My Thoughts Are To Blame

So... lately, my world has been falling apart... Ever since I got sick, things have been crappy for me. But, it wasn't until yesterday night that I realized that we might be falling apart a little bit. It was all just a misunderstanding, and then he asked me... "Do you think we're slowly fading away?" I felt terrible. What was I supposed to respond? I said no, of course, but things just kept getting worse & worse. I started to cry while we were talking on the phone, and I thought it was just because I missed him, but then I gave it more thought, and it was all because I thought he was fading away, and getting out of my reach. I had nightmares that night, and I didn't know what to do, as he told me that he would hurt himself because he hurt me. It ended up with him getting bruised by his older brother, from a requested fight, but it still hurts to see him hurt.

So, I get to school. I see Dawson, and I rush over, hugging him and saying hi... I don't get a hug back, but I just get kind of a quiet "hi." as we walk. He was walking quickly, almost as if he were trying to get out of my reach. I bite my lip as I felt a pit in my stomach. I knew what was coming. We go inside through the side door, and I hold onto his arm, and when I drop my grasp, he walks out another side door. Braxton and I look at each other, wondering what had just happened. I look out of the window, seeing him come through the entrance. He looked so troubled. I didn't even know why he left my side. I walk towards the hall, where he might be...but he just turns around and talks to Isaiah. I turn to Braxton, and I say "I feel like I'm gonna cry." I just started bawling before I even got all the way into the hallway. I clung to Braxton... at that moment he was my only friend. I felt so alone... like nobody even cared, but him. That's when I decided my friendship with Braxton is important, and that I can trust him. He was there for me, and there's probably no way that I could ever repay him.

Seeing me crying on Braxton's shoulder, Dawson ditches his friends just to see me. He just sort of walks by me, and when I knew he was actually going to stick around and walk with us... I clung to him tightly, as I got looks from the people in the hallway. Everyone saw me... Everyone saw me at my lowest point, clinging to him. People had their suspicions, but I didn't want to say why...I just kept saying that I didn't know why I was bawling, but that's not true. I did know. I was hurt... because it seemed like I was getting avoided by the one I love most. It was almost like he didn't need me, but here I was the second he leaves my side, in full-blown tears.

We got to my first hour... Algebra. There was a test, and I was one of the first to walk into the class. The three people that had came in before me, stared as I cried and cried and cried, and tried to stop myself. Keely came to my aid, with some tissues, and a hug. I knew she was concerned, and that she'd be there for me. I knew a lot of people were concerned. I hadn't been in tears like that in public since around the beginning of Freshman year. I sit there, and I do my test, fighting back all the tears and thoughts of him leaving. The bell rings, after a long time of thought and silence.

I see him... He's there, rushing to my aid. Making sure I'm okay, and caring for me...Worrying about me. I shook...as I imagined what It'd be like if he didn't care.. I clung to his arm, squeezing tighter with every bad thought to come to my mind. I felt very clingy, and unnecessary to him, I felt like I was just there...like a nobody, but like a crybaby. We walk down to get a drink, and he talks to Linsey. I blush as I get that drink. As you all know... I get very jealous of her. They didn't say much, it was more of just a hi, but what if it was like that in the future in our high school. I go down to get a drink, and there they are.. talking.. laughing.. having a good time.. being happy. I knew it was just too scary... We walk up the stairs, and I cling tight to him, and we go up to talk to some of our friends. Bridger, Kellsie, and Juan. I didn't pay attention to a word that was said, really. I was too distracted by all my thoughts. I cling tight to him, and walk away from them...as they say bye, I don't say a word.

I pull Dawson behind the hall, where less people will see us, but it will still be a little bit too crowded for the comfort of my tears. I look at him, and sit down, and he asks what's wrong, and I just start crying again, bawling... There it was again, I need him. He thought I was going to break up with him because I pulled him aside right after Bridger said something about being dumped, apparently. I didn't time it right, I guess... .but I wasn't even listening anyways. For this entire day, I had my thoughts to blame...

The rest of the day was tiring, almost every time I thought about what had happened, I sat and fought back tears. Even writing this blog-post, I had a hard time... I was bawling within the first paragraph. If you didn't get the point of this post, it was said a while back. I'll say it again... Forgiveness of a friend will repay you big time.. Friendship really is worth fighting for, and if you give them a chance, they can be there for you when you need them most. Forgiveness of a partner can be hard sometimes too though. The reason I can forgive him so easily is because I love him unconditionally. It doesn't matter what he does, I'll always be in love with him. That's the truest form of love, in all honesty. Forgiving and Forgetting doesn't exist. You can always forgive, but almost never forget. I believe in giving multiple chances, because that's what we all deserve. If nobody ever got a second chance, there'd be no couples on this earth, no friendships, and everyone would have trouble trusting anybody. Some of the longest friendships would probably last a month, and then crash and burn, but with multiple chances, we can have forever love...and forever friendship. Remember that.

Pegasister Sick at Home

I don't know if I've ever told you guys this, but I get home sick very easily. If I don't have enough time at home, with time to relax, I flip out, and break out sick. Today, I've been much better though, because I've stayed at home all day today, with the exception of a drive at 4 o'clock today. If you've been wondering where I disappeared to, just know that I'm home with a very well deserved break. Everybody kept telling me to stay home, so it's a good thing that I'm not there today.

