Bek's gone for a while, sorry guys.

Eyyooo,  guys!  It's Chelsea.  I'm here updating for Bek because she's not going to be on until she gets back from girls camp (which will be Friday, July 2nd or 3rd) she is trying to prove her step-dad wrong,  and not use her laptop all the time like he says she is.  So,  don't worry,  she's not dead if she doesn't update in the next week or so.  Thanks guys!

-The Scootalooser.

Lil Miss California Girl

Oh man, the reason I didn't blog for over a week was not because I didn't want to, and I didn't want to tell you guys anything, but because I was in a magical heck-hole called California. As you guys may know, I get home sick very easily.

The first day of our "wonderful" vacation was at Universal Studios. The first thing we went to was a Haunted House. Since I am the one who's nearly scared of everything, I held Sarah's hand tightly as we walked through the haunted house with random creepy actors popping out everywhere, I flinched and squeezed tightly. I started to get more and more pissed off as Andrew kept wandering away from the group, and ahead of all of us. However, let's face it, he's 13, and he's excited to be somewhere he might never go to again. Next we waited in line forever for the simulation "The Simpsons" ride. It was exhausting being in line for around 90 minutes. I'll never forget that dumb wait. We watched little clips on these TV's above the line that played the same crap around 4 times total. Again and again, we saw Bart being swept away on that dumb kiddy ride that he was too tall to ride. The ride was not worth the wait, not only had I already been on that ride while I was in Florida, but it was simulation, all you did was rock back and forth while watching a show. After that, we were pretty much starving after that long wait, and decided to get some pizza. After waiting around 30 minutes in the hot sun in a big crowd, we got pizza that could've convinced us it was sunburned. The pizza was so hot, and so undercut that it was both the worst pizza I've ever had, and it burnt my hand a little and made me even more pissed off. Being dragged to a tour, Marilyn Monroe said she absolutely loved my shirt, and said she wanted it for herself. After being a little flattered, I notice my phone's life was halfway depleted. We went on the tour, and saw some pretty breathtaking stuff like sets from movies, and TV shows such as Desperate Housewives and Back to the Future. We also saw one of the biggest crashes that Steven Spielberg made himself from a movie that escapes my mind right now.
After that we went on the Jurassic Park ride, and got soaked, but it felt good in the California weather. After that, we got addicted to "The Mummy" one of the most addicting rides there at Universal because it took us backwards and it was in the dark, and it wasn't simulation like most of the rides. Following the 3-4 times we rode that ride, we decided to head back to the hotel after a long day of shows and rides that really weren't worth the wait.

The second day when we went to Disney Land, I was immediately sick of vacationing. Let's face it, I was getting pissed off with nearly everything, and I missed my boyfriend that I couldn't talk to as much. Not only was I missing my boyfriend, but I was missing back home too, and my bed, and...that's about it. However, my mom was attending a seminar up there in California so I didn't get to see her the first three days of our vacation. Around 6, I started complaining about how much I wanted to go back to the hotel, and pretty much home because my feet and legs were sore from all the walking. But because Andrew wanted to go on all of the little kiddy rides that Disney Land had, we stayed there until the park closed, and then had to walk back to the hotel. The only thing that Disney Land had that was totally worth it was Space Mountain and looking at the Iron Man suits. Other than that, I kind of hated that place.

The third day of our vacation, we went to California Adventures, another part of Disney Land. Zach, Sarah, and I didn't expect much of California Adventures because we all didn't have as much fun as we wanted back in Disney Land, it didn't meet our expectations. California Adventures was pretty amazing for these points:
1. California Screamin': Such a fun rollercoaster, I was kind of scared to go on it at first because of how fast it was and how big the drops were, but the whole thing was really just a breeze. I loved it. We even went on it around 4 times.
2. World of Color: The one ride where Zach and I actually started bonding. Before this World of Color, we pretty much disliked each other. With all the colorful water, and scenes from movies and oooing and ahhing. We simply adored how amazing the lights were and how much the music matched with the water. It's a MUST see if you're up in California Adventures. Much better than Disney Land's lame fireworks.
3. Radiator Springs Racers: Scenes from the movie, while riding in a sports car, everything was exactly on from the movie, along with Cars Land itself. I felt like I was in the movie! It wasn't worth 90 minutes of waiting, but I see why it was so popular. If you're going to ride this, you're going to have to do it when it gets dark. If you're still in line when California Adventures closes, they'll let you ride anyway, and the line will start to speed up because they want to get their day over with.

Our fourth day of vacation was good old Knott's Berry Farm. The last I had been at Knott's I was three years old and I had been just a baby riding on a kiddy ride with a giant envelope bawling my eyes out. I had to admit, I was pretty scared of all the rides there at Knott's. I went on every single ride there though, and even thought the Exelerator was the most scary ride of them all, I still went on it twice, along with the Boomerang and a ride that looked like The Mouse back in Lagoon. Knott's Berry Farm was by far the funnest day of my vacation because my mom told me to just laugh when I got scared. My mom's kind of giving me the advice that Pinkie Pie told the other ponies to do when they saw all the spooky trees. She just told them to giggle at the ghosties, just like how my mom told me to laugh in the face of fear. She said the best part of roller coasters is that you know you're safe. After a big day of laughter, we all had voted to go home except for Andrew, who ran off and did whatever the heck he wanted kind of like an excited 6 year-old. Not only did he not act his age, he rode all the kiddy rides that we could've done back in Lagoon there. We waited for Andrew for over 2 hours and played Charades on Sarah's phone, which was really fun. Zach, Sarah, and I bonded even more during the games.

The next day, we went to Six Flags with hot weather as high as the 85 degrees, and maybe even higher. Without any shade, and with "Flash" passes that kind of sucked, we sat around doing nothing because the lines were way too long and none of the rides were worth the wait. Six Flags was never even worth it. I'm never going to Six Flags again unless I have the Flash Pass that speeds up the wait by 90% instead of absolutely nothing. I wanted to go home as soon as we got out of the car. Six Flags made me dizzy, and it made me miserable after this big hill we went up and down around 5 times. The hill made me want to get the hill outta that park! It even gave me an asthma attack that made me dizzy and I couldn't breathe for a while. It wasn't until a little after Dawson prayed that I could breathe normally again. Truth is, I needed a lazy day. The next day we were planning to go back to Universal, where we had already done everything there, and it wasn't really worth it. After being so exhausted, I took off my socks, and climbed into bed realizing that my toenail had fallen off along with a couple of blisters on my toes. I had done so much walking, it seemed like I was hiking 10 miles every day. I missed my bed, I wasn't getting enough sleep, and I wished I could come home to my boyfriend who was missing me just as much, maybe even more.

It was time for my lazy day along with Zach and Sarah. We all decided to stay at the hotel because to us, there was no point in going back to Universal Studios if we had already done everything there. We were lucky we didn't go because we got to rest up our legs and feet, and relax in the hotel's swimming pool, eat some pizza, and have all the food at our hotel rooms to ourselves (chocolate, yogurt, potato chips, and whatever else we could find). They had came back after being stuck in traffic for hours. The next morning we were all to make our way back to Idaho, it was about freaking time. No offense to any californians, but I hate that state. It's too humid there, and everywhere I sit I feel like I pee myself.

During this whole vacation, Dawson was acting super sweet to me, he actually acted like he was obsessed with me. It was so cute and sweet, and it made me feel so special. Here's just one of the texts he sent me over the vacation. "Dawson: Baby iloveyou, you're my world. When I see you, you make my heart skip a beat and I just get dizzy when you're in the same room. Being with you makes me feel like I'm 'floating and it's unreal. Sometimes I think I'll wake up with knowing that the past 10 months was just a good dream ~Bek'sMan<3" Of course, when I read that I thought it was the most adorable thing I've ever read, but some of the texts he had sent me over vacation took up a whole page in my book for locked messages. It's ridiculous how long it took to write down ONE message in that notebook. Of course there's other sweet things he had said to me while I was away, but that one just makes my heart flutter whenever I read it, as does this one. "Dawson: I'm dedicated. I'm obsessed. I'm addicted to being by your side. You're the one I want, you take my breath away at sight. You're an amazing beautiful girl, the best I can ever wish for, and the one I'm in love with. ~Bek'sMan<3" and this one. "Dawson: Honey, you're one in a trillion, I'm so glad I met you last year and even more so to get to be your boyfriend and I'm never ever ever going to find someone as good as you are. iloveyou<3 forever and always. ~Bek'sMan<3" My point is, I really am glad that he realized how much he means to me, and I'm glad I can see how much I mean to him too. I'm grateful for everything that has happened that helped this all happen. I'm Lil Miss Epic, and I'm here to say, I love my life. Our lives have it's ups and downs, but we'll always get that happy ending.

 Song of the Day: California Girls by Katy Perry
What else would we have other than the song I couldn't get out of my head when we landed there in Califonia?

