change under pressure.

Ready for the Change

Here I am, the semester is almost over! I didn't think I could make it through, but I'm almost finished with my freshman year here in college. I still have 5 more years of schooling to endure, but it's still exciting to be able to take a break until September. Of course I end school in two weeks, but that's still a pretty big deal!

I'm so thankful for the opportunity I've been given to attend school here at BYU-Idaho. It really is wonderful here, but I have to say that the culture is a little scary at first. Just like in high school, you'll meet a ton of hypocrites. Over the past couple semesters I've learned that not everybody bows their head for the prayer and that some students are late to every single class. Respect for the rules is definitely an issue even at religious schools. Overall, I'm most excited to get out of the regular student housing.

Jared and I bought an apartment a couple weeks ago located above the Craze here in Rexburg. We're really excited to move in together. Move in day is just a month away! I can't wait to live with my best friend and not have to wonder about whether or not me and my next roommate will "get along." Marriage is bound to be hard, but I'm ready to go through it all with Jared. He is my strength and I couldn't imagine being married to anybody else. I'm so ready to be with this man for the rest of my life and on through eternity.

Change has always been the scariest thing, but I feel so prepared. I probably feel more prepared for this than anything else in my life. This change is going to be big, but I know that I'll be with the most important person, and that's what matters most. I get a lot of people asking me if I'm scared. I used to be... but I'm over that! I've done my wallowing and I've prayed for help and I've gotten it. Changing can still be for the better. Change never has to be a bad thing. In fact, we should always be striving for change. It helps us to become who we're meant to be.

You're Engaged?!

It's about time I posted this on the blog. My boyfriend proposed to the 25th, and now we're engaged! It's a very very long story, but I know that this is the right thing for us. We've been waiting 2 months to come to this point!

Story Time!

One December night, I got on my knees to say my night prayers. I had nothing specific in mind that I was praying for, but I was given words that weren’t mine while I had prayed. Though I had no intention of asking, I asked for Heavenly Father to let me know what I should do if Jared were to propose before or instead of a mission. As soon as I said amen, I had an overwhelming and immediate answer: Yes. Thinking that this prayer was something hypothetical and didn’t come from God, I kept trying to put it in the back of my mind.

During the first weekend of the semester, and of January, I hung out with Jared. We had a great day, but the prayer kept popping into my head until finally I felt like I couldn’t resist the prompting to tell him what had happened. He was pretty shocked, especially considering this totally went against everything we had planned. We started to make connections between what had happened and the other things that were happening in our lives. I’m taking a class called The Family and another class called the Eternal Family. I had scheduled my Family class for this semester only because I couldn’t get into another class that was in my Graduation Plan. Jared and I both have the Eternal Family as an Institute class in Rigby, which was also unplanned.

Along with connections to my patriarchal blessing and things everywhere that I needed to hear, everything seemed to fall into place. We continued to think and pray as we went through everything. It was all very scary. I remember telling my mom the day after I told Jared and she felt that it was correct because of the past experiences she’s had with my spiritual gifts. She had complete trust in the Lord and support for us through this difficult transition and decision making time. At first, we were very confused as to what everything meant, but as we were led by the Spirit we felt more and more inspired to keep asking and praying for guidance. I was so scared and stressed by the situation that when I was hanging out with my mom, I started crying in the Dollar Tree and puking by the time we got back to my apartment. The entire situation was new, scary, and I didn’t feel ready. But as my Heavenly Father, my mom, and everyone else around me, comforted me and reassured me (regardless of whether or not they knew), I felt like I was given strength.

The hardest part about all of this for me was that I had spent my entire life judging people who got

married so young and people who got married instead of or right after a mission. I even judged people who went to BYU-Idaho because I thought they were only going there to get married. Prayer led me to study at BYU-Idaho and even though I didn’t understand why I had to come to this university, I’ve been able to receive the blessings that were waiting for me here. I feel like this entire experience has been a spiritual slap. I feel terrible for judging people who hadn’t gone on a mission. Though I have a strong testimony that every worthy young priesthood holder should serve a mission, I have an even stronger testimony of personal revelation.