Anyways, as I've been sitting here sick, I've found a couple of ways to entertain myself. First of all, I was finally going to finish Kingdom Hearts, but to my discovery, the Truemans took their PlayStation 2 back to St. Anthony, so that was out of the deal. Braxton suggested watching the ending on YouTube, and coming over to his house and playing the next game in the series. It was so nice of him, that I might just go ahead, and do that! Anyways, I got on YouTube to watch the ending, when I noticed... Brony updates...EVERYWHERE. As you all know, I'm a proud pegasister, and I love to participate in watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and watching analyzing videos and Pony Music. So, let's just give you a little bit of a set up of some things that I watched. (NOT IN ORDER)

And, finally! Our song of the day!!

LiL EPiC Song of the Day: Proud to be a Brony by BlackGryph0n

September Dreams Come True

WARNING: This post will be in fact, very long, and very detailed, so prepare to read yourselves a STORY. I do apologize ahead of time to anybody who believes I'm being rude within this post, or bragging about what a good time I've had. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the contents of this post.
-Lil Miss Epic

Yeah, so both my anniversary and homecoming was a dream come true, aside the fact of a few minor details.

Drawkah's Anniversary:

Alright, so here's how it all went down. At the beginning of school, he gave me a Mountain Dew Voltage. He knows that I always love a good Voltage, and so I drank it all within 3 days, because I'm not a huge fan of soda. Anyways, we went on with our lives, until we got to lunch, when basically we were gonna celebrate it because that was one of the only times we get to be with each other, aside from 5 minute breaks. Anyways, we go outside, and walk a little bit, and then we sit down. What I did for Dawson on our anniversary, is I wrote a song meant for him to hear. It included, in the lyrics the names of songs that are in our Drawkah playlist that I gave to him for Christmas. Anyways, he ended up loving it. I had written the song in a time frame of maybe 2 hours, total. It was difficult to write a song that quick, but I'm sure he liked it mostly for the fact that he got to hear me sing about how much I love him. Anyways, it was all just very great for the two of us. However, our anniversary was not only about Drawkah.

The day was about the Homecoming game here at our new high school! Nearly everybody was wanting to go to it! It was very exciting and eccentric. In the excitement of the game, after the parade, we walked around town a bit, and ran into none other than, Jamlia! In case you didn't know, but Jamlia is the lovely couple known as James & Julia. James, the owner of The Daily Tower, looked so happy to be with her, and Dawson and I could tell that she felt the same.

Anyways, Reino, my step-dad, eventually comes to pick me up, and gives me some money to spend on the game if Dawson ends up not paying. Him and I basically talk about responsibility and how much he actually trusts me. It was so amazing that he just flat-out TRUSTS me. He told me all of the things that I wouldn't be allowed to do if he thought I wasn't responsible and he didn't trust me. It was then that i realized, I have a lot of freedom in my life! I began to be very thankful of all the things my parents have done to bring me up the way they did, and have been doing. I've become a very responsible young woman that they can be proud of. I love all my parents, and have a lot of respect for each one of them. To them, I'd love to flat-out say Thanks.

So, Reino drops me off at the high-school so that I can be with my friends again, and we all pretty much hang out. James' mom comes in, and then I start to freak out, knowing that she doesn't like me or Julia at all. I felt SO bad for her! It almost was like James' mom was hovering over him at every second in time! I don't blame his mom all that much though. After all, James is the youngest, and the baby of the family, and he deserves to get all that motherly protection. James comes over to talk to Julia, and she, being sad about his mother not liking her, basically says Go away to James. Hurt by what she said, he walks away, and Dawson and I make a connection through eye contact that he'll talk to James, and I'll talk to Julia. All me and Julia basically talked about was the fact that his mom was super protective. When I say protective, I mean SUPER. I remember that the reason Jakeah(James&Me) broke up was because his family doesn't like me. I told her my experience with his family, and we established that we could totally relate. With Dawson and James, all that was established was that Julia cares and that she was there to help, and that James didn't even want to talk at that moment. Telling Julia to go, Dawson and I sat there waiting for them to make-up, and discussing what would happen if they didn't. I had to go over to her, and hug her because I saw her crying in a corner, and then she went up the stairs to talk to him, as he sat with another girl talking. They both looked sad as Dawson and I climbed the stairs.

It was weird... We noticed Chelsea(The Scootalooser) and this other guy, Louie were holding hands a day or two after Chelsea had just become single. Of course, she was the one who broke it off, but she was going around bragging that she was "#livinthesinglelife" Anyways, I sat with them a bit, and when we all went downstairs I remembered the twentieth of twenty-twelve. Chelsea had gone up to Dawson, and said "Do me a favor, and kiss Bek." Then, running over to me, she said "Do me a favor, and kiss Dawson." In high hopes of accomplishment, I run to Louie, and whisper "Do me a favor, and kiss Chelsea." as he blushes. I run over to Chelsea, and whisper "Do me a favor, and kiss Louie" and out loud, she says "okay" and I just laugh. Louie comes up to me basically saying he needs mints, and so he gets the keys from Chelsea, goes the wrong way, comes back out the other door, and discovers Chelsea ATE all the mints. Anyways, they both end up kissing. I won't say her opinion on it, because I'm sworn to secrecy, and it's her story to tell. Let's just say that it was her first kiss.

Looking over at Jamlia, I realize that James is gone, and when he finally walks in, I run up to give him a hug, and as I'm hugging him, he looks broken down... He had just talked to his mother, and it looked like things weren't going so well. He had that same look in his eye, the look that said "I have to break up with her." The same look that he gave me when he pulled me aside to explain that his parents were forcing him to dump me. I didn't know what to do, as he went over to her, and they just sat there, speaking with words that we all couldn't hear. Drawkah fell to the floor, just sitting, and looking at what all had just happened. On one side, we had Jamlia, with the possibility of coming to an end. On the other side, we had Lousea coming to a start. Trying to make the best of things, I basically tell Louie to ask out Chelsea, and he got all sweaty. I told him to go wash off the sweat so that he could feel comfortable asking. I never really saw them together after that, but all I know is that their happy beginning has just started, and they're now a couple. I never really found out exactly what happened that day with Jamlia, other than they are still together. Hopefully, TDT will fill us in with that information, or else it's just better not to know.