Shout-Out of the Day:
Dad: I don't know what you want from me, but I feel hurt by what you've said to me, and I've pretty much stopped taking pictures of me because of how you've offended me. Because of your little comment, my self esteem has dropped a bunch. I know you said you're sorry, but I didn't feel like you meant you were sorry. I just want you to know that THAT isn't something you should joke about around me. Sometimes I do have self esteem problems about my weight, but now you switch it to whether or not I look alright. I couldn't care less about my weight now, it's just how I look now. I feel like I look terrible. I love you, but I can't hang out with you today. I'm hurt, and still offended by what you have said to me.

Turn it Around

Today, I woke up with a frown on my face, and decided I didn't have a good reason to come out of my room. Since it's Fast Sunday today, I still had to get up and get ready for church, so I did. I was really upset about a lot of things. It was just one of those days where you didn't want to talk to anybody except for one person, in my case, Dawson, and you just wanted to lay in bed all day and eat chocolate. Getting up, I walked to the car because it was time to go to church. The bishop shook my hand, and asked me how I was doing. I couldn't lie, so I told him I was doing terrible with a smile on my face. He said "Come and see me after church ends, and tell me then. I guarantee you'll be better." We sat down, and we happened to be right behind the missionaries. We shook their hands, and just waited for the meeting to start. When all of a sudden, I'm asked to give a youth talk...In my head I think Oh great. Then I'm saved, as my mom says that we won't be here next Sunday, and so he tells us the next Sunday I'll give one. He asks me what I need to work on, and my mom slips in and says "Nothing! She's perfect!" As the missionaries write down what day I'll be going up to give my talk, he says "How about prayer?" Mom and I look at each other at the same time, and both think "That's my/her strongest subject!" We both laugh and continue to wait for the meeting to start, when the missionaries turn around and start giving me tips on how to give a good talk. Elder Simmons cracked a joke, and said If you want them to be touched, uplifted, and moved, all you have to do is have them touch their heart, stand up, and step two feet to the left. THAT way, they have all been touched, uplifted and moved. We all laughed and then Sacrament meeting started.

So far my day seemed to be going uphill since everyone was smiling at me, and giving me that look that tells me that I need to be happy. I start to think during Sunday school, and I ask myself, Am I happy? and I think of course I am. Later in Young Women's, it was time to bear our testimonies because after all, it was Fast Sunday. I told them about how my morning went, and how I told my step-brothers to not even talk to me, and then I told them how the bishop shook my hand, and how I got asked to do the next youth talk. I mentioned how Taylor and Samantha had kept smiling at me, and how the missionaries were by us, and giving me tips on how to do it. I closed by saying that I love our ward so much, and that everything has a reason, and that I love the gospel, and I closed my testimony, and went back to my seat. The next girl who had gotten up to bear her testimony said that she also woke up with a bad day, and that her step-brother was able to cheer her up, and then the next testimony was Maggie, Taylor and Samantha's little sister, confirming that Taylor and Samantha are phenomenal at cheering people up. I smile, as I bow my head for the prayer. Shaking after we had said Amen, I run out to my car. I was excited to get home and blog about my bad, but wonderful day. I'm here to say that if you're having a bad day, count your blessings, and know that the future is going to get better and better the more trials you go through. Just know that it's all for something good. We're all going to be saved.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Chelsea: Hey girl, I'm leaving Friday to somewhere..(that you know about) I'm sorry but we won't be able to hang out this next week either, and the week I get back, I'll have 2 days to pack for Girls Camp, and then I'll be gone even more. I love you, Chels, but no joke..I'm not even free any time soon. Stay strong, and remain positive. Just know, it gets better, it gets better. it will get better.*referring to a Fun song*
"Epic" Song of the Day: Sunday Morning- Acoustic by Maroon 5

He's Dedicated

Nights earlier, due to this post, I had written a song named "Little Miss Lonely." Later that night, I had insomnia, and couldn't sleep. *in the time of "The Same."* I looked up at the stars, not only thinking of him, but wishing. Wishing that I could get another chance because I felt like things were falling apart. I talked to James about Dawson. We both agreed that at the time he seemed not dedicated at all, as we sort of referred to one of my first songs, "Before You," where in the bridge it says how dedicated the two people are for each other. I felt horrible... At that moment, when I was all alone and looking up at the stars listening to my playlist, and wishing...praying for one thing. I whispered.. "I wish Dawson was more dedicated to us..." I said it again, I said it 2 more times. I broke out in more tears, and finally leave to actually get in bed.

The next morning, Dawson calls. To be honest, I was a bit shocked, until I found out that it was actually about my post "The Same." So on the night of July 2nd, I went to bed praying that he would be ungrounded, and that I could finally have him back. Because...I missed him horribly. July 3rd- No contact with Dawson. July 4th- A text from Dawson appears on my phone. I freak out, and start smiling. I tell him what time we're picking him up for the fireworks that night, and he says he's mostly ungrounded. Dawson later told me that he was actually ungrounded on the 3rd, but he had to charge his phone. It worked. Now all I needed was dedication. A little before the fireworks had started, it felt like Dawson was ignoring me, and on his phone too much, and didn't want to be with me. I didn't get that look that he gave me the last time I saw him. I had him sit next to me, and I gave him back his phone, that I stole because I was just looking for attention. He could tell something was wrong. I told him, and he basically said "and I'm sorry for that." and the fireworks started.

Remembering something that I had on my bucket list, he said "Hey bek.." and I turned my head, and he kissed me. Feeling surprised that it had just happened, I kissed back without a real reason. It was almost like one of those kisses that you just want to get over with, and it didn't really mean anything to you other than, yeah, Dawson likes you. As the fireworks progressed, I tried to see a sign in them. I saw a heart...and as I kept watching, I thought of fireworks as hope in the sky. I thought to myself, Yes Bek...there's hope for Drawkah. Dawson whispers that he loves me, and I said I loved him back. I found myself leaning in for a kiss that was supposed to be full of meaning, but it ended up being just a kiss on the cheek, and he kissed me on the forehead. After what had been 30 minutes of fireworks that seemed like just 5 minutes, we headed back to the car.

Dawson wasn't going to sit by me, but then I told him that he needed to. Dawson asked a question that he had asked earlier on that evening, he asked the question What do you mean you need a new start in your blog? I thought for a minute, and then I hugged him, and then I thought about it some more as I glanced out the window. I turned to Dawson, and gave him another hug, and said I know what I meant. I basically told him that it wasn't what it seemed because I didn't want to break up with him, I just wanted to be happier because let's face it, I've been pretty depressed lately. I told him that I've been trying to get happier, but nothing's been working, and that I put that on my blog because it was what I was feeling. Dawson said he understood. .I could tell he understood, and we hugged again.. Even though we were one-empty seat apart, we still managed to be together. He kept his arm around me from the hug, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I could tell he was looking at me, and so we kissed..but it was another one of those kisses that you want to get over with. Looking down after the short-disappointment of a kiss, we turned a corner, and I kissed him with a reason. It didn't make sense that I was brushing him off like that. It didn't make sense that most of that night, I wasn't attracted to him that much, and not even clingy. I had to make up for it, and this was it. We kissed 5 times, and then we kissed again because he had to go. I knew that if I didn't kiss him and mean it, I wouldn't miss him, and I would lose him, and that I'd feel terrible. When we kissed, I got dizzy. I love Dawson, and I'm going to take the time to do my shout-out right now, even though it's not the end of this post.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: I know that this blog must be an eye opener to you because I didn't tell you that 2 of our kisses that night were just to get it over with. I never want to do that again because when we sat in the car, I could tell how much you loved me, and I could put myself in your shoes because of my fear of having my feelings not be returned. I hope I fixed this, and I'm going to tell you right now, I'm sorry that I did that.

The next day, Dawson and I were finally texting more, but his phone kept dying. Finally, when it was charged again, he started sending me these really sweet texts. Some of them I didn't even know where they had came from. Of course I wondered if Isaiah had anything to do with it, but apparently he didn't. One of the texts I locked, was simple, but it still made me smile. It reads "You take my breath away, you're a supernova. ;)" and another says, "No matter what my hears aiming right at you ;)" and "You're smoking, almost too hot to bare ;)" Even though all these texts were just kind of small, and probably from a pick-up line site, I still felt loved. Dawson hadn't done that earlier in our relationship. He literally was going on and on about how bad he wanted me for 2 hours straight. He even gave me his full attention. Later that night, I told him something that I had been hiding from a little earlier in our relationship. I won't post it here because it's a little deep, but what I will say, is that I don't regret saying it because now I know that he feels the same way too.

Today, I was walking my dog Reagen, I looked up at the sky and think to myself, I love my life. Everything I wanted was now back in place, back where I wanted it to be. Everything was better now, and I have no reason to worry. Sitting here writing this blog helps me to analyze my situations better, not only have I been able to foreshadow what has come, or what might come, it's helped me see what I'm like, or what I can improve on. The thing I love most about this blog, is that my posts can inspire you guys to sit down and think, or write a song, or tell someone you love something important to you. I'd love to thank you guys...for everything. Thank you for reading my blog, it's been amazing. Not only may it help you to read my blog, but it also benefits me because when I see that so many people have even looked at my blog, I grin. People care. Once again, Thank you.