Missionary work is incredibly important and it’s something that everyone can do, regardless of whether or not they’re actually out on a mission. I have had so many missionary opportunities, and had always been told that I would make a great missionary one day. A year or two ago, I prayed about whether or not a mission was right for me and the answer was no. I was confused because I thought that the Lord wanted everyone to serve. But later and through my personal experiences, I found that I am needed here with my friends and family to serve as an example. I have a testimony that anybody can be a missionary, despite not being in the mission field.

I strongly encouraged Jared to pray about a mission after recounting how powerful that experience was for me. He already had felt that a mission was the right thing to do, but I wanted him to solidify that before he rushed into anything. After all, there had to be a reason why he hadn’t left on his mission yet. He has been working so hard, and my family has even given him money so that he could leave. To my knowledge, he prayed and felt that a mission was right and an eternal marriage with me instead of a mission right now was also right. However, the latter was more right in his heart. I found myself hoping, the same day that he had received his answer that his answer would be to stay. The closer I got to the spirit, the more pathetic Satan looked, and the easier I could notice his presence. I continued to get voices in my head telling me that Jared wouldn’t be good enough and physical pressure trying to prevent me from even getting to class. The opposition in the situation helped me to realize that I was in the right and that I was getting stronger.

After a couple of weeks knowing our answer, we approached my father. My father had instilled in me at a very young age that I should marry a return missionary, nothing less. He had also instilled a lot of negative beliefs towards people who got married at a young age and people who got married instead of a mission. Scared out of our wits, we asked for a priesthood blessing from my stepdad before we told him. In that blessing, we were given the words to say and the comfort to know that everything would work out the way it should. In Jared’s, he was told that the Lord was pleased with him. Though my dad had disapproved of my older siblings’ fiancés and straight up told them that they couldn’t get married, he was able to understand and accept Jared and I’s situation. He even said “absolutely!” He still felt that going on a mission would be best for us, but that personal revelation was more important.

My brother, on the other hand, was absolutely against it all. He had returned from mission about three

years ago, and it had helped him to mature and gain an even bigger testimony. He had married his wife just a year ago. It felt that no matter what I would say to him, he just wouldn’t listen and would bring it back to the prophets in saying that every young worthy priesthood holder should serve a mission. Although I agreed with him, personal revelation told us that God had a different plan in mind. Trying to get to the bottom of my decisions, he claimed that I didn’t have any spiritual gifts or a real testimony and that this was a call for attention. After speaking with me, he asked to talk with my mother to try and get her to pull Jared and I out of this situation. My mom told him that she was thoroughly disappointed in him for not believing that I can receive my own personal revelation. He later received a priesthood blessing from his best friend and was able to have a change of heart and perspective. In the end, it just felt like he had to get out of the mindset that I was his little sister that didn’t know anything and get into the mindset that I was still his sister who has still has spiritual experiences, but not the same ones he’s had. 

We’ve set a date (April 29th) and we’ve even started planning the wedding now, and I feel more ready than I’ve ever felt about anything. Though it was scary at first, I was able to become more in tune with the Spirit and what God’s plan is for me. I am 100% confident that he is leading us in the right direction. He knows us and loves us individually and uniquely. My testimony of his love for me is so strong and I know that Satan is after us. As I know that many of our loved ones may not agree with our decisions, I am able to see this situation as an opportunity to bear my testimony.

God’s plan of happiness is real. He knows me, he knows Jared, and he knows all of us and what we need to be happy. God uses his prophets to speak to his people and uses each one of us as a mouthpiece when necessary. Opposition is in all things and helps us to realize and build our strength, both mentally and spiritually. I love my Heavenly Father and he loves me. The Lord’s timing is everything and he knows when we need to hear or experience something. My testimony has been strengthened through this entire experience and I know, even more than I did before, that he has a plan even if it might not be so clear.

