I'm Still Here

I'd like to take a moment to thank my 7 followers. Every time I look at that list and see all of your names, I can't help but think that you all really care about all of my daily-drama. Have the dailies here first.

"Lil" Song of the Day: Free Fallin' by John Mayer

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: You know that I write about you a lot on here, and I just wanted to sit here and thank you for everything that you've done for me. I don't care whether it's big or small, I still care that you care for me. I really appreciate that you've been here for me. I know that our drama gets overwhelmingly difficult, but I know that through all that we've been through, we can get through anything. Thank you for truly inspiring me, even if you think that you haven't done much. You treat me like a princess. Again, thank you.

Thank you to everyone, from just reading my blog to commenting on it, or liking on it. It inspires me to be better, and try to be a better person. I'm trying to quit some of my bad habits because I honestly don't want you all to end up repeating some of the mistakes that I end up making. Life is all about learning, and I want you all to be inspired to try your best. I'm not the best example of people to follow, and strive to be like, but I'm trying harder to be that person and example. How great would it be if people came to you and said something like "Hey, I just really wanted to tell you how much you inspire me, and you make me want to be a better person. Thank you for everything." When you guys tell me stuff like that, it makes me love what I do even more. I'm so glad that I started this blog, and I had to thank Dawson on this post about being thankful for where I am because he's been with me ever since I got this blog. It's people like him that make other people want to be better. From the point of either wanting to help them out, or striving to be like them. I see all the experiences that Dawson has been through, and I feel the obligation to help him, because I know that he wants to help me too. Thank you everyone for reading my blog. This isn't the last you'll hear from me.

Building Dedication

Alright! My boyfriend's leaving to Burley for 3-4 days, and I just have to say that I'm going to miss him a bunch! I know that lately I haven't talked much about the wonderful relationship of Drawkah, but I guess it's good to have a break from that every once in a while here on Lil Miss Epic. Anyways, today is the magnificent event of the Building Dedication for our new school, and the Troylairs get to go up and sing The Star Spangled Banner, and we'll welcome those who have participated in Rigby Choirs before to help us all sing it. If you know anybody who's participated in our choirs, the event starts at 6 TONIGHT. If you yourself are a Troylair, you need to come at 5 so that we can practice. I wish everyone luck in participating in this event.

[Part of this blogpost has been removed due to Bek feeling bad about it. Since the rest of this blog was pretty dang decent, we'll leave it up, and just change the title from So Dependent to Building Dedication]

"LiL" Song of the Day: 100 Years by Five for Fighting
This song has grown deep in the bond with me and my brother, this song is truly our song, and every chance we get, and when we bond, we sing this together acoustically  and it's truly beautiful. Our voices match, and it sounds magnificent with the sound of his strumming guitar. I miss you, Jordan.

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day: 
James: I know you know that I know what it's like to be separated by the ones we love. I'm talking about Jamlia, Drawkah, and our siblings out on their mission. I know that we miss them all dearly, but the truly amazing thing is that we can look forward to seeing them again, and reminisce in the feeling of what it's like to be around them again. Don't feel lonely and all alone because you really aren't. What you and I tend to end up doing is realize that the ones we love most are gone, and then we miss them so much that we forget that there's other people out there to spend our time with. For example, when you and I are sad about Julia and Dawson, what we sometimes don't realize is that we can cure our loneliness by talking to each other, and making the best out of it! Please don't feel alone, I care about you, and I care about your feelings, and I hope that this has helped, and possibly inspired you. 

Sticking Up For Others

Going about my daily life, I noticed that one of my friends was picking on another one of my friends, and I felt like it was my responsibility to step in and say what I believe is right. To give you a little bit more on the situation before we start, let's just say that the girl broke up with the guy, but they only went out because the girl was dared to by one of her friends. Let's look to Facebook once again for what happened!
Rebekah: "I'm the one who told Bridger about this, and he was really mad and upset. It's just not even cool... Don't date people out of dares, whoever dared you shouldn't be messing with peoples love lives. I had to help him through that experience and let me tell ya, he was devastated. We've all been hurt, and how would you feel if you were played by some person who didn't want to date you in the first place when you thought there was something there? Treat others how you would like to be treated."

Marie:True, and Rebekah when i tell the guy over 3 times he should know
Rebekah: That is true, but I must say this: It's not a reason to completely ditch someone. Did you thoroughly explain why you don't like him? Maybe he just didn't understand. I'm not trying to blame this situation on you, but we all need to be better and consider the other person's situation and feelings.
Bridger: Thank you to everyone who can see through the untruths that have been said about me

Phebe: Bridger. Know I havent always been the nicest person but like I said I don't think what happend was fair. I will repeat your not a worthless joke and you don't need to be treated like one. I'm sorry to hear about what happend

Bridger: Thank you so much for your support.

Rebekah: You're a great person, Bridger. I hope you can move on, and hopefully someday forgive Marie for what she did to you.

After dealing with all of that post and stuff, I got up this morning and checked my Facebook and was surprised that Bridger's mom had actually contacted me to thank me for what I had done! Let's look to Facebook again to see what was said!


Amy: Rebekah, this is Bridger's mother. My name is Amy, and you are an angel! I read your post through Bridger's Facebook and I appreciate that you are mature enough to stand up for my son and not believe all those comments said about him by a certain young lady. Bridger has Aspergers Syndrome and does tend to get obsessive about things occasionally. But he is a good person and I've tried to teach him the proper way to treat a girl. He's learning and growing and maturing just like everyone else your age and he deserves to be treated with respect. Thank you for doing just that! You're a good girl!

Sincerely, Amy

Rebekah: Thank you so much! That message seriously just made my day! Amy, I've known Bridger too long to know that he would do the things that she said that he did. My dad went about this situation a different way however, he said that I should have confronted her through private message. Honestly, I don't think that would've worked because she probably would've felt threatened, and I felt like that was the right thing to do. Standing up for people in public, regardless whether the situation is "Vulgar(like my dad said)" shows others that it's okay to stand up for what you believe in, and that it's okay to stand up for others. Standing up for Bridger, not only has strengthened others, but it has strengthened me as well. Realizing that what I did was the right thing to do regardless of what other people think, is something that we could all learn. Kind of like Nephi and his brothers. Nephi was choosing the right, and Laman and Lemuel didn't believe him at all! Amy, I don't know what's gotten into me but I just see how long this message is and I'm kind of happy about it. I have so much to say to you! Bridger is such an amazing kid, and to see him getting picked on by another one of my friends that we went to elementary school with, hurts... It shows that People Can Change!! (I capitalized that because it's the name of a post title on my blog!) I was so inspired to do the right because recently someone apologized to me, and it was what I really needed at the time because me and this girl had some history that we both were not very proud of. After coming to a realization that I had to forgive her for what she had done, I unblocked her Facebook account, and yesterday she apologized to me, and I told her I had forgiven her. We had a long conversation about what we believe is right, and after going to her wall to see the conversation about Bridger, I just knew I had to pitch in. The girl I had been talking with seriously didn't know enough about Bridger, and she knew the other girl better... That's why she had believed her instead. I told Phebe that nothing she had said about Bridger was true. If you have seen my blog before, you would be able to see that I get super obsessed with things. My top three obsessions would probably be inspiration, speaking from the heart, and my boyfriend. Don't let the word boyfriend get you fooled, he's actually a really sweet guy once you get to know him. He's helped me grow so much more, and realize why some things are the way they are. Bridger is kind of the same way, but I just don't love him the same way that I love my boyfriend. Amy, you've raised such a great young man, and it's been fun to grow up with him, and see what he's becoming into. I agree with you about him needing to be treated with respect because everybody needs that. If you really think about it, we're all the same... We're all heavenly father's children, and we're all going to get judged some day, and I guess you could say I feel as if it's my responsibility to make sure everybody else is happy, or even has hope. I have so many inspirations, and I am able to get inspired by the littlest things that make me strive to be better. Bridger has inspired me in little ways, and it helps me to gain more appreciation for him. He's such a great kid, and if anything, I'm striving to inspire my inspirations.