"Epic" Song-Of the Day: Me Without You by Sam Tsui

Ratchet

He just called again. I'm still speechless about it. Last night, I laid awake thinking of him, and praying for him to either get ungrounded or for us to have the ability to talk the next day. I fell asleep to tears in my eyes once again, and headphones blasting with the same playlist as the night before's.

We just talked, that's all it was. He told me what had happened to him that night after he read my blogpost from the previous day, "The Same." I felt bad because I saw how he had taken the last couple of sentences. "Of course there's still hope for Drawkah. It's just...I'm still shattered after all that has happened to me because of the simple mistakes that Drawkah has made. It's hard, but I'm ready for a new start." That was hard for him to read for multiple reasons. On the top of his list, which he was trying to see what would happen or what was going through my head, was he thought that I was getting prepared to break up with him, and call Drawkah off. After all this time, would I ever just drop him suddenly like he worried about? I thought to myself, Would I ever do that to someone? The answer was no, because in a situation like that, you have to let them fade away. Just like I stated in "The Key to Understanding," we need to put ourselves in other's shoes, and look at it from their perspective. So that, I did. I saw what he meant. I saw that he was hurt and confused, and it's why he needed to talk to me about it. I felt terrible. I know that if I ever read something like that, but about me, I'd feel horrible, and be confused, and think that he was going to break up with me again. I'd just like to say: It won't happen, and I'm sorry, Dawson.

Going on with my day, I thought I'd tell about my dream. For some reason my family was doing a version of "Big Brother," and we had to travel the world for all these competitions, but whoever was the best at their chores, received the Head of Household room, and privileges of choosing where we went next. In my dream, we went to Africa, and one of the competitions there was held in Kenya. However, I didn't know how to get to my home there in Africa, and everyone else had already left. I waited outside for a bus to come, but nothing came. Suddenly, I see a tiny little bike that has a motor, and is being driven by a bug-looking creature. The bug's name was Ratchet, and he asked if I needed a lift, and he dropped me off at a house that looked identical to my house back home. I walked back inside, and fell asleep. I wake up, and it's time to get the Power of Veto to save myself from the block, and I walked to the kitchen to make some food, and there's Ratchet making me food. He smiled, and gave me a plate full of Blueberry muffins and hash browns, and french toast. I took the food knowing that I had just made a new friend. Ratchet drove me to the competition on his tiny little motorbike, that also kind of looked like a wagon. After the competition, Dawson said he wanted to hang out at my house, as his sparkly veto necklace hung from his neck. I said yes, and called Ratchet to come pick me up. Ratchet drove us to a party, where his house was. It felt like we weren't even in Africa at all! It was like we were just in a big big neighborhood. We walked into his house, and were greeted by Hatchet, Ratchet's brother. We hung out for a little bit, and then a girl from my school, Juli, told us to get out because she didn't want any guests. Ratchet, Dawson, and I all left the party, disappointed, and Ratchet said he was sorry, that he had to go, and I had to drive myself using his motor-bike/wagon thingy. Hopping on to the bike, I realized that it was really easy to control. Dawson sat behind me, and rested his head on my shoulder, as I drove. We made a tiny pit-stop at his house, when he said that he wanted to drive. Since he was going the wrong way, I hurried and sat on his stomach somehow, and started driving even more. We kept driving and Dawson was on the ground screaming "Stop it, that tickles!" I laughed, and continued to drive. Dawson and I got home, and he said that he'd sleep on the couch, and he let me know that I was safe for the following week. I woke up that next day, and Ratchet made us breakfast once again, and I knew that Ratchet was probably the best friend I could ever have. Then I ended my dream by waking up.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Ratchet and Hatchet: Even though you two are both just a figment of my imagination, and a creature in my dreams, you both are still the best friends I could have, and I hope to run into you again soon. Thanks for everything, and I love you!

"Epic" Song of the Day: Meet me Halfway by The Black Eyed Peas

The Same

It was night, I just sat there in silence as the music blasted in my ears from my headphones. Looking up at the stars, I was wondering if everything was going to be okay. The thing I needed to do, was just wait for him...just wait for him to contact me, but I just couldn't take it anymore. It had been 3 days since we had talked, and still no call or response. I started to cry, and look up at the night sky. The stars were so bright, but there were two that stood out the most, but were far apart. I felt that those stars represented Drawkah. The thought crossed my mind, is he doing the same thing? Does he miss me just the same? Are our feelings both the same? I continued to worry, as the tears streamed down my face. I listened to the new playlist that I made that I titled "Missing You." This playlist, as you would imagine, reflects how I feel about this Summer's separation.

It was getting hard, and that's when I realized, it was now July 1st, I smiled and thought to myself, calm down...it's a new day. Maybe he might call...just maybe. I layed down, leaving my window that was now foggy because I had been breathing on it with the tears in my eyes. With the playlist still blasting in my ears, the song "Vanilla Twilight" pops up, and I start to sing along faintly. The playlist goes by another 2 times, and 2 hours pass, when I finally fall asleep. I wake up, and I'm still listening to the playlist. I cry a little bit more, and then I get up, and do the other things that I need to do.

Later, I started to talk to James on my Skype. He was sad, and it was obvious with the little things he'd add in his messages. It was about Jamlia, James and Julia, the couple that needed a little help. I told James that he's not obsessed, he's dedicated, and that it's amazing to be dedicated. We somehow got deeper into the subject, and talked a little bit about marriage. It was something that we both kind of regretted talking about back in the day, but it was one of those things that I knew was going to be brought up once again. Right then he said things like "I know that sure, it seems awkward to talk about it, now that we're both with someone else...and now that we're both so dedicated to those that we are with. And the fact that we both love our boyfriend/girlfriends to death." But then I replied with "James. Sometimes...Sometimes I don't want to love him, and I beat myself up for it. I wonder why I stay sometimes. He's great and all, but he's hurt me so much." He understood, and told me that it reminded him of his relationship and how Julia wonders why James stays. He said he got down the the point, along with a conclusion that he wasn't worthy of her. Then I say to him: "Questrion is-- Is she worthy of you? Can you look at her, and say that she's everything you've ever wanted in a girl? What you need to do, is take traits of the things you like in a girl, from past experience, and put it all in one. The girl with the most of those qualities combined, is the girl of your dreams." His jaw drops in awe of my excellent explanation of his situation and what to think and do. He said that she is a combination of those qualities that he likes, and so I told him to stay.

James and I continue skyping, and change the subject a little as we go along. The next thing we talked about was understanding. He had said that he understands why he had to go through some of the trials that he did, and I had told him this: "I finally understand why we went through that long Summer of no communication, I understand now the importance of my sister's cancer, and my parent's divorce.
I understand what I can try to pull out of the Mandi situation. I can understand Drawkah's problems...some of them. Right now, I deserve all the pain and heart break, because he's going to be that guy that's super sweet and head over heels for, but also the guy that was a dirtbag. We all need that pain because if we don't endure that pain, we won't come to a conclusion of what love is to us. We won't find what we like, and dislike. It's all so important, even though we may not like it... Everything has a reason." Going back a little to our Jamlia conversation, I tell James: "James, I know that you're dedicated enough to the point where you feel like you want to marry her... but there's a ton of girls out there. I'm not saying that you need to dump her, but what I'm trying to say right now is that your heart hasn't been beaten enough to where you know you've found pure happiness, and the definition of love. Stay...go through all of those trials, and endure what you can, because you're also making or breaking the image that she has of you right now. You're seeing how dedicated you are, you're seeing if this is it for you, and you've found where you belong. Right now, we say that we love someone because our hearts haven't been completely beaten enough to form the heart that could become our love. Right now, our hearts are being shaped, and broken, and fixed, and shaping into something that can love with even more power than what we started with. However, there comes a time when a person has to let go...but that should only occur when you know that person isn't the one for you. Going through a breakup, you should also thank your former partner because they helped shape your heart, and they can take the traits they liked and disliked, and put it into their vision of the perfect partner. Please think over my words, Jay." 

Shortly after, when I was helping Nikecia clean our house, I hear "Boyfriend" by BTR go off on my phone. I stand there for a little bit, look at my phone and whisper. It's Dawson. I give everyone the look of oh my gosh what do I do? Then I realize if I didn't pick up soon enough, it would take Dawson to voicemail. I pick up with a simple "Hi." I realized I was sweating really bad, and pacing, and I tried to say things, but I just couldn't figure out how. Dawson told me the information I really needed to hear: All he's been doing is drawing ponies. Just kidding, that's not the information I really needed  to hear. The information that Dawson gave me was that he's been reading my blog whenever he can. Freaking out, I stay kind of silent because I still couldn't manage any words. Around 7 or 8 minutes of talking, Dawson and I try to make subtle plans for hanging out on Independence Day, which I'm super excited for because I might run into Dawson. Of course there's still hope for Drawkah. It's just...I'm still shattered after all that has happened to me because of simple mistakes that Drawkah has made. It's hard, but I'm ready for a new start.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
James: Remember what I told you, and act on it. Write it down if you have to because I guarantee in the long run it's going to help. When you're broken down in tears, you can look at it. I hope that it gives you both comfort and knowledge. Love you, Jay.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Vanilla Twilight by Owl City

Waiting

Another lazy day, just staring at my phone waiting for his name and picture to show up on my phone. I feel kind of lonely, but I know it's going to be okay. I've been listening to songs on YouTube, and it makes me feel somewhat happier than I was. I'm missing him so much, and he won't leave my mind. It's hard on me, of course. Yet, it's only been 2 days since we've talked. Yeah, it's not as bad as last Summer, but I have the same feelings that I did back then. What can I do about this? Nothing. All I can do is wait for him...Wait for Drawkah to return back to normal.