Here we are now, engaged. A lot has happened between us from the time that I originally wrote this story-telling, but he has been so strong and I would be selfish and unappreciative to ask for anybody else to call my future husband.

Always My Superman

Life has certainly thrown me into a blender. Not to say that smoothies aren't wonderful, but I've undergone a lot of changes. I feel that I've matured into who God needs me to be right now. I've had a lot of things to figure out over 2017 so far. I'm sure that a lot of people have been saying that, but I know that I'm headed into a brand new direction.

Usually, I try not to do these, but this post is a dedicatory post to my best friend. I fell for him around 2 and a half years ago. I fell for him before I was ever into "Superman." I fell for him when I was at my lowest point and was trying to improve myself to be worthy for such a man to come into my life. Finally, a girl's choice dance popped up. I wasn't going to ask anybody, but then I felt the urge to ask him out. "Will You Be My Superman?" Turns out he liked Batman, but I got a date out of it anyways!

I kept lying to myself then. I kept saying that I liked Superman before I liked Jared and that I only liked Superman because of Smallville on the CW. No. The secret's out. I like Superman because he, to me, is the embodiment of my real-life superhero, Jared. I didn't really know him then. I'm still finding out about his kryptonite, but as time has passed, he becomes more and more like Superman.

After a life time of everyone telling him he was just Clark Kent, I came into his life and saw more. I saw him as he could become, and as he was to me. I saw him as a hero. He would later revive my testimony and my faithfulness in Christ. He would help me at my lowest, and later become my best friend. Time after time, I never thought I could ever measure up to Jared. Finding out that we've been saving each other this entire time is astounding.

Jared was truly the man I prayed for in my life. In each other and in Christ, we are made perfect and whole. Satan will continue to give us reasons to leave each other, but I know in my heart that his soul's worth is great in the sight of our Heavenly Father. For someone, so full of weakness, to be seen as superman, is staggering. But he's been there all along.

We were so lost and then when we found each other, we also found Christ. We didn't realize it at first, and then we looked behind us.

Ja-NEW-ary

I've been trying to do a lot of self-improvement lately. There's been a lot going on that I haven't been able to talk about here on the blog, but I'll just say that I'm going through a lot of transitions. I've had to rely on the Lord pretty heavily lately, but I wouldn't say that's a bad thing. I've come to know and understand God's plan to me a lot better than I did last year. This month has been overwhelmingly hard. The stress of getting things done in this college atmosphere is still prevalent, but not as relevant as the emotions that I've been overcome by.

I have felt the Spirit so strongly this month as I've gone about my studies and my personal life. Through discussions with other church members, my parents, and even my roommates, I've began to see the bigger picture a lot clearer than before. Reality is hitting me, and I'm actually not scared of it. I feel prepared for whatever is to come and I'm hopeful that it's really what I need to come closer to God and become a better person overall.

God has provided me with a few wonderful roommates to help me manage this life transition and rant if needed. I've got people in every class that I can sit and talk to about anything. I've been blessed with the ability to understand how things apply to my life.

I've been seeing connections to things everywhere. There's been things that would appear as coincidences, but I know they're just not. It's like I have been set on this path for a long time and am just now getting to an intersection where I have a big decision to make. I have already decided and confirmed with my Heavenly Father which path would be right for me out of the paths he has laid before me. Time will just be a matter of whether or not I actually go through with those paths.

College is a stressful time in life; especially when you have outside factors affecting your schooling. Life right now is literally eat, study, and sleep. For outside factors to play a role in college it makes grades and understanding suffer because there is so many other things that you could be doing rather than reading a chapter in one of your psychology text books or learning about aspects of photography and science.

Just remember the things that are important. Spend most of your time there.

2016: Now In My Memories

2016 was actually a really great year for me. So many things happened and I feel like I accomplished a lot, despite the drama and the friends that I lost this year.