Spoken from the Heart, 

Rebekah Phillips

Long story, short. I was inspired by the fact that she had taken time out of her daily life to thank me, and I probably went a little overboard with the long message I had sent her, but I felt an obligation to telling her more and more, and sharing my testimony with her, and striving to be better and speaking from the heart, etc. Hope this post was inspiring!

"LiL" Song of the Day: Little Girl by The Fold

"EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:

Bridger: Your mom was so inspiring to me today, and I want to let you know that everything that I said in the reply to her was genuine and spoken from the heart.

Forgiveness is Key to a Brighter Future

Just what I wanted! Things are finally coming together. I knew things would get better and better when you try to be a better person! Know how I was scared of two certain people way back in the post-times of  "Why? It's a Long Story". Two other posts that I'd love to reference back to that deal around this situation would be: "People Can Change" and "November's Resolution." I reference back to these 3 posts because we have something that happened that I knew was going to happen in the future, and here it is! My story with Phebe! Originally I thought Phebe was quite suspicious, and recently, I've been scared of her, but I'm here to say that things are going a lot better than they were. Let's look to the Facebook messages that her and I shared about all of this!

Phebe: Hey rebekah I know things between me and you have not really been all that good.. and to be honest I had no right getting into your and mandis drama.. and I should have been a lot nicer to you.. I'm really really sorry for everything but I hope you can put it in the past and forgive me.. I am not asking for your full trust just maybe a friend..?"

Rebekah: "You're forgiven. =)"

Phebe: "Thanks Rebekah(:" Rebekah: "No problem. All I really wanted from you was an apology. =)"

Phebe: "Oh haha well I guess I read your mind(:"
Rebekah: "Haha yeah! Did my mom say anything about me? Haha. The reason I hid when you came over to my house is because I was scared that you'd like glare at me and I really was just scared of what might happen."

Phebe: "She says nothing bad really haha just your her daughter, and I would have hid if I was you too haha"

Rebekah: "Haha yeah. I just..I hate to be hated, you know? It's a big fear, and probably a problem on my part. I didn't want to deal with it so I just hid and whenever they said you were coming over, I'd like go downstairs or in my room because I knew you didn't really like me. I tried to smile at you when I saw you at school and stuff because at the time I was trying to consider forgiveness, and I had already forgiven you because my mom told me that you and Mandi weren't even friends anymore and that she talked you into doing dirty work or whatever. So I started really thinking about whether or not I was willing to change my opinion of you, and thank you for the space because honestly it helped~ I think we have a possibility of being friends now!"

Phebe: "I have no reson to hate you other than mandi. To be honest she is no longer my friend and I don't trust her. If you were with the room I would respect and treat you fair, and yes mandi did use me ALOT!! I really think we can be friends too."

Rebekah: "I'd really like some closure as to what happened with the whole "beating you up in the bathroom" thing...was that all her?"

Phebe: "Yes she told them it happend without telling me. I got called down and they told me what she told them.. so I agreed even though I dident want to.. then they called you down.. I felt super bad!! I'm sorry I took her side over it I was really dumb"

Rebekah: "I was terrified of you after that because me and Chelsea got dragged into something that we didn't do, and we were pretty sure it was all you because Mandi hadn't acted like that before and all the evidence or whatever pointed to you, and then I started to really think about it, and I just blocked both of you for a while and then after my mom said that you really weren't that bad I unblocked you, hoping to give you a second chance. All the evidence really did point back to her instead, and I honestly wonder what's on her mind. Heck, I used to be her best friend, but it's crazy that she completely ditched everyone as quick as she did. She's lost a bunch of people, and became a completely different person. I forgive you, and I'm trying to forgive her...but it may not work because of all the crap she's put everybody through, including what she did to you!"

Phebe: "I had a lot of dumb stufd happen with her!! She came to my house witg vadca when she new a 55 year old man who loves drinking was here! They all started to drink and I gave in and had a drink and then mandi passed out.. her mom got her and she blamed me! Then she blocked me! Now she is going out with my bestfriend Corbet. So me and her are talking but she is just not the same person and I scares me for him. I am worried she is gonna hurt him or make him act like her.. oh well its over now and out of my hands. But the best thing you can do with her is not even get caught in her stupid drama"

Rebekah: "No kidding! She's gone absolutely nuts! I seriously don't know what happened to change her...She's gone crazy. Heck, I was willing to do anything for her, so I can't really blame you when you had confronted me in the choir room that one time, because you were just trying to help out a friend. Honestly though, she's not who she used to be, and she's probably going to end up changing anybody else who wants to be her friend. I wish that she could realize that what she's doing is wrong, and I seriously hope that people can realize, like I did, that you're not as bad as they think...and that all of this is truly her fault."

Phebe: "Yes it is her fault! She made a lot of people hate me and I got caught into protecting her! I would do it for any friend no matter who but she messed my life totally up! People think I'm some evil person and it really bugs me because I'm not..or atlest I try not to be. I wish she could change back to that silly girl. But I am sad to say iwas most of the reson she is the way she is. At one point I was a drama freak like her who did bad things but I've cleaned up my life a lot. She just needs to grow up!"

Rebekah: "Yeah, well, Phebe I'll try to help you, okay? I've got this blog, and I blogged a little bit about you two, and I even blogged about the possibility that I may forgive you. Now that it's happened, I feel like I need to show that on my blog, and tell people that you're not a bad person."

Phebe: "Haha thanks Rebekah(:"

Rebekah: "No problem, you honestly deserve it. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your situation and people thought I was a terrible person... We all get that way sometimes though, but she really needs to just grow up. I'm glad that you've cleaned up your life. Don't let other people control your life, live your own life, and do what you think is right. =)"

Well then! There you have it! As Phebe and I's story comes to both an end and a beginning, I can look to a brighter future thanks to thought and forgiveness. Remember, People can change! =)

"LiL" Song of the Day: All Over You by The Spill Canvas "EPiC" Shout-Out of the Day:
Phebe: I just knew I could forgive you! You had the potential, and I'm so glad that I unblocked you, and gave you a chance. Just remember to stay true to yourself, and don't let people change you unless it's for the better. I invite you to my blog with open arms, and I hope that you can be inspired, because you inspired me by coming to me and apologizing and being honest with me about Mandi.

Yet Here We Are.

This past week has been so filled with experience that I didn't get a good time to sit down and really just... blog about it! I've been too busy having way too much fun. First of all, I got my hands on a Play Station 2, and the game Final Fantasy 9, and I'm addicted, I'm actually on the last disc! Anyways! What I did this week was sit around lazy, and try to get away from the world, go to Troylairs, go hang with Dawson, and go to Julia's birthday party... That's about it. Thing is, I make things way more complicated than they need to be, so this could take a while!

Troylairs... The class I've been waiting 2 years for... I remember 2 years ago when I was a little 8th grader who's passion was to sing, that I looked up to The Troylairs. I had dreams about becoming one, and there I was... being welcomed into Troylairs by Mr. Burrows, himself. My stomach had began to get aches that first day... I was nervous, yet really... I was overwhelmed that I was in it. Was I really good enough? As we all began to sing The Star Spangled Banner, I thought to myself: This is exactly what I wanted, but.. Do I deserve it? Then I got kind of a mini-flashback as to what I said to James once... Does it deserve you, Bek? Is Troylairs worth your time? Are you willing to be here? Are you willing to try your best? Will The Troylairs accept you for who you are? I kept asking me all these questions, when I realized. I already know that I deserve it. If I didn't deserve to be in Troylairs, I wouldn't have gotten in. There's people out there that would KILL to be in your spot, Bek. I knew that was true! I realized I need to quit being so hard on myself.