Sorry for the relatively short post today, but I just can't continue this post much longer. Here, have your dailies.

Shout-Out of the Day:
James:  We never talk anymore, you know. I try to contact you, but now I feel like you don't want to talk at all. What's up? Are you okay? 

"Epic" Song of the Day: Closer, Faster by Against The Current

Motorcycle Memories

On the motorcycle, me and my mom continued down the road on the way to my grandma's house. Thoughts of Dawson continued to fill my head, as the wind blew through my hair. I miss him so much, and it hurts. As we passed a railroad, I remembered something from when I had last seen Dawson. Will had got out of the car to close the trunk, and Dawson and I looked at each other, and snuck a quick kiss. I was so happy, and then the thoughts filled my head about how he wanted me to smile. I start smiling as I see the middle school, and we continue to ride down the road grandma's house. Suddenly, I found myself trying to dismiss all of these thoughts of Dawson. I kept thinking stuff like "He's not important anymore, Bek. He's gone. Maybe even forever." I opened up my eyes, as I realized they were shut tight, in fear that he really was gone. Then I remembered our first kiss, and how perfect and shy it was. "Movie Night Memories" of how great it was for the two of us. I closed my eyes again, remembering how great it was to have the feel of his lips pressed against mine. I remembered how loved it really made me feel.

I opened my eyes, and looked up at the clouds remembering that he said he would do anything to try to talk to me while he was grounded.(during those 2 1/2 minutes he talked to me the day after he got grounded.) I believed him, and I knew it would happen. He had reassured my worries by telling me that he would make sure that this Summer didn't turn into last Summer. The memories filled my head, and I started to get a little bit dizzy. We were on my grandma's road, and I still found myself incapable of getting Dawson out of my head.

Later on tonight, I rode home with my grandma, aunt, and my mom in a car because it was too dark to ride the motorcycle home. I found myself thinking of Dawson again as I looked out the window. Considering the possibilities, I wondered if Dawson missed me a lot today, like the way I did.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: Okay Daws. I know that you don't really have access to my blog by the time that this post is up, but I just want to let you know that these days without you have been really hard for me, and my emotions are a roller coaster. I'm sorry that you had to get grounded for so long, and I hope that you can get back all of your privileges soon. I love you so much.
-Lil Miss Epic

"Epic" Song of the Day: Sweetest Goodbye by Maroon 5
This song reminds me of "Saying Goodbye to Him" because it just brings back the same feelings that I had when I was saying goodbye to him. I can't stop listening to this song right now because I can't stop thinking about him, and the song relates so well to Drawkah. If you want to listen to some of my feelings, then listen to this song, I'd love to recommend it.

Nothing Works.

Slowly, the depression eased in. I found myself wanting to be all alone. It was a little scary, to be honest. I felt like I didn't have Dawson anymore...at all. Trying to get my mind off of him, I watch some TV with Chelsea, didn't work. I kept reaching for my phone seeing if I had gotten anything from him. I tried playing Audition for the first time in a week or two, didn't work. I tried hanging out with Adam and Andrew, didn't work. Next, I tried watching Big Brother After-Dark, but I found myself just staring at my phone...waiting, so obviously that didn't work!

Contacting Gavin while I started singing some Maroon 5 songs, I found myself thinking about him more and more. I thought maybe talking to some people would help get my mind off of him. I've tried sleeping, taking a shower, and playing video games, and nothing has worked. I started to worry. The past few days I had been happier than ever, and now I'm getting that sense of depression again? What's happening? Is something wrong with Dawson? I shouldn't be so worried about him right now, but I honestly am. I hope that he calls in 2 days(to fit with our 3 day schedule i guess), but I also hope that I get that call right now. Why now? I already know that he might get un-grounded on The 4th of July, but I still miss talking to him. I wish he could see how this is effecting me right now because I knew he would do anything to contact me. I already know he's doing the best he can to be on his best behavior. However, it's just hard not being able to hear from him...at all.

I have that Lil Miss Epic strength back, it's just that some days it's hard to do this. You can't really help it when you miss someone. I know that it could be worse, aka last Summer, but right now I just want to be alone and sit in a corner and listen to music and cry. Sometimes it feels somehow...great to cry, and release that energy. It will show Dawson that I care, right? I know that he wants me to be smiley today, but I just can't do it, not today.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: Okay Daws. I know that you don't really have access to my blog by the time that this post is up, but I just want to let you know that these days without you have been really hard for me, and my emotions are a roller coaster. I'm sorry that you had to get grounded for so long, and I hope that you can get back all of your privileges soon.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Sweetest Goodbye by Maroon 5
This song reminds me of "Saying Goodbye to Him" because it just brings back the same feelings that I had when I was saying goodbye to him. I can't stop listening to this song right now because I can't stop thinking about him, and the song relates so well to Drawkah. If you want to listen to some of my feelings, then listen to this song, I'd love to recommend it.

3 Days.

Okay! So Sienna decided to spend the night at my house. Since of course, we were doing a movie night with Chelsea the next day anyways! The previous day, I had told Adam my little "foreshadowing" prediction. Adam had sighed when Sienna left(this is during Equestria Girls, June 22), and looked down at his feet, and I looked at him and said "Don't worry! You'll see her again in 3 days!" The next day, Dawson ends up getting grounded, and he called me the day after that, saying that he got his phone, iPod, and computer privileges taken away. About the 2 day mark, (for not talking to Dawson) I realized what I had said to Adam about the whole "3 day" situation. Because I had realized that day that my blog had been foreshadowing events in my life in the month of June! I thought to myself, Oh my gosh! Dawson's gonna call on the THIRD day!! This is perfect!

Counting down to 12:12 pm, I realized, it's not going to be exact. When Sienna and I least expected it, Dawson CALLED me. Jumping up and down in excitement, I picked up the phone and was like: I KNEW IT I KNEW IT! MY PREDICTION WAS TOTALLY RIGHT! Dawson laughed and was like what? I had to explain some stuff to him. Of course I won't bother telling you guys what I have been doing for the past three days, because you obviously already know the answer! Hint hint..Go to previous blog posts. Dawson told me that all he had been doing for the past three days was that he was drawing ponies and doing chores that his mom asked him to do. He said he didn't mention anything about electronics or things that he couldn't get his hands on. His mother said to him "At this rate, you'll be un-grounded by next week!" Since Dawson's ten minutes on the phone were up, he had to get off the phone. We said goodbye and said that we loved each other. Right at that moment, I hung up and realized just how happy I really was to have talked to him again. It was one of the most amazing feelings in the world, even though these past few days I find myself happier than I've been in quite a long time(besides Equestria Girls, of course). Just like I said in a different post, yeah... Dawson and I did kind of need a break. This was that break! I feel so much more...refreshed. I don't know why, but Drawkah can get me seriously stressed, especially after all the drama in Drawkah that's been happening lately. I feel...epic again. It's almost like I'm Lil Miss Epic even more!

Going along with my day, Chelsea came over and we started to party even harder with little moments with the relationship that we hope to happen: Adna(Adam and Sienna). Adna is so adorable. The Scootalooser(Chelsea) and I are cofounders of Adna. They are so perfect for each other! The more I see them around each other, the more chemistry that they have. It's completely obvious that both Sienna and Adam like-like each other, and by like-like, I mean love. The way they act around each other, and the way they are with each other gives you the sense that they already are a couple! I like Adna almost more than I like OctaScratch(Vinyl Scratch and Octavia from MLP FiM). All they really need in their relationship right now, is a little push. I'm pretty sure that Chelsea and I have provided that. I just wanted to take this time to say GOOD LUCK, ADNA! *wink wink, nod nod*

Chelsea and I are so epic! We had the greatest time hanging out with Andrew outside, roasting marshmallows. Andrew and I kept having marshmallow wars, and he'd always win by making my marshmallow fall into the embers and coals of death. It kind of sucked because I only got to eat maybe 10 marshmallows out of 15, or 20. Please note that these marshmallows were relatively small. We had fun just laughing over the little things such as certain combinations of "Cards Against Humanity" cards, such as White People + Black People = Panda Sex. Oh the joys of life and somewhat-dirty card games.
My Life= RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE!