To start, in February I was involved with the 2016 All-State High school Mixed Choir. I made so many memories and grew overall as a singer because of my experiences there. Using what I had learned from Mr. Rasmussen and Mr. Burrows, I was able to better those around me and learn from others. I met so many new people and added those perceptions to my overall view of our extremely diverse world.

I got accepted to BYU-Idaho and Idaho State University and made a really big decision by turning down Idaho State University, despite it's amazing Psychology program. I had to follow my heart and Heavenly Father and go to BYU-Idaho. I really was looking forward to going to Idaho State, but I'll have to wait 3 and half years to start my Master's degree there. In hindsight I'm incredibly grateful that I chose to come to BYU-Idaho. I know that I was meant to meet the people here in Rexburg, Idaho and that I am being led in the best direction for my future. I didn't think that I'd do that great in higher education, but I ended my first semester (16 credits) with a 3.8 GPA.

I got my driver's license. After overcoming fear after fear about car crashes and becoming an adult, I finally conquered my fear and got my driver's license with a nearly perfect driving score and a 100% on the written test. A month or two after getting my license, I got my first car. It wasn't a new car. "Debra" has been in the family since I was super little. She's had a taste of a few car accidents, too. She's a Honda Civic EX 2000. She's had a lot of work done on her this year, but she fulfills my needs most of the time. 

I graduated high school. I never thought that I'd leave with a high honors (3.9 GPA overall); especially after nearly failing the 7th grade because online schooling was not my forte back then. High school felt like it would never end, and yet it was done and over with in the blink of an eye. So many people were set in my path to both make my life harder and make my life a lot easier. I was able to really connect with so many people. I definitely made lifetime friends in high school. I don't think that very many people can genuinely say that.

I got to see my heroes perform live and go to Comic Con. Coldplay is honestly my favorite band of all time and to see them was a dream come true. I can honestly say that watching them perform at their A Head Full of Dreams tour was the best night of my life. Comic Con was pretty interesting, too. I didn't expect that many shops to be set up, but I loved it. Looking at everything was my favorite part. We only attended two panels, but that's just because we didn't know anybody else who was going to be there that well. I was satisfied.

I moved out even though I didn't expect to move out at all this year. My initial plan was to live in my parent's basement and commute by bus ride to Idaho State University. Of course, I could've driven to BYU-Idaho, but I made an agreement with my mom that I'd try living outside of the house for at least 2 semesters to see how I like it and get the whole college experience. Living with 5 other girls was a big challenge. I didn't like my roommate. I didn't have a problem with anyone else in our apartment though. I think I'll miss living with them. Some of us even went to a rock opera together: "Deep Love." We'd had movie nights, a couple parties, and even just laughed and hung out in our living room. Moving out was quite the experience and I'm excited to see what journeys me and my next roommates will go on.

Progressive Challenges

I'm home for Thanksgiving this weekend, and I must say that I am very glad to have some much needed alone time. You never really appreciate having your own room until you move into an apartment filled with nothing but estrogen. No offense to my roommates, but I like being by myself. A lot. Even though I have this love to be alone, I also love to hang out with my family.

Since I've been home, I've noticed a lot more family problems than I initially thought we had. There's jealousy, accusation, and even mistrust. It starts to worry me a ton and I think it's something that all of us should address while we have the chance to grow closer as a family. Though none of those areas affect my personal life, it's my job as a peacemaker to make sure nothing goes unresolved. Hopefully we can get these family issues taken care of by the end of the year.

2016 has been a pretty eventful year. My brother got married, another step-brother left on a mission, I graduated, and now my step-sister is getting married next weekend. With everything happening, I think it's easy to take little ways to say "I love you" for granted. As a family, we've gotten so caught up in the events themselves that it's hard to concentrate on supporting and loving each other throughout them.