Anyway, we get to the game, and Rigby won against Skyline. We literally beat the crap out of them. Within the last 8 minutes of the 4th quarter, me and Dawson decided to leave the field before it got too crowded. Overall, the game was just kinda... boring. Drawkah doesn't even like sports, but we just went cuz we thought we could spend some more time together on our 1 year anniversary. We kissed goodbye, and then I went home to get rest for the next day to come.

Homecoming:

Homecoming! What a day it was, it was so fun! It was the best night ever! I get to Julia's for the hangout and Jamlia and Drawkah had a fun time complete with tickle fights, cuddling, wrestling within couples, and the couple jar, which asks just random questions mostly about your partner. Anyways, I had fun except for the fact, I'd see Jamlia cuddling, while my boyfriend is behind the couch, texting and refusing to move. He was constantly texting during the entire time we were there. I was sick of it, and when he tried to cuddle, and asked me what was wrong, I wanted to cry. I felt like he thought there was better things to do than sit with me and spend time with me. He was texting his guy friends instead of spending time with me. I just wanted to go home, and not even go to the dance, I was so upset.

When it came to getting ready, I took a quick shower, and put on my clothes, and blow-dried my hair so that it was okay when he got to my house. I put on my makeup, a necklace, and earrings, and my boots, and I was ready to go! He came to the door, knocked, and I came to answer it, and it was both Jason and Dawson. In case you didn't know, Jason is Dawson's step-dad. He asked me if my folks were home, and I called Reino over to come talk with us. Long story, short. His step-dad thought I looked lovely, and would love to have me over for dinner sometime. I looked at my boyfriend. He had a grey shirt that matched my dress, grey jeans, and then when it came to his shoes... He had bright blue tennis shoes with florescent orange laces. My eyes widened, as I thought "Oh my gosh...That's ridiculous." It was honestly like those shoes are attached to him wherever he goes. When my step-dad noticed, he immediately went in to get him some boots. He put on the boots, and he actually looked pretty good in boots. I liked it.

We had 2 hours to kill before we were going to head over for the dance. I complimented him, and Reino suggested us watching a movie. I thought for a second, and then suggested Aladdin Aladdin being my top Disney favorite, and on my bucket list to watch with my lover. We got it to play on the Blu-Ray player. I wanted him to give me his phone so that we could put it on the charger. I gave him my phone, and said "Here, this is what you can use if you still want to text Gav." I was so pleased by his response, he said that he was sorry for what he did to me earlier that day, and that he should've just taken that time to spend with me instead, and that he won't text when he's with me. Because of that, and it was Aladdin, I was so happy throughout the entire movie. We both loved watching Aladdin with each other. It was so fun! It was probably one of my highlights of the entire night. It was awesome! We took pictures, and then decided to go to that dance.

When Dawson and I got there, we noticed how well of a job they did decorating it. They had a red carpet, and stars on the ground, because after all, the theme was Hollywood! Not a lot of people came because it was $20 a ticket for couples, and it was too expensive for most people. Drawkah met up with Jamlia, who looked lively and well, and we danced whenever music came on, and had a great time. We heard that Sienna was getting her pictures taken, and we ran over to see her come out of the band room. She looked MARVELOUS. Her hair was now maroon and her dress was matching, she was so pretty! It was probably my second favorite part of the night. Definitely a highlight. She was probably the prettiest one there, and I'm sure others would agree.

Sienna was probably the most important person at that dance. She was there taking pictures of everyone having fun! Let me tell you, it was so inspiring to see her taking pictures of all these people and their date, and saying that she had THE BEST TIME. If Sienna weren't there, a lot of the amazing things that happened that night, with pictures to prove it, wouldn't be here to remember. So, I'd just like to say, Sienna is AMAZING. I love her! Thanks for all the fun!

Pictures!! Pictures played a major role in this entire night of fun!! So, here! Have fun looking!

 "Lil" Song of the Days: Rarity's Big Night Mashup

"EPiC" Shout-Outs of the Days: 
My parents:

I have a lot of freedom in my life! I began to be very thankful of all the things my parents have done to bring me up the way they did, and have been doing. I've become a very responsible young woman that they can be proud of. I love all my parents, and have a lot of respect for each one of them. To them, I'd love to flat-out say Thanks.
Sienna:
Sienna was probably the most important person at that dance. She was there taking pictures of everyone having fun! Let me tell you, it was so inspiring to see her taking pictures of all these people and their date, and saying that she had THE BEST TIME. If Sienna weren't there, a lot of the amazing things that happened that night, with pictures to prove it, wouldn't be here to remember. So, I'd just like to say, Sienna is AMAZING. I love her! Thanks for all the fun!

Within the Next Two Days

Yeah, so... Tomorrow's Drawkah's anniversary! I'm so excited! Except for one thing. I don't know if Dawson'll love my gift or not. However, it doesn't really matter because as he always says, it's the thought that counts! I love him to death, and I can't wait for the next two days to come because tomorrow is homecoming game and homecoming DANCE. We're going to both, of course. I'm so psyched. I won't have any time to blog during the next two days, so just keep your eyes open on the 22nd, I may be able to post on that day.

