Too Obsessed.

Well...He told me he likes it when I'm obsessed with him. Sure, it's fun and everything's just fine when he and I are actually talking or hanging out. I don't mind being obsessed then, but when it comes to NOT hearing from him, or NOT getting to see him that often, I flip out and go crazy over him. It's like my blog isn't even about my life. It's about the drama that becomes involved with Drawkah! How am I supposed to gain inspiration when I'm just staring at my phone waiting for that text message that MIGHT cheer me up, if it's from him. Truth is, I no longer have a life. If you mention whoever that "Bek" person is, she's a package deal now. She comes with Dawson. However, if you wanted Dawson, you could get Dawson as just Dawson because Dawson's not the one that's completely obsessed with Bek! I bet myself I wouldn't be able to go one week without mentioning Dawson. Even looking at this blog, the words him, he, and Dawson are all WAY overused.

I need to somehow start over a bit. Maybe I could get back into singing? I wrote a song last night, and it's called Obsessed. I won't share it on here because that way everyone will be able to see it, and some people might even steal it. Anyways, the whole song talks about how obsessed I am with him, and the feelings that come with that obsession. What I feel like he doesn't understand, is that it's painful for me to be so obsessed but only when we don't talk, or we're fighting. Like I mentioned in the previous post, I'm not going to get anywhere in life if Drawkah splits. I'll be sent into a depression, and I won't want to be around anybody or post on my blog, or anything. I'll want to sit in my room in the dark, and bawl over him, just like I did for James last Summer. I need to gain independence. I'm still going to talk to Dawson, but I'm thinking that I need to stop EXPECTING him to text back all the time. All of this Summer, it's been Halo for him, when all I pretty much want is some quality time. Like today, he said he'd call me back and stuff, but I guess I got stood up again. No call. *Sigh* I just wish that he was as whipped as I was. I'd do anything for him, but I feel like he wouldn't do as much for me. Is that even safe to say?

Obsession, for me, has never been easy. I think I need to find that Bek from last year that could go pretty much a month without talking to the one she misses most, and still be in tune to the world outside of "HiM" I need to prepare. What if Dawson gets his phone and iPod taken, and also loses his Facebook privileges? What will I do then? I'll go sit in a corner and bawl because that's the Bek I am now. I can't lose him. I CAN'T. Sometimes I wonder if he likes to see me struggle through things like this because he sees how much I'm obsessed. I'm not even sure anymore, and I don't really know what I'm doing now. I just need to back off, I guess.

Song of the Day: Story by Maroon 5

Shout-Out of the Day: 
James: You made me stronger last Summer, but now I need that strength again. I don't know what to do, and I'm not sure how to get in touch with Bek from Jakeah, who could surrvive the breakup, and get through it, and get through a Summer without dying, and the Bek that was strong. I need to be Lil Miss Epic again, and I was wondering if you could help show me what I was like. Please..? ='( It'd mean a bunch.