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Adna: See 2nd to last paragraph. =)

"Epic" Song of the Day: Can't Stop by Maroon 5

I Can Get Stronger

Trying to recall all that has happened in the crazy month of June, I started listening to the Drawkah playlist, and started going backwards through all of my blogposts, starting with yesterday's blog post. I realized a lot of stuff that I didn't know before. For example, "The Almost Break Up 2" was 1 ACTUAL day apart from "Not The Breakup Story". I had gotten an apology from him about how he was sorry about the previous night, then the next day, I get dumped. Interesting? Yeah! I never really payed much attention to the detail of this timeline, but Drawkah's been a freaking roller coaster this past month. One minute I'm saying that he'll do anything to be with me, and then next we're skyrocketing down to "Oh no! He's totally going to dump me!" Interesting how this world works, right?

Ever notice how "Too Obsessed" ties in with my current situation, "Like Last Summer"? Yeah, there's certain parts in this blogpost that kind of make me giggle about how planned this situation really was! It's great that I'm already kind of laughing at all of this! In one paragraph, I had said this: "What if Dawson gets his phone and iPod taken, and also loses his Facebook privileges? What will I do then?" Weird...It was a total FORESHADOW of what was going to happen soon. It's not like I meant to have a foreshadow of what was going to happen in my blog, I just write in my blog my current situation, I just think that it's unexpected that you'd see something like that be predicted!

Maybe my prayers have been answered to become stronger, and be like the Lil Miss Epic last year that could go over a month without talking to that special someone. Just like I had said in "Too Obsessed", I DO need to find independence. Not only do I have a great chance to help myself find this, but this will also help Dawson and I grow stronger, and prove to ourselves and everyone around us that we can make it through separation and no communication for a while. This situation, now that I have put more thought into it makes me smile. Knowing that I can have a second chance at this, and kind of relive what had happened last Summer, makes me feel great! Before, it scared the crap out of me, and it hurt to just think about it. I have a chance to redeem myself, and prove that I can do it! Not only can I say that I can do it, I can say that I'm mature enough to accomplish this. I can get stronger now! This is amazing!

I can get through this with a smile, I know that I miss talking to him a ton, but when I feel like bawling over him, I just think of how happy I'll be when I get to see him again, or receive a call or text or Tango message, or just hear from him. I'm excited for that moment to come, but until now, I might as well just take this time and get stronger, get better, and be the best Bek that I can be! I know that would be what Dawson would want from me. I know he wouldn't want me to be broken down in tears in that little corner of my room for 3 months. This Summer, I can already tell, will be tough. It's going to be alright though. It's always going to be okay. Why would our Heavenly Father make us lose our happy ending? He wouldn't! Even though I'm living in the present, I can already tell that there's something big in store for the future, and it'll make me feel great that I went through all of these hard times.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
James: James! The words that you have given me sometimes replay in my head, because I knew that there was some sort of meaning to them. I truly know what you mean, and I have taken that into my life, and I really wanted to thank you...not over Skype or Facebook, but publicly. Please give The Daily Tower another chance, people loved that blog the most, and people were reading, and now some are let down, like me, that they can't receive inspiration from your blogger blogs. Stay true to what you started.
-Lil Miss Epic

"Epic" Song of the Day: Wipe Your Eyes by Maroon 5
Right now I really wanted to talk about what I feel like when I hear this song. When I hear this song, I can feel...not one, but four people wrap their arms around me and tell me it's going to be alright. I can feel James, Dawson, my Heavenly Father, and my Savior. James and Dawson are there because they are here for me here on Earth, and I've been through a lot with both of them. Heavenly Father and my Savior because they care, and they always will care. They both understand, and are there to help me. Through them, I can accomplish anything. Through James and Dawson, I can gain Earthly comfort. All  four of them have been there for me through almost everything. I know that I can rely on them to wipe my eyes if I cry. Thank you.

Like Last Summer...

One of the last things that I wanted to happen is now happening! Dawson has been grounded for 3 MONTHS because he snuck over to Chris and Lexi's house, and Jason, his soon to be step-dad hates Chris. I'm going to try and fix this because I know that I can't go 3 months without talking to Dawson. Trying to get over this whole situation, I try to just sit in my room the way that I did with the James situation. Remembering the heck I went through last Summer with an almost identical situation, I broke out in tears. I kept wondering about how he was holding up. Galexi(Gavin and Lexi) had given me the information about Dawson that I needed besides a phone call with Dawson yesterday that was 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Truth is, I'm having a really hard time right now. James tried to cheer me up by telling me stuff like: "Keep your mind off of him." I took that advice, and started reading the My Little Pony guide book that I got the other day up until my dad picked me up. That's when I kept staring down at my phone just waiting for a text or a call or something to let me know that he's okay. The rest of the day was filled with constant worry, but not just from me. Turns out that Lexi was scared about apologizing to Dawson's parents about Dawson having to be grounded. After all, she did say that she was sorry and that it was partly their faults. We were going to try our best to fix this whole situation. After I finished watching Iron Man 3, I got into this exact text conversation.

Lexi: I want to fix things, but i only know Daws and Dallon in that house.
Bek: Don't worry about it, just ask to come in and apologize to the parents~ bring Chris with ya! Heck, if you need, bring your parents!
Lexi: No! No no no no. That's a very bad idea. My dad would hurt Jason, and I don't want that. Val doesn't even know me, but she doesn't like me cuz she thinks I'm like Chris. They don't like Chris either. They don't know me, so it wouldn't work.
Bek: That's why you have to make PEACE. They don't know you, set an example for yourself, and go apologize. It's going to make them love you, rest assured.
Lexi: I don't understand why they would love me.
Bek: Everyone loves to be apologized to. If they see someone setting a great example in your family, they will respect you more, as a person, and they will also start respecting your family a little bit more. You guys have issues and need to sort them out it seems. This could be something that will help get rid of the hate. =)
Lexi: That's a really good idea. I'll talk to my parents about it.
Bek: Yeah it helps to start thinking about what will make peace instead of cause twice the drama. What will make everyone happy in the end? Not: What will I do to get back at them? I see the tension between these two families, and it's not okay. It'd be amazing if you could be the one to help heal this(you have a great opportunity) Just look at the bright side of things.
Lexi: You're real smart for someone who doesn't know me in person yet.
Bek: Oh well thanks! Just talking to you over Facebook and text messaging I can totally tell that you're a really sweet girl! I'm excited to meet Galexi later this Summer...(if that still happens) I'm willing to help get this issue sorted out, alright?
Lexi: Alright. It would help having you there with me. It would make me feel better.
Bek: Okay maybe we can set something up. I'm all for it, if it helps you. Sure, I don't know a bunch about your situation, but I can still sit in.
Lexi: I can ask my parents about dropping me off somewhere and we can meet there, then walk to Dawson's house. Then we can fix it.

After that text message conversation I was feeling great. That was until I realized I couldn't sit down to talk about our plan with Dawson. I tell him almost everything...this was one of those things I just couldn't tell him anything about, but he'd find out eventually. I realized I was terrified and needed to get some things off of my chest. Pulling out the lost letters, I started writing to Dawson about my feelings, and how I was going to try hard to help out with this situation. As soon as I ended one letter, I saw that it was the 25th, and began writing another letter, but with today's date. After that, I wrote to James, and then I set down my pen and notebook. I got down on my knees and started to pray for strength and comfort, and praying for Dawson to contact me. I broke out in full blown tears. I started saying how scared I was and how I needed my heavenly father's love at that moment. I could feel his arms wrap around me as I was down on my knees, and I could feel the Holy Ghost telling me everything was going to be fine.

I got up off of my knees, and sat in that same corner..the same one as last Summer. I cried more and more just thinking about Dawson...Then I realized. Dawson has been telling me all that he wants for me right now is to make me happy and feel loved. It would upset Dawson so much if he could see me crying, or overheard that I was crying. I heard him whisper: "Seriously, Bek. What's wrong?" with the amount of concern that he had used the other day. I could imagine his eyes when he said it again, and I reached out for a hug, in my head, I hugged Dawson, in person, I hugged my pillow. I said "I miss you." once again. We hugged for a long time in my head, and I felt warm. I whispered to myself: "Dawson doesn't want this for you...Dawson wants you to be happy." Then I remembered what Dawson did when we started jumping on the tramp. He pulled up the corners of his lips into a smile. I giggled. I started smiling, remembering all the little things he did for me. I cuddled up next to my pillow and fell asleep knowing that that was what Dawson wanted me to be like. He just wants me to be happy. I then woke up from a slight nightmare. I dreamt that I had woken up to a breakup text from Lexi, but Dawson had written it to me. I started to frown, and a couple of tears dropped, then I remembered what I went through the previous night. I smiled remembering Dawson pulling up the corners of his lips into a smile. Dawson's such a goof, but he did that just to make me smile. Not only was it then, but it was for my memory. Even when we are apart, he solved my problem through my memories.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Lexi: I'm actually excited and nervous about going to Dawson's to solve this problem...So like Pinkie Pie calls it, I'm nevervousited!! (Idk how to spell that) Anyways! I just wanted to give you this shout-out to let you know that you're a great friend, and that you should keep being awesome like you are. Stay strong.

