Saturday, June 29, 2013

Waiting

Another lazy day, just staring at my phone waiting for his name and picture to show up on my phone. I feel kind of lonely, but I know it's going to be okay. I've been listening to songs on YouTube, and it makes me feel somewhat happier than I was. I'm missing him so much, and he won't leave my mind. It's hard on me, of course. Yet, it's only been 2 days since we've talked. Yeah, it's not as bad as last Summer, but I have the same feelings that I did back then. What can I do about this? Nothing. All I can do is wait for him...Wait for Drawkah to return back to normal.

Sorry for the relatively short post today, but I just can't continue this post much longer. Here, have your dailies.

Shout-Out of the Day:
James:  We never talk anymore, you know. I try to contact you, but now I feel like you don't want to talk at all. What's up? Are you okay? 

"Epic" Song of the Day: Closer, Faster by Against The Current

Friday, June 28, 2013

Motorcycle Memories

On the motorcycle, me and my mom continued down the road on the way to my grandma's house. Thoughts of Dawson continued to fill my head, as the wind blew through my hair. I miss him so much, and it hurts. As we passed a railroad, I remembered something from when I had last seen Dawson. Will had got out of the car to close the trunk, and Dawson and I looked at each other, and snuck a quick kiss. I was so happy, and then the thoughts filled my head about how he wanted me to smile. I start smiling as I see the middle school, and we continue to ride down the road grandma's house. Suddenly, I found myself trying to dismiss all of these thoughts of Dawson. I kept thinking stuff like "He's not important anymore, Bek. He's gone. Maybe even forever." I opened up my eyes, as I realized they were shut tight, in fear that he really was gone. Then I remembered our first kiss, and how perfect and shy it was. "Movie Night Memories" of how great it was for the two of us. I closed my eyes again, remembering how great it was to have the feel of his lips pressed against mine. I remembered how loved it really made me feel.

I opened my eyes, and looked up at the clouds remembering that he said he would do anything to try to talk to me while he was grounded.(during those 2 1/2 minutes he talked to me the day after he got grounded.) I believed him, and I knew it would happen. He had reassured my worries by telling me that he would make sure that this Summer didn't turn into last Summer. The memories filled my head, and I started to get a little bit dizzy. We were on my grandma's road, and I still found myself incapable of getting Dawson out of my head.

Later on tonight, I rode home with my grandma, aunt, and my mom in a car because it was too dark to ride the motorcycle home. I found myself thinking of Dawson again as I looked out the window. Considering the possibilities, I wondered if Dawson missed me a lot today, like the way I did.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: Okay Daws. I know that you don't really have access to my blog by the time that this post is up, but I just want to let you know that these days without you have been really hard for me, and my emotions are a roller coaster. I'm sorry that you had to get grounded for so long, and I hope that you can get back all of your privileges soon. I love you so much.
-Lil Miss Epic

"Epic" Song of the Day: Sweetest Goodbye by Maroon 5
This song reminds me of "Saying Goodbye to Him" because it just brings back the same feelings that I had when I was saying goodbye to him. I can't stop listening to this song right now because I can't stop thinking about him, and the song relates so well to Drawkah. If you want to listen to some of my feelings, then listen to this song, I'd love to recommend it.

Nothing Works.

Slowly, the depression eased in. I found myself wanting to be all alone. It was a little scary, to be honest. I felt like I didn't have Dawson anymore...at all. Trying to get my mind off of him, I watch some TV with Chelsea, didn't work. I kept reaching for my phone seeing if I had gotten anything from him. I tried playing Audition for the first time in a week or two, didn't work. I tried hanging out with Adam and Andrew, didn't work. Next, I tried watching Big Brother After-Dark, but I found myself just staring at my phone...waiting, so obviously that didn't work!

Contacting Gavin while I started singing some Maroon 5 songs, I found myself thinking about him more and more. I thought maybe talking to some people would help get my mind off of him. I've tried sleeping, taking a shower, and playing video games, and nothing has worked. I started to worry. The past few days I had been happier than ever, and now I'm getting that sense of depression again? What's happening? Is something wrong with Dawson? I shouldn't be so worried about him right now, but I honestly am. I hope that he calls in 2 days(to fit with our 3 day schedule i guess), but I also hope that I get that call right now. Why now? I already know that he might get un-grounded on The 4th of July, but I still miss talking to him. I wish he could see how this is effecting me right now because I knew he would do anything to contact me. I already know he's doing the best he can to be on his best behavior. However, it's just hard not being able to hear from him...at all.

I have that Lil Miss Epic strength back, it's just that some days it's hard to do this. You can't really help it when you miss someone. I know that it could be worse, aka last Summer, but right now I just want to be alone and sit in a corner and listen to music and cry. Sometimes it feels somehow...great to cry, and release that energy. It will show Dawson that I care, right? I know that he wants me to be smiley today, but I just can't do it, not today.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: Okay Daws. I know that you don't really have access to my blog by the time that this post is up, but I just want to let you know that these days without you have been really hard for me, and my emotions are a roller coaster. I'm sorry that you had to get grounded for so long, and I hope that you can get back all of your privileges soon.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Sweetest Goodbye by Maroon 5
This song reminds me of "Saying Goodbye to Him" because it just brings back the same feelings that I had when I was saying goodbye to him. I can't stop listening to this song right now because I can't stop thinking about him, and the song relates so well to Drawkah. If you want to listen to some of my feelings, then listen to this song, I'd love to recommend it.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

3 Days.

Okay! So Sienna decided to spend the night at my house. Since of course, we were doing a movie night with Chelsea the next day anyways! The previous day, I had told Adam my little "foreshadowing" prediction. Adam had sighed when Sienna left(this is during Equestria Girls, June 22), and looked down at his feet, and I looked at him and said "Don't worry! You'll see her again in 3 days!" The next day, Dawson ends up getting grounded, and he called me the day after that, saying that he got his phone, iPod, and computer privileges taken away. About the 2 day mark, (for not talking to Dawson) I realized what I had said to Adam about the whole "3 day" situation. Because I had realized that day that my blog had been foreshadowing events in my life in the month of June! I thought to myself, Oh my gosh! Dawson's gonna call on the THIRD day!! This is perfect!

Counting down to 12:12 pm, I realized, it's not going to be exact. When Sienna and I least expected it, Dawson CALLED me. Jumping up and down in excitement, I picked up the phone and was like: I KNEW IT I KNEW IT! MY PREDICTION WAS TOTALLY RIGHT! Dawson laughed and was like what? I had to explain some stuff to him. Of course I won't bother telling you guys what I have been doing for the past three days, because you obviously already know the answer! Hint hint..Go to previous blog posts. Dawson told me that all he had been doing for the past three days was that he was drawing ponies and doing chores that his mom asked him to do. He said he didn't mention anything about electronics or things that he couldn't get his hands on. His mother said to him "At this rate, you'll be un-grounded by next week!" Since Dawson's ten minutes on the phone were up, he had to get off the phone. We said goodbye and said that we loved each other. Right at that moment, I hung up and realized just how happy I really was to have talked to him again. It was one of the most amazing feelings in the world, even though these past few days I find myself happier than I've been in quite a long time(besides Equestria Girls, of course). Just like I said in a different post, yeah... Dawson and I did kind of need a break. This was that break! I feel so much more...refreshed. I don't know why, but Drawkah can get me seriously stressed, especially after all the drama in Drawkah that's been happening lately. I feel...epic again. It's almost like I'm Lil Miss Epic even more!