Alright! I don't have much to say, really, about Dawson and I hanging out on his birthday. It'll be pretty self-explanatory if I give you some pictures. All I can say right now, is that he made me feel like I was wanted, and needed. He told me, that I had proved that I wanted him, and that he can't stop thinking of the expression on my face when he had to leave. Wait... Why does that sound so... familiar? More... Familiar than usual. Could it be that... James told me that same thing when we had to leave... That's why it's so familiar. It's happened to me before, and I caught the same worry that I had last time it happened. Except... I'm sure this time was more genuine. I don't want to lose him... Every time me and Dawson kiss there's something there...it leaves me wanting more and more. Love can be complicated and explainable, but Dawson and I's love is just so simple. Dawson and I love each other, and that's that. Nobody can change our love. But yeah, I have to say that was a good Thursday, even though I hate Thursdays.

Drawkah. A subject of war, peace, and love. One of the most important things in two peoples lives. They love everything about each other, whether it's a flaw or a skill. Drawkah, as of yesterday, has been together for 11 months. Drawkah is a roller coaster of drama, but can always be solved by just a kiss or by dropping it by saying that they still love each other more than anything. Drawkah...

Song of the Day: Venice by The Lighthouse and the Whaler

Shout-Out of the Day:
New Relationships: "Build upon what you may or may not have. When you crumble, build each other up again. Do you want to be known as someone who has nobody to trust, or is not to be trusted? Love each other. Help each other. Be there for each other." -Lil Miss Epic

What Prayer Brought Me

Lately there's been some possibilities of Drawkah eventually splitting when I turn 16, because I'm not allowed to steady date... Me and Dawson cried for a long time together over this, and we were so sad that Drawkah wouldn't end up staying together forever. I prayed for help...because I knew I wouldn't be able to fix this tragedy all on my own. I told Braxton about what had happened a couple hours later, and then he suggested that me and Dawson go on group dates and double dates. I kind of laughed about it first, but then...I took it into consideration, and later that night I told Dawson, and he still doubted the fact that we'd stay together. I told him all we had to do was go on group dates and double dates. He still cried because he knew my mom wouldn't want me and Dawson to be together.

The next day, I was talking to my mom, and I had told her this: "Now that I think about it, 1 on 1 dates sound incredibly awkward... but I think GROUP dates sound fun!!!" I was truly honest about that, group dates and double dates honestly sound more fun, and memorable than 1 on 1's. What was the point of 1 on 1's if you don't even really like that person anyways? I wanted to do group dates...it sounds like you'd get to know everybody even more! My mom replied to me that she had felt the same when she was my age. She said that she went on a lot of group dates and double dates with a lot of the same people even if they were bopeer pressure on group dates because she doesn't want me hanging out with the wrong crowd. So basically she told me it's alright if I have a boyfriend and we do double dates and group dates.
yfriend and girlfriend. She just told me to beware of

I decided to keep the news a secret up until Dawson's birthday, but I just couldn't contain my secret after I had come back from Troylairs yesterday. He had told me he had thoughts of us breaking up that day and that's why he didn't stick around me much or hold my hand or hug me goodbye unless I told him. I came home and I just wondered what would happen because he was acting so...different. Usually, he freely grabs my hand, and knows to hug me goodbye, and sticks right by my side. But that day, he just was like 3 feet away from me, and didn't hold my hand, and it was so different. I wasn't used to it at all. I started getting paranoid on the way home from Troylairs. He told me he was paranoid that I was gonna basically break up with him, and then I blurted out my little secret that we don't have to break up anymore. I made him cry tears of happiness for such a long time. He basically told me I had repaired his broken heart 100%, and that he had nothing to worry about now. I told him that I got the true solution from my Heavenly Father, because let's face it, if I hadn't prayed, on my 16th birthday I'd be breaking up with the best boyfriend in the world, which would turn my "Sweet 16" into the worst birthday of my entire life. He started loving life again, and I felt like I had fulfilled part of my purpose.

Ever since I had met Dawson, I felt that it was my duty to help him, and get him to be where he's supposed to be. I honestly have prayed about him multiple times, and I've felt the urge to pull him closer and closer to me. If it weren't for prayer, Dawson wouldn't be reading the scriptures like he is now. Dawson wouldn't want to get back into religion. I guess I've helped him realize what's important to him. I'm not trying to take credit for this, but I'm giving Heavenly Father all the credit, all I had to do was pray about it, and talk to him, and be there for him. I feel like I need to do all that I do for him. I even prayed that Dawson would come into my life.. (as creepy as that sounds) He came to me through a Summer wish and a Summer prayer. I prayed to meet somebody who cared about me, loved me, and that we could help each other get stronger, as we fell more in love... I got exactly what I wanted. I met Dawson that year, when he moved into our school. He's my fallen angel, we're making each other stronger, and better each day.

LiL Song of the Day: Pioneers by The Lighthouse and The Whaler

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day:

Those Lacking Hope: Pray... Prayer runs off of Faith. The more faith you have, the closer you are to Heavenly Father. Pray to him, and determine what his answer is for you. God works in mysterious ways. Don't doubt that he's listening, he listens to everyone, for we are the children of God. It doesn't matter what color you are, or whether you're straight or not, he loves every single one of us. Just choose the right, even when you've done wrong in the past.

It Gets Harder, Don't Give Up

With every day it gets a little bit harder, Through every trial and problem, we get a bit smarter. We develop feelings for someone, and the pain gets stronger. Through all the time apart, every Summer gets hotter. My heart breaks a little more every time I see your face, from all the times, and all the secrets that went to waste. Crushes that fade, heartbreak that stayed, every day's harder. It's never time to give up. Even though we may get rejected, we can still try harder until we're dead.

LiL Song of the Day: Purpose by Avenue Q

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day:

Those Who are Struggling: I know it's hard, but keep trying... It gets better.

Safely Staying

I was feeling a bit sick, and then Gavin told me that Dawson wanted me to check my tablet, so of course, I did it as soon as I can, and saw that he got his iPod privileges back along with Xbox. Smiling to myself, I replied that I knew that would happen, and I knew that at MOST he'd be grounded for a week. Heck, he hadn't even lost his iPod privileges for one entire day! I found out why he got grounded though, and I know he must be really upset about it... I know I would be.

Anyways, as we continued to chat on Tango, he began to get more & more flirtatious and "clingy" (according to him). He asked me what I would do if he fell asleep while we were cuddling, and I didn't really know, and then I said that I would kiss his forehead, and he replied "That's it?" and then I said "I'd continue to cuddle?" and then he said this: "Hun, if you fell asleep while we were cuddling, I'd stay there by your side and just let you dream away while I get to be with my magnificent beautiful girlfriend, who I love very much, and when you woke up, I'd hug you so that the first thing you feel is to be in my arms." Freaking out at his magnificent answer to this somehow hard-to-answer (for me) question, I sat in silence for a bit trying to think of what to reply. I simply said "Awwwwwwwwwhhhh" because what else are you supposed to say to something so cute and sweet? I told him it was just what I wanted to hear, and he smiled and said "Well I wanna give you everything you want from me." He truly made me happier than I had been at that moment, and as he told me he misses my kiss, I wondered why. Why does he love me so much? What have I done to deserve him? I asked him what's so amazing about my kiss, and he replied "It's because it's the closest we can get to each other besides you know, and you're the girl I love." I asked him how much he likes my kiss on a scale of 1-10, and he said "I love it when we kiss, it feels like I'm somewhere else with just you, and scale 1-10 would be 1000."

