Dysfunctional Inspiration

Here I am, sitting here without any inspiration, but somehow still writing. Lil Miss Epic was about inspiring my inspirations...but it's turned into a mess as soon as some.. ahem dumb ahem drama popped up. It's rather girly of me to sit here and talk about one person over and over and over. My blog would totally die if me and that person stopped.. ahem seeing each other. I'm not trying to clue anything right now, it's just that my blog is a place where I'm supposed to be myself. There's all this dysfunction in my life that I'm trying to fix now, and I just don't see how I'm supposed to inspire my inspirations. I, myself, don't even feel all that inspired nowadays. Sometimes, I get those sparks though. Like that one post about the song Be Strong With Me by Jenny Phillips. By that song, I was completely inspired. Now that school's over, I feel like nothing's happening, but at the same time, it feels like everything is happening at once. Yet today, I find myself in bed all day taking a day off when in reality, I'm just being really really lazy. It wasn't until I found out that a comment has been left on my blog, that I decided to get up, and start to write. Sometimes I forget that I have a blog, or that people even read it. So, I sit here and vent and vent and vent, but go in having absolutely no expectations of a reply, or even a page view.

What my blog post was going to be about today was the lack of strength that I have right now. Not only am I being a baby about my personal boy troubles, but I need to lose weight. I'm back up at where I started when the doctor told me that my weight was really unhealthy, and I needed to lose it. I need to start setting some goals.

1. Limitation to Him: Should I be limiting myself to how much I text Dawson in a day, or how long our phone calls should last? I don't even know if it should be a goal, but I'm starting to think that I send him more texts than he sends back. Maybe I should only text back when he texts me. I'm not sure though. Any advice?

2. More Friends: Originally this Summer, I was doing stuff with my friends every single day. Now, I'm not really doing anything. I need to get more active with my friends. Last time I hung out with a friend, it was Chelsea, and we actually went on a bike ride, which is good for you. I need to make more active activities to lose some calories.

3. Get a Job: Well I used to have a job, but now I'm just doing diddlysquat. I see all my friends and family having goals of what to do with their money, but I just sit here and save up, but not expecting to get anywhere because I don't have a job! Maybe I need to get into cooking every night again? Am I even willing to commit to a Summer job? I don't know what I'm going to do!

4. Blog: I musn't keep you guys hanging all Summer! That wouldn't be inspirational at all, now would it? I'm going to try to put up a post every week at the LEAST. So keep checking in every now and then to see if anything's new.

"Lil" Shout-Out of the Day:

James: Oh my gosh I can't believe you actually commented on my blog. I haven't heard from you in what seems like forever. We seriously need to catch up, and I need some inspiration from my inspiration. Truth is, you're the one that inspired me to make a blog in the first place. I hope that I have given some form of inspiration towards you. Right now, I need your help. I don't know how I managed it, but last Summer, I had grown incredibly strong from the experience we had both gone through. Sure, I just sat in the dark alone at the start of Summer, but then it had eventually come to around a month, when I realized I don't need to talk to you every single day, and every single minute, to still like you in that way. I was wondering if you could help me get a little experience from last Summer. Just to let you know, I caught myself bawling after the post I put up the other day, and it was just because I had listened to you sing "Never Gonna Leave This Bed- Acoustic Version " by Maroon 5. I started bawling as  soon as you said "You push me." I bawled not only because it brought back memories, but because it helped me feel more of my pain last Summer. I thank you for that though, because I feel like I need to feel that again to figure out that it's all going to be alright. Thank you, James. Thank you, for everything.

"Epic" Song of the Day: Never Gonna Leave This Bed- Acoustic Version by Maroon 5

Too Obsessed.

Well...He told me he likes it when I'm obsessed with him. Sure, it's fun and everything's just fine when he and I are actually talking or hanging out. I don't mind being obsessed then, but when it comes to NOT hearing from him, or NOT getting to see him that often, I flip out and go crazy over him. It's like my blog isn't even about my life. It's about the drama that becomes involved with Drawkah! How am I supposed to gain inspiration when I'm just staring at my phone waiting for that text message that MIGHT cheer me up, if it's from him. Truth is, I no longer have a life. If you mention whoever that "Bek" person is, she's a package deal now. She comes with Dawson. However, if you wanted Dawson, you could get Dawson as just Dawson because Dawson's not the one that's completely obsessed with Bek! I bet myself I wouldn't be able to go one week without mentioning Dawson. Even looking at this blog, the words him, he, and Dawson are all WAY overused.