Anyways, yeah. It's been great lately. Driver's Ed, yeah... That's going okay too. I just had my first drive today, so look out, Bek's on the road! I'm not all that confident with driving, I'm really paranoid and scared about doing it because there's all these things that you have to do, and it freaks me out. My days since Driver's Ed started on Monday this week have been really long. That's okay as long as I'm getting things done, though. I hardly have any free time, but when I do have free time, I'm just trying to relax, as best I can. Speaking of which, I need to hop on that finale of Big Brother! I have a lot of stuff to do, and to keep me occupied. Looks like I'm not going to be bored for a while!

Anyway, yesterday was Superhero day and I went as Link, and Dawson thought I looked great, and so did a lot of other people. Here, have a looksie! I had so much fun!

"LiL" Song of the Day: Popular Song by Ariana Grande

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:
TDT: Hey, sister site! We're gonna do a combined blogpost on Homecoming and stuff, and I'm gonna add deets about my life as well, hope you do the same. If you do, I'll "link" your blog to mine on that Homecoming post!

Thanks, It's Been Tough

So... Yeah. I've been having kind of a hard time lately, but some of my friends have been trying their absolute hardest to pull through, and are really being a true inspiration to me. So, as a shout-out to me, Lil Miss Epic, Gabby wrote this:

Hey Bek! First off I really sincerely hope you get this message because I tried to do it in your blog and it didn't work, but no worries! Anyway I just wanted to say that I really love your blog, its really fun to see what happens in your life, and to see you talk about all the good things even though I may not talk to you or the hyper peeps much (which I seriously like to change, it always seems that you guys are so busy that I don't have a chance to talk to you, but I also guess its up to me to have a good attitude on things and just do it). You know a while back I really considered starting a blog myself (your blog "inspired" me, if you will) I personally think it would be a ton of fun, although I know it would also be a ton of work, but I know I can do it. I thought if I were to do one you could help me get started! I think it would be an amazing experience for both of us! I would also really appreciate it! Anyway just thought I'd tell you some of that! I really want to say that I consider you a true, true friend, a beautiful girl, and a person I can rely on! I also hope you truly realize that I am a good friend as well and that I'll always be here to help you , if you ever need me, because I will (don't you take it for granted sweetheart). Love you so much sis! I can't imagine loosing you or any of the hyper peeps! Love you sis! <3
First of all, my comment on this is, of course, I love to receive fan-mail like this about my blog. It makes me feel so much better about myself, and what I'm doing to somehow help out in the world. Showing my appreciation to those of you who would like to fan-mail me, I would love to post it here on my blog to show you all that I appreciate the support you've been giving me over this past year. It helps me get through life, it really does. Thank you so much.

Yeah, today at school was Twin-day if you haven't noticed, so Dawson picked out our outfits, and we went to school wearing the same clothes. Oh, how typical of us. Yay for Drawkah, nonetheless!

Anyways, updates on Drawkah... Ever since that homecoming ask, I've felt so much more close to Dawson. Believe it or not, this picture off to the left, was taken off guard because we had put it on a timer hoping for a kiss pic and had totally forgot about it. Anyways, it turned out cute, so yeah.

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day: 

Dawson: You give me so much confidence, and you're like the only one I'm completely myself around. You know me better than anybody else ever could. The bond we have is so strong, and I hope to never lose it. I love you so much, and I wish to never lose you.

LiL Song of the Day: I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

Just Kiss Me

Dawson and I went outside yesterday, and we were sitting there and I was eating something and he said something in French that I didn't really get, or understand. Turns out, the last word was "moi" which means me in French. Since Homecoming is soon at our school, I thought about it while I chewed my food. My eyes widened a bit, and then I processed it, and told him: Sure! It took him a bit to process that the sure was just said for Homecoming. We kissed a little, celebrating the fact that we're going to go together. Of course for us, it wouldn't be a date. We were going to go with the Hyper Peeps, which consists of Drawkah, Jamlia, Mary, and Gabby. Knowing that James had already asked Julia, I decided that I needed to ask the rest of the hyper peeps to go with us. Our plan was complete... Mission, get the Hyper Peeps in one place at one time, was now in action!

Later, the same day, I was waiting for Will to come pick me up from school, and Dawson found a place to sit and we started playing and teasing with each other. At one point, he said "Guess what!" and I said what? expecting him to kiss me or something, and the next thing I know, Dawson licked my cheek like a dog. It was so funny and gross, that I did it back, then after we finish laughing, we kiss... At that very moment, I felt like he wanted me more than ever before. We made use of all of our inside jokes, and grew closer. I opened up more to him, and he opened up more to me. You all know that I have trust issues? Yeah, well I trust Dawson completely. When Will pulled up, I had my jacket backwards so I could put my hood over my face, and I had Dawson walk with me to Will's car. It was so funny, and I'm pretty sure that Will was thinking: What the heck? I was probably walking like I was drunk! We kiss goodbye, and I find myself neglecting text messages because I'm too caught up in my thoughts about him.

Today, I decided to show him my back up plan for if he had never asked, and if it was all up to me. I wrote him a poem, a sappy poem at that. I was shaking a little, and blushing as he stared at me. Here it is:









You'll always be my best friend and my lover.
You're the best song ever, wanna hear the cover?

You're amazing, you've captured my heart.
There's no way we could ever part.
You've been the one right from the start.
Don't ever leave me, I would instantly fall apart.

You're the answer to my prayers, you're the figure in my dreams,
I know now how truly unreal all this seems.

This question's been on my mind, I know that it's kind of stunning.
Take my hand now, shall we go to homecoming?



