When The Flowers Die...

I love my boyfriend, I really do. He's always so nice to me, and so sweet. Today I was having a hard time with my family life. He was there to help me. I was crying because I missed my brother so much,(today's his birthday) and Dawson said that he knows that I'm strong, and that I can make it through the next year and couple months. Other than a trial with missing my brother, who is now 20, I had a trial to overcome with my father. We got talking about plans for the upcoming holidays, and he was complaining about how he doesn't get me for Thanksgiving, when really, he had me over last year for Thanksgiving. Anyways, Dawson helped me with that! I'd just like to thoroughly thank him for all the stuff he's done to help me. He could tell, all of today, that something was wrong. He's been there for me all day. Thanks, Dawson.

When me and him sang, it really cheered me up because it got my mind off things, and the fact that I was actually comfortable singing with him, strengthened our relationship. He's so sweet. He reminds me a little bit of my brother because my brother will stop at NOTHING when something's wrong with one of his friends. He's always there for everyone, with all of his inspiring quotes, and sayings.. so now here I am.. with my blog, hoping to find a way to match up to him. So that me and him become equals, in a way. I love my missionary. He's so spiritual.

Those Two People

It's time to be strong... We've gone into the dark. However, there's still light no matter how strong the darkness may be. I can already tell that I'm in the dark with all the stress that I have in my life... I'd like to reach out and thank two very special people in my life that have been talking to me, understanding me, and loving me for who I am. Those two people in my life are Sienna and Dawson.

As you all know, I talked more about Dawson in the last post, but he's honestly there for me. One night I couldn't sleep, I didn't know what to do, and I was sad because I felt like he was taking me for granted or something. I messaged him on Tango saying that I had a nightmare. I didn't expect him to reply, but suddenly, I did end up getting a reply... He asked me what happened, and I heard his voice. The voice he used when he was truly concerned. I told him about my nightmare, and he said it wouldn't ever happen in real life. He even apologized for being such a jerk in my dream... He told me how he felt about me, and it made me feel important again. He said "Honey I'm your loyal and trustworthy boyfriend, I'm never ever gonna leave your side you're too important in my life. Better yet, you NEED me and I see that i love you too much to leave you we will never split. I don't care that you're emotional all the time, bay. You're more important than anything or anyone." When I'm lonely, and feel like he'd do okay without me, I'm going to look back on all the sweet things he's said to me, and just remember that he does love me. "Hun I would die for you for you to live, would shatter if you left, would do everything and anything for you." If this isn't love, then what is it? He says he's not even thinking, he's speaking from his heart, and he says his reason is to protect me and make me feel loved, and do anything for me. When will I ever get any of that again? I feel so lucky to have someone this brilliant. It's brilliant that he feels this way about me and only me.

Sienna. Ever since I met Sienna, I knew there was something odd about her that separates her from all the other people that I know. I wonder if it's her look, her attitude, or her personality. Thing is, it's none of that. It's the hope she gives others. It's the inspiration and the advice that she offers. As I mentioned in Not The Breakup Story, she's the friend I've always hoped for when dealing with trials. She's such an amazing person, and now that I think about it, I don't know if I do enough for her. When I needed her, she came for me, but am I there for her when she needs me? With a true friendship, each person has to level out their dedication. To be perfectly honest, when I asked myself the question this morning, who is my best friend, I automatically thought Sienna. She's such an important person in my life. A while back, after we made up Hate Me... But Why?, Sienna sent me this text that honestly made me appreciate her so much more than I already do. I wrote it down because she said that I need to keep it...because it's something that makes our friendship so much stronger. Wednesday, July 10th at 11:32 pm "Please. Remember this. Even if I get mad at you. I still am your friend. No matter what I say I don't mean it if it is hurtful. Positive things I do mean. Please never forget that." That is proof that she cares. THAT is proof that she's there for me whenever I need her. That tells me that no matter how much she wants to kill me, she still loves me to death. Sienna, I want to honestly tell you that I feel the same, and that message you sent me has impacted me a lot, and shown me a lot about friendship. Thank you.

Song of the Day: Into The Dark by The Lighthouse And The Whaler

Friendship

The Scootalooser has constantly lost a bunch of respect from me, but does that mean I hate her with all of my being? No! Of course not! For all the friends that ended up being like her... The friends that are just like Mandi. Sometimes you just have to let go of them, even if they are your friends, because they don't do things that you can be okay with. In retrospect, this is the case. I don't want to be around someone who thinks sex and drugs is okay. I especially don't want that person to be my best friend. Even with multiple interventions, when they don't change, they obviously don't want your help, and I can't be friends with somebody like that... She's gauged her ears! That's not something the Chelsea I know would've done without influence from her new-found friends. Look, I don't know if it's just jealousy or something, but Chelsea is just not the same anymore. She even knows that. They've changed her, and they know it. It's like they changed her into what they wanted in a friend. In my honest opinion, it looks like peer pressure got to her.

Why did the same thing have to happen to me again though? First Mandi, and now Chelsea? The last thing Chelsea wanted was for her to be a Mandi. Every time she made a mistake, she'd come out and say that she was sorry and that she didn't want to be like Mandi. There's more friends out there for me though. Friends that will stick by you, and friends that are phenomonal friends for the moment. I don't hate Chelsea, in fact, I love her. But when I'm not comfortable with her decisions, how can I support them? It's important that I'm there for my friends when they need me, but it seems like she doesn't need me. It seems like she doesn't need me at all anymore.