Going along with my day, Chelsea came over and we started to party even harder with little moments with the relationship that we hope to happen: Adna(Adam and Sienna). Adna is so adorable. The Scootalooser(Chelsea) and I are cofounders of Adna. They are so perfect for each other! The more I see them around each other, the more chemistry that they have. It's completely obvious that both Sienna and Adam like-like each other, and by like-like, I mean love. The way they act around each other, and the way they are with each other gives you the sense that they already are a couple! I like Adna almost more than I like OctaScratch(Vinyl Scratch and Octavia from MLP FiM). All they really need in their relationship right now, is a little push. I'm pretty sure that Chelsea and I have provided that. I just wanted to take this time to say GOOD LUCK, ADNA! *wink wink, nod nod*

Chelsea and I are so epic! We had the greatest time hanging out with Andrew outside, roasting marshmallows. Andrew and I kept having marshmallow wars, and he'd always win by making my marshmallow fall into the embers and coals of death. It kind of sucked because I only got to eat maybe 10 marshmallows out of 15, or 20. Please note that these marshmallows were relatively small. We had fun just laughing over the little things such as certain combinations of "Cards Against Humanity" cards, such as White People + Black People = Panda Sex. Oh the joys of life and somewhat-dirty card games.
My Life= RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE!

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Adna: See 2nd to last paragraph. =)

"Epic" Song of the Day: Can't Stop by Maroon 5

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I Can Get Stronger

Trying to recall all that has happened in the crazy month of June, I started listening to the Drawkah playlist, and started going backwards through all of my blogposts, starting with yesterday's blog post. I realized a lot of stuff that I didn't know before. For example, "The Almost Break Up 2" was 1 ACTUAL day apart from "Not The Breakup Story". I had gotten an apology from him about how he was sorry about the previous night, then the next day, I get dumped. Interesting? Yeah! I never really payed much attention to the detail of this timeline, but Drawkah's been a freaking roller coaster this past month. One minute I'm saying that he'll do anything to be with me, and then next we're skyrocketing down to "Oh no! He's totally going to dump me!" Interesting how this world works, right?

Ever notice how "Too Obsessed" ties in with my current situation, "Like Last Summer"? Yeah, there's certain parts in this blogpost that kind of make me giggle about how planned this situation really was! It's great that I'm already kind of laughing at all of this! In one paragraph, I had said this: "What if Dawson gets his phone and iPod taken, and also loses his Facebook privileges? What will I do then?" Weird...It was a total FORESHADOW of what was going to happen soon. It's not like I meant to have a foreshadow of what was going to happen in my blog, I just write in my blog my current situation, I just think that it's unexpected that you'd see something like that be predicted!

Maybe my prayers have been answered to become stronger, and be like the Lil Miss Epic last year that could go over a month without talking to that special someone. Just like I had said in "Too Obsessed", I DO need to find independence. Not only do I have a great chance to help myself find this, but this will also help Dawson and I grow stronger, and prove to ourselves and everyone around us that we can make it through separation and no communication for a while. This situation, now that I have put more thought into it makes me smile. Knowing that I can have a second chance at this, and kind of relive what had happened last Summer, makes me feel great! Before, it scared the crap out of me, and it hurt to just think about it. I have a chance to redeem myself, and prove that I can do it! Not only can I say that I can do it, I can say that I'm mature enough to accomplish this. I can get stronger now! This is amazing!

I can get through this with a smile, I know that I miss talking to him a ton, but when I feel like bawling over him, I just think of how happy I'll be when I get to see him again, or receive a call or text or Tango message, or just hear from him. I'm excited for that moment to come, but until now, I might as well just take this time and get stronger, get better, and be the best Bek that I can be! I know that would be what Dawson would want from me. I know he wouldn't want me to be broken down in tears in that little corner of my room for 3 months. This Summer, I can already tell, will be tough. It's going to be alright though. It's always going to be okay. Why would our Heavenly Father make us lose our happy ending? He wouldn't! Even though I'm living in the present, I can already tell that there's something big in store for the future, and it'll make me feel great that I went through all of these hard times.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
James:
James! The words that you have given me sometimes replay in my head, because I knew that there was some sort of meaning to them. I truly know what you mean, and I have taken that into my life, and I really wanted to thank you...not over Skype or Facebook, but publicly. Please give The Daily Tower another chance, people loved that blog the most, and people were reading, and now some are let down, like me, that they can't receive inspiration from your blogger blogs. Stay true to what you started.
-Lil Miss Epic

"Epic" Song of the Day: Wipe Your Eyes by Maroon 5
Right now I really wanted to talk about what I feel like when I hear this song. When I hear this song, I can feel...not one, but four people wrap their arms around me and tell me it's going to be alright. I can feel James, Dawson, my Heavenly Father, and my Savior. James and Dawson are there because they are here for me here on Earth, and I've been through a lot with both of them. Heavenly Father and my Savior because they care, and they always will care. They both understand, and are there to help me. Through them, I can accomplish anything. Through James and Dawson, I can gain Earthly comfort. All  four of them have been there for me through almost everything. I know that I can rely on them to wipe my eyes if I cry. Thank you.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Like Last Summer...

One of the last things that I wanted to happen is now happening! Dawson has been grounded for 3 MONTHS because he snuck over to Chris and Lexi's house, and Jason, his soon to be step-dad hates Chris. I'm going to try and fix this because I know that I can't go 3 months without talking to Dawson. Trying to get over this whole situation, I try to just sit in my room the way that I did with the James situation. Remembering the heck I went through last Summer with an almost identical situation, I broke out in tears. I kept wondering about how he was holding up. Galexi(Gavin and Lexi) had given me the information about Dawson that I needed besides a phone call with Dawson yesterday that was 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Truth is, I'm having a really hard time right now. James tried to cheer me up by telling me stuff like: "Keep your mind off of him." I took that advice, and started reading the My Little Pony guide book that I got the other day up until my dad picked me up. That's when I kept staring down at my phone just waiting for a text or a call or something to let me know that he's okay. The rest of the day was filled with constant worry, but not just from me. Turns out that Lexi was scared about apologizing to Dawson's parents about Dawson having to be grounded. After all, she did say that she was sorry and that it was partly their faults. We were going to try our best to fix this whole situation. After I finished watching Iron Man 3, I got into this exact text conversation.

Lexi: I want to fix things, but i only know Daws and Dallon in that house.
Bek: Don't worry about it, just ask to come in and apologize to the parents~ bring Chris with ya! Heck, if you need, bring your parents!
Lexi: No! No no no no. That's a very bad idea. My dad would hurt Jason, and I don't want that. Val doesn't even know me, but she doesn't like me cuz she thinks I'm like Chris. They don't like Chris either. They don't know me, so it wouldn't work.
Bek: That's why you have to make PEACE. They don't know you, set an example for yourself, and go apologize. It's going to make them love you, rest assured.
Lexi: I don't understand why they would love me.
Bek: Everyone loves to be apologized to. If they see someone setting a great example in your family, they will respect you more, as a person, and they will also start respecting your family a little bit more. You guys have issues and need to sort them out it seems. This could be something that will help get rid of the hate. =)
Lexi: That's a really good idea. I'll talk to my parents about it.
Bek: Yeah it helps to start thinking about what will make peace instead of cause twice the drama. What will make everyone happy in the end? Not: What will I do to get back at them? I see the tension between these two families, and it's not okay. It'd be amazing if you could be the one to help heal this(you have a great opportunity) Just look at the bright side of things.
Lexi: You're real smart for someone who doesn't know me in person yet.
Bek: Oh well thanks! Just talking to you over Facebook and text messaging I can totally tell that you're a really sweet girl! I'm excited to meet Galexi later this Summer...(if that still happens) I'm willing to help get this issue sorted out, alright?
Lexi: Alright. It would help having you there with me. It would make me feel better.
Bek: Okay maybe we can set something up. I'm all for it, if it helps you. Sure, I don't know a bunch about your situation, but I can still sit in.
Lexi: I can ask my parents about dropping me off somewhere and we can meet there, then walk to Dawson's house. Then we can fix it.