I asked what I could do to make him happier, and he said (over voice chat) "You don't have to make me happy babydawl, You've already made me as happy as I can be." Not only did that STATEMENT make me smile, but it made me think... I make him happy... I make him happy... How does this compare to his past? Well, in his break-up text from forever ago, he told me that I make him sad. Well! This means I'm improving at whatever I'm trying to accomplish! He started to get more flirtatious, and kept saying "I love you." over and over, but it was an appropriate time to say it, so it made me just that much happier. Flirting back, I told him he should come cuddle with me, and he said "Believe me, Darling. I really really wanna cuddle right now. I'm kinda really clingy right now, and I don't know why." I told him he was cute, and he told me he loves it when I say that. I know what you all are thinking, but don't give up on my blog just yet, of course it's gonna get a bit gushy and romantic...but that's because I'm in a gushy and romantic relationship... with my boyfriend, Dawson. <3 Alright alright, so Dawson and I sent each other pictures and stuff, and then he sent me possibly the cutest picture of Drawkah I have ever ever seen. I haven't seen this photo until last night when he sent it to me, but it's a picture of us kissing at my birthday party, where I made him stand on a stool.

This is possibly the cutest kiss pic I have ever seen in my entire life. Not only is it perfect, but the fact that he has his arm around me, and my face is red from blushing just makes this picture 10 times cuter.

Getting to the point, I'm not the only one who's clingy, but it turns out he can get clingy too. I've realized this before, but this clinginess from him, was somehow needed because I felt like I was the only one. I felt like I didn't even deserve him, but now that I see that he wants me just as much as I want him, I can safely say that I feel safe now. Safe enough to be with him longer. Safe enough to make Drawkah stronger. Safe enough to say that we're a cute couple. Through all the fights, trials, and cute things, we'll always be the same-old Drawkah, but improving every second, minute, hour, day, and so on. We'll fall in love more with every kiss, hug, word, and movement. Because that's how we work. That's how we are. But we are meant for each other. Whether it be for right now, or farther on into the future. I am safe to say that I love him very much. I can safely stay in his arms.

LiL Song of the Day: Comatose by Skillet

EPiC Shout-Out of the Day:
Chelsea: Thank you for helping, with peer pressure, to get Drawkah together. I know that you didn't even try to get this to happen, but look at what you've created. You've made two people happy. Sure, Dawson and I already liked each other, but we needed that extra push to realize that it was okay to make a move. Thank you.

The Almost Break-Up 3

Here we go again. Dawson's once again grounded, at least his parents gave me a deadline. They said at least one week. Knowing Dawson's recent history with being grounded, I'm going to say that at most he'll be grounded for a week. Plus, who wants to be grounded on their birthday, anyways? That's right! Dawson's birthday is on August 15th! I'm so excited to give him his birthday present, don't worry, it's nothing naughty. Haha. All I know is that he'll love it... or um.. I hope he loves it.

So basically before I had left for Girl's Camp, I did something that I regret, and Dawson did something I'm sure he regretted. Dawson texted me after we had gotten off the phone one day, the day before I left for Girls Camp(July 29th), and he texted me "Hey Linsey" Flipping out, I gave the phone to Krista because I seriously had no idea what I was going to do next. I know that to you guys, it's just simple, I bet you're all just sitting there saying "Bek, it was just a wrong-number." To me, there was a lot more to say about it. Here's why I think it's wrong:
1. I don't like Linsey very much because I'm positive that she's got a crush on my boyfriend.
2. My contact name is "<3<3My Girl<3<3" on Dawson's phone... which means he just basically called Linsey his girl.
3. Why is he texting her?
4. He texted her first, it looks like.
I know that you guys are probably thinking that that was nothing to worry about, but it's not that I don't trust Dawson, because I honestly do, I don't trust her. It's only because I don't know her that well, and the idea of her just makes me both scared, and full of worry. It's nothing personal, it's just jealousy. Complete jealousy. I know I shouldn't be the one jealous because I'm with Dawson, but he gets to see her instead of me, and I can't help myself. I'm like any other girl, I want the guy I'm dating all to myself.

Krista kept telling me stuff about what Dawson was sending her through texts, it was all what I didn't want to hear. All the faults that others see about me, Dawson tells me that he loves about me. Well, he might've lied. According to Krista, he said that my obsession is annoying, when he tells me he loves it. He told Krista that I'm annoying because I won't let him be friends with any girls. Which isn't true, I just don't like it when he's friends with girls that I'm sure have a CRUSH on him. I started to get angrier and angrier, as the possible lies came out as a possible truth. I was scared. Krista told me I had two choices. Break-up with him, and get hurt... or stay with him and get hurt. I told him to let me think about it... I analyzed the locked messages I had kept from him, and then I analyzed what he had put me through, after Not a Break-Up Story, because he had changed. I thought about it, and I thought.. If I let him go, I'll be giving him to her... I don't want that... I want him to myself. I told him that I was staying, and he was bawling.

The next day, I had to leave, and I knew that a number of people were upset with me after Dawson's story to tell. I told Marlee, and she totally understood, and didn't think what Dawson was doing was cool. I still felt terrible, and that it was my fault. The entire time when I was at camp, I kept thinking about him, constantly, about how he's probably sitting there alone, in misery. I hoped that Gavin was comforting him... which he was. I just hoped that nobody convinced him that he should leave while I was gone. When I pulled out my phone, and waited for service on the way back, I started to think about him again, about how I might contact him, and he might be crying... There were so many possibilities to how he may react to a text from me. I texted him.. and he warned me about Gavin, and that he's mad at me. I, at first, decided not to reply to him... but then I did.

I was taking everything Gavin said to me terribly wrong, and after dropping Krista off, I started crying.. because I didn't want to hurt Dawson, but now that I have, I felt that everything bad that had ever happened in Drawkah was all my fault. I didn't feel good enough for him. I was sad, depressed even. I didn't deserve my boyfriend. I didn't deserve anyone. I told Gavin that I was sorry for being so defensive, when it really was all my fault. I was breaking down into depression. I felt terrible. If only Dawson could see how depressed I was, if only he knew what I was going through... But maybe he did. Maybe this was the feeling he had, the previous 3 situations that had happened with Drawkah's close break-ups. I felt like nothing could cure the loneliness. I told Gavin that I almost broke up with Dawson because I felt like he was trying to change me, and that I felt like he didn't like me for who I am. Gavin told me that Dawson just does stuff like that to seem cool to everyone else. That didn't comfort me, at all. I felt that he was ashamed of me when Gav had said that. I was still trying to change... Trying to get less obsessed, less clingy, less... jealous. I eventually told Dawson how I felt, and he confirmed that he loves it when I'm obsessed and clingy. I didn't mention jealousy because, it's something we all need work on... I'm sure he doesn't like it when I am jealous...but when I get jealous, it's a sign that I care about you, and that I want you to myself. It's just more evidence that I love him. He told me he just wants to make me happy. I sent him a really long text about how I feel, when he had fell asleep... He later, (as in last night) told me he loves the text. Now I'm sorry that he's grounded, but I hope that I'll be able to talk to him soon.

EPiC Song of the Day: Infatuation by Maroon 5

LiL Shout-Out of the Day:
Gavin: I know you were just trying to help out Dawson, and you did a good job... Your advice on Drawkah is phenomenal. You're a great friend to him, and I want you to know that everything I said to you that might've been rude the other day, please take no offense.

You Inspire Me...

Just like yesterday was all about a song, today's post is all about a shout-out. To one of my best-est friends, Chelsea-Evelyn. You never cease to inspire me, and it means a bunch to know that I can inspire you. You know me, when it comes to inspiring my inspirations, I try my best. Not only is it her blog-posts from The Scootalooser, but it's from her magnificent words, poems, and updates. Chelsea is what I can consider an amazingly true friend! When it comes to her, she will stop at nothing to make others happy, and help out those in need. She may deny it at times, but I know this is true. To Chelsea-Evelyn, I love you, and I hope to keep inspiring one of my biggest inspirations, you.