It's sad... All my friends end up fading away..with the exception of one person. Marlee. I know I don't really mention this incredible girl very much, but she is someone I've known since the days of Primary. Not only was she a friend made in my early years, but she was my very first friend. Oh boy was I lucky when I had found somebody that represents the qualities of a perfect friend all wrapped up together into one. She truly is amazing. It's not just her amazing social skills, it's her magnificent singing, her remarkable wit, and her hilarious comedy that makes her overall 20% cooler. Gimme a like if you know that reference.

There's the one that's like a brother to you...Gavin.
There's the one that's always bound to get a laugh out of you...Mom
There's the one that's rush to you, when you're devastated and out of hope...Sienna

Then there's the one that's always there... The one that you can't even get rid of even if you try. That person for me, as you can probably guess, is Dawson. When I'm sad and nobody can tell, he knows. When I'm crying alone in a dark corner, he knows. Not only does he know, he helps. From a simple "I love you" to a paragraph filled with words inspiring me to look on the bright side, he fills my heart with happiness. Not only does he make me happy, he makes me feel loved. Even though he's my boyfriend, he has all of the qualities I see in a best friend too, besides the kissing parts. Aside from all the beauty in Drawkah, Dawson is an amazing best friend. He's my best friend. He's always there for me even when everyone else has ditched me. He'll always be by my side, regardless of whether I'm right or wrong. He's amazing, but he denies it just to tell me that I'm perfect. He's my best friend.

I'd like to thank all of you that have made this blog possible. Special thanks to The Daily Tower for inspiring me to make this blog. Thank you all for the likes, the follows, and most of all, reading! This is our 100th blog-post so doing this on friendship took a lot of guts because I had to come out and say exactly what I thought about these people. Thank you so much for reading, and let's hope the next hundred are filled with inspiration.

Stay Inspirational

So!! I'd like to dedicate this here post to The Scootalooser and The Daily Tower. I know that now the two are sadly inactive blogs, but I'd just like to an extend a thank you towards all their efforts they have taken to inspire others around them. They're both amazing bloggers, but I've got to say it's hard releasing them as my fellow sistersites. If you two are reading this, I'd love to say that I love you both. Don't take this personally, but I guess Lil Miss Epic is now on her own as a blog. Thank you so much to all of you reading my blog, the anniversary of Lil Miss Epic is slowly approaching us in one month. As we reach our goal of one year, I'd love to hear some fan questions from you guys. It'd be great because I'd love to answer your questions! By the way this is officially our 99th post!! The next post will be our 100th! I'm so excited!

I'm starting to think with each post I have I'll carry on what The Daily Tower left behind... A quote. In my case, an inspirational quote. And to put more effort into all of this, I'll edit that quote into a picture to make it more visually appealing. So, here you go! Today's quote by Will Rogers

As for the rest of today's post, have a video of the Song of the Day provided by James and Chelsea: Stay by Rihanna (ft. Mikky Ekko) cover by James and Chelsea As for that, I love these two very much. Stay inspirational.

How We Respond

Many of you may know the five love languages... Physical touch,  receiving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. These things make up of what we, as people, respond to the most as feeling loved. In other words, if somebody were to hug me, I'd feel very loved. However, if somebody were to do something nice for me, I'd feel cared for. The five love languages give off different vibes of good feelings. Some are stronger than others. I have 3 strong-suits in the five love languages, and my bottom two are just kind of iffy. Here's what I scored.

12     Physical Touch

7      Quality Time

6      Words of Affirmation

3      Acts of Service

2      Receiving Gifts

From 1 to 5, is how I rank how grateful I am for that certain act. For the most part, my top three, are all very very close in a matter of priority. If you'd like to take a test about The Five Love Languages, then click the link below.

The 5 Love Languages

Now for some words from the site, itself... Here's mine... In order.

Physical Touch:

"This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship."

Quality Time:
"In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities."

Words of Affirmation:
"Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving."

Acts of Service:
"Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts."

Receiving Gifts:
"Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly."

There you have it, folks! A little bit more to know about me. If you're interested, go ahead and try this test. It's surprisingly accurate.

Now for blog business for you guys, as my viewers! I was thinking of expanding a little bit more, and maybe getting better on YouTube, and possibly gaming there with my boyfriend. Thing is, how would I be able to get him to play Audition with me? Haha, anyways! I think something I'm going to stop doing is the shout-outs. Maybe every once in a while we'll have one, but until then, I'll just be talking to you guys, and only you guys. What do you guys think? Also, I'd love to do some fan-questions! If you have any questions, message my Facebook page, post on my Facebook page, or just comment below!