After that text message conversation I was feeling great. That was until I realized I couldn't sit down to talk about our plan with Dawson. I tell him almost everything...this was one of those things I just couldn't tell him anything about, but he'd find out eventually. I realized I was terrified and needed to get some things off of my chest. Pulling out the lost letters, I started writing to Dawson about my feelings, and how I was going to try hard to help out with this situation. As soon as I ended one letter, I saw that it was the 25th, and began writing another letter, but with today's date. After that, I wrote to James, and then I set down my pen and notebook. I got down on my knees and started to pray for strength and comfort, and praying for Dawson to contact me. I broke out in full blown tears. I started saying how scared I was and how I needed my heavenly father's love at that moment. I could feel his arms wrap around me as I was down on my knees, and I could feel the Holy Ghost telling me everything was going to be fine.

I got up off of my knees, and sat in that same corner..the same one as last Summer. I cried more and more just thinking about Dawson...Then I realized. Dawson has been telling me all that he wants for me right now is to make me happy and feel loved. It would upset Dawson so much if he could see me crying, or overheard that I was crying. I heard him whisper: "Seriously, Bek. What's wrong?" with the amount of concern that he had used the other day. I could imagine his eyes when he said it again, and I reached out for a hug, in my head, I hugged Dawson, in person, I hugged my pillow. I said "I miss you." once again. We hugged for a long time in my head, and I felt warm. I whispered to myself: "Dawson doesn't want this for you...Dawson wants you to be happy." Then I remembered what Dawson did when we started jumping on the tramp. He pulled up the corners of his lips into a smile. I giggled. I started smiling, remembering all the little things he did for me. I cuddled up next to my pillow and fell asleep knowing that that was what Dawson wanted me to be like. He just wants me to be happy. I then woke up from a slight nightmare. I dreamt that I had woken up to a breakup text from Lexi, but Dawson had written it to me. I started to frown, and a couple of tears dropped, then I remembered what I went through the previous night. I smiled remembering Dawson pulling up the corners of his lips into a smile. Dawson's such a goof, but he did that just to make me smile. Not only was it then, but it was for my memory. Even when we are apart, he solved my problem through my memories.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Lexi: I'm actually excited and nervous about going to Dawson's to solve this problem...So like Pinkie Pie calls it, I'm nevervousited!! (Idk how to spell that) Anyways! I just wanted to give you this shout-out to let you know that you're a great friend, and that you should keep being awesome like you are. Stay strong.

2"Epic" Songs of the Day: Not Over You by Gavin DeGraw and A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton

P.s.
Thank you all.. We have reached 4000 Clouds Read, or pageviews! This is amazing, and if you haven't already, I'd love it if you could like my facebook page. Right now we just have it stuck at 15 likes. Let's bump it up. Feel free to subscirbe to my blog, it'd help show the inspiration, and give me more as well. Love you guys!
-Lil Miss Epic

Monday, June 24, 2013

Breaking Stereotypes & Fixing Things

Alright! So there's this TV series that I watch, and most people believe that the series is meant for little girls, and little girls only. This phenomenal HIT TV show (in my opinion) is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This series is so good! If you just give the show a try, I guarantee you'll love it, and either be come a brony or pegasister, depending on your gender. Anyways, knowing that my stepbrothers, Adam and Andrew, were here and that we had already been to the mall to pick up the pony merchandise me and Dawson would wear to Equestria Girls, a spin-off movie of the show, I decided to sit back and relax thinking I might get some time to myself with both Sienna and Dawson. Adam then confronts me and says that he knows if he watches one episode of MLP: FiM he's going to like it. He then hides from Andrew, and starts watching the first two, and ends up loving it. We dress Adam up like the brony he is, and I let him wear my Wonderbolts jacket along with my Rainbow Dash headphones and necklace and he wore my Vinyl Scratch shirt that we had just purchased(It matches Dawson's! YAY!) Anyways, we confront Andrew and tell him that Adam's a brony now. Andrew basically put up a fit about this, and we tried to convince him to at LEAST watch the first two episodes. Before we start the episode, Andrew calls me down and tells me his secret. He has been a closet brony for a little over a year. Trying to change that, we both sat down and watched the show and Andrew shouted "Spoiler! Wanna hear one, Adam?" Adam was all like: Sure. Andrew then told him that he's seen up to Season 2 Episode 8. Adam's jaw dropped. I then told them that in order for them to see Equestria Girls without any spoilers from the movie, they needed to watch the following 8 episodes. (the plot building ones that is) I told them Return of Harmony parts 1 & 2, Canterlot Wedding parts 1 & 2, Crystal Empire parts 1 & 2, Keep Calm and Flutter On, and Magical Mystery Cure. They watched them up until late that night, and then it was time to go see Equestria Girls.

In the car, it was a little bit boring, but we answered little questions such as what was our favorite things about My Little Pony. When we were pulling up to the theater, I saw something that I've always wanted to see. A HERD OF BRONIES. I was thrilled. I started freaking out! We got out of the car, and they all ran over to greet us! We all introduced ourselves, and then they said "WELCOME TO THE BRONY CLUB OF ISU, COME AND GET YOUR BRACELETS, ONE EACH REPRESENTING ONE OF THE MANE 6." They started up their pony music, and said that there was food for everyone and soda, and it was probably the best party I've ever gone to. There was pony merchandise everywhere. That's when Will, Dawson, and I went to the theater to get our tickets. I say to Dawson: oh my gosh this is the BEST day of my LIFE!! We get our tickets and my voice starts cracking, and we head back to the bronies for MULTIPLE group pictures! Then it was time to go into the theater. It was funny because we decided to count the bronies that had come to this movie. We saw 46 bronies including pegasisters, such as myself. Then after a while, the movie finally started.

PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE OUT ANY DETAILS OF WHAT HAPPENED IN THIS FABULOUS MOVIE, I DON'T WANT FOR YOU GUYS TO END UP NOT READING THIS BLOGPOST. SPOILERS ARE NEVER FUN PLEASE CARRY ON KNOWING THAT YOU WON'T GET ANY DETAILS OF WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE.

Alright guys! We exited the theater, and everyone was freaking out about how amazing this movie was! It turns out that Hasbro, and DHX, have broken yet another stereotype, since there were several bronies who didn't want this movie to happen. This movie was PHENOMENAL. Heck, it's even Dawson's favorite movie now! It beat Transformers for him about halfway through the movie! We went back to our brony herd for yet ANOTHER brony picture! I was so excited, and we took the picture all together again.We met this brony that had this book...it took the title of The Elements of Harmony. It looked so cool, so I decided to confront him and ask us to tell us about the book. Seeing that the book was super cool, because it was, we decided to go and get one of our own! It had song lyrics, a description of every episode, interviews with members of the show, art that didn't make it into the show, and much more!