Song of the Day: Oath by Cher Lloyd

Fly Higher, and Inspire!

We can all be inspirations if we just get off of our feet, and try our best to soar. I encourage you all to take a leap of pure faith, and try to get off the ground, and whatever's holding us down. Raise the bar, and do better than your best. Strive to do the impossible. Strive to inspire. I love you all, and I hope you can enjoy this amazing song of the day.

Also, here's August's Cover!


Shout-Out of the Day:
To those who inspire: I love you

Bek's gone for a while, sorry guys.

Eyyooo,  guys!  It's Chelsea.  I'm here updating for Bek because she's not going to be on until she gets back from girls camp (which will be Friday, July 2nd or 3rd) she is trying to prove her step-dad wrong,  and not use her laptop all the time like he says she is.  So,  don't worry,  she's not dead if she doesn't update in the next week or so.  Thanks guys!

-The Scootalooser.

Lil Miss California Girl

Oh man, the reason I didn't blog for over a week was not because I didn't want to, and I didn't want to tell you guys anything, but because I was in a magical heck-hole called California. As you guys may know, I get home sick very easily.

The first day of our "wonderful" vacation was at Universal Studios. The first thing we went to was a Haunted House. Since I am the one who's nearly scared of everything, I held Sarah's hand tightly as we walked through the haunted house with random creepy actors popping out everywhere, I flinched and squeezed tightly. I started to get more and more pissed off as Andrew kept wandering away from the group, and ahead of all of us. However, let's face it, he's 13, and he's excited to be somewhere he might never go to again. Next we waited in line forever for the simulation "The Simpsons" ride. It was exhausting being in line for around 90 minutes. I'll never forget that dumb wait. We watched little clips on these TV's above the line that played the same crap around 4 times total. Again and again, we saw Bart being swept away on that dumb kiddy ride that he was too tall to ride. The ride was not worth the wait, not only had I already been on that ride while I was in Florida, but it was simulation, all you did was rock back and forth while watching a show. After that, we were pretty much starving after that long wait, and decided to get some pizza. After waiting around 30 minutes in the hot sun in a big crowd, we got pizza that could've convinced us it was sunburned. The pizza was so hot, and so undercut that it was both the worst pizza I've ever had, and it burnt my hand a little and made me even more pissed off. Being dragged to a tour, Marilyn Monroe said she absolutely loved my shirt, and said she wanted it for herself. After being a little flattered, I notice my phone's life was halfway depleted. We went on the tour, and saw some pretty breathtaking stuff like sets from movies, and TV shows such as Desperate Housewives and Back to the Future. We also saw one of the biggest crashes that Steven Spielberg made himself from a movie that escapes my mind right now.
After that we went on the Jurassic Park ride, and got soaked, but it felt good in the California weather. After that, we got addicted to "The Mummy" one of the most addicting rides there at Universal because it took us backwards and it was in the dark, and it wasn't simulation like most of the rides. Following the 3-4 times we rode that ride, we decided to head back to the hotel after a long day of shows and rides that really weren't worth the wait.

The second day when we went to Disney Land, I was immediately sick of vacationing. Let's face it, I was getting pissed off with nearly everything, and I missed my boyfriend that I couldn't talk to as much. Not only was I missing my boyfriend, but I was missing back home too, and my bed, and...that's about it. However, my mom was attending a seminar up there in California so I didn't get to see her the first three days of our vacation. Around 6, I started complaining about how much I wanted to go back to the hotel, and pretty much home because my feet and legs were sore from all the walking. But because Andrew wanted to go on all of the little kiddy rides that Disney Land had, we stayed there until the park closed, and then had to walk back to the hotel. The only thing that Disney Land had that was totally worth it was Space Mountain and looking at the Iron Man suits. Other than that, I kind of hated that place.

The third day of our vacation, we went to California Adventures, another part of Disney Land. Zach, Sarah, and I didn't expect much of California Adventures because we all didn't have as much fun as we wanted back in Disney Land, it didn't meet our expectations. California Adventures was pretty amazing for these points:
1. California Screamin': Such a fun rollercoaster, I was kind of scared to go on it at first because of how fast it was and how big the drops were, but the whole thing was really just a breeze. I loved it. We even went on it around 4 times.
2. World of Color: The one ride where Zach and I actually started bonding. Before this World of Color, we pretty much disliked each other. With all the colorful water, and scenes from movies and oooing and ahhing. We simply adored how amazing the lights were and how much the music matched with the water. It's a MUST see if you're up in California Adventures. Much better than Disney Land's lame fireworks.
3. Radiator Springs Racers: Scenes from the movie, while riding in a sports car, everything was exactly on from the movie, along with Cars Land itself. I felt like I was in the movie! It wasn't worth 90 minutes of waiting, but I see why it was so popular. If you're going to ride this, you're going to have to do it when it gets dark. If you're still in line when California Adventures closes, they'll let you ride anyway, and the line will start to speed up because they want to get their day over with.

Our fourth day of vacation was good old Knott's Berry Farm. The last I had been at Knott's I was three years old and I had been just a baby riding on a kiddy ride with a giant envelope bawling my eyes out. I had to admit, I was pretty scared of all the rides there at Knott's. I went on every single ride there though, and even thought the Exelerator was the most scary ride of them all, I still went on it twice, along with the Boomerang and a ride that looked like The Mouse back in Lagoon. Knott's Berry Farm was by far the funnest day of my vacation because my mom told me to just laugh when I got scared. My mom's kind of giving me the advice that Pinkie Pie told the other ponies to do when they saw all the spooky trees. She just told them to giggle at the ghosties, just like how my mom told me to laugh in the face of fear. She said the best part of roller coasters is that you know you're safe. After a big day of laughter, we all had voted to go home except for Andrew, who ran off and did whatever the heck he wanted kind of like an excited 6 year-old. Not only did he not act his age, he rode all the kiddy rides that we could've done back in Lagoon there. We waited for Andrew for over 2 hours and played Charades on Sarah's phone, which was really fun. Zach, Sarah, and I bonded even more during the games.

The next day, we went to Six Flags with hot weather as high as the 85 degrees, and maybe even higher. Without any shade, and with "Flash" passes that kind of sucked, we sat around doing nothing because the lines were way too long and none of the rides were worth the wait. Six Flags was never even worth it. I'm never going to Six Flags again unless I have the Flash Pass that speeds up the wait by 90% instead of absolutely nothing. I wanted to go home as soon as we got out of the car. Six Flags made me dizzy, and it made me miserable after this big hill we went up and down around 5 times. The hill made me want to get the hill outta that park! It even gave me an asthma attack that made me dizzy and I couldn't breathe for a while. It wasn't until a little after Dawson prayed that I could breathe normally again. Truth is, I needed a lazy day. The next day we were planning to go back to Universal, where we had already done everything there, and it wasn't really worth it. After being so exhausted, I took off my socks, and climbed into bed realizing that my toenail had fallen off along with a couple of blisters on my toes. I had done so much walking, it seemed like I was hiking 10 miles every day. I missed my bed, I wasn't getting enough sleep, and I wished I could come home to my boyfriend who was missing me just as much, maybe even more.

It was time for my lazy day along with Zach and Sarah. We all decided to stay at the hotel because to us, there was no point in going back to Universal Studios if we had already done everything there. We were lucky we didn't go because we got to rest up our legs and feet, and relax in the hotel's swimming pool, eat some pizza, and have all the food at our hotel rooms to ourselves (chocolate, yogurt, potato chips, and whatever else we could find). They had came back after being stuck in traffic for hours. The next morning we were all to make our way back to Idaho, it was about freaking time. No offense to any californians, but I hate that state. It's too humid there, and everywhere I sit I feel like I pee myself.