Despite small little family issues popping up, our family has still continued to want to do good for others. Recently, my mom and I gave Jared $1000 for his mission, and Reino paid for two veterans' Thanksgiving Dinners at Chuck-a-Rama that he had just met. My uncle offered to take me, my dad, my brother, and my sister-in-law to Shilo Inn's Buffet for Thanksgiving. These are the events that just happened recently.

Kind efforts are definitely being made, so the fact that issues pop up despite the good we do is a little scary. Believe it or not, karma isn't the driving force of what happens to us. Although it's good to do nice things, doing nice things doesn't prevent the bad things to happen. I feel like the bad things come when we need a challenge to help us progress.

My family is definitely progressing right now. We're all progressing and moving onto our own lives and the challenges that will help us grow into them. It may be hard, but with each other's love and support we can help each other get through it.

Lil Miss Epic's 4th Anniversary: Life Changes and That's OK!

Back in high school (never thought I'd be able to say that,) I thought for sure that I would struggle a ton here. I thought that I wouldn't be able to adjust at all. However, that's quite the opposite of what's happened during my nine weeks here in college. Throughout this week I've been thinking about what I should write about for my blog's fourth anniversary post. I think the most special thing I could write about this year would be the blessings that come with change.

I relied so much on my parents, and I still do but not as much. When I came up here, I was scared that I wouldn't have as close of a relationship with my family back home, but I find that the time away from them has brought me to appreciate them more fully and acknowledge the things they taught me growing up. Some people don't know how to do their own laundry, wash their own dishes, or even sweep the floor. Since I grew up under my parent's instruction, the transition of learning what to do wasn't really that big.

At first I just pretended that I was home alone, but that didn't actually work out well considering I have all of these roommates that are all around me. I was super scared to socialize with them at first because I didn't know if we would get along or hate each other or something. Then, I started pretending that I was on some weird school field trip like the Seattle Music Tour back in early 2015. That didn't exactly work either considering we didn't do any sight-seeing, and I didn't really have any friends up here. I've learned a lot since coming here. I've learned that I need to learn patience and love others just the way they are, regardless of whether or not they have some big issues in their lives that they need to fix. I've learned that change is okay and that it's inevitable. I've also learned that I'd rather have friendship in quality rather than quantity.

I can't imagine my life being any different than it is now. I actually like it here now. I'm used to it, and my apartment feels like home. Sure, my "home life" may not be the best here at college, but it's better than living in a box or living reliant in everything on my parents. College is interesting. You meet new people with the intention of actually being friends, not just because you sit by them. Professors actually treat you like adults. Anyone that's way older than you doesn't treat you any different because we're all in different categories when it comes to our degree. We're different but equal in the sight of others. There's no extreme judgment here, at least none that really comes to mind.

Things have changed for me and that's okay. I'm still the same person. I'm on my way to bigger and better things. I have a plan now and I'm determined to do something with it. Whether or not that plan leads to success or failure depends on my future and where life takes me. All I can do now is be prepared and take a step with faith hoping and praying that I am going in the right direction. Life is different now, but different isn't bad.

A Place To Crash

Wow. There's a lot going on in my life right now. I didn't think anything would happen with my parents when I moved out, but a week or so ago I found out some pretty big news. It's shocking, so take off your socks so that I don't knock them off.

They're actually thinking of moving to somewhere hot during the cold weather. Vegas or Arizona specifically.

At first I thought that they were kidding. I laughed and played it off as a joke when they accidentally mentioned it around me. They keep talking about it. They're actually serious. They even said that me and Jared can have the house when they leave and we need a place to crash during school. It's crazy to think, but I can actually stay in my home ward during my future college life while I'm married.

I keep wondering if this is one of their plans that they never go through with, but they keep bringing up different plans that they have and I'm not sure that I'm ready for them to leave me quite yet. I don't know who all knows what their plan is, but I'm pretty sure it's on the down low. I haven't even told a lot of my friends. I'd be surprised if my siblings knew because they were keeping it from me.