Song of the Day: Generosity by AcoustiMandoBrony ft. Eile Monty

I'm Sorry

So, I woke up early this morning, even though we have no school... I decided to stay up and think... just think about whatever what was said the day before, and the behavior I've had to somebody lately. I feel so stupid now. I thought about what it'd be like if Dawson and I weren't together, and if he were with her... It'd hurt, I know that for sure. It's sad because I say I don't trust her. Truth is, I'm just protective over him. It's just like my first friend I had. He didn't want me being friends with anybody else, but him. I even thought that was over controlling back then... So now I'm realizing I'm being pretty controlling with Dawson too. Now, I'm not saying that Dawson is free to do whatever with girls that he wants...because that's not true. Of course there'll be a limit, but it's not like he'd ever exceed the limit. I know that he loves me more than any other girl...so why am I worrying? I shouldn't.

So here it goes, I'm really sorry to... everyone, really. I want him to myself. I'm sorry to those who I've just ignored what you said, and walked away with Dawson. I'm sorry to those who I've been jealous of, when I've had his heart all along. I'm sorry to those who try to talk to him, but I drag him away. I'm not being fair to you guys. For some reason, I have this odd idea in my head that I need to be the only one he cares about, but that shouldn't be the case for him. He should care about his friends too, and he does. I think my problem is that I'm around a bunch of girls everyday, and I hear people talk about how cute he is and how much they want to get with him, and I'm sitting there like a nobody. So sorry, guys.

I've been an emotional wreck lately. I've been majorly unstable. I think I know what it is now... It's not Dawson, like I thought it was. It's what's happening at home combined with stress from Driver's Ed. I came home bawling yesterday because I had failed my city drive in a clutch car. Of course, I hate clutch because it's so hard for me to drive. Knowing that I've only driven it twice, I'm going to end up driving it two or more times in the future. Due to the fact that you need 4-5 times in a clutch car. Now that I think about it, It's not what's happening at home.. It's more of what's not happening. My mom never has any time for me now. She's always on the phone with a group of women talking about being positive, or she's on the phone with a bunch of customers. Anyways, I've been really lonely lately. I need a friend.

So, not only am I losing quality time at home, I'm losing quality time with my friends as well. You guys... I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong...but a lot of your are just leaving my life. I don't know why... but there's only eight friends that have stuck around... Eight out of all of my friends. Eight out of tons. I failed the friendship test, I guess. Those eight... Dawson, Sienna, Braxton, Keely, James, Julia, and Gabby and Krista usually talk to me and care about how I'm doing, not only when I'm crying, but even if I'm the happiest person at that time. They laugh with me, they cry with me, they share with me. They inspire me...They show what it's like to be there for a friend even when their world is crashing down in front of them, instead of letting somebody else do the work. Thank you, you eight. You help dry my tears, knowing that you all care for me.

Friends come and go...but it's hard watching a friend go through something that's just a life lesson, in general. I have a friend right now, and she's not really acting herself anymore. She's a different person around these 3 other people, and everyone is so surprised at how much she's changed over the summer. Thing is, I totally agree with them. She has changed. I almost never hear from her anymore... I guess she's too busy trying to hang with her other friends, like those three. Of course, I can't assume, but honestly a bunch of her friends are hurt because of how much she "changed" over the summer, and how she's just not the same as before.

Lil Song of the Day: True Rarity by Fauxsnyder

Epic Shout-Outs of the Day:
Linsey Ketchum: I've been thinking about you. About how we were friends back in sixth grade, and our friendship faded after I went to online school for a year. My point is, I wasn't sure if you had changed or not. I've known a lot of  nice girls, and girls that I've been friends with... but I have trust issues. As I said up there, none of this is you, it's all in my head. Please don't feel so awkward when you're with me and him. I want to be your friend again, I hope that's not too much to ask. I'm sorry for getting jealous over nothing.
-Bek
Dawson: Yeah, you obviously know what's going on, due to the shout-out above. I'm sorry for being jealous over nothing. Also, I'm sure you'll see this post. Would you mind doing me a favor, and sending her to this post and asking her to read the first and second paragraph, along with her shout-out? Please and Thank you.
-Bek

My Thoughts Are To Blame

So... lately, my world has been falling apart... Ever since I got sick, things have been crappy for me. But, it wasn't until yesterday night that I realized that we might be falling apart a little bit. It was all just a misunderstanding, and then he asked me... "Do you think we're slowly fading away?" I felt terrible. What was I supposed to respond? I said no, of course, but things just kept getting worse & worse. I started to cry while we were talking on the phone, and I thought it was just because I missed him, but then I gave it more thought, and it was all because I thought he was fading away, and getting out of my reach. I had nightmares that night, and I didn't know what to do, as he told me that he would hurt himself because he hurt me. It ended up with him getting bruised by his older brother, from a requested fight, but it still hurts to see him hurt.

So, I get to school. I see Dawson, and I rush over, hugging him and saying hi... I don't get a hug back, but I just get kind of a quiet "hi." as we walk. He was walking quickly, almost as if he were trying to get out of my reach. I bite my lip as I felt a pit in my stomach. I knew what was coming. We go inside through the side door, and I hold onto his arm, and when I drop my grasp, he walks out another side door. Braxton and I look at each other, wondering what had just happened. I look out of the window, seeing him come through the entrance. He looked so troubled. I didn't even know why he left my side. I walk towards the hall, where he might be...but he just turns around and talks to Isaiah. I turn to Braxton, and I say "I feel like I'm gonna cry." I just started bawling before I even got all the way into the hallway. I clung to Braxton... at that moment he was my only friend. I felt so alone... like nobody even cared, but him. That's when I decided my friendship with Braxton is important, and that I can trust him. He was there for me, and there's probably no way that I could ever repay him.