As I say homecoming, I look up and smile at him, and he looks back for a bit, and I ask him if he will, and he says yes. Of course I already knew the answer, but I was happy to know that he wanted it too. I love Dawson so much, and I was happy that I could tell him, in person, how much he means to me.

LiL Song of the Day: Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day:
Jamlia: Hey guys, I just wanted to say that your picture on Facebook of you two love birds kissing, was fantastic. I'm so happy for you two.

Conquering Stage Freight

I go up to the front of the room, with confidence in my steps as the class cheers me on. I look up to all the people that I'll be singing to. "Hi, my name's Rebekah Phillips and I will be singing The Star Spangled Banner." I said, confidently. I start to sing, and it went amazingly, and just the way that I practice when I'm alone, and singing the way I do when nobody else is around. My true voice was coming out, but without all the voice tricks and showing off, as others would do. I get to the halfway mark, and I slightly look up to see all of their faces staring at me, intently, and I quickly looked back down at the stand with the words on it. I start to shake, as I get a weird vibrato going on. I tried to make it stop, and I was so nervous. When I hit the line "Gave proof through the night," I regained my focus, and had almost stopped shaking. I smiled as I sang the rest of the song, and my voice echoed across the room. "And the home of the brave." I sang, as I thought: Bek that was brave... The class cheered for me, and clapped enthusiastically. I got looks such as "Wow, I didn't know you could do that!", "Good job!" and "That was amazing, Bek!" I was actually proud of myself. I turn around in my seat, and Mr. Burrows smiles and nods at me, symbolizing the words "Bek, that was amazing." I did it... I conquered my fear of stage freight, once more. I can do this.

Song of the Day: Star Spangled Banner


Shout-Out of the Day:
Gavin and Dawson: Stay strong you guys, you know I'm here for you guys no matter what happens. You're the best guys I could ask for! Dawson, as your girlfriend, I promise to never leave your side or cheat on you, or betray you in any way. Gavin, as your sister, I promise to help you as best I can, talk to you when I can, and be there for you always.

Hey guys, it's kinda my 90th post, and I wanted to celebrate it with you guys! Go like my Facebook page?

I Can't Reach You...

He's sad and hurt. Where did we go wrong? He says I didn't do anything wrong, but yet he writes over & over I'm dying inside knowing that I probably hurt her. What could all of this mean? I'm super thankful that Dallon told me what happened with all of this seriousness about technology and all. Thing is, I'm really worried about him. Every minute of every day he's on my mind and it makes me wonder what can I do to help him? He's just fine when we're in person, but when I'm gone it seems like his world just collapses onto him and he needs me ten times as much. I can't talk to him. It's not that he's not able to, but that he's ditching technology and actual speech. I know what happened, but I still continue to wonder. Is that all that's wrong? The loss of his father, and of Gavin's grandma was of course hard on both of them. Dallon tells me that he does this every year, but it's never been this bad before. He's falling apart, but what can I do?

Dawson's been sad all week, nonstop. Am I just making everything worse? Am I even helping him? What do I do? I've been so selfish, wanting him to do things for me and wanting him to do what I want. What about what he wants from me? What can I do to cheer him up if I can't even talk to him? He can't even see what I'm saying right now, and that's hard. I need him, and he needs me. I hope he's praying silently for strength. I just hope that he will be okay. I hope he doesn't cut or hurt himself over depression. If he did, or he has already, I'm still going to stand by and support him, but if he commits suicide, I just don't know what I'd even do anymore. I love him so much and the fact that he's being like this makes me want to go anti-social and bawl and stare at my phone until he texts. I know it's not the happiest thing to do, but it's what I feel like.

When he falls apart, I fall apart. When he's sad, I'm sad. I've tried making him happy, but I guess the best thing that I can do is just cry with him and for him. Dawson, if you're reading this... I love you.

Lil Song of the Day: Always for You by The Lighthouse and The Whaler

Epic Shout-Out of the Day:
James: What do I do? I'm so lost right now. Dallon says this is the worst it's ever been, and I want to help but I just can't... I can't...get to him. I can't reach out and touch him. I'm scared.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Hello everyone, It's September... In my opinion, one of the hardest months to go through, yet very long awaited. It's hard for me for very personal reasons. It's one of those months where you just want to cry all day long, and wonder why life is so bad. It's the month I go back to school, and get stressed out all over again. But at the same time, it's the month that me and the love of my life, Dawson got together. On September 20th, Drawkah will have it's 1 year anniversary. I'm so excited, and I didn't really think we'd get this far, but here we are, still together after one year of crushing, and another following with loving. September, it's great but not great.

So, feedback on how I've been doing? Not so great, I've been super stressed lately, and when I had registration I got stressed on how school's going to be like. I had things running through my head like: What am I gonna do? Please don't let me get lost. Then I realized all that I need to do is pray, and find buddies that are in the same classes as me. For example, my friend Hailey is in my first three classes. Now all I need to do is find a buddy that's in both my 4th and 5th hour. Let's hope that I can do that.

This post isn't very inspiring, I know. There's not much to say though, so I guess this was just an update on life. Sorry, guys. I don't really have inspiring words, today.

"LiL" Song of the Day: Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

No shoutouts.

I'm Still Here

I'd like to take a moment to thank my 7 followers. Every time I look at that list and see all of your names, I can't help but think that you all really care about all of my daily-drama. Have the dailies here first.

"Lil" Song of the Day: Free Fallin' by John Mayer

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: You know that I write about you a lot on here, and I just wanted to sit here and thank you for everything that you've done for me. I don't care whether it's big or small, I still care that you care for me. I really appreciate that you've been here for me. I know that our drama gets overwhelmingly difficult, but I know that through all that we've been through, we can get through anything. Thank you for truly inspiring me, even if you think that you haven't done much. You treat me like a princess. Again, thank you.