2"Epic" Songs of the Day: Not Over You by Gavin DeGraw and A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton

P.s.
Thank you all.. We have reached 4000 Clouds Read, or pageviews! This is amazing, and if you haven't already, I'd love it if you could like my facebook page. Right now we just have it stuck at 15 likes. Let's bump it up. Feel free to subscirbe to my blog, it'd help show the inspiration, and give me more as well. Love you guys!
-Lil Miss Epic

Breaking Stereotypes & Fixing Things

Alright! So there's this TV series that I watch, and most people believe that the series is meant for little girls, and little girls only. This phenomenal HIT TV show (in my opinion) is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This series is so good! If you just give the show a try, I guarantee you'll love it, and either be come a brony or pegasister, depending on your gender. Anyways, knowing that my stepbrothers, Adam and Andrew, were here and that we had already been to the mall to pick up the pony merchandise me and Dawson would wear to Equestria Girls, a spin-off movie of the show, I decided to sit back and relax thinking I might get some time to myself with both Sienna and Dawson. Adam then confronts me and says that he knows if he watches one episode of MLP: FiM he's going to like it. He then hides from Andrew, and starts watching the first two, and ends up loving it. We dress Adam up like the brony he is, and I let him wear my Wonderbolts jacket along with my Rainbow Dash headphones and necklace and he wore my Vinyl Scratch shirt that we had just purchased(It matches Dawson's! YAY!) Anyways, we confront Andrew and tell him that Adam's a brony now. Andrew basically put up a fit about this, and we tried to convince him to at LEAST watch the first two episodes. Before we start the episode, Andrew calls me down and tells me his secret. He has been a closet brony for a little over a year. Trying to change that, we both sat down and watched the show and Andrew shouted "Spoiler! Wanna hear one, Adam?" Adam was all like: Sure. Andrew then told him that he's seen up to Season 2 Episode 8. Adam's jaw dropped. I then told them that in order for them to see Equestria Girls without any spoilers from the movie, they needed to watch the following 8 episodes. (the plot building ones that is) I told them Return of Harmony parts 1 & 2, Canterlot Wedding parts 1 & 2, Crystal Empire parts 1 & 2, Keep Calm and Flutter On, and Magical Mystery Cure. They watched them up until late that night, and then it was time to go see Equestria Girls.

In the car, it was a little bit boring, but we answered little questions such as what was our favorite things about My Little Pony. When we were pulling up to the theater, I saw something that I've always wanted to see. A HERD OF BRONIES. I was thrilled. I started freaking out! We got out of the car, and they all ran over to greet us! We all introduced ourselves, and then they said "WELCOME TO THE BRONY CLUB OF ISU, COME AND GET YOUR BRACELETS, ONE EACH REPRESENTING ONE OF THE MANE 6." They started up their pony music, and said that there was food for everyone and soda, and it was probably the best party I've ever gone to. There was pony merchandise everywhere. That's when Will, Dawson, and I went to the theater to get our tickets. I say to Dawson: oh my gosh this is the BEST day of my LIFE!! We get our tickets and my voice starts cracking, and we head back to the bronies for MULTIPLE group pictures! Then it was time to go into the theater. It was funny because we decided to count the bronies that had come to this movie. We saw 46 bronies including pegasisters, such as myself. Then after a while, the movie finally started.

PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE OUT ANY DETAILS OF WHAT HAPPENED IN THIS FABULOUS MOVIE, I DON'T WANT FOR YOU GUYS TO END UP NOT READING THIS BLOGPOST. SPOILERS ARE NEVER FUN PLEASE CARRY ON KNOWING THAT YOU WON'T GET ANY DETAILS OF WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE.

Alright guys! We exited the theater, and everyone was freaking out about how amazing this movie was! It turns out that Hasbro, and DHX, have broken yet another stereotype, since there were several bronies who didn't want this movie to happen. This movie was PHENOMENAL. Heck, it's even Dawson's favorite movie now! It beat Transformers for him about halfway through the movie! We went back to our brony herd for yet ANOTHER brony picture! I was so excited, and we took the picture all together again.We met this brony that had this book...it took the title of The Elements of Harmony. It looked so cool, so I decided to confront him and ask us to tell us about the book. Seeing that the book was super cool, because it was, we decided to go and get one of our own! It had song lyrics, a description of every episode, interviews with members of the show, art that didn't make it into the show, and much more!

Since our pony day had come to an end, we all decided to just hang out at my place. We jumped on the tramp and had fun, and then we all decided to go inside. Dawson started acting funny a little bit when we were outside. Sienna and I had to drag him inside. He seemed really sad and tired. I tried to cheer him up, and then he said he was going to go outside again. I waited a little bit, and then felt the need to follow him, so I did. His allergies were acting up, and he has hay fever and was allergic to something that Sienna threw at him so his face was swelling a little. He wanted to go continue digging his hole..he was digging it with a stick? Anyways, I convinced him to jump on the tramp with me, so we did a little bit. Then we both sat down next to each other, and he noticed I was getting quieter and quieter. I kept looking away from him, and wasn't really talking. I held out my arms for a hug, and he came closer to hug me. We released the hug, and we decided to go back to where he was digging his little hole. He was trying to think of what to talk about, especially since I was glancing around and not really making eye contact much, and was really quiet. He then looked me in the eyes, and asked "Seriously. What's wrong?" I saw the amount of concern in his eyes, and just hugged him, and in his ear I whispered "I miss you." He said to me "I'm right here." I knew he was right there, but I still missed him for some reason. I felt like he wasn't all THERE until that moment, when he said he was. We hugged and hugged, and then we started kissing, and trying to make all of this sadness and a little bit of tears go away. Yeah, it was a little hard for me. We decided to jump on the tramp, and he started doing little things that make me smile. We then went back to where we were, kissed a little more, and then he started working on his hole again when Adam and Sienna came out to see us. All four of us started jumping on the tramp, and having fun. Adam and Sienna started doing this weird thing called tramp dancing, and bumping us in the process and Drawkah was all like: Oh so you wanna play that game?! And we did the same to them. It was all fun and games, until we fell on our butts and started getting hurt. 

The time came when Dawson had to leave. We had Will take him home, and we sat in the car, and wanted to be right next to each other, because we didn't really know when we would see each other again, other than the first day of school, which was far away. We kept sneaking a kiss here and there when we knew Will wasn't looking because we didn't want to disturb him with our immense PDA, even though he does the same with Rachel. We dropped him off, and we kissed one last time for the day. I looked in his eyes as he left, and saw the way he looked at me. I smiled to myself, and realized I was biting my lip. He loves me again. I thought. He gave me that same look that he gave when we had our best moments in Drawkah. That look. That look was the look that made me want to fall over in happiness because I knew that I was loved by the one I love most right now. That was the perfect ending to my day...besides eating chocolate icecream in front of Adam and Sienna..that was pretty sweet too.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
ISU BRONIES: Hey everypony! Thank you so much for this Equestria Girls experience. It was YOU GUYS who made this the best day ever for me and Sienna, and possibly the guys and Rachel. You're all amazing and I hope that we will all meet again sometime soon.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Smile by Pinkie Pie

Capes

Alright! Yesterday was mutual, and I decided to take my friend Krista to mutual with me, seeing as how  we're both going to go to girls camp together! We headed to Idaho Falls, and picked her up and we were both kind of talking and then we saw "The Ronald McDonald Mexican House" that is known as "Marie's house" but I usually end up calling it "Some weird old lady's poodle filled house."  Krista and I laughed at how she had a red car. We joked that it could have the McDonald yellow arches on the hood, and it would match her house perfectly, seeing as she also had arches in her house, and outside her house that were, in fact, YELLOW. It was so perfect because we could bond over little things like seeing something that you wouldn't see every single day. Anyways, we were talking about our everyday routines, and then we arrived at the church and we were told that we were going to make capes, and pick our tent-buddies, and draw for who our secret sister is! Just like every year, I drew my own name first. What I should have done in this situation: Given Krista my name because she doesn't really know anybody in my ward. What I ended up doing: Threw it back, leaving Krista with a name none of us knew, and me picking up a name that was different from my own, but still not Krista. Oh well! We all do stupid things; however I really regret that! It was more of a reason to say that Krista was my sister! Let's just say we are anyways.

Krista and I had gotten on the subject of how Dawson and Gavin became blood brothers. We both then told each other that we were NEVER going to do that. We both agreed that it was incredibly stupid to do. Then again, they are both boys..of course they would totally do it. Krista was telling me about how Gavin was making her feel even more insecure, I guess you could say, about her life because he kept saying that she needed to tell him what was wrong, even though she, herself, didn't want to. That's never fair...I would never tell anybody about my problems if I seriously didn't want them to know. If one of your friends is upset about something, please look about how they might feel about it, and respect their privacy even though you'd love to help them out. Telling them that you are there for them is helpful, but it's hard for them to accept that help when they are already hurt by somebody pressuring them to tell them their problems.