During this whole vacation, Dawson was acting super sweet to me, he actually acted like he was obsessed with me. It was so cute and sweet, and it made me feel so special. Here's just one of the texts he sent me over the vacation. "Dawson: Baby iloveyou, you're my world. When I see you, you make my heart skip a beat and I just get dizzy when you're in the same room. Being with you makes me feel like I'm 'floating and it's unreal. Sometimes I think I'll wake up with knowing that the past 10 months was just a good dream ~Bek'sMan<3" Of course, when I read that I thought it was the most adorable thing I've ever read, but some of the texts he had sent me over vacation took up a whole page in my book for locked messages. It's ridiculous how long it took to write down ONE message in that notebook. Of course there's other sweet things he had said to me while I was away, but that one just makes my heart flutter whenever I read it, as does this one. "Dawson: I'm dedicated. I'm obsessed. I'm addicted to being by your side. You're the one I want, you take my breath away at sight. You're an amazing beautiful girl, the best I can ever wish for, and the one I'm in love with. ~Bek'sMan<3" and this one. "Dawson: Honey, you're one in a trillion, I'm so glad I met you last year and even more so to get to be your boyfriend and I'm never ever ever going to find someone as good as you are. iloveyou<3 forever and always. ~Bek'sMan<3" My point is, I really am glad that he realized how much he means to me, and I'm glad I can see how much I mean to him too. I'm grateful for everything that has happened that helped this all happen. I'm Lil Miss Epic, and I'm here to say, I love my life. Our lives have it's ups and downs, but we'll always get that happy ending.

 Song of the Day: California Girls by Katy Perry
What else would we have other than the song I couldn't get out of my head when we landed there in Califonia?

Shout-Out of the Day:
Dad: I don't know what you want from me, but I feel hurt by what you've said to me, and I've pretty much stopped taking pictures of me because of how you've offended me. Because of your little comment, my self esteem has dropped a bunch. I know you said you're sorry, but I didn't feel like you meant you were sorry. I just want you to know that THAT isn't something you should joke about around me. Sometimes I do have self esteem problems about my weight, but now you switch it to whether or not I look alright. I couldn't care less about my weight now, it's just how I look now. I feel like I look terrible. I love you, but I can't hang out with you today. I'm hurt, and still offended by what you have said to me.

Turn it Around

Today, I woke up with a frown on my face, and decided I didn't have a good reason to come out of my room. Since it's Fast Sunday today, I still had to get up and get ready for church, so I did. I was really upset about a lot of things. It was just one of those days where you didn't want to talk to anybody except for one person, in my case, Dawson, and you just wanted to lay in bed all day and eat chocolate. Getting up, I walked to the car because it was time to go to church. The bishop shook my hand, and asked me how I was doing. I couldn't lie, so I told him I was doing terrible with a smile on my face. He said "Come and see me after church ends, and tell me then. I guarantee you'll be better." We sat down, and we happened to be right behind the missionaries. We shook their hands, and just waited for the meeting to start. When all of a sudden, I'm asked to give a youth talk...In my head I think Oh great. Then I'm saved, as my mom says that we won't be here next Sunday, and so he tells us the next Sunday I'll give one. He asks me what I need to work on, and my mom slips in and says "Nothing! She's perfect!" As the missionaries write down what day I'll be going up to give my talk, he says "How about prayer?" Mom and I look at each other at the same time, and both think "That's my/her strongest subject!" We both laugh and continue to wait for the meeting to start, when the missionaries turn around and start giving me tips on how to give a good talk. Elder Simmons cracked a joke, and said If you want them to be touched, uplifted, and moved, all you have to do is have them touch their heart, stand up, and step two feet to the left. THAT way, they have all been touched, uplifted and moved. We all laughed and then Sacrament meeting started.

So far my day seemed to be going uphill since everyone was smiling at me, and giving me that look that tells me that I need to be happy. I start to think during Sunday school, and I ask myself, Am I happy? and I think of course I am. Later in Young Women's, it was time to bear our testimonies because after all, it was Fast Sunday. I told them about how my morning went, and how I told my step-brothers to not even talk to me, and then I told them how the bishop shook my hand, and how I got asked to do the next youth talk. I mentioned how Taylor and Samantha had kept smiling at me, and how the missionaries were by us, and giving me tips on how to do it. I closed by saying that I love our ward so much, and that everything has a reason, and that I love the gospel, and I closed my testimony, and went back to my seat. The next girl who had gotten up to bear her testimony said that she also woke up with a bad day, and that her step-brother was able to cheer her up, and then the next testimony was Maggie, Taylor and Samantha's little sister, confirming that Taylor and Samantha are phenomenal at cheering people up. I smile, as I bow my head for the prayer. Shaking after we had said Amen, I run out to my car. I was excited to get home and blog about my bad, but wonderful day. I'm here to say that if you're having a bad day, count your blessings, and know that the future is going to get better and better the more trials you go through. Just know that it's all for something good. We're all going to be saved.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Chelsea: Hey girl, I'm leaving Friday to somewhere..(that you know about) I'm sorry but we won't be able to hang out this next week either, and the week I get back, I'll have 2 days to pack for Girls Camp, and then I'll be gone even more. I love you, Chels, but no joke..I'm not even free any time soon. Stay strong, and remain positive. Just know, it gets better, it gets better. it will get better.*referring to a Fun song*
"Epic" Song of the Day: Sunday Morning- Acoustic by Maroon 5

He's Dedicated

Nights earlier, due to this post, I had written a song named "Little Miss Lonely." Later that night, I had insomnia, and couldn't sleep. *in the time of "The Same."* I looked up at the stars, not only thinking of him, but wishing. Wishing that I could get another chance because I felt like things were falling apart. I talked to James about Dawson. We both agreed that at the time he seemed not dedicated at all, as we sort of referred to one of my first songs, "Before You," where in the bridge it says how dedicated the two people are for each other. I felt horrible... At that moment, when I was all alone and looking up at the stars listening to my playlist, and wishing...praying for one thing. I whispered.. "I wish Dawson was more dedicated to us..." I said it again, I said it 2 more times. I broke out in more tears, and finally leave to actually get in bed.

The next morning, Dawson calls. To be honest, I was a bit shocked, until I found out that it was actually about my post "The Same." So on the night of July 2nd, I went to bed praying that he would be ungrounded, and that I could finally have him back. Because...I missed him horribly. July 3rd- No contact with Dawson. July 4th- A text from Dawson appears on my phone. I freak out, and start smiling. I tell him what time we're picking him up for the fireworks that night, and he says he's mostly ungrounded. Dawson later told me that he was actually ungrounded on the 3rd, but he had to charge his phone. It worked. Now all I needed was dedication. A little before the fireworks had started, it felt like Dawson was ignoring me, and on his phone too much, and didn't want to be with me. I didn't get that look that he gave me the last time I saw him. I had him sit next to me, and I gave him back his phone, that I stole because I was just looking for attention. He could tell something was wrong. I told him, and he basically said "and I'm sorry for that." and the fireworks started.

Remembering something that I had on my bucket list, he said "Hey bek.." and I turned my head, and he kissed me. Feeling surprised that it had just happened, I kissed back without a real reason. It was almost like one of those kisses that you just want to get over with, and it didn't really mean anything to you other than, yeah, Dawson likes you. As the fireworks progressed, I tried to see a sign in them. I saw a heart...and as I kept watching, I thought of fireworks as hope in the sky. I thought to myself, Yes Bek...there's hope for Drawkah. Dawson whispers that he loves me, and I said I loved him back. I found myself leaning in for a kiss that was supposed to be full of meaning, but it ended up being just a kiss on the cheek, and he kissed me on the forehead. After what had been 30 minutes of fireworks that seemed like just 5 minutes, we headed back to the car.