Since our pony day had come to an end, we all decided to just hang out at my place. We jumped on the tramp and had fun, and then we all decided to go inside. Dawson started acting funny a little bit when we were outside. Sienna and I had to drag him inside. He seemed really sad and tired. I tried to cheer him up, and then he said he was going to go outside again. I waited a little bit, and then felt the need to follow him, so I did. His allergies were acting up, and he has hay fever and was allergic to something that Sienna threw at him so his face was swelling a little. He wanted to go continue digging his hole..he was digging it with a stick? Anyways, I convinced him to jump on the tramp with me, so we did a little bit. Then we both sat down next to each other, and he noticed I was getting quieter and quieter. I kept looking away from him, and wasn't really talking. I held out my arms for a hug, and he came closer to hug me. We released the hug, and we decided to go back to where he was digging his little hole. He was trying to think of what to talk about, especially since I was glancing around and not really making eye contact much, and was really quiet. He then looked me in the eyes, and asked "Seriously. What's wrong?" I saw the amount of concern in his eyes, and just hugged him, and in his ear I whispered "I miss you." He said to me "I'm right here." I knew he was right there, but I still missed him for some reason. I felt like he wasn't all THERE until that moment, when he said he was. We hugged and hugged, and then we started kissing, and trying to make all of this sadness and a little bit of tears go away. Yeah, it was a little hard for me. We decided to jump on the tramp, and he started doing little things that make me smile. We then went back to where we were, kissed a little more, and then he started working on his hole again when Adam and Sienna came out to see us. All four of us started jumping on the tramp, and having fun. Adam and Sienna started doing this weird thing called tramp dancing, and bumping us in the process and Drawkah was all like: Oh so you wanna play that game?! And we did the same to them. It was all fun and games, until we fell on our butts and started getting hurt. 

The time came when Dawson had to leave. We had Will take him home, and we sat in the car, and wanted to be right next to each other, because we didn't really know when we would see each other again, other than the first day of school, which was far away. We kept sneaking a kiss here and there when we knew Will wasn't looking because we didn't want to disturb him with our immense PDA, even though he does the same with Rachel. We dropped him off, and we kissed one last time for the day. I looked in his eyes as he left, and saw the way he looked at me. I smiled to myself, and realized I was biting my lip. He loves me again. I thought. He gave me that same look that he gave when we had our best moments in Drawkah. That look. That look was the look that made me want to fall over in happiness because I knew that I was loved by the one I love most right now. That was the perfect ending to my day...besides eating chocolate icecream in front of Adam and Sienna..that was pretty sweet too.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
ISU BRONIES:
Hey everypony! Thank you so much for this Equestria Girls experience. It was YOU GUYS who made this the best day ever for me and Sienna, and possibly the guys and Rachel. You're all amazing and I hope that we will all meet again sometime soon.
"Epic" Song of the Day: Smile by Pinkie Pie

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Capes

Alright! Yesterday was mutual, and I decided to take my friend Krista to mutual with me, seeing as how  we're both going to go to girls camp together! We headed to Idaho Falls, and picked her up and we were both kind of talking and then we saw "The Ronald McDonald Mexican House" that is known as "Marie's house" but I usually end up calling it "Some weird old lady's poodle filled house."  Krista and I laughed at how she had a red car. We joked that it could have the McDonald yellow arches on the hood, and it would match her house perfectly, seeing as she also had arches in her house, and outside her house that were, in fact, YELLOW. It was so perfect because we could bond over little things like seeing something that you wouldn't see every single day. Anyways, we were talking about our everyday routines, and then we arrived at the church and we were told that we were going to make capes, and pick our tent-buddies, and draw for who our secret sister is! Just like every year, I drew my own name first. What I should have done in this situation: Given Krista my name because she doesn't really know anybody in my ward. What I ended up doing: Threw it back, leaving Krista with a name none of us knew, and me picking up a name that was different from my own, but still not Krista. Oh well! We all do stupid things; however I really regret that! It was more of a reason to say that Krista was my sister! Let's just say we are anyways.

Krista and I had gotten on the subject of how Dawson and Gavin became blood brothers. We both then told each other that we were NEVER going to do that. We both agreed that it was incredibly stupid to do. Then again, they are both boys..of course they would totally do it. Krista was telling me about how Gavin was making her feel even more insecure, I guess you could say, about her life because he kept saying that she needed to tell him what was wrong, even though she, herself, didn't want to. That's never fair...I would never tell anybody about my problems if I seriously didn't want them to know. If one of your friends is upset about something, please look about how they might feel about it, and respect their privacy even though you'd love to help them out. Telling them that you are there for them is helpful, but it's hard for them to accept that help when they are already hurt by somebody pressuring them to tell them their problems.

See how the purple ribbon curls? Yeah..That's called a Rarity.
We were using the iron to iron on our letters onto our capes, and make it so that our ribbons were flat. We decided that when the purple ribbon got all curly, we would call it a Rarity because it was all twisted and purple, and it was stubborn!

Sewing. Oh gosh...Sewing. Even though I'm supposed to be the one in my group of bronies/pegasisters that is Rarity, I cannot sew...WHATSOEVER. Krista is more of a Rarity, in sewing sense, than I am. It was flat out embarrassing, I didn't know what to do at all! Krista and the camp director helped me sew everything to do with my cape, and I discovered that I couldn't stick pins either. Sticking pins is supposed to be really simple, and I couldn't even do that! I'm so glad that Krista was there to help laugh it off, and stuff like that.

Before we had to drop Krista off, Marlee came up to us and we all started talking about the whole "Dawson's a Douche bag" situation. At this point, Dawson has completely agreed with everyone that he was being a douche bag. We basically gave Krista more details on why Marlee was so mad, and then we started talking about The Princess Bride. Their two impressions were so funny about "Mawwiage." It broke the tension of the whole "Douche bag" situaion, or as Krista would call it, sitchiation(No u, for those people who can't spell anyways.).

After dropping Krista off, Dawson and I started talking over the phone, and after a while, Dawson found Amazing Grace on YouTube, not just any version of Amazing Grace, but the version that was played at his father's funeral. Dawson, like I would do, started crying over his dead father. It was hard for me, but I stayed on the phone as long as I could, as I heard some devastating things that I didn't really know about him before, and about the connection he had with his dad. I heard him keep saying "Why?" over the phone while he was in what I would consider full-blown tears. He told me about how the paramedics had to pry him off of his father. It made me think..would I do that if my mother died? When I started trying to walk in his footsteps with the whole situation that he was in, I began to cry with him, and share, in some form, what he was feeling inside. Since it was getting close to 11:30, at one point, I texted my step-dad saying that Dawson needed me and that I couldn't just hang up on him at a time like this. My step-dad said it was okay, so Dawson and I stayed on the phone, and eventually started having happier conversations, and he said I sounded like I was about to cry, and I told him I was fine, but told him I was in pain, even though it was just a headache. Even though it was just a headache, he still cared, and wanted to help me out. I decided to sleep downstairs so that I wouldn't end up bothering my parents with Dawson and I's conversations. Trying to make each other happy, we kept talking, and he kept making me laugh, and my laugh made him happy because apparently it was adorable. Even though, I have like a million different laughs, my tired one is the most adorable one. Knowing we were both bound to fall asleep soon, we decided to hang up, and call it a night.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
Krista: We totally need to hang out more this Summer. I had so much fun with you, and we didn't even get bored of each other! You're such a cool sister, and I hope that you have fun in Idaho Falls. Invite me over sometime, or maybe I'll invite you, and we can hang out.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Little of Your Time by Maroon 5

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Less Fog

It really touches me that ever since Dawson and I got back together, I've been an inspiration to others again! Whether it be from making people close to tears from being related to, to making people know what they need to do to fix things. I'm so glad that I have this blog, and I think that this whole thing happened for an amazing reason. I've already opened 2 of the "windows" after I have "closed the door." 1 of the windows, "surprise surprise", was Drawkah being back, and getting closure of what has been happening and how we feel about it. The other window, I see my blog...ringing TRUE to it's whole statement! Inspiring my inspirations. This "window" totally makes me feel so much better about myself, and how I can help others with my words. When I inspire you guys, it inspires me. With this post right now, I'm working off of none other than James' inspiration. He left a comment on my other blog that seriously made me smile. Seeing comments like that can make me even just a little bit happier.