Thank you to everyone, from just reading my blog to commenting on it, or liking on it. It inspires me to be better, and try to be a better person. I'm trying to quit some of my bad habits because I honestly don't want you all to end up repeating some of the mistakes that I end up making. Life is all about learning, and I want you all to be inspired to try your best. I'm not the best example of people to follow, and strive to be like, but I'm trying harder to be that person and example. How great would it be if people came to you and said something like "Hey, I just really wanted to tell you how much you inspire me, and you make me want to be a better person. Thank you for everything." When you guys tell me stuff like that, it makes me love what I do even more. I'm so glad that I started this blog, and I had to thank Dawson on this post about being thankful for where I am because he's been with me ever since I got this blog. It's people like him that make other people want to be better. From the point of either wanting to help them out, or striving to be like them. I see all the experiences that Dawson has been through, and I feel the obligation to help him, because I know that he wants to help me too. Thank you everyone for reading my blog. This isn't the last you'll hear from me.

Building Dedication

Alright! My boyfriend's leaving to Burley for 3-4 days, and I just have to say that I'm going to miss him a bunch! I know that lately I haven't talked much about the wonderful relationship of Drawkah, but I guess it's good to have a break from that every once in a while here on Lil Miss Epic. Anyways, today is the magnificent event of the Building Dedication for our new school, and the Troylairs get to go up and sing The Star Spangled Banner, and we'll welcome those who have participated in Rigby Choirs before to help us all sing it. If you know anybody who's participated in our choirs, the event starts at 6 TONIGHT. If you yourself are a Troylair, you need to come at 5 so that we can practice. I wish everyone luck in participating in this event.

[Part of this blogpost has been removed due to Bek feeling bad about it. Since the rest of this blog was pretty dang decent, we'll leave it up, and just change the title from So Dependent to Building Dedication]

"LiL" Song of the Day: 100 Years by Five for Fighting
This song has grown deep in the bond with me and my brother, this song is truly our song, and every chance we get, and when we bond, we sing this together acoustically  and it's truly beautiful. Our voices match, and it sounds magnificent with the sound of his strumming guitar. I miss you, Jordan.

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day: 
James: I know you know that I know what it's like to be separated by the ones we love. I'm talking about Jamlia, Drawkah, and our siblings out on their mission. I know that we miss them all dearly, but the truly amazing thing is that we can look forward to seeing them again, and reminisce in the feeling of what it's like to be around them again. Don't feel lonely and all alone because you really aren't. What you and I tend to end up doing is realize that the ones we love most are gone, and then we miss them so much that we forget that there's other people out there to spend our time with. For example, when you and I are sad about Julia and Dawson, what we sometimes don't realize is that we can cure our loneliness by talking to each other, and making the best out of it! Please don't feel alone, I care about you, and I care about your feelings, and I hope that this has helped, and possibly inspired you. 

Sticking Up For Others

Going about my daily life, I noticed that one of my friends was picking on another one of my friends, and I felt like it was my responsibility to step in and say what I believe is right. To give you a little bit more on the situation before we start, let's just say that the girl broke up with the guy, but they only went out because the girl was dared to by one of her friends. Let's look to Facebook once again for what happened!
Rebekah: "I'm the one who told Bridger about this, and he was really mad and upset. It's just not even cool... Don't date people out of dares, whoever dared you shouldn't be messing with peoples love lives. I had to help him through that experience and let me tell ya, he was devastated. We've all been hurt, and how would you feel if you were played by some person who didn't want to date you in the first place when you thought there was something there? Treat others how you would like to be treated."

Marie:True, and Rebekah when i tell the guy over 3 times he should know
Rebekah: That is true, but I must say this: It's not a reason to completely ditch someone. Did you thoroughly explain why you don't like him? Maybe he just didn't understand. I'm not trying to blame this situation on you, but we all need to be better and consider the other person's situation and feelings.
Bridger: Thank you to everyone who can see through the untruths that have been said about me

Phebe: Bridger. Know I havent always been the nicest person but like I said I don't think what happend was fair. I will repeat your not a worthless joke and you don't need to be treated like one. I'm sorry to hear about what happend

Bridger: Thank you so much for your support.

Rebekah: You're a great person, Bridger. I hope you can move on, and hopefully someday forgive Marie for what she did to you.

After dealing with all of that post and stuff, I got up this morning and checked my Facebook and was surprised that Bridger's mom had actually contacted me to thank me for what I had done! Let's look to Facebook again to see what was said!


Amy: Rebekah, this is Bridger's mother. My name is Amy, and you are an angel! I read your post through Bridger's Facebook and I appreciate that you are mature enough to stand up for my son and not believe all those comments said about him by a certain young lady. Bridger has Aspergers Syndrome and does tend to get obsessive about things occasionally. But he is a good person and I've tried to teach him the proper way to treat a girl. He's learning and growing and maturing just like everyone else your age and he deserves to be treated with respect. Thank you for doing just that! You're a good girl!