Seeing me crying on Braxton's shoulder, Dawson ditches his friends just to see me. He just sort of walks by me, and when I knew he was actually going to stick around and walk with us... I clung to him tightly, as I got looks from the people in the hallway. Everyone saw me... Everyone saw me at my lowest point, clinging to him. People had their suspicions, but I didn't want to say why...I just kept saying that I didn't know why I was bawling, but that's not true. I did know. I was hurt... because it seemed like I was getting avoided by the one I love most. It was almost like he didn't need me, but here I was the second he leaves my side, in full-blown tears.

We got to my first hour... Algebra. There was a test, and I was one of the first to walk into the class. The three people that had came in before me, stared as I cried and cried and cried, and tried to stop myself. Keely came to my aid, with some tissues, and a hug. I knew she was concerned, and that she'd be there for me. I knew a lot of people were concerned. I hadn't been in tears like that in public since around the beginning of Freshman year. I sit there, and I do my test, fighting back all the tears and thoughts of him leaving. The bell rings, after a long time of thought and silence.

I see him... He's there, rushing to my aid. Making sure I'm okay, and caring for me...Worrying about me. I shook...as I imagined what It'd be like if he didn't care.. I clung to his arm, squeezing tighter with every bad thought to come to my mind. I felt very clingy, and unnecessary to him, I felt like I was just there...like a nobody, but like a crybaby. We walk down to get a drink, and he talks to Linsey. I blush as I get that drink. As you all know... I get very jealous of her. They didn't say much, it was more of just a hi, but what if it was like that in the future in our high school. I go down to get a drink, and there they are.. talking.. laughing.. having a good time.. being happy. I knew it was just too scary... We walk up the stairs, and I cling tight to him, and we go up to talk to some of our friends. Bridger, Kellsie, and Juan. I didn't pay attention to a word that was said, really. I was too distracted by all my thoughts. I cling tight to him, and walk away from them...as they say bye, I don't say a word.

I pull Dawson behind the hall, where less people will see us, but it will still be a little bit too crowded for the comfort of my tears. I look at him, and sit down, and he asks what's wrong, and I just start crying again, bawling... There it was again, I need him. He thought I was going to break up with him because I pulled him aside right after Bridger said something about being dumped, apparently. I didn't time it right, I guess... .but I wasn't even listening anyways. For this entire day, I had my thoughts to blame...

The rest of the day was tiring, almost every time I thought about what had happened, I sat and fought back tears. Even writing this blog-post, I had a hard time... I was bawling within the first paragraph. If you didn't get the point of this post, it was said a while back. I'll say it again... Forgiveness of a friend will repay you big time.. Friendship really is worth fighting for, and if you give them a chance, they can be there for you when you need them most. Forgiveness of a partner can be hard sometimes too though. The reason I can forgive him so easily is because I love him unconditionally. It doesn't matter what he does, I'll always be in love with him. That's the truest form of love, in all honesty. Forgiving and Forgetting doesn't exist. You can always forgive, but almost never forget. I believe in giving multiple chances, because that's what we all deserve. If nobody ever got a second chance, there'd be no couples on this earth, no friendships, and everyone would have trouble trusting anybody. Some of the longest friendships would probably last a month, and then crash and burn, but with multiple chances, we can have forever love...and forever friendship. Remember that.

Pegasister Sick at Home

I don't know if I've ever told you guys this, but I get home sick very easily. If I don't have enough time at home, with time to relax, I flip out, and break out sick. Today, I've been much better though, because I've stayed at home all day today, with the exception of a drive at 4 o'clock today. If you've been wondering where I disappeared to, just know that I'm home with a very well deserved break. Everybody kept telling me to stay home, so it's a good thing that I'm not there today.

Anyways, as I've been sitting here sick, I've found a couple of ways to entertain myself. First of all, I was finally going to finish Kingdom Hearts, but to my discovery, the Truemans took their PlayStation 2 back to St. Anthony, so that was out of the deal. Braxton suggested watching the ending on YouTube, and coming over to his house and playing the next game in the series. It was so nice of him, that I might just go ahead, and do that! Anyways, I got on YouTube to watch the ending, when I noticed... Brony updates...EVERYWHERE. As you all know, I'm a proud pegasister, and I love to participate in watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and watching analyzing videos and Pony Music. So, let's just give you a little bit of a set up of some things that I watched. (NOT IN ORDER)

And, finally! Our song of the day!!

LiL EPiC Song of the Day: Proud to be a Brony by BlackGryph0n

September Dreams Come True

WARNING: This post will be in fact, very long, and very detailed, so prepare to read yourselves a STORY. I do apologize ahead of time to anybody who believes I'm being rude within this post, or bragging about what a good time I've had. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the contents of this post.
-Lil Miss Epic

Yeah, so both my anniversary and homecoming was a dream come true, aside the fact of a few minor details.