Dawson wasn't going to sit by me, but then I told him that he needed to. Dawson asked a question that he had asked earlier on that evening, he asked the question What do you mean you need a new start in your blog? I thought for a minute, and then I hugged him, and then I thought about it some more as I glanced out the window. I turned to Dawson, and gave him another hug, and said I know what I meant. I basically told him that it wasn't what it seemed because I didn't want to break up with him, I just wanted to be happier because let's face it, I've been pretty depressed lately. I told him that I've been trying to get happier, but nothing's been working, and that I put that on my blog because it was what I was feeling. Dawson said he understood. .I could tell he understood, and we hugged again.. Even though we were one-empty seat apart, we still managed to be together. He kept his arm around me from the hug, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I could tell he was looking at me, and so we kissed..but it was another one of those kisses that you want to get over with. Looking down after the short-disappointment of a kiss, we turned a corner, and I kissed him with a reason. It didn't make sense that I was brushing him off like that. It didn't make sense that most of that night, I wasn't attracted to him that much, and not even clingy. I had to make up for it, and this was it. We kissed 5 times, and then we kissed again because he had to go. I knew that if I didn't kiss him and mean it, I wouldn't miss him, and I would lose him, and that I'd feel terrible. When we kissed, I got dizzy. I love Dawson, and I'm going to take the time to do my shout-out right now, even though it's not the end of this post.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: I know that this blog must be an eye opener to you because I didn't tell you that 2 of our kisses that night were just to get it over with. I never want to do that again because when we sat in the car, I could tell how much you loved me, and I could put myself in your shoes because of my fear of having my feelings not be returned. I hope I fixed this, and I'm going to tell you right now, I'm sorry that I did that.

The next day, Dawson and I were finally texting more, but his phone kept dying. Finally, when it was charged again, he started sending me these really sweet texts. Some of them I didn't even know where they had came from. Of course I wondered if Isaiah had anything to do with it, but apparently he didn't. One of the texts I locked, was simple, but it still made me smile. It reads "You take my breath away, you're a supernova. ;)" and another says, "No matter what my hears aiming right at you ;)" and "You're smoking, almost too hot to bare ;)" Even though all these texts were just kind of small, and probably from a pick-up line site, I still felt loved. Dawson hadn't done that earlier in our relationship. He literally was going on and on about how bad he wanted me for 2 hours straight. He even gave me his full attention. Later that night, I told him something that I had been hiding from a little earlier in our relationship. I won't post it here because it's a little deep, but what I will say, is that I don't regret saying it because now I know that he feels the same way too.

Today, I was walking my dog Reagen, I looked up at the sky and think to myself, I love my life. Everything I wanted was now back in place, back where I wanted it to be. Everything was better now, and I have no reason to worry. Sitting here writing this blog helps me to analyze my situations better, not only have I been able to foreshadow what has come, or what might come, it's helped me see what I'm like, or what I can improve on. The thing I love most about this blog, is that my posts can inspire you guys to sit down and think, or write a song, or tell someone you love something important to you. I'd love to thank you guys...for everything. Thank you for reading my blog, it's been amazing. Not only may it help you to read my blog, but it also benefits me because when I see that so many people have even looked at my blog, I grin. People care. Once again, Thank you.

"Epic" Song-Of the Day: Me Without You by Sam Tsui

Ratchet

He just called again. I'm still speechless about it. Last night, I laid awake thinking of him, and praying for him to either get ungrounded or for us to have the ability to talk the next day. I fell asleep to tears in my eyes once again, and headphones blasting with the same playlist as the night before's.

We just talked, that's all it was. He told me what had happened to him that night after he read my blogpost from the previous day, "The Same." I felt bad because I saw how he had taken the last couple of sentences. "Of course there's still hope for Drawkah. It's just...I'm still shattered after all that has happened to me because of the simple mistakes that Drawkah has made. It's hard, but I'm ready for a new start." That was hard for him to read for multiple reasons. On the top of his list, which he was trying to see what would happen or what was going through my head, was he thought that I was getting prepared to break up with him, and call Drawkah off. After all this time, would I ever just drop him suddenly like he worried about? I thought to myself, Would I ever do that to someone? The answer was no, because in a situation like that, you have to let them fade away. Just like I stated in "The Key to Understanding," we need to put ourselves in other's shoes, and look at it from their perspective. So that, I did. I saw what he meant. I saw that he was hurt and confused, and it's why he needed to talk to me about it. I felt terrible. I know that if I ever read something like that, but about me, I'd feel horrible, and be confused, and think that he was going to break up with me again. I'd just like to say: It won't happen, and I'm sorry, Dawson.

Going on with my day, I thought I'd tell about my dream. For some reason my family was doing a version of "Big Brother," and we had to travel the world for all these competitions, but whoever was the best at their chores, received the Head of Household room, and privileges of choosing where we went next. In my dream, we went to Africa, and one of the competitions there was held in Kenya. However, I didn't know how to get to my home there in Africa, and everyone else had already left. I waited outside for a bus to come, but nothing came. Suddenly, I see a tiny little bike that has a motor, and is being driven by a bug-looking creature. The bug's name was Ratchet, and he asked if I needed a lift, and he dropped me off at a house that looked identical to my house back home. I walked back inside, and fell asleep. I wake up, and it's time to get the Power of Veto to save myself from the block, and I walked to the kitchen to make some food, and there's Ratchet making me food. He smiled, and gave me a plate full of Blueberry muffins and hash browns, and french toast. I took the food knowing that I had just made a new friend. Ratchet drove me to the competition on his tiny little motorbike, that also kind of looked like a wagon. After the competition, Dawson said he wanted to hang out at my house, as his sparkly veto necklace hung from his neck. I said yes, and called Ratchet to come pick me up. Ratchet drove us to a party, where his house was. It felt like we weren't even in Africa at all! It was like we were just in a big big neighborhood. We walked into his house, and were greeted by Hatchet, Ratchet's brother. We hung out for a little bit, and then a girl from my school, Juli, told us to get out because she didn't want any guests. Ratchet, Dawson, and I all left the party, disappointed, and Ratchet said he was sorry, that he had to go, and I had to drive myself using his motor-bike/wagon thingy. Hopping on to the bike, I realized that it was really easy to control. Dawson sat behind me, and rested his head on my shoulder, as I drove. We made a tiny pit-stop at his house, when he said that he wanted to drive. Since he was going the wrong way, I hurried and sat on his stomach somehow, and started driving even more. We kept driving and Dawson was on the ground screaming "Stop it, that tickles!" I laughed, and continued to drive. Dawson and I got home, and he said that he'd sleep on the couch, and he let me know that I was safe for the following week. I woke up that next day, and Ratchet made us breakfast once again, and I knew that Ratchet was probably the best friend I could ever have. Then I ended my dream by waking up.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Ratchet and Hatchet: Even though you two are both just a figment of my imagination, and a creature in my dreams, you both are still the best friends I could have, and I hope to run into you again soon. Thanks for everything, and I love you!

"Epic" Song of the Day: Meet me Halfway by The Black Eyed Peas

The Same

It was night, I just sat there in silence as the music blasted in my ears from my headphones. Looking up at the stars, I was wondering if everything was going to be okay. The thing I needed to do, was just wait for him...just wait for him to contact me, but I just couldn't take it anymore. It had been 3 days since we had talked, and still no call or response. I started to cry, and look up at the night sky. The stars were so bright, but there were two that stood out the most, but were far apart. I felt that those stars represented Drawkah. The thought crossed my mind, is he doing the same thing? Does he miss me just the same? Are our feelings both the same? I continued to worry, as the tears streamed down my face. I listened to the new playlist that I made that I titled "Missing You." This playlist, as you would imagine, reflects how I feel about this Summer's separation.