Ohhhh myyy goshhh... The CRAZIEST thing happened. I got the TRUTH about...well...EVERYTHING. Let's clear up this situation, and make it less foggy. Dawson had a friend..that was well, really influential, to people. This friend had gotten into Dawson's head, making him think that breaking up with me was the right thing to do. It all makes sense now. Why else would Dawson wake up this past week, and start not liking me that much anymore. It all started...last Monday now that I think about it. It was that dumb fight that I barely remember. *Looks back at the blog post* Oh yeah...We fought about me turning off my phone. Well...That was stupid. Anyways! This may just be a head-canon of mine, but I think that's around when his friend started influencing his brain. I'm PRETTY sure...PRETTY sure.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day(Again):
Marlee:
Hey girly! I just wanted to thank you for everything you did to help and support me. I'm sure Dawson had some of those texts going through his head. I'm super confident that you did indeed help with Drawkah. Thank you so much.
"Epic" Song of the Day(Again): Confetti Falling by Big Time Rush

Not The Breakup Story

Okay, so here's what went down yesterday.. Dawson and I were both sad, and so he decided to break up with me for the same reason that I was sort of fine with him breaking up with me in the first place. We both made each other sad. I was doing EXCELLENT with my friend, Sienna, and I was doing fine...but at the same time, still crushing on Daws. After Sienna left, I decided to pray about what to do. I waited and waited for that answer, and then I talked to Gavin, Dawson's blood brother, about it. Right when Dawson realized how much of a loss he had, Gavin texted me saying that now was my chance, and it might be the only chance I'll get. It felt right, asking him out again. But after he said give him 30 minutes.

I started to freak out a little. I texted Gavin...hoping he might calm me down, which he did. I was frightened at the fact that Dawson wanted 30 minutes to decide. During those 30 minutes, I was scared, and was wondering if I should take back the offer because I was afraid of rejection. Gavin said that I needed to take the chance, and just wait for his decision because he was thinking really hard about this. Scared, I sat there crying, and trying to be supportive. During the last 5 minutes, I started to cheer up because Gavin and Coleman were helping me through it. After sending a text to Gavin that says: "=) Actually...i think i did the right thing ~Hope<3", I receive a text message that says "Bek ill take you back but.. You cant be asking me 2 get on audi all the time"

Oh gosh...at that moment even though I was already smiling, I smiled even bigger. I had my world back. It was like what I had said earlier that day, If you love someone, you gotta let them go. What I had forgotten, was the the second part. If they come back to you, they're yours. He's mine now I guess. He knows what a break up is like from the Dumper's point of view...and I know what it's like to get dumped now. My first relationship, I don't consider a dump because we still acted like boyfriend and girlfriend for a while...This was my first actual break up over text, and my second break-up that my friends thought was total bull crap.

I woke up this morning, and the thing that kept running through my head was Is Drawkah really gonna work out? Then I remembered ONE part of my dream... Gavin saying "It's not the breakup story that matters, it's the makeup story." Gosh..Gavin is even wise in my dreams...weird. Oh well, that's the THEME for today. If you're going through  a breakup, just be strong about it. If you have to, and it feels right, ask for a second chance. Who knows? They might take you back. Don't keep in mind all those breakups that are stuck in your head, but remember the times that were good, and remember how you guys had gotten together in the first place. I hope that this post was inspirational to somebody out there..because this whole experience to me, was very inspirational.

I want to thank my friend, Sienna for coming over to help me calm down with this breakup, as SOON as she found out. I won't leave her the shout-out of the day, but I will say her name. This paragraph is what a true friend did to help me when I was sad. I got home, and she had left a message on any and everything that somebody could do to get a hold of someone. As soon as I replied on Facebook saying that I needed a friend, she said that she was coming over nearly immediately. When I was putting all my "Drawkah" stuff away, she came in to my room with open arms saying that she was here. I cried on her shoulder. She was is the friend that I've always hoped for when dealing with something like this. Spending the day with her was awesome. We made a giant poster that said Hope on it with things that make me smile. Like a giraffe telling me not to do drugs, and a muffin tree. Whenever I look at the Hope poster, I can't help but smile.

Now that I look at the PROS and CONS list that she and I made about this WHOLE breakup, I can still have almost all of the PROS, and get some of the CONS positive. I can still have break-up song inspiration because...I got dumped! Of course, I'll try to make something out of that! The things I'm looking at on some of the PROS, is some rules I guess I just set for myself. For example, one of the items on the PRO list is that I get more time with friends. This could TOTALLY be a rule for myself. When I hang out with friends, I should NOT text Dawson as much because I need to focus on the friends that are there for me, and want to hang out with me. Not that I love texting him, but I do it way too much. Looking at a CON on the list, I see he may fall away from the Gospel. This is HUGE to me....It may just be kind of a small item on a little CON list... ahem...versus....A HUGE PRO list...but This is huge. Us breaking up, could've prevented him from getting closer to Heavenly Father, and learning more by reading his scriptures. I'm SO glad this CON can be turned into a PRO. Another PRO on the list, is more sleep. Uhm...wow. I can still get sleep when I'm with a guy. I just need to be like "Good night! I'm tired! Love you!", and then I'll just fall asleep. That can also be a rule. No staying up past like... 1 a.m. texting him...MAYBE. However, there's some PROS that I can't take back such as not chained down, find new and better guy, I don't put up with his gyrados (our new word for guy period), he doesn't put up with my periods, and cute guys asking me out. That's okay, because some of the CONS are gonna stay negative, but I won't have them anyways. SUCH AS: Annoying guys asking me out, Seeing him with new girlfriend, Losing his friends, and Ishmael(the entire reason we got together in the first place haha). Thank GOSH I have him back. According to that, Ishmael is like the one that we wrote REALLY big, and the others are normal size.

Anyways, I want to thank EVERYONE who was involved in this at least a little, and I will put your name in the Shout-Outs. I'd like to say that Lil Miss Epic is BACK. I hope that this post was inspiring to you all, and that you might take something from it. I really do enjoy...inspiring my inspirations.

"Lil" Shout-Outs of the Day: 
SIENNA, Gavin, Julia, James, Bob/Austin, Chelsea, and Braxton: Thank you all for helping me through this WHOLE process. The whole thing means a lot, and I want to let you guys know that you demonstrated what a true friend is to me. I hope that all of you can take some inspiration out of this post, and do what you love, and be happy. I love you all, and happy father's day.~LiLMiSSEPiC

"Epic" Song of the Day: Back at Your Door by Maroon 5

Friday, June 14, 2013

The Almost Break Up 2

I know what you guys are thinking by the title of this post today. No worries everyone, he didn't break up with me. But, I have a story to tell now. So I guess we should just jump right in!