Drawkah's Anniversary:

Alright, so here's how it all went down. At the beginning of school, he gave me a Mountain Dew Voltage. He knows that I always love a good Voltage, and so I drank it all within 3 days, because I'm not a huge fan of soda. Anyways, we went on with our lives, until we got to lunch, when basically we were gonna celebrate it because that was one of the only times we get to be with each other, aside from 5 minute breaks. Anyways, we go outside, and walk a little bit, and then we sit down. What I did for Dawson on our anniversary, is I wrote a song meant for him to hear. It included, in the lyrics the names of songs that are in our Drawkah playlist that I gave to him for Christmas. Anyways, he ended up loving it. I had written the song in a time frame of maybe 2 hours, total. It was difficult to write a song that quick, but I'm sure he liked it mostly for the fact that he got to hear me sing about how much I love him. Anyways, it was all just very great for the two of us. However, our anniversary was not only about Drawkah.

The day was about the Homecoming game here at our new high school! Nearly everybody was wanting to go to it! It was very exciting and eccentric. In the excitement of the game, after the parade, we walked around town a bit, and ran into none other than, Jamlia! In case you didn't know, but Jamlia is the lovely couple known as James & Julia. James, the owner of The Daily Tower, looked so happy to be with her, and Dawson and I could tell that she felt the same.

Anyways, Reino, my step-dad, eventually comes to pick me up, and gives me some money to spend on the game if Dawson ends up not paying. Him and I basically talk about responsibility and how much he actually trusts me. It was so amazing that he just flat-out TRUSTS me. He told me all of the things that I wouldn't be allowed to do if he thought I wasn't responsible and he didn't trust me. It was then that i realized, I have a lot of freedom in my life! I began to be very thankful of all the things my parents have done to bring me up the way they did, and have been doing. I've become a very responsible young woman that they can be proud of. I love all my parents, and have a lot of respect for each one of them. To them, I'd love to flat-out say Thanks.

So, Reino drops me off at the high-school so that I can be with my friends again, and we all pretty much hang out. James' mom comes in, and then I start to freak out, knowing that she doesn't like me or Julia at all. I felt SO bad for her! It almost was like James' mom was hovering over him at every second in time! I don't blame his mom all that much though. After all, James is the youngest, and the baby of the family, and he deserves to get all that motherly protection. James comes over to talk to Julia, and she, being sad about his mother not liking her, basically says Go away to James. Hurt by what she said, he walks away, and Dawson and I make a connection through eye contact that he'll talk to James, and I'll talk to Julia. All me and Julia basically talked about was the fact that his mom was super protective. When I say protective, I mean SUPER. I remember that the reason Jakeah(James&Me) broke up was because his family doesn't like me. I told her my experience with his family, and we established that we could totally relate. With Dawson and James, all that was established was that Julia cares and that she was there to help, and that James didn't even want to talk at that moment. Telling Julia to go, Dawson and I sat there waiting for them to make-up, and discussing what would happen if they didn't. I had to go over to her, and hug her because I saw her crying in a corner, and then she went up the stairs to talk to him, as he sat with another girl talking. They both looked sad as Dawson and I climbed the stairs.

It was weird... We noticed Chelsea(The Scootalooser) and this other guy, Louie were holding hands a day or two after Chelsea had just become single. Of course, she was the one who broke it off, but she was going around bragging that she was "#livinthesinglelife" Anyways, I sat with them a bit, and when we all went downstairs I remembered the twentieth of twenty-twelve. Chelsea had gone up to Dawson, and said "Do me a favor, and kiss Bek." Then, running over to me, she said "Do me a favor, and kiss Dawson." In high hopes of accomplishment, I run to Louie, and whisper "Do me a favor, and kiss Chelsea." as he blushes. I run over to Chelsea, and whisper "Do me a favor, and kiss Louie" and out loud, she says "okay" and I just laugh. Louie comes up to me basically saying he needs mints, and so he gets the keys from Chelsea, goes the wrong way, comes back out the other door, and discovers Chelsea ATE all the mints. Anyways, they both end up kissing. I won't say her opinion on it, because I'm sworn to secrecy, and it's her story to tell. Let's just say that it was her first kiss.

Looking over at Jamlia, I realize that James is gone, and when he finally walks in, I run up to give him a hug, and as I'm hugging him, he looks broken down... He had just talked to his mother, and it looked like things weren't going so well. He had that same look in his eye, the look that said "I have to break up with her." The same look that he gave me when he pulled me aside to explain that his parents were forcing him to dump me. I didn't know what to do, as he went over to her, and they just sat there, speaking with words that we all couldn't hear. Drawkah fell to the floor, just sitting, and looking at what all had just happened. On one side, we had Jamlia, with the possibility of coming to an end. On the other side, we had Lousea coming to a start. Trying to make the best of things, I basically tell Louie to ask out Chelsea, and he got all sweaty. I told him to go wash off the sweat so that he could feel comfortable asking. I never really saw them together after that, but all I know is that their happy beginning has just started, and they're now a couple. I never really found out exactly what happened that day with Jamlia, other than they are still together. Hopefully, TDT will fill us in with that information, or else it's just better not to know.

Anyway, we get to the game, and Rigby won against Skyline. We literally beat the crap out of them. Within the last 8 minutes of the 4th quarter, me and Dawson decided to leave the field before it got too crowded. Overall, the game was just kinda... boring. Drawkah doesn't even like sports, but we just went cuz we thought we could spend some more time together on our 1 year anniversary. We kissed goodbye, and then I went home to get rest for the next day to come.