It was getting hard, and that's when I realized, it was now July 1st, I smiled and thought to myself, calm down...it's a new day. Maybe he might call...just maybe. I layed down, leaving my window that was now foggy because I had been breathing on it with the tears in my eyes. With the playlist still blasting in my ears, the song "Vanilla Twilight" pops up, and I start to sing along faintly. The playlist goes by another 2 times, and 2 hours pass, when I finally fall asleep. I wake up, and I'm still listening to the playlist. I cry a little bit more, and then I get up, and do the other things that I need to do.

Later, I started to talk to James on my Skype. He was sad, and it was obvious with the little things he'd add in his messages. It was about Jamlia, James and Julia, the couple that needed a little help. I told James that he's not obsessed, he's dedicated, and that it's amazing to be dedicated. We somehow got deeper into the subject, and talked a little bit about marriage. It was something that we both kind of regretted talking about back in the day, but it was one of those things that I knew was going to be brought up once again. Right then he said things like "I know that sure, it seems awkward to talk about it, now that we're both with someone else...and now that we're both so dedicated to those that we are with. And the fact that we both love our boyfriend/girlfriends to death." But then I replied with "James. Sometimes...Sometimes I don't want to love him, and I beat myself up for it. I wonder why I stay sometimes. He's great and all, but he's hurt me so much." He understood, and told me that it reminded him of his relationship and how Julia wonders why James stays. He said he got down the the point, along with a conclusion that he wasn't worthy of her. Then I say to him: "Questrion is-- Is she worthy of you? Can you look at her, and say that she's everything you've ever wanted in a girl? What you need to do, is take traits of the things you like in a girl, from past experience, and put it all in one. The girl with the most of those qualities combined, is the girl of your dreams." His jaw drops in awe of my excellent explanation of his situation and what to think and do. He said that she is a combination of those qualities that he likes, and so I told him to stay.

James and I continue skyping, and change the subject a little as we go along. The next thing we talked about was understanding. He had said that he understands why he had to go through some of the trials that he did, and I had told him this: "I finally understand why we went through that long Summer of no communication, I understand now the importance of my sister's cancer, and my parent's divorce.
I understand what I can try to pull out of the Mandi situation. I can understand Drawkah's problems...some of them. Right now, I deserve all the pain and heart break, because he's going to be that guy that's super sweet and head over heels for, but also the guy that was a dirtbag. We all need that pain because if we don't endure that pain, we won't come to a conclusion of what love is to us. We won't find what we like, and dislike. It's all so important, even though we may not like it... Everything has a reason." Going back a little to our Jamlia conversation, I tell James: "James, I know that you're dedicated enough to the point where you feel like you want to marry her... but there's a ton of girls out there. I'm not saying that you need to dump her, but what I'm trying to say right now is that your heart hasn't been beaten enough to where you know you've found pure happiness, and the definition of love. Stay...go through all of those trials, and endure what you can, because you're also making or breaking the image that she has of you right now. You're seeing how dedicated you are, you're seeing if this is it for you, and you've found where you belong. Right now, we say that we love someone because our hearts haven't been completely beaten enough to form the heart that could become our love. Right now, our hearts are being shaped, and broken, and fixed, and shaping into something that can love with even more power than what we started with. However, there comes a time when a person has to let go...but that should only occur when you know that person isn't the one for you. Going through a breakup, you should also thank your former partner because they helped shape your heart, and they can take the traits they liked and disliked, and put it into their vision of the perfect partner. Please think over my words, Jay." 

Shortly after, when I was helping Nikecia clean our house, I hear "Boyfriend" by BTR go off on my phone. I stand there for a little bit, look at my phone and whisper. It's Dawson. I give everyone the look of oh my gosh what do I do? Then I realize if I didn't pick up soon enough, it would take Dawson to voicemail. I pick up with a simple "Hi." I realized I was sweating really bad, and pacing, and I tried to say things, but I just couldn't figure out how. Dawson told me the information I really needed to hear: All he's been doing is drawing ponies. Just kidding, that's not the information I really needed  to hear. The information that Dawson gave me was that he's been reading my blog whenever he can. Freaking out, I stay kind of silent because I still couldn't manage any words. Around 7 or 8 minutes of talking, Dawson and I try to make subtle plans for hanging out on Independence Day, which I'm super excited for because I might run into Dawson. Of course there's still hope for Drawkah. It's just...I'm still shattered after all that has happened to me because of simple mistakes that Drawkah has made. It's hard, but I'm ready for a new start.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
James: Remember what I told you, and act on it. Write it down if you have to because I guarantee in the long run it's going to help. When you're broken down in tears, you can look at it. I hope that it gives you both comfort and knowledge. Love you, Jay.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Vanilla Twilight by Owl City

Waiting

Another lazy day, just staring at my phone waiting for his name and picture to show up on my phone. I feel kind of lonely, but I know it's going to be okay. I've been listening to songs on YouTube, and it makes me feel somewhat happier than I was. I'm missing him so much, and he won't leave my mind. It's hard on me, of course. Yet, it's only been 2 days since we've talked. Yeah, it's not as bad as last Summer, but I have the same feelings that I did back then. What can I do about this? Nothing. All I can do is wait for him...Wait for Drawkah to return back to normal.

Sorry for the relatively short post today, but I just can't continue this post much longer. Here, have your dailies.

Shout-Out of the Day:
James:  We never talk anymore, you know. I try to contact you, but now I feel like you don't want to talk at all. What's up? Are you okay? 

"Epic" Song of the Day: Closer, Faster by Against The Current

Motorcycle Memories

On the motorcycle, me and my mom continued down the road on the way to my grandma's house. Thoughts of Dawson continued to fill my head, as the wind blew through my hair. I miss him so much, and it hurts. As we passed a railroad, I remembered something from when I had last seen Dawson. Will had got out of the car to close the trunk, and Dawson and I looked at each other, and snuck a quick kiss. I was so happy, and then the thoughts filled my head about how he wanted me to smile. I start smiling as I see the middle school, and we continue to ride down the road grandma's house. Suddenly, I found myself trying to dismiss all of these thoughts of Dawson. I kept thinking stuff like "He's not important anymore, Bek. He's gone. Maybe even forever." I opened up my eyes, as I realized they were shut tight, in fear that he really was gone. Then I remembered our first kiss, and how perfect and shy it was. "Movie Night Memories" of how great it was for the two of us. I closed my eyes again, remembering how great it was to have the feel of his lips pressed against mine. I remembered how loved it really made me feel.

I opened my eyes, and looked up at the clouds remembering that he said he would do anything to try to talk to me while he was grounded.(during those 2 1/2 minutes he talked to me the day after he got grounded.) I believed him, and I knew it would happen. He had reassured my worries by telling me that he would make sure that this Summer didn't turn into last Summer. The memories filled my head, and I started to get a little bit dizzy. We were on my grandma's road, and I still found myself incapable of getting Dawson out of my head.

Later on tonight, I rode home with my grandma, aunt, and my mom in a car because it was too dark to ride the motorcycle home. I found myself thinking of Dawson again as I looked out the window. Considering the possibilities, I wondered if Dawson missed me a lot today, like the way I did.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: Okay Daws. I know that you don't really have access to my blog by the time that this post is up, but I just want to let you know that these days without you have been really hard for me, and my emotions are a roller coaster. I'm sorry that you had to get grounded for so long, and I hope that you can get back all of your privileges soon. I love you so much.
-Lil Miss Epic

"Epic" Song of the Day: Sweetest Goodbye by Maroon 5
This song reminds me of "Saying Goodbye to Him" because it just brings back the same feelings that I had when I was saying goodbye to him. I can't stop listening to this song right now because I can't stop thinking about him, and the song relates so well to Drawkah. If you want to listen to some of my feelings, then listen to this song, I'd love to recommend it.