Dawson decided to call because he wanted to talk to me, and I wanted him to get on my favorite game, Audition, so as he decided to deny and deny and deny getting on, I got madder and madder and madder. I got extra mad when he had told me he was on Audition for an hour earlier that day, but the text message "didn't send" that he was getting on. After that, I got really suspicious of what had happened that entire day. We argued and argued, and I said how I was sad and he wasn't helping any, and so he sent me two texts about how he was wondering if we could talk about it because he knew something was wrong, and then the second one was supposedly from me, and it said "No.." Thinking that didn't sound anything like me, I got even more suspicious of what was going on. I had started bawling over the phone because I was listening to Never Gonna Leave This Bed Acoustic Version cover by James William Facer. I was BAWLING and he wasn't doing anything about it. When I questioned him about it, his response was that he didn't know what to do. Since it was almost 11:30 pm, I decided to get off the phone with him so I didn't get in trouble. After we hung up, Dawson started scaring me.

Dawson sent me a text saying that he threw his phone across the room, and I shouldn't be surprised if I get no reply back. Of course, trying to make sense of that, my text message back was something along the words of: Fine then! Don't talk to me! We basically went back and forth, defending, and explaining why we do the things we do. But then...it happened. Dawson reaches for his knife, and I start to bawl harder than the first Almost Break Up. Over text message I said: Please please please please please don't go don't leave...please please please please. As I continued to bawl, the phone got blurrier and blurrier. I saw one of his text messages, and bawled harder, thinking that it might be one of the last things I'll see from him. He had told me it's the only way out of his "living hell" of a life. Starting to shake, and bawl harder I tried to think of things that I could do better for him. Things that I have done wrong. Things that he hates me for. I ran to the bathroom, and I threw up. I was paranoid. I lay there on the bathroom floor curled up in a bawl saying: please please don't go please don't leave. I need you. Don't leave me. *tears drop on keyboard*

After trying to text James, nothing was working...I decided to get on Facebook messenger, and to my surprise, he was online! I messaged him saying that I needed him, and I tried hard to explain but it wasn't the best explanation in the world. I gave him the short version: "He almost committed suicide And im probably gonna pass out I can't calm down I can't breathe There is no happiness without Daws" James, being a good friend, kept telling me to think of happy thoughts. "Think about Pikachu saying "Pika!" all happy like!" I had told Dawson that I loved him, and he was all like: "Really? Doesn't seem like it!" My heart was breaking, and I no longer knew what I should be thinking. Was Dawson breaking up with me? I confronted the problem by asking him, and he just virtually glared at me and said that he would've already done it if he wanted to. I told James about it, and he said that it was way too harsh. I started thinking too hard. I started thinking that maybe I was the one who didn't deserve him. I told James, and he said that I deserve any guy that I like. Is that really true, though? I keep doubting myself and doubting myself after moments like these happen with the ones I love. I need to regain that Lil' Miss Epic strength that I used to have...Last Summer. James says that it's there, I just need to realize the strength that I have.

Knowing that Dawson wasn't going to apologize or anything anytime soon. I decided to take it into my own hands, and make peace the best that I could. I started by saying stuff like: Remember how nervous we were during our first kiss? It got him to smile just a bit. I started getting One-Two word replies. Those types of replies from him always make me really worried. I told him about it, and he apologizes for that. I decided to do what we usually do. The virtual stuff. "Rhos(rest head on shoulder), grabs hand, cuddles." He decided to do the same, but the guy version i guess? "Paas(Puts arm around shoulders), grabs hand, cuddles." I told him that he was mine, and he said "and ur mine." I fell asleep, and woke up to this exact text message: "I'm so so srry bout last night i really am...~ILoversMyGirl<3" (That last part was his signature. Haha.) I told him that I needed some time to myself, and he totally understood and said. "Kk. Text me whenever, kay?"

So now, I'm thinking that things are fixed and back to normal. I guess I should show you the picture that I edited myself last night. It's my own creation. Please enjoy the dailies.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Comatose by Skillet

"Lil and Epic" Shout-Out of the Day:
Sienna: Thank you so much for helping me last night. It means a lot, it really does. You really did exemplify what a true friend would do in a situation like that, and I thank you so much for helping me the way you did! Thanks for everything. You're amazing. ^^

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Dysfunctional Inspiration

Here I am, sitting here without any inspiration, but somehow still writing. Lil Miss Epic was about inspiring my inspirations...but it's turned into a mess as soon as some.. ahem dumb ahem drama popped up. It's rather girly of me to sit here and talk about one person over and over and over. My blog would totally die if me and that person stopped.. ahem seeing each other. I'm not trying to clue anything right now, it's just that my blog is a place where I'm supposed to be myself. There's all this dysfunction in my life that I'm trying to fix now, and I just don't see how I'm supposed to inspire my inspirations. I, myself, don't even feel all that inspired nowadays. Sometimes, I get those sparks though. Like that one post about the song Be Strong With Me by Jenny Phillips. By that song, I was completely inspired. Now that school's over, I feel like nothing's happening, but at the same time, it feels like everything is happening at once. Yet today, I find myself in bed all day taking a day off when in reality, I'm just being really really lazy. It wasn't until I found out that a comment has been left on my blog, that I decided to get up, and start to write. Sometimes I forget that I have a blog, or that people even read it. So, I sit here and vent and vent and vent, but go in having absolutely no expectations of a reply, or even a page view.

What my blog post was going to be about today was the lack of strength that I have right now. Not only am I being a baby about my personal boy troubles, but I need to lose weight. I'm back up at where I started when the doctor told me that my weight was really unhealthy, and I needed to lose it. I need to start setting some goals.

1. Limitation to Him: Should I be limiting myself to how much I text Dawson in a day, or how long our phone calls should last? I don't even know if it should be a goal, but I'm starting to think that I send him more texts than he sends back. Maybe I should only text back when he texts me. I'm not sure though. Any advice?

2. More Friends: Originally this Summer, I was doing stuff with my friends every single day. Now, I'm not really doing anything. I need to get more active with my friends. Last time I hung out with a friend, it was Chelsea, and we actually went on a bike ride, which is good for you. I need to make more active activities to lose some calories.

3. Get a Job: Well I used to have a job, but now I'm just doing diddlysquat. I see all my friends and family having goals of what to do with their money, but I just sit here and save up, but not expecting to get anywhere because I don't have a job! Maybe I need to get into cooking every night again? Am I even willing to commit to a Summer job? I don't know what I'm going to do!

4. Blog: I musn't keep you guys hanging all Summer! That wouldn't be inspirational at all, now would it? I'm going to try to put up a post every week at the LEAST. So keep checking in every now and then to see if anything's new.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:
James: Oh my gosh I can't believe you actually commented on my blog. I haven't heard from you in what seems like forever. We seriously need to catch up, and I need some inspiration from my inspiration. Truth is, you're the one that inspired me to make a blog in the first place. I hope that I have given some form of inspiration towards you. Right now, I need your help. I don't know how I managed it, but last Summer, I had grown incredibly strong from the experience we had both gone through. Sure, I just sat in the dark alone at the start of Summer, but then it had eventually come to around a month, when I realized I don't need to talk to you every single day, and every single minute, to still like you in that way. I was wondering if you could help me get a little experience from last Summer. Just to let you know, I caught myself bawling after the post I put up the other day, and it was just because I had listened to you sing "Never Gonna Leave This Bed- Acoustic Version " by Maroon 5. I started bawling as  soon as you said "You push me." I bawled not only because it brought back memories, but because it helped me feel more of my pain last Summer. I thank you for that though, because I feel like I need to feel that again to figure out that it's all going to be alright. Thank you, James. Thank you, for everything.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Never Gonna Leave This Bed- Acoustic Version by Maroon 5

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Too Obsessed.