Adulthood hits when life moves on for those around you as you move on with yours. Everything changes. Not even parents stay the same! At least not their location. It just didn't sound anything like something they would consider doing. They say it would only be during the cold months that they would pack up all the dogs and move, but I can honestly see them staying put and not coming back to their little home in Grant.

I feel sad that I have to say goodbye to them, but if it's just during those cold months than when I move back to Grant during my off-track I'll only live alone for 2 months, so I guess it isn't too bad. It also depends on when they plan on packing up and moving. I would have to guess that it's either going to happen around December 2017 or December 2018.

There's A Future Ahead

I don't normally talk about relationships on this blog anymore, but I thought I'd share some of my experiences lately.

As you guys may know, I have been in a relationship with Jared for over a year now, and we're pretty serious about getting married some day. Last night we expressed some concerns about our future, and it helped me realize that I'm an adult now. I could have kids 5 years from now. I could be married to Jared in less than 5 years from now!

In the moment, I felt a little overwhelmed over the plans we were talking about. I was thrilled that he was talking about our future like that. I was so happy that he was actually thinking and talking to me about our future and what we should do now to prepare for that. He was serious for that. It's not like I haven't talked about marriage with a guy before, but I've never talked to one who was genuinely serious about it. I guess that's the difference between a high school relationship and a relationship in the adult world.

We talked about his mission and my classes, and what I needed to do now to ensure that I don't have to go to Pocatello for my Psychology classes. Hopefully things can work out, and we can live in Rigby, so that he can travel to Rexburg for BYU-I, and I can travel to Idaho Falls for ISU. Where would kids fit in with all of that? We discussed that I could be a part-time student while Jared finishes up his schooling, so that I can take care of kids, the apartment/home that we will live in, and work on getting school through my website designing.

After that conversation, I walked up to my apartment feeling shocked. I felt a little excited because it's what I want. But I still felt a little bit overwhelmed. That would be my life in less than a decade. I remember imagining what it would be like to start dating boys, and now I'm sitting here planning on doing everything that I can to raise a kid.

Overall, I'm just stuck deep in thought. I have so many conflicting thoughts about everything. I think it's alright to have your first kid when you're just a college grad (graduating from BYU-I, I would be 22, but if I did full-time at ISU for 2 years, I'd be 24). It's still not very old. I think it's acceptable. However, I don't think it's right to just flat out say that I'm not having kids until I graduate. It's important to have kids. Kids should take priority over everything in life. Sure, we'd need to be financially stable. If we can't support each other, than who says that we can support a baby? I think that having a kid is overall just something that we'd need to pray about together when we're married. I'd rather take that question to the Lord than feel all this doubt and conflicting thoughts.

All I can do now is think about what I need to do to prepare now so that I'll be ready for what's next in my future.

I Believe in Candy Runs

It was 3:40 when we left that day. The school bell just rang, and Tyler and I were exhausted from putting up with all of our teacher’s lectures. We decided it was time to go on a candy run. We had gone on several before, but when we left the high school parking lot we knew that this one was going to be legendary. It was just me, Tyler, and the roaring sound of “Mambo Number 5” by Lou Bega pouring out the windows of her van. It was my turn to use paper money and her turn to use coins, so I pulled out my wallet to reveal how much money we could spend. She pulled out her change and we counted it all up, giving ourselves a spending limit of five dollars. Luckily Broulim’s was right around the corner from our high school, so by the time we had parked we knew what our game plan was going to be. “Get in and get out,” I repeated as we hopped out of our car seats and walked inside.

By the time we got into the candy aisle, we’d always get indecisive as to what we should buy, and start to compromise our spending limit because of all the wonderful choices they had. Bulky candy bags were our favorites because it meant more time together and more candy for the both of us. Sometimes the candy we would grab was super sweet and other times we would grab candy that was rich and filling. What candy we grabbed really depended on what we were going to talk about that day. If one of us needed a rant session or just a good cry, we’d grab the chocolate. If we were planning on talking about how annoying some aspects of our lives were, we’d grab something super sweet or something tangy and sour. I wouldn’t take those calories back for anything. We knew it was super unhealthy to be going on these candy runs, but it was also super healthy for us emotionally.