Sincerely, Amy

Rebekah: Thank you so much! That message seriously just made my day! Amy, I've known Bridger too long to know that he would do the things that she said that he did. My dad went about this situation a different way however, he said that I should have confronted her through private message. Honestly, I don't think that would've worked because she probably would've felt threatened, and I felt like that was the right thing to do. Standing up for people in public, regardless whether the situation is "Vulgar(like my dad said)" shows others that it's okay to stand up for what you believe in, and that it's okay to stand up for others. Standing up for Bridger, not only has strengthened others, but it has strengthened me as well. Realizing that what I did was the right thing to do regardless of what other people think, is something that we could all learn. Kind of like Nephi and his brothers. Nephi was choosing the right, and Laman and Lemuel didn't believe him at all! Amy, I don't know what's gotten into me but I just see how long this message is and I'm kind of happy about it. I have so much to say to you! Bridger is such an amazing kid, and to see him getting picked on by another one of my friends that we went to elementary school with, hurts... It shows that People Can Change!! (I capitalized that because it's the name of a post title on my blog!) I was so inspired to do the right because recently someone apologized to me, and it was what I really needed at the time because me and this girl had some history that we both were not very proud of. After coming to a realization that I had to forgive her for what she had done, I unblocked her Facebook account, and yesterday she apologized to me, and I told her I had forgiven her. We had a long conversation about what we believe is right, and after going to her wall to see the conversation about Bridger, I just knew I had to pitch in. The girl I had been talking with seriously didn't know enough about Bridger, and she knew the other girl better... That's why she had believed her instead. I told Phebe that nothing she had said about Bridger was true. If you have seen my blog before, you would be able to see that I get super obsessed with things. My top three obsessions would probably be inspiration, speaking from the heart, and my boyfriend. Don't let the word boyfriend get you fooled, he's actually a really sweet guy once you get to know him. He's helped me grow so much more, and realize why some things are the way they are. Bridger is kind of the same way, but I just don't love him the same way that I love my boyfriend. Amy, you've raised such a great young man, and it's been fun to grow up with him, and see what he's becoming into. I agree with you about him needing to be treated with respect because everybody needs that. If you really think about it, we're all the same... We're all heavenly father's children, and we're all going to get judged some day, and I guess you could say I feel as if it's my responsibility to make sure everybody else is happy, or even has hope. I have so many inspirations, and I am able to get inspired by the littlest things that make me strive to be better. Bridger has inspired me in little ways, and it helps me to gain more appreciation for him. He's such a great kid, and if anything, I'm striving to inspire my inspirations.

Spoken from the Heart, 

Rebekah Phillips

Long story, short. I was inspired by the fact that she had taken time out of her daily life to thank me, and I probably went a little overboard with the long message I had sent her, but I felt an obligation to telling her more and more, and sharing my testimony with her, and striving to be better and speaking from the heart, etc. Hope this post was inspiring!

"LiL" Song of the Day: Little Girl by The Fold

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:

Bridger: Your mom was so inspiring to me today, and I want to let you know that everything that I said in the reply to her was genuine and spoken from the heart.

Forgiveness is Key to a Brighter Future

Just what I wanted! Things are finally coming together. I knew things would get better and better when you try to be a better person! Know how I was scared of two certain people way back in the post-times of  "Why? It's a Long Story". Two other posts that I'd love to reference back to that deal around this situation would be: "People Can Change" and "November's Resolution." I reference back to these 3 posts because we have something that happened that I knew was going to happen in the future, and here it is! My story with Phebe! Originally I thought Phebe was quite suspicious, and recently, I've been scared of her, but I'm here to say that things are going a lot better than they were. Let's look to the Facebook messages that her and I shared about all of this!

Phebe: Hey rebekah I know things between me and you have not really been all that good.. and to be honest I had no right getting into your and mandis drama.. and I should have been a lot nicer to you.. I'm really really sorry for everything but I hope you can put it in the past and forgive me.. I am not asking for your full trust just maybe a friend..?"

Rebekah: "You're forgiven. =)"

Phebe: "Thanks Rebekah(:" Rebekah: "No problem. All I really wanted from you was an apology. =)"

Phebe: "Oh haha well I guess I read your mind(:"
Rebekah: "Haha yeah! Did my mom say anything about me? Haha. The reason I hid when you came over to my house is because I was scared that you'd like glare at me and I really was just scared of what might happen."

Phebe: "She says nothing bad really haha just your her daughter, and I would have hid if I was you too haha"

Rebekah: "Haha yeah. I just..I hate to be hated, you know? It's a big fear, and probably a problem on my part. I didn't want to deal with it so I just hid and whenever they said you were coming over, I'd like go downstairs or in my room because I knew you didn't really like me. I tried to smile at you when I saw you at school and stuff because at the time I was trying to consider forgiveness, and I had already forgiven you because my mom told me that you and Mandi weren't even friends anymore and that she talked you into doing dirty work or whatever. So I started really thinking about whether or not I was willing to change my opinion of you, and thank you for the space because honestly it helped~ I think we have a possibility of being friends now!"

Phebe: "I have no reson to hate you other than mandi. To be honest she is no longer my friend and I don't trust her. If you were with the room I would respect and treat you fair, and yes mandi did use me ALOT!! I really think we can be friends too."

Rebekah: "I'd really like some closure as to what happened with the whole "beating you up in the bathroom" thing...was that all her?"

Phebe: "Yes she told them it happend without telling me. I got called down and they told me what she told them.. so I agreed even though I dident want to.. then they called you down.. I felt super bad!! I'm sorry I took her side over it I was really dumb"

Rebekah: "I was terrified of you after that because me and Chelsea got dragged into something that we didn't do, and we were pretty sure it was all you because Mandi hadn't acted like that before and all the evidence or whatever pointed to you, and then I started to really think about it, and I just blocked both of you for a while and then after my mom said that you really weren't that bad I unblocked you, hoping to give you a second chance. All the evidence really did point back to her instead, and I honestly wonder what's on her mind. Heck, I used to be her best friend, but it's crazy that she completely ditched everyone as quick as she did. She's lost a bunch of people, and became a completely different person. I forgive you, and I'm trying to forgive her...but it may not work because of all the crap she's put everybody through, including what she did to you!"