See how the purple ribbon curls? Yeah..That's called a Rarity.

We were using the iron to iron on our letters onto our capes, and make it so that our ribbons were flat. We decided that when the purple ribbon got all curly, we would call it a Rarity because it was all twisted and purple, and it was stubborn!

Sewing. Oh gosh...Sewing. Even though I'm supposed to be the one in my group of bronies/pegasisters that is Rarity, I cannot sew...WHATSOEVER. Krista is more of a Rarity, in sewing sense, than I am. It was flat out embarrassing, I didn't know what to do at all! Krista and the camp director helped me sew everything to do with my cape, and I discovered that I couldn't stick pins either. Sticking pins is supposed to be really simple, and I couldn't even do that! I'm so glad that Krista was there to help laugh it off, and stuff like that.

Before we had to drop Krista off, Marlee came up to us and we all started talking about the whole "Dawson's a Douche bag" situation. At this point, Dawson has completely agreed with everyone that he was being a douche bag. We basically gave Krista more details on why Marlee was so mad, and then we started talking about The Princess Bride. Their two impressions were so funny about "Mawwiage." It broke the tension of the whole "Douche bag" situaion, or as Krista would call it, sitchiation(No u, for those people who can't spell anyways.).

After dropping Krista off, Dawson and I started talking over the phone, and after a while, Dawson found Amazing Grace on YouTube, not just any version of Amazing Grace, but the version that was played at his father's funeral. Dawson, like I would do, started crying over his dead father. It was hard for me, but I stayed on the phone as long as I could, as I heard some devastating things that I didn't really know about him before, and about the connection he had with his dad. I heard him keep saying "Why?" over the phone while he was in what I would consider full-blown tears. He told me about how the paramedics had to pry him off of his father. It made me think..would I do that if my mother died? When I started trying to walk in his footsteps with the whole situation that he was in, I began to cry with him, and share, in some form, what he was feeling inside. Since it was getting close to 11:30, at one point, I texted my step-dad saying that Dawson needed me and that I couldn't just hang up on him at a time like this. My step-dad said it was okay, so Dawson and I stayed on the phone, and eventually started having happier conversations, and he said I sounded like I was about to cry, and I told him I was fine, but told him I was in pain, even though it was just a headache. Even though it was just a headache, he still cared, and wanted to help me out. I decided to sleep downstairs so that I wouldn't end up bothering my parents with Dawson and I's conversations. Trying to make each other happy, we kept talking, and he kept making me laugh, and my laugh made him happy because apparently it was adorable. Even though, I have like a million different laughs, my tired one is the most adorable one. Knowing we were both bound to fall asleep soon, we decided to hang up, and call it a night.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Krista: We totally need to hang out more this Summer. I had so much fun with you, and we didn't even get bored of each other! You're such a cool sister, and I hope that you have fun in Idaho Falls. Invite me over sometime, or maybe I'll invite you, and we can hang out.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Little of Your Time by Maroon 5

Less Fog

It really touches me that ever since Dawson and I got back together, I've been an inspiration to others again! Whether it be from making people close to tears from being related to, to making people know what they need to do to fix things. I'm so glad that I have this blog, and I think that this whole thing happened for an amazing reason. I've already opened 2 of the "windows" after I have "closed the door." 1 of the windows, "surprise surprise", was Drawkah being back, and getting closure of what has been happening and how we feel about it. The other window, I see my blog...ringing TRUE to it's whole statement! Inspiring my inspirations. This "window" totally makes me feel so much better about myself, and how I can help others with my words. When I inspire you guys, it inspires me. With this post right now, I'm working off of none other than James' inspiration. He left a comment on my other blog that seriously made me smile. Seeing comments like that can make me even just a little bit happier.

Ohhhh myyy goshhh... The CRAZIEST thing happened. I got the TRUTH about...well...EVERYTHING. Let's clear up this situation, and make it less foggy. Dawson had a friend..that was well, really influential, to people. This friend had gotten into Dawson's head, making him think that breaking up with me was the right thing to do. It all makes sense now. Why else would Dawson wake up this past week, and start not liking me that much anymore. It all started...last Monday now that I think about it. It was that dumb fight that I barely remember. *Looks back at the blog post* Oh yeah...We fought about me turning off my phone. Well...That was stupid. Anyways! This may just be a head-canon of mine, but I think that's around when his friend started influencing his brain. I'm PRETTY sure...PRETTY sure.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day(Again):
Marlee:
Hey girly! I just wanted to thank you for everything you did to help and support me. I'm sure Dawson had some of those texts going through his head. I'm super confident that you did indeed help with Drawkah. Thank you so much.
"Epic" Song of the Day(Again): Confetti Falling by Big Time Rush

Not The Breakup Story

Okay, so here's what went down yesterday.. Dawson and I were both sad, and so he decided to break up with me for the same reason that I was sort of fine with him breaking up with me in the first place. We both made each other sad. I was doing EXCELLENT with my friend, Sienna, and I was doing fine...but at the same time, still crushing on Daws. After Sienna left, I decided to pray about what to do. I waited and waited for that answer, and then I talked to Gavin, Dawson's blood brother, about it. Right when Dawson realized how much of a loss he had, Gavin texted me saying that now was my chance, and it might be the only chance I'll get. It felt right, asking him out again. But after he said give him 30 minutes.

I started to freak out a little. I texted Gavin...hoping he might calm me down, which he did. I was frightened at the fact that Dawson wanted 30 minutes to decide. During those 30 minutes, I was scared, and was wondering if I should take back the offer because I was afraid of rejection. Gavin said that I needed to take the chance, and just wait for his decision because he was thinking really hard about this. Scared, I sat there crying, and trying to be supportive. During the last 5 minutes, I started to cheer up because Gavin and Coleman were helping me through it. After sending a text to Gavin that says: "=) Actually...i think i did the right thing ~Hope<3", I receive a text message that says "Bek ill take you back but.. You cant be asking me 2 get on audi all the time"

Oh gosh...at that moment even though I was already smiling, I smiled even bigger. I had my world back. It was like what I had said earlier that day, If you love someone, you gotta let them go. What I had forgotten, was the the second part. If they come back to you, they're yours. He's mine now I guess. He knows what a break up is like from the Dumper's point of view...and I know what it's like to get dumped now. My first relationship, I don't consider a dump because we still acted like boyfriend and girlfriend for a while...This was my first actual break up over text, and my second break-up that my friends thought was total bull crap.

I woke up this morning, and the thing that kept running through my head was Is Drawkah really gonna work out? Then I remembered ONE part of my dream... Gavin saying "It's not the breakup story that matters, it's the makeup story." Gosh..Gavin is even wise in my dreams...weird. Oh well, that's the THEME for today. If you're going through  a breakup, just be strong about it. If you have to, and it feels right, ask for a second chance. Who knows? They might take you back. Don't keep in mind all those breakups that are stuck in your head, but remember the times that were good, and remember how you guys had gotten together in the first place. I hope that this post was inspirational to somebody out there..because this whole experience to me, was very inspirational.

I want to thank my friend, Sienna for coming over to help me calm down with this breakup, as SOON as she found out. I won't leave her the shout-out of the day, but I will say her name. This paragraph is what a true friend did to help me when I was sad. I got home, and she had left a message on any and everything that somebody could do to get a hold of someone. As soon as I replied on Facebook saying that I needed a friend, she said that she was coming over nearly immediately. When I was putting all my "Drawkah" stuff away, she came in to my room with open arms saying that she was here. I cried on her shoulder. She was is the friend that I've always hoped for when dealing with something like this. Spending the day with her was awesome. We made a giant poster that said Hope on it with things that make me smile. Like a giraffe telling me not to do drugs, and a muffin tree. Whenever I look at the Hope poster, I can't help but smile.

Now that I look at the PROS and CONS list that she and I made about this WHOLE breakup, I can still have almost all of the PROS, and get some of the CONS positive. I can still have break-up song inspiration because...I got dumped! Of course, I'll try to make something out of that! The things I'm looking at on some of the PROS, is some rules I guess I just set for myself. For example, one of the items on the PRO list is that I get more time with friends. This could TOTALLY be a rule for myself. When I hang out with friends, I should NOT text Dawson as much because I need to focus on the friends that are there for me, and want to hang out with me. Not that I love texting him, but I do it way too much. Looking at a CON on the list, I see he may fall away from the Gospel. This is HUGE to me....It may just be kind of a small item on a little CON list... ahem...versus....A HUGE PRO list...but This is huge. Us breaking up, could've prevented him from getting closer to Heavenly Father, and learning more by reading his scriptures. I'm SO glad this CON can be turned into a PRO. Another PRO on the list, is more sleep. Uhm...wow. I can still get sleep when I'm with a guy. I just need to be like "Good night! I'm tired! Love you!", and then I'll just fall asleep. That can also be a rule. No staying up past like... 1 a.m. texting him...MAYBE. However, there's some PROS that I can't take back such as not chained down, find new and better guy, I don't put up with his gyrados (our new word for guy period), he doesn't put up with my periods, and cute guys asking me out. That's okay, because some of the CONS are gonna stay negative, but I won't have them anyways. SUCH AS: Annoying guys asking me out, Seeing him with new girlfriend, Losing his friends, and Ishmael(the entire reason we got together in the first place haha). Thank GOSH I have him back. According to that, Ishmael is like the one that we wrote REALLY big, and the others are normal size.