The candy runs of our senior year are hard to drown out. We spent so much time talking about life, boys, drama, and especially how far we had come since Elementary school. As the sun began to set, we would ponder about the past and congratulate each other on how far we had come in life. The bag of candy would continue to disappear as we shared everything that has happened to us recently and our feelings about it all. The candy tasted so good that we would never want it to run out.

We’d sit and talk in her van all day if we could, but there were times when the candy runs just weren’t going to happen because there was work to be done. Even now, as a college student, I would never take back the candy runs that I spent with my best friend, Tyler. I believe in candy runs. Sharing feelings and life-long dreams with each other made the experience sweet, rich, and most of all, priceless.

False Expectations Led to My Humility

The college life has certainly been nothing I could have expected. I fully expected to have tons of free time and hardly any homework because that's what high school was like by the end of my Senior year. At college, however, you are expected to do pre-class, post-class, homework, and study. It's certainly been a big change to adjust from a Summer with nothing but down-time, to a Fall with none.

My first couple weeks were very stressful. I felt like I couldn't do anything but study and work on all of my homework. I created a task board out of sticky notes and my cork board. I love how useful it is because it feels great to rip a sticky note off of the board by the end of the week and crumple it up because you finished what you were supposed to before the deadline! This task board is my best friend because it's right there in front of my desk, where I always look-- a constant reminder of how much crap I have to do this week.

My worst fears came true. I got lost. Multiple times. That's okay. I found my way back to class and to my apartment. The scariest part was that I was late to my first ever college class and it started at 12:45, so I didn't have a good excuse. My brother was supposed to pick me up for class (like he said he would half an hour before it started) and he never showed up, so eight minutes before class, I rushed out of my apartment and just kind of followed people into the Smith building and someone redirected me to what room I needed to be in. I had no idea where the Smith building even was, so it was super helpful to kind of just end up there.

Classes here expect a lot of you as an individual. Not only do you need to bring your intelligence to the classroom, but you need to bring your life experiences and your testimony. I'm a little shy when you meet me in person, so it's been quite difficult adjusting to these brand new people. In high school it was a lot easier because you at least knew one other person and were able to slightly crawl out of that shell. At college you're supposed to come to class out of your shell. No comfort zones because we're all brothers and sisters here.

At first everything started to go wrong here, but then after I felt the prompting to start a gratitude journal, everything started to go well. I finally started getting more free time and time to visit with friends and family and get ahead on some of my homework. That says a lot about how important it is to ask for help when you can't accomplish something on your own and be grateful for the help that you receive.

Since using my gratitude journal, I've been given a lot more free time, and was able to decide for myself how to use that time to benefit my life. Luckily, I know my limits and was able to use it in the most efficient way for me. I used that time to spend it with my family, my friends, my man, and to get a little ahead on upcoming classes.

Changing Into Cedar

So I'm all moved in at my apartment, and I've met a lot of great people so far. Coming here in the first place was a trial in it of itself because on the drive over, I was crying and having a panic attack, and talking to myself, saying that it would all be okay and that I'd still have a parent with me, my heavenly father would be watching over me. I'd basically be living over at his house if I went to BYU-Idaho. So far, that's what it's felt like. Not trying to say that I don't feel like an adult, but life here is truly centered around Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. You can feel the spirit anywhere, and I haven't even gone to my first day of class.

So many things have happened because they just needed to. This girl that was going to be in a different apartment wanted to be in my apartment with her friend. She complained to the manager, and I basically got asked if I wanted to switch apartments. I'm glad that I wasn't hesitant at all to say yes. I moved in next door to the apartment I was supposed to be in, and I got the last bed available, but quite honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way. I love everything about my side of the room besides the white walls and the uncomfortable bed.