Homecoming:

Homecoming! What a day it was, it was so fun! It was the best night ever! I get to Julia's for the hangout and Jamlia and Drawkah had a fun time complete with tickle fights, cuddling, wrestling within couples, and the couple jar, which asks just random questions mostly about your partner. Anyways, I had fun except for the fact, I'd see Jamlia cuddling, while my boyfriend is behind the couch, texting and refusing to move. He was constantly texting during the entire time we were there. I was sick of it, and when he tried to cuddle, and asked me what was wrong, I wanted to cry. I felt like he thought there was better things to do than sit with me and spend time with me. He was texting his guy friends instead of spending time with me. I just wanted to go home, and not even go to the dance, I was so upset.

When it came to getting ready, I took a quick shower, and put on my clothes, and blow-dried my hair so that it was okay when he got to my house. I put on my makeup, a necklace, and earrings, and my boots, and I was ready to go! He came to the door, knocked, and I came to answer it, and it was both Jason and Dawson. In case you didn't know, Jason is Dawson's step-dad. He asked me if my folks were home, and I called Reino over to come talk with us. Long story, short. His step-dad thought I looked lovely, and would love to have me over for dinner sometime. I looked at my boyfriend. He had a grey shirt that matched my dress, grey jeans, and then when it came to his shoes... He had bright blue tennis shoes with florescent orange laces. My eyes widened, as I thought "Oh my gosh...That's ridiculous." It was honestly like those shoes are attached to him wherever he goes. When my step-dad noticed, he immediately went in to get him some boots. He put on the boots, and he actually looked pretty good in boots. I liked it.

We had 2 hours to kill before we were going to head over for the dance. I complimented him, and Reino suggested us watching a movie. I thought for a second, and then suggested Aladdin Aladdin being my top Disney favorite, and on my bucket list to watch with my lover. We got it to play on the Blu-Ray player. I wanted him to give me his phone so that we could put it on the charger. I gave him my phone, and said "Here, this is what you can use if you still want to text Gav." I was so pleased by his response, he said that he was sorry for what he did to me earlier that day, and that he should've just taken that time to spend with me instead, and that he won't text when he's with me. Because of that, and it was Aladdin, I was so happy throughout the entire movie. We both loved watching Aladdin with each other. It was so fun! It was probably one of my highlights of the entire night. It was awesome! We took pictures, and then decided to go to that dance.

When Dawson and I got there, we noticed how well of a job they did decorating it. They had a red carpet, and stars on the ground, because after all, the theme was Hollywood! Not a lot of people came because it was $20 a ticket for couples, and it was too expensive for most people. Drawkah met up with Jamlia, who looked lively and well, and we danced whenever music came on, and had a great time. We heard that Sienna was getting her pictures taken, and we ran over to see her come out of the band room. She looked MARVELOUS. Her hair was now maroon and her dress was matching, she was so pretty! It was probably my second favorite part of the night. Definitely a highlight. She was probably the prettiest one there, and I'm sure others would agree.

Sienna was probably the most important person at that dance. She was there taking pictures of everyone having fun! Let me tell you, it was so inspiring to see her taking pictures of all these people and their date, and saying that she had THE BEST TIME. If Sienna weren't there, a lot of the amazing things that happened that night, with pictures to prove it, wouldn't be here to remember. So, I'd just like to say, Sienna is AMAZING. I love her! Thanks for all the fun!

Pictures!! Pictures played a major role in this entire night of fun!! So, here! Have fun looking!

 "Lil" Song of the Days: Rarity's Big Night Mashup

"EPiC" Shout-Outs of the Days: 
My parents:

I have a lot of freedom in my life! I began to be very thankful of all the things my parents have done to bring me up the way they did, and have been doing. I've become a very responsible young woman that they can be proud of. I love all my parents, and have a lot of respect for each one of them. To them, I'd love to flat-out say Thanks.
Sienna:
Sienna was probably the most important person at that dance. She was there taking pictures of everyone having fun! Let me tell you, it was so inspiring to see her taking pictures of all these people and their date, and saying that she had THE BEST TIME. If Sienna weren't there, a lot of the amazing things that happened that night, with pictures to prove it, wouldn't be here to remember. So, I'd just like to say, Sienna is AMAZING. I love her! Thanks for all the fun!

Within the Next Two Days

Yeah, so... Tomorrow's Drawkah's anniversary! I'm so excited! Except for one thing. I don't know if Dawson'll love my gift or not. However, it doesn't really matter because as he always says, it's the thought that counts! I love him to death, and I can't wait for the next two days to come because tomorrow is homecoming game and homecoming DANCE. We're going to both, of course. I'm so psyched. I won't have any time to blog during the next two days, so just keep your eyes open on the 22nd, I may be able to post on that day.

Anyways, yeah. It's been great lately. Driver's Ed, yeah... That's going okay too. I just had my first drive today, so look out, Bek's on the road! I'm not all that confident with driving, I'm really paranoid and scared about doing it because there's all these things that you have to do, and it freaks me out. My days since Driver's Ed started on Monday this week have been really long. That's okay as long as I'm getting things done, though. I hardly have any free time, but when I do have free time, I'm just trying to relax, as best I can. Speaking of which, I need to hop on that finale of Big Brother! I have a lot of stuff to do, and to keep me occupied. Looks like I'm not going to be bored for a while!