Anyways, I want to thank EVERYONE who was involved in this at least a little, and I will put your name in the Shout-Outs. I'd like to say that Lil Miss Epic is BACK. I hope that this post was inspiring to you all, and that you might take something from it. I really do enjoy...inspiring my inspirations.

"Lil" Shout-Outs of the Day: 
SIENNA, Gavin, Julia, James, Bob/Austin, Chelsea, and Braxton: Thank you all for helping me through this WHOLE process. The whole thing means a lot, and I want to let you guys know that you demonstrated what a true friend is to me. I hope that all of you can take some inspiration out of this post, and do what you love, and be happy. I love you all, and happy father's day.~LiLMiSSEPiC

"Epic" Song of the Day: Back at Your Door by Maroon 5

The Almost Break Up 2

I know what you guys are thinking by the title of this post today. No worries everyone, he didn't break up with me. But, I have a story to tell now. So I guess we should just jump right in!

Dawson decided to call because he wanted to talk to me, and I wanted him to get on my favorite game, Audition, so as he decided to deny and deny and deny getting on, I got madder and madder and madder. I got extra mad when he had told me he was on Audition for an hour earlier that day, but the text message "didn't send" that he was getting on. After that, I got really suspicious of what had happened that entire day. We argued and argued, and I said how I was sad and he wasn't helping any, and so he sent me two texts about how he was wondering if we could talk about it because he knew something was wrong, and then the second one was supposedly from me, and it said "No.." Thinking that didn't sound anything like me, I got even more suspicious of what was going on. I had started bawling over the phone because I was listening to Never Gonna Leave This Bed Acoustic Version cover by James William Facer. I was BAWLING and he wasn't doing anything about it. When I questioned him about it, his response was that he didn't know what to do. Since it was almost 11:30 pm, I decided to get off the phone with him so I didn't get in trouble. After we hung up, Dawson started scaring me.

Dawson sent me a text saying that he threw his phone across the room, and I shouldn't be surprised if I get no reply back. Of course, trying to make sense of that, my text message back was something along the words of: Fine then! Don't talk to me! We basically went back and forth, defending, and explaining why we do the things we do. But then...it happened. Dawson reaches for his knife, and I start to bawl harder than the first Almost Break Up. Over text message I said: Please please please please please don't go don't leave...please please please please. As I continued to bawl, the phone got blurrier and blurrier. I saw one of his text messages, and bawled harder, thinking that it might be one of the last things I'll see from him. He had told me it's the only way out of his "living hell" of a life. Starting to shake, and bawl harder I tried to think of things that I could do better for him. Things that I have done wrong. Things that he hates me for. I ran to the bathroom, and I threw up. I was paranoid. I lay there on the bathroom floor curled up in a bawl saying: please please don't go please don't leave. I need you. Don't leave me. *tears drop on keyboard*

After trying to text James, nothing was working...I decided to get on Facebook messenger, and to my surprise, he was online! I messaged him saying that I needed him, and I tried hard to explain but it wasn't the best explanation in the world. I gave him the short version: "He almost committed suicide And im probably gonna pass out I can't calm down I can't breathe There is no happiness without Daws" James, being a good friend, kept telling me to think of happy thoughts. "Think about Pikachu saying "Pika!" all happy like!" I had told Dawson that I loved him, and he was all like: "Really? Doesn't seem like it!" My heart was breaking, and I no longer knew what I should be thinking. Was Dawson breaking up with me? I confronted the problem by asking him, and he just virtually glared at me and said that he would've already done it if he wanted to. I told James about it, and he said that it was way too harsh. I started thinking too hard. I started thinking that maybe I was the one who didn't deserve him. I told James, and he said that I deserve any guy that I like. Is that really true, though? I keep doubting myself and doubting myself after moments like these happen with the ones I love. I need to regain that Lil' Miss Epic strength that I used to have...Last Summer. James says that it's there, I just need to realize the strength that I have.

Knowing that Dawson wasn't going to apologize or anything anytime soon. I decided to take it into my own hands, and make peace the best that I could. I started by saying stuff like: Remember how nervous we were during our first kiss? It got him to smile just a bit. I started getting One-Two word replies. Those types of replies from him always make me really worried. I told him about it, and he apologizes for that. I decided to do what we usually do. The virtual stuff. "Rhos(rest head on shoulder), grabs hand, cuddles." He decided to do the same, but the guy version i guess? "Paas(Puts arm around shoulders), grabs hand, cuddles." I told him that he was mine, and he said "and ur mine." I fell asleep, and woke up to this exact text message: "I'm so so srry bout last night i really am...~ILoversMyGirl<3" (That last part was his signature. Haha.) I told him that I needed some time to myself, and he totally understood and said. "Kk. Text me whenever, kay?"

So now, I'm thinking that things are fixed and back to normal. I guess I should show you the picture that I edited myself last night. It's my own creation. Please enjoy the dailies.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Comatose by Skillet

"Lil and Epic" Shout-Out of the Day:
Sienna: Thank you so much for helping me last night. It means a lot, it really does. You really did exemplify what a true friend would do in a situation like that, and I thank you so much for helping me the way you did! Thanks for everything. You're amazing. ^^

Dysfunctional Inspiration

Here I am, sitting here without any inspiration, but somehow still writing. Lil Miss Epic was about inspiring my inspirations...but it's turned into a mess as soon as some.. ahem dumb ahem drama popped up. It's rather girly of me to sit here and talk about one person over and over and over. My blog would totally die if me and that person stopped.. ahem seeing each other. I'm not trying to clue anything right now, it's just that my blog is a place where I'm supposed to be myself. There's all this dysfunction in my life that I'm trying to fix now, and I just don't see how I'm supposed to inspire my inspirations. I, myself, don't even feel all that inspired nowadays. Sometimes, I get those sparks though. Like that one post about the song Be Strong With Me by Jenny Phillips. By that song, I was completely inspired. Now that school's over, I feel like nothing's happening, but at the same time, it feels like everything is happening at once. Yet today, I find myself in bed all day taking a day off when in reality, I'm just being really really lazy. It wasn't until I found out that a comment has been left on my blog, that I decided to get up, and start to write. Sometimes I forget that I have a blog, or that people even read it. So, I sit here and vent and vent and vent, but go in having absolutely no expectations of a reply, or even a page view.

What my blog post was going to be about today was the lack of strength that I have right now. Not only am I being a baby about my personal boy troubles, but I need to lose weight. I'm back up at where I started when the doctor told me that my weight was really unhealthy, and I needed to lose it. I need to start setting some goals.

1. Limitation to Him: Should I be limiting myself to how much I text Dawson in a day, or how long our phone calls should last? I don't even know if it should be a goal, but I'm starting to think that I send him more texts than he sends back. Maybe I should only text back when he texts me. I'm not sure though. Any advice?

2. More Friends: Originally this Summer, I was doing stuff with my friends every single day. Now, I'm not really doing anything. I need to get more active with my friends. Last time I hung out with a friend, it was Chelsea, and we actually went on a bike ride, which is good for you. I need to make more active activities to lose some calories.

3. Get a Job: Well I used to have a job, but now I'm just doing diddlysquat. I see all my friends and family having goals of what to do with their money, but I just sit here and save up, but not expecting to get anywhere because I don't have a job! Maybe I need to get into cooking every night again? Am I even willing to commit to a Summer job? I don't know what I'm going to do!

4. Blog: I musn't keep you guys hanging all Summer! That wouldn't be inspirational at all, now would it? I'm going to try to put up a post every week at the LEAST. So keep checking in every now and then to see if anything's new.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:

James: Oh my gosh I can't believe you actually commented on my blog. I haven't heard from you in what seems like forever. We seriously need to catch up, and I need some inspiration from my inspiration. Truth is, you're the one that inspired me to make a blog in the first place. I hope that I have given some form of inspiration towards you. Right now, I need your help. I don't know how I managed it, but last Summer, I had grown incredibly strong from the experience we had both gone through. Sure, I just sat in the dark alone at the start of Summer, but then it had eventually come to around a month, when I realized I don't need to talk to you every single day, and every single minute, to still like you in that way. I was wondering if you could help me get a little experience from last Summer. Just to let you know, I caught myself bawling after the post I put up the other day, and it was just because I had listened to you sing "Never Gonna Leave This Bed- Acoustic Version " by Maroon 5. I started bawling as  soon as you said "You push me." I bawled not only because it brought back memories, but because it helped me feel more of my pain last Summer. I thank you for that though, because I feel like I need to feel that again to figure out that it's all going to be alright. Thank you, James. Thank you, for everything.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Never Gonna Leave This Bed- Acoustic Version by Maroon 5