I was so nervous when it came to meeting my roommates, but they've all been very kind. The last girl to actually move in was my section leader in From the Heart choir, so that made me feel like my prayers had been answered a little. I asked for somebody near me that would make me feel a little more comfortable. But honestly, I love everyone here. The other girl in my room loves Rarity, the girl across the hall is just fun to talk to and is with my section leader (who also loves Big Brother) and the two girls in the other room are cool too! One of them loves Coldplay, and attended that concert in Salt Lake. The other girl offered me pizza the first night and is just so sweet. Even though our age differences are very major here in the "Pent-House," we all feel and treat each other the same way.

When we moved all of my stuff in, I wasn't confident on how I was going to arrange everything. My mom and Christen left! I thought they would help me put things away, but it was all up to me, and I think I got it all organized the way I want it.

This evening I was reading my scriptures and I opened up to 2 Nephi 19, but it was referring to Isaiah 9, so I jumped back to that chapter and I came across this verse...

"The bricks are fallen down, but we will build them with hewn stones; the sycamores are cut down, but we will change them into cedars." - Isaiah 9:10

Bek has fallen down. We will build them with hewn stones. We will build her up again, but better. This scripture is extremely important to me right now. I thought that moving out was going to be the hardest thing in the world. I do miss my bed a little bit, but I'm finding a little piece of home here. I'm finding peace. I'm studying with people who share my beliefs and I believe that I'm here for a reason. I'm here to change into a better person through the small little things and the people that I'm surrounding myself with.
It took me a while to realize what this meant and why it was important and why I might be reading it. I began to see the symbolism beneath the objects. The bricks are fallen down.

One thing I've pondered a lot over this weekend is being in the right place at the right time. I read in a class syllabus that we're allowed only 3 tardies because we should always be to class on time. I couldn't help but think about how that might relate to life in general. We say we'll be there on time in the right place, but how often do we find ourselves lollygagging behind the group, or ditching those plans to do something else that is less than beneficial to our overall growth? I feel that right now I'm in the right place at the right time. I feel as though I was meant to be with these people right here and right now. They're here and they're quite honestly an answer to my prayer. A comfort in letting me know that everything is going to be okay.

Adventure of a Lifetime

My stuff. It's all packed up now. I'll move in on Friday. Saying goodbye continues to be strange, but I've learned more about where I'll be living. I know where my room is, and I know who two of my roommates are, and met one of them a week or so ago. I think me and my mom have scraped together enough money to pay for my first semester's rent. I might even have enough to go buy the things I need to move in with on move in day.

It's definitely weird watching all the friends I have that are younger than me go back to school, while I sit on my butt and play video games and design websites. I'm both jealous and entirely not. I'm not jealous because I've already been there, but I'm jealous because they're there with their friends that they get to see every single day. I'm here by myself, trying to make plans that end up falling through.

I'm just glad that I got to experience what I did in the past couple weeks. I got to see my heroes-- Coldplay perform in Salt Lake City on August 31, 2016. 

The part that was perfect about this concert was that I was originally in Row 17, but after "Bishop Briggs" performed (She was amazing, look her up.) I got offered to move up by this kind couple who had friends in another row. We gladly agreed to switch seats. We moved up to Row 5! I was so close to the stage that I could see Coldplay's sweat fall. This concert was the best night ever, and definitely my new happy place, even though this was a once in a lifetime opportunity for me.

That's not all we did that week though, we also went to Comic Con the next day!

Among the Mark Hamil and William Shatner panels, we also went to see all the vendors who were selling everything you could imagine. I was amazed, but there was even a Swan Princess booth, and I got to meet the Executive Producer of the series, Seldon Young. (Swan Princess is my favorite childhood movie, definitely a classic) I got a few photo ops, but definitely a good time. If you ever get the chance to go to Comic Con make sure you go all the days, bring a battery to charge your phone, bring someone you love, bring plenty of money (I only bought two things), and expect to pay a pedicab to bring you back to your car (our feet were so tired afterwards)