Phebe: "I had a lot of dumb stufd happen with her!! She came to my house witg vadca when she new a 55 year old man who loves drinking was here! They all started to drink and I gave in and had a drink and then mandi passed out.. her mom got her and she blamed me! Then she blocked me! Now she is going out with my bestfriend Corbet. So me and her are talking but she is just not the same person and I scares me for him. I am worried she is gonna hurt him or make him act like her.. oh well its over now and out of my hands. But the best thing you can do with her is not even get caught in her stupid drama"

Rebekah: "No kidding! She's gone absolutely nuts! I seriously don't know what happened to change her...She's gone crazy. Heck, I was willing to do anything for her, so I can't really blame you when you had confronted me in the choir room that one time, because you were just trying to help out a friend. Honestly though, she's not who she used to be, and she's probably going to end up changing anybody else who wants to be her friend. I wish that she could realize that what she's doing is wrong, and I seriously hope that people can realize, like I did, that you're not as bad as they think...and that all of this is truly her fault."

Phebe: "Yes it is her fault! She made a lot of people hate me and I got caught into protecting her! I would do it for any friend no matter who but she messed my life totally up! People think I'm some evil person and it really bugs me because I'm not..or atlest I try not to be. I wish she could change back to that silly girl. But I am sad to say iwas most of the reson she is the way she is. At one point I was a drama freak like her who did bad things but I've cleaned up my life a lot. She just needs to grow up!"

Rebekah: "Yeah, well, Phebe I'll try to help you, okay? I've got this blog, and I blogged a little bit about you two, and I even blogged about the possibility that I may forgive you. Now that it's happened, I feel like I need to show that on my blog, and tell people that you're not a bad person."

Phebe: "Haha thanks Rebekah(:"

Rebekah: "No problem, you honestly deserve it. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your situation and people thought I was a terrible person... We all get that way sometimes though, but she really needs to just grow up. I'm glad that you've cleaned up your life. Don't let other people control your life, live your own life, and do what you think is right. =)"

Well then! There you have it! As Phebe and I's story comes to both an end and a beginning, I can look to a brighter future thanks to thought and forgiveness. Remember, People can change! =)

"LiL" Song of the Day: All Over You by The Spill Canvas "EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:
Phebe: I just knew I could forgive you! You had the potential, and I'm so glad that I unblocked you, and gave you a chance. Just remember to stay true to yourself, and don't let people change you unless it's for the better. I invite you to my blog with open arms, and I hope that you can be inspired, because you inspired me by coming to me and apologizing and being honest with me about Mandi.

Yet Here We Are.

This past week has been so filled with experience that I didn't get a good time to sit down and really just... blog about it! I've been too busy having way too much fun. First of all, I got my hands on a Play Station 2, and the game Final Fantasy 9, and I'm addicted, I'm actually on the last disc! Anyways! What I did this week was sit around lazy, and try to get away from the world, go to Troylairs, go hang with Dawson, and go to Julia's birthday party... That's about it. Thing is, I make things way more complicated than they need to be, so this could take a while!

Troylairs... The class I've been waiting 2 years for... I remember 2 years ago when I was a little 8th grader who's passion was to sing, that I looked up to The Troylairs. I had dreams about becoming one, and there I was... being welcomed into Troylairs by Mr. Burrows, himself. My stomach had began to get aches that first day... I was nervous, yet really... I was overwhelmed that I was in it. Was I really good enough? As we all began to sing The Star Spangled Banner, I thought to myself: This is exactly what I wanted, but.. Do I deserve it? Then I got kind of a mini-flashback as to what I said to James once... Does it deserve you, Bek? Is Troylairs worth your time? Are you willing to be here? Are you willing to try your best? Will The Troylairs accept you for who you are? I kept asking me all these questions, when I realized. I already know that I deserve it. If I didn't deserve to be in Troylairs, I wouldn't have gotten in. There's people out there that would KILL to be in your spot, Bek. I knew that was true! I realized I need to quit being so hard on myself.

Alright! I don't have much to say, really, about Dawson and I hanging out on his birthday. It'll be pretty self-explanatory if I give you some pictures. All I can say right now, is that he made me feel like I was wanted, and needed. He told me, that I had proved that I wanted him, and that he can't stop thinking of the expression on my face when he had to leave. Wait... Why does that sound so... familiar? More... Familiar than usual. Could it be that... James told me that same thing when we had to leave... That's why it's so familiar. It's happened to me before, and I caught the same worry that I had last time it happened. Except... I'm sure this time was more genuine. I don't want to lose him... Every time me and Dawson kiss there's something there...it leaves me wanting more and more. Love can be complicated and explainable, but Dawson and I's love is just so simple. Dawson and I love each other, and that's that. Nobody can change our love. But yeah, I have to say that was a good Thursday, even though I hate Thursdays.

Drawkah. A subject of war, peace, and love. One of the most important things in two peoples lives. They love everything about each other, whether it's a flaw or a skill. Drawkah, as of yesterday, has been together for 11 months. Drawkah is a roller coaster of drama, but can always be solved by just a kiss or by dropping it by saying that they still love each other more than anything. Drawkah...

Song of the Day: Venice by The Lighthouse and the Whaler

Shout-Out of the Day:
New Relationships: "Build upon what you may or may not have. When you crumble, build each other up again. Do you want to be known as someone who has nobody to trust, or is not to be trusted? Love each other. Help each other. Be there for each other." -Lil Miss Epic