Anyway, yesterday was Superhero day and I went as Link, and Dawson thought I looked great, and so did a lot of other people. Here, have a looksie! I had so much fun!

"LiL" Song of the Day: Popular Song by Ariana Grande

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:
TDT: Hey, sister site! We're gonna do a combined blogpost on Homecoming and stuff, and I'm gonna add deets about my life as well, hope you do the same. If you do, I'll "link" your blog to mine on that Homecoming post!

Thanks, It's Been Tough

So... Yeah. I've been having kind of a hard time lately, but some of my friends have been trying their absolute hardest to pull through, and are really being a true inspiration to me. So, as a shout-out to me, Lil Miss Epic, Gabby wrote this:

Hey Bek! First off I really sincerely hope you get this message because I tried to do it in your blog and it didn't work, but no worries! Anyway I just wanted to say that I really love your blog, its really fun to see what happens in your life, and to see you talk about all the good things even though I may not talk to you or the hyper peeps much (which I seriously like to change, it always seems that you guys are so busy that I don't have a chance to talk to you, but I also guess its up to me to have a good attitude on things and just do it). You know a while back I really considered starting a blog myself (your blog "inspired" me, if you will) I personally think it would be a ton of fun, although I know it would also be a ton of work, but I know I can do it. I thought if I were to do one you could help me get started! I think it would be an amazing experience for both of us! I would also really appreciate it! Anyway just thought I'd tell you some of that! I really want to say that I consider you a true, true friend, a beautiful girl, and a person I can rely on! I also hope you truly realize that I am a good friend as well and that I'll always be here to help you , if you ever need me, because I will (don't you take it for granted sweetheart). Love you so much sis! I can't imagine loosing you or any of the hyper peeps! Love you sis! <3
First of all, my comment on this is, of course, I love to receive fan-mail like this about my blog. It makes me feel so much better about myself, and what I'm doing to somehow help out in the world. Showing my appreciation to those of you who would like to fan-mail me, I would love to post it here on my blog to show you all that I appreciate the support you've been giving me over this past year. It helps me get through life, it really does. Thank you so much.

Yeah, today at school was Twin-day if you haven't noticed, so Dawson picked out our outfits, and we went to school wearing the same clothes. Oh, how typical of us. Yay for Drawkah, nonetheless!

Anyways, updates on Drawkah... Ever since that homecoming ask, I've felt so much more close to Dawson. Believe it or not, this picture off to the left, was taken off guard because we had put it on a timer hoping for a kiss pic and had totally forgot about it. Anyways, it turned out cute, so yeah.

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day: 

Dawson: You give me so much confidence, and you're like the only one I'm completely myself around. You know me better than anybody else ever could. The bond we have is so strong, and I hope to never lose it. I love you so much, and I wish to never lose you.

LiL Song of the Day: I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

Just Kiss Me

Dawson and I went outside yesterday, and we were sitting there and I was eating something and he said something in French that I didn't really get, or understand. Turns out, the last word was "moi" which means me in French. Since Homecoming is soon at our school, I thought about it while I chewed my food. My eyes widened a bit, and then I processed it, and told him: Sure! It took him a bit to process that the sure was just said for Homecoming. We kissed a little, celebrating the fact that we're going to go together. Of course for us, it wouldn't be a date. We were going to go with the Hyper Peeps, which consists of Drawkah, Jamlia, Mary, and Gabby. Knowing that James had already asked Julia, I decided that I needed to ask the rest of the hyper peeps to go with us. Our plan was complete... Mission, get the Hyper Peeps in one place at one time, was now in action!

Later, the same day, I was waiting for Will to come pick me up from school, and Dawson found a place to sit and we started playing and teasing with each other. At one point, he said "Guess what!" and I said what? expecting him to kiss me or something, and the next thing I know, Dawson licked my cheek like a dog. It was so funny and gross, that I did it back, then after we finish laughing, we kiss... At that very moment, I felt like he wanted me more than ever before. We made use of all of our inside jokes, and grew closer. I opened up more to him, and he opened up more to me. You all know that I have trust issues? Yeah, well I trust Dawson completely. When Will pulled up, I had my jacket backwards so I could put my hood over my face, and I had Dawson walk with me to Will's car. It was so funny, and I'm pretty sure that Will was thinking: What the heck? I was probably walking like I was drunk! We kiss goodbye, and I find myself neglecting text messages because I'm too caught up in my thoughts about him.

Today, I decided to show him my back up plan for if he had never asked, and if it was all up to me. I wrote him a poem, a sappy poem at that. I was shaking a little, and blushing as he stared at me. Here it is:









You'll always be my best friend and my lover.
You're the best song ever, wanna hear the cover?

You're amazing, you've captured my heart.
There's no way we could ever part.
You've been the one right from the start.
Don't ever leave me, I would instantly fall apart.

You're the answer to my prayers, you're the figure in my dreams,
I know now how truly unreal all this seems.

This question's been on my mind, I know that it's kind of stunning.
Take my hand now, shall we go to homecoming?