Well...He told me he likes it when I'm obsessed with him. Sure, it's fun and everything's just fine when he and I are actually talking or hanging out. I don't mind being obsessed then, but when it comes to NOT hearing from him, or NOT getting to see him that often, I flip out and go crazy over him. It's like my blog isn't even about my life. It's about the drama that becomes involved with Drawkah! How am I supposed to gain inspiration when I'm just staring at my phone waiting for that text message that MIGHT cheer me up, if it's from him. Truth is, I no longer have a life. If you mention whoever that "Bek" person is, she's a package deal now. She comes with Dawson. However, if you wanted Dawson, you could get Dawson as just Dawson because Dawson's not the one that's completely obsessed with Bek! I bet myself I wouldn't be able to go one week without mentioning Dawson. Even looking at this blog, the words him, he, and Dawson are all WAY overused.

I need to somehow start over a bit. Maybe I could get back into singing? I wrote a song last night, and it's called Obsessed. I won't share it on here because that way everyone will be able to see it, and some people might even steal it. Anyways, the whole song talks about how obsessed I am with him, and the feelings that come with that obsession. What I feel like he doesn't understand, is that it's painful for me to be so obsessed but only when we don't talk, or we're fighting. Like I mentioned in the previous post, I'm not going to get anywhere in life if Drawkah splits. I'll be sent into a depression, and I won't want to be around anybody or post on my blog, or anything. I'll want to sit in my room in the dark, and bawl over him, just like I did for James last Summer. I need to gain independence. I'm still going to talk to Dawson, but I'm thinking that I need to stop EXPECTING him to text back all the time. All of this Summer, it's been Halo for him, when all I pretty much want is some quality time. Like today, he said he'd call me back and stuff, but I guess I got stood up again. No call. *Sigh* I just wish that he was as whipped as I was. I'd do anything for him, but I feel like he wouldn't do as much for me. Is that even safe to say?

Obsession, for me, has never been easy. I think I need to find that Bek from last year that could go pretty much a month without talking to the one she misses most, and still be in tune to the world outside of "HiM" I need to prepare. What if Dawson gets his phone and iPod taken, and also loses his Facebook privileges? What will I do then? I'll go sit in a corner and bawl because that's the Bek I am now. I can't lose him. I CAN'T. Sometimes I wonder if he likes to see me struggle through things like this because he sees how much I'm obsessed. I'm not even sure anymore, and I don't really know what I'm doing now. I just need to back off, I guess.

Song of the Day: Story by Maroon 5

Shout-Out of the Day: 
James:
You made me stronger last Summer, but now I need that strength again. I don't know what to do, and I'm not sure how to get in touch with Bek from Jakeah, who could surrvive the breakup, and get through it, and get through a Summer without dying, and the Bek that was strong. I need to be Lil Miss Epic again, and I was wondering if you could help show me what I was like. Please..? ='( It'd mean a bunch.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Here We Go Again...

Today...it all started out with me waking up, and not remembering things again. Apparently, the previous night I had told Dawson that I was obsessing way too much, and it needed to stop; however, he doesn't want me to change, which is a good thing, right? Anyways, me and my mother went to Rigby to get our nails all done pretty, and when we got out, we were going to go get some things for my brother, who's on his mission. Since Dawson was in Rigby, I thought we might get to see each other. He even offered to come to where I was. I said where I was, and then we'd head to a different location, then I'd say where I was again, then he'd say where he was, and so on. Our last stop was the post office, and Dawson was by Arctic Circle, Dawson could have just hopped out and came to see me, but no.. He never showed up. As we passed Arctic Circle, I looked out the window, and I see...Arctic Circle...no Dawson.

On our way home, I started talking to my mother about Drawkah. As I looked down into my lap, I realized that I was right last night, I obsess way too much. To me, it seemed like Dawson just didn't even care if he saw me or not. As I've seen and heard about in all those Romance movies, a guy will do anything and say anything for a girl if he really wants to be with her. *a tear falls on the keyboard* However, It's not like it is in the movies. Life is hard, and that's just how it's always going to be. Full of drama. Anyways, after not even really talking to Dawson that much, it turns out, that I'm headed to go hang out with my dad. After all, it is Monday(the day me and my dad always hang out) today!

Once my dad realized I was texting all the time, he decided to address the problem. He said that I text way too much, and that it's a good thing I have unlimited. Apparently, I text 10 times as much as anyone else in our family. My dad decided he wanted my attention. He kept poking, and poking, and poking at me...literally. It was time for a little less "obsess over Dawson time" and some more "daddy-daughter time." I didn't want to get distracted by my phone, so I decided to turn it off. After all, I did need to stop bothering him with all my texts that I was sure he didn't care much about. So, as a solution, I decided to turn off my phone. Little did I know, that pissed Dawson off a TON.

Turning on my phone after maybe 30 minutes - 1 hour, I realized I seriously couldn't live without texting him. I missed talking to him so much, and it was way too hard. I decided to text him about it, and then I find out that Dawson wasn't happy to talk to me again, he was pissed off because I had turned off my phone. I talked to Gavin about it, hoping that he would come up with some genius solution because he's Dawson's blood brother. He basically told me to tell Dawson everything, and that I should trust him. I decided, why would Gavin ever leave me astray, and let Dawson be so upset. I trusted Gavin, and I went for it, and at the end of the text message, I put: Do you still love me? and he replied Yes I do! and so just as I would think life would go on, I get a text from Gavin saying that Dawson's been pissy all day and that he will talk to him, and see if he can make it any better. I'm going to stop and do my shout-out RIGHT NOW.

'Epic' Shout-Out of the Day:
Gavin: Gavin thank you so much, you've helped enormously with Drawkah. I don't know where Drawkah would be without both you and Chelsea. Thank you for standing by me, and being my loving big brother, that I need. You're a great person to have in my life, and I hope you don't leave. Thanks for everything, Gav!

Continuing on, I thought that I'd point out that not only have I been depressed about this, but Dawson has been too.  I see why that would've been hurtful to him. I would have been depressed about it too, but at this point, Drawkah won't be able to continue if we keep having stupid little fights like this, that don't even amount to anything. I bet his friends hate me because I'M the one making him depressed. I feel like I'm going to be the girlfriend that he looks back on and says: "What did I EVER see in her?" I don't want to be that kind of girlfriend, I want to stand by him and be strong, and be the one that he can look at and say: "That's my girl." When I have Dawson, I'm happy. When I don't have Dawson, I'm depressed. That's how simple it is with the life of Bek. I can't help but obsess over him, and I better just face it right now. If Dawson and I ever break up, I'm doomed. I'm not going to get anywhere in life because I can't live without him. I want him to know that I'd do anything to be with him. Anything.

'Lil' Song of the Day: Without You by David Guetta

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Q&A Session~3

Is your mom a good cook? Do you like to cook? What is your favorite thing to cook?
My mom, in my opinion...gets LAZY when she cooks because we don't really eat anything fancy or anything like that. I don't really like to cook. My favorite thing to cook is instant potatoes..because it's just water and then BAMM just like magic, there's food there.....YUMMY food. ^^

Describe the most serious illness you have ever had.
The most 'Serious' illness I've ever had would OBVIOUSLY be asthma. Not only has it affected my breathing, but it's affected those around me because they will all worry about me. It's really sad because one minute I'll be totally fine, and then next I'll be out of breath. I can't run or do sports.

What is the most exciting place you have ever visited? What made it exciting?
The most exciting place I've ever visited would have to be Universal Studios because everywhere I turned there was a cool ride that I wanted to go on, and something fun! One of my favorite things that we did was that we found a place with a bunch of hats, and we just sat around and tried a bunch of them on! ^^ Totally exciting.

