Nothing Works.

Slowly, the depression eased in. I found myself wanting to be all alone. It was a little scary, to be honest. I felt like I didn't have Dawson anymore...at all. Trying to get my mind off of him, I watch some TV with Chelsea, didn't work. I kept reaching for my phone seeing if I had gotten anything from him. I tried playing Audition for the first time in a week or two, didn't work. I tried hanging out with Adam and Andrew, didn't work. Next, I tried watching Big Brother After-Dark, but I found myself just staring at my phone...waiting, so obviously that didn't work!

Contacting Gavin while I started singing some Maroon 5 songs, I found myself thinking about him more and more. I thought maybe talking to some people would help get my mind off of him. I've tried sleeping, taking a shower, and playing video games, and nothing has worked. I started to worry. The past few days I had been happier than ever, and now I'm getting that sense of depression again? What's happening? Is something wrong with Dawson? I shouldn't be so worried about him right now, but I honestly am. I hope that he calls in 2 days(to fit with our 3 day schedule i guess), but I also hope that I get that call right now. Why now? I already know that he might get un-grounded on The 4th of July, but I still miss talking to him. I wish he could see how this is effecting me right now because I knew he would do anything to contact me. I already know he's doing the best he can to be on his best behavior. However, it's just hard not being able to hear from him...at all.

I have that Lil Miss Epic strength back, it's just that some days it's hard to do this. You can't really help it when you miss someone. I know that it could be worse, aka last Summer, but right now I just want to be alone and sit in a corner and listen to music and cry. Sometimes it feels somehow...great to cry, and release that energy. It will show Dawson that I care, right? I know that he wants me to be smiley today, but I just can't do it, not today.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: Okay Daws. I know that you don't really have access to my blog by the time that this post is up, but I just want to let you know that these days without you have been really hard for me, and my emotions are a roller coaster. I'm sorry that you had to get grounded for so long, and I hope that you can get back all of your privileges soon.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Sweetest Goodbye by Maroon 5
This song reminds me of "Saying Goodbye to Him" because it just brings back the same feelings that I had when I was saying goodbye to him. I can't stop listening to this song right now because I can't stop thinking about him, and the song relates so well to Drawkah. If you want to listen to some of my feelings, then listen to this song, I'd love to recommend it.