As I say homecoming, I look up and smile at him, and he looks back for a bit, and I ask him if he will, and he says yes. Of course I already knew the answer, but I was happy to know that he wanted it too. I love Dawson so much, and I was happy that I could tell him, in person, how much he means to me.

LiL Song of the Day: Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day:
Jamlia: Hey guys, I just wanted to say that your picture on Facebook of you two love birds kissing, was fantastic. I'm so happy for you two.

Conquering Stage Freight

I go up to the front of the room, with confidence in my steps as the class cheers me on. I look up to all the people that I'll be singing to. "Hi, my name's Rebekah Phillips and I will be singing The Star Spangled Banner." I said, confidently. I start to sing, and it went amazingly, and just the way that I practice when I'm alone, and singing the way I do when nobody else is around. My true voice was coming out, but without all the voice tricks and showing off, as others would do. I get to the halfway mark, and I slightly look up to see all of their faces staring at me, intently, and I quickly looked back down at the stand with the words on it. I start to shake, as I get a weird vibrato going on. I tried to make it stop, and I was so nervous. When I hit the line "Gave proof through the night," I regained my focus, and had almost stopped shaking. I smiled as I sang the rest of the song, and my voice echoed across the room. "And the home of the brave." I sang, as I thought: Bek that was brave... The class cheered for me, and clapped enthusiastically. I got looks such as "Wow, I didn't know you could do that!", "Good job!" and "That was amazing, Bek!" I was actually proud of myself. I turn around in my seat, and Mr. Burrows smiles and nods at me, symbolizing the words "Bek, that was amazing." I did it... I conquered my fear of stage freight, once more. I can do this.

Song of the Day: Star Spangled Banner


Shout-Out of the Day:
Gavin and Dawson: Stay strong you guys, you know I'm here for you guys no matter what happens. You're the best guys I could ask for! Dawson, as your girlfriend, I promise to never leave your side or cheat on you, or betray you in any way. Gavin, as your sister, I promise to help you as best I can, talk to you when I can, and be there for you always.

Hey guys, it's kinda my 90th post, and I wanted to celebrate it with you guys! Go like my Facebook page?

I Can't Reach You...

He's sad and hurt. Where did we go wrong? He says I didn't do anything wrong, but yet he writes over & over I'm dying inside knowing that I probably hurt her. What could all of this mean? I'm super thankful that Dallon told me what happened with all of this seriousness about technology and all. Thing is, I'm really worried about him. Every minute of every day he's on my mind and it makes me wonder what can I do to help him? He's just fine when we're in person, but when I'm gone it seems like his world just collapses onto him and he needs me ten times as much. I can't talk to him. It's not that he's not able to, but that he's ditching technology and actual speech. I know what happened, but I still continue to wonder. Is that all that's wrong? The loss of his father, and of Gavin's grandma was of course hard on both of them. Dallon tells me that he does this every year, but it's never been this bad before. He's falling apart, but what can I do?

Dawson's been sad all week, nonstop. Am I just making everything worse? Am I even helping him? What do I do? I've been so selfish, wanting him to do things for me and wanting him to do what I want. What about what he wants from me? What can I do to cheer him up if I can't even talk to him? He can't even see what I'm saying right now, and that's hard. I need him, and he needs me. I hope he's praying silently for strength. I just hope that he will be okay. I hope he doesn't cut or hurt himself over depression. If he did, or he has already, I'm still going to stand by and support him, but if he commits suicide, I just don't know what I'd even do anymore. I love him so much and the fact that he's being like this makes me want to go anti-social and bawl and stare at my phone until he texts. I know it's not the happiest thing to do, but it's what I feel like.

When he falls apart, I fall apart. When he's sad, I'm sad. I've tried making him happy, but I guess the best thing that I can do is just cry with him and for him. Dawson, if you're reading this... I love you.

Lil Song of the Day: Always for You by The Lighthouse and The Whaler

Epic Shout-Out of the Day:
James: What do I do? I'm so lost right now. Dallon says this is the worst it's ever been, and I want to help but I just can't... I can't...get to him. I can't reach out and touch him. I'm scared.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Hello everyone, It's September... In my opinion, one of the hardest months to go through, yet very long awaited. It's hard for me for very personal reasons. It's one of those months where you just want to cry all day long, and wonder why life is so bad. It's the month I go back to school, and get stressed out all over again. But at the same time, it's the month that me and the love of my life, Dawson got together. On September 20th, Drawkah will have it's 1 year anniversary. I'm so excited, and I didn't really think we'd get this far, but here we are, still together after one year of crushing, and another following with loving. September, it's great but not great.

So, feedback on how I've been doing? Not so great, I've been super stressed lately, and when I had registration I got stressed on how school's going to be like. I had things running through my head like: What am I gonna do? Please don't let me get lost. Then I realized all that I need to do is pray, and find buddies that are in the same classes as me. For example, my friend Hailey is in my first three classes. Now all I need to do is find a buddy that's in both my 4th and 5th hour. Let's hope that I can do that.

This post isn't very inspiring, I know. There's not much to say though, so I guess this was just an update on life. Sorry, guys. I don't really have inspiring words, today.

"LiL" Song of the Day: Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

No shoutouts.