Describe a childhood birthday.
Oh boy...it seems like my childhood was forever ago! You know...now that I'm a teenager! Okay, now the birthday that I remember the most for some odd reason was when I turned five! It was a Saturday, and my siblings got to stay home with me, and I remember getting waterguns! A ton of them! Rachel and Jordan kept teasing me with them, and spraying me in the face with it while we ran around in the sprinkler outside. Those were the days where I didn't have to worry about anything at all, but still cried for the stupidest reasons such as slipping on the grass outside because it was wet. Oh well, I had a bunch of fun! It's one of those memories I'll always remember and cherish. Thanks Rachel and Jordan.

Tell about your favorite TV show.
Ohh boy...As you guys probably know, I am what is known as a pegasister! It's a girl, who likes the TV show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Friendship is Magic is about a unicorn, named Twilight Sparkle, who goes on adventures learning more about the magic of friendship and responsibility. The series has become so big now that they are soon coming out with a spin-off movie named Equestria Girls, which I personally am excited for! I hope that this new MOVIE is going to be really really good! Sure it's a risk with their whole entire fanbase, but I'm really excited to see how it turns out because even though Lauren Faust left the show, they still have managed to progress more and more.

Tell a courtship story about your parents. How did they meet, etc?
Go to Comfort Zone: Triplet Skating to see how they met. =)

Describe a typical day in highschool.
Technically I know how to answer this since I just graduated from being a FRESHMAN. A typical day for me: I go to school, hang out with Dawson before the first bell rings and then we both go to our geometry class, and then after that, we go to our history class. After that, it kind of sucks because I go to lunch, and he goes to Science. During lunch, Isaiah and I just hang out and talk about random crap just because we can, and most of the time it's got something to do with Dawson. After that, I go to Seminary, and Dawson goes to Technology. After Seminary, Dawson walks me to Science before he gets on his bus for Track. If I'm lucky, Dawson will run all the way from the highschool to the Jr. High just to see me before I get on my bus home. Sometimes I won't feel like riding the bus though, so I'll get my mom to pick me up, and Dawson and I will hang out at the park until they show up.

Anyways! I hope you enjoyed reading today's blog post and getting to know a little bit more about me! I'm sorry if some of the questions will repeat on these types of posts though, I don't really look back to see what has been used. Thanks for reading! Now here's the dailies:

'Epic' Song of the Day: Secret by Maroon 5

'Lil' Shout-Out of the Day:
Mary: Hey I need you to contact me soon! We were planning to get 'married' on June 6th, remember? I don't really have anything ready yet, do we need to push things back, make sure people can come, and go wedding shopping first? Because that might just be the thing to do! Love you, Evil. Text me when possible.




Monday, June 3, 2013

Be Strong With Me


This song, is possibly one of the most beautiful love/friendship songs I have ever heard. I know that this song is supposed to be an LDS/Mormon song, but it honestly works just perfectly here on my blog! I'd like to go ahead and dedicate this song to all of my closest friends and most of all, Dawson because this applies to all of our relationships. If you ever get the chance, look up Jenny Phillips' songs. They may be religious songs and stuff, but they are really comforting, and can really change somebody's mood.

Not only is this song talking about leading each other into the light, it's talking about keeping a STRONG relationship with that one person. This song kind of deals with the opposite of jealousy, which was the topic of yesterday. This song is so comforting, and it doesn't rub anything in your face because it's made for everyone, because we all have the same privileges, and capabilities. As I said, Jenny's songs are all religious, but that shouldn't stop us from listening to them because most religious songs send out a good message.

To go along a little bit with the topic of yesterday, I just found out that someone...other than my boyfriend has developed a crush on me. I don't know what it is, it might just be a test...to see if I can still stay with him after someone has admitted they like me. It's true that Dawson's got plenty of girls crushing on him, but when I get a guy crushing on me, it's something different. I guess something that deals with jealousy, would be trust. If you trust somebody enough, that jealousy goes away because you know that they wouldn't leave you for them. Of course, as you know, I do have trust issues because whenever I trust someone...they seem to turn around and stab me in the back. Possibly this is the reason as to why I get jealous so easy. As I said, it's still just a trial, a test.

Of course, we're all just trying to get through life in one piece, picking up the broken pieces of our hearts one step at a time. I'm here to let you all know, we are never alone. There's always God that we cant tell and talk to our problems about. We may think that nobody understands, but Christ understands because not only did he die for us, he did it so that he may know what we all have went through, or will go through, so that he can listen to us even better, and gain that understanding that nobody else has for us.

'Epic' Song of the Day: Be Strong With Me by Jenny Phillips

'Lil' Shout-Out of the Day:
Chelsea: Hello, Chelbo! You still have some stuff at my house, but uhh I was wondering if maybe NEXT week we could set something up...like a sleepover with you and Mary! Kind of like the one we did when we all first met! We obviously need to hang out, girl. Keep us updated on The Scootalooser!

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Jealousy: 2 ways.


A whole new meaning of different! He's acting different, doing things differently, and it's like he's not shy around me any more. Should I be happy with this change, or is it too much? I don't know what to think. One minute, he's saying whatever he wants, next he's acting like I don't really exist, and next he's all over the idea of getting to be with me, and wanting to kiss me over and over. I realize now, I don't really know what's going on in that kid's head. Should I be worried about Drawkah? Maybe I shouldn't play hard to get because there's other girls that have already let him know that they like him a bunch.

I get jealous super easy and there was this girl at the party Dawson and I went to. I had to leave, and so he biked back to the party, and the girl gave him her number.. I basically fell asleep when Dawson told me about this, and so he was just like: Fine then! Don't text me, I'll just talk to her or fall asleep. I've never been so scared waking up to a text message that says just that. I immediately burst out in tears, and think to myself: "Is it really worth it?" Dawson wasn't replying and that's when I decided...I'll spam his phone, and get his attention. (the opposite of playing hard to get) He's just like: Why are you spamming my phone? And I'm all like: Cuz..  ='( and then that's when he gets worried. Sometimes I just don't understand his logic, even though he tells me that I shouldn't try to understand it. Thing is, I want to...more than anything because that way I can see what's going on in his head when he does things like this that confuse me. When we got yearbooks signed, he kept telling me he had inappropriate things in there written by other girls along with their phone number. What can I do about that? NOTHING. I don't know what they wrote, he won't show me!

The most irritating part of it all, I GET JEALOUS! Jealousy is the topic of the day, I guess! Sometimes I just don't know what to do about it? Do I just bury it down deeper, or let it show? Should I tell him how often I get jealous? Will it encourage him to make me even more jealous? Anyways, I was watching this show called Awkward, and it had one of the girls, Tamara, getting super jealous of one girl fangirling over her boyfriend. The other girl Jenna, the main character, was not jealous of a whole group of girls fangirling over her boyfriend, even though it had been way more extreme than the first girl's. The question still on my mind, do guys like seeing their girl jealous, or do they want the girls to be jealous of her? THAT is the real question. In my honest opinion, I feel like I'm doing the second one for Dawson. I feel like I'm making guys jealous of him. From my experience right now with Dawson, it seems like he's more of the first one. It seems like he likes seeing me jealous. Here's what I have to say about this though...It hurts. REALLY bad...When he makes me jealous, it shows me he has other options, and when we break up, he could go to any one of them, and replace me just that quick.

Song of the Day: I Wish by One Direction

Shout-Out of the Day: 
James: Hey, how's The Daily Tower? You don't really write as much anymore, and it makes me think that your blog is dying away. Also, are you okay? You haven't really been replying to some of my text messages. Anyways, I care about you, Epic Facer. Hope you're having a good Summer so far, you deserve it.