I need to somehow start over a bit. Maybe I could get back into singing? I wrote a song last night, and it's called Obsessed. I won't share it on here because that way everyone will be able to see it, and some people might even steal it. Anyways, the whole song talks about how obsessed I am with him, and the feelings that come with that obsession. What I feel like he doesn't understand, is that it's painful for me to be so obsessed but only when we don't talk, or we're fighting. Like I mentioned in the previous post, I'm not going to get anywhere in life if Drawkah splits. I'll be sent into a depression, and I won't want to be around anybody or post on my blog, or anything. I'll want to sit in my room in the dark, and bawl over him, just like I did for James last Summer. I need to gain independence. I'm still going to talk to Dawson, but I'm thinking that I need to stop EXPECTING him to text back all the time. All of this Summer, it's been Halo for him, when all I pretty much want is some quality time. Like today, he said he'd call me back and stuff, but I guess I got stood up again. No call. *Sigh* I just wish that he was as whipped as I was. I'd do anything for him, but I feel like he wouldn't do as much for me. Is that even safe to say?

Obsession, for me, has never been easy. I think I need to find that Bek from last year that could go pretty much a month without talking to the one she misses most, and still be in tune to the world outside of "HiM" I need to prepare. What if Dawson gets his phone and iPod taken, and also loses his Facebook privileges? What will I do then? I'll go sit in a corner and bawl because that's the Bek I am now. I can't lose him. I CAN'T. Sometimes I wonder if he likes to see me struggle through things like this because he sees how much I'm obsessed. I'm not even sure anymore, and I don't really know what I'm doing now. I just need to back off, I guess.

Song of the Day: Story by Maroon 5

Shout-Out of the Day: 
James: You made me stronger last Summer, but now I need that strength again. I don't know what to do, and I'm not sure how to get in touch with Bek from Jakeah, who could surrvive the breakup, and get through it, and get through a Summer without dying, and the Bek that was strong. I need to be Lil Miss Epic again, and I was wondering if you could help show me what I was like. Please..? ='( It'd mean a bunch.

Here We Go Again...

Today...it all started out with me waking up, and not remembering things again. Apparently, the previous night I had told Dawson that I was obsessing way too much, and it needed to stop; however, he doesn't want me to change, which is a good thing, right? Anyways, me and my mother went to Rigby to get our nails all done pretty, and when we got out, we were going to go get some things for my brother, who's on his mission. Since Dawson was in Rigby, I thought we might get to see each other. He even offered to come to where I was. I said where I was, and then we'd head to a different location, then I'd say where I was again, then he'd say where he was, and so on. Our last stop was the post office, and Dawson was by Arctic Circle, Dawson could have just hopped out and came to see me, but no.. He never showed up. As we passed Arctic Circle, I looked out the window, and I see...Arctic Circle...no Dawson.

On our way home, I started talking to my mother about Drawkah. As I looked down into my lap, I realized that I was right last night, I obsess way too much. To me, it seemed like Dawson just didn't even care if he saw me or not. As I've seen and heard about in all those Romance movies, a guy will do anything and say anything for a girl if he really wants to be with her. *a tear falls on the keyboard* However, It's not like it is in the movies. Life is hard, and that's just how it's always going to be. Full of drama. Anyways, after not even really talking to Dawson that much, it turns out, that I'm headed to go hang out with my dad. After all, it is Monday(the day me and my dad always hang out) today!

Once my dad realized I was texting all the time, he decided to address the problem. He said that I text way too much, and that it's a good thing I have unlimited. Apparently, I text 10 times as much as anyone else in our family. My dad decided he wanted my attention. He kept poking, and poking, and poking at me...literally. It was time for a little less "obsess over Dawson time" and some more "daddy-daughter time." I didn't want to get distracted by my phone, so I decided to turn it off. After all, I did need to stop bothering him with all my texts that I was sure he didn't care much about. So, as a solution, I decided to turn off my phone. Little did I know, that pissed Dawson off a TON.

Turning on my phone after maybe 30 minutes - 1 hour, I realized I seriously couldn't live without texting him. I missed talking to him so much, and it was way too hard. I decided to text him about it, and then I find out that Dawson wasn't happy to talk to me again, he was pissed off because I had turned off my phone. I talked to Gavin about it, hoping that he would come up with some genius solution because he's Dawson's blood brother. He basically told me to tell Dawson everything, and that I should trust him. I decided, why would Gavin ever leave me astray, and let Dawson be so upset. I trusted Gavin, and I went for it, and at the end of the text message, I put: Do you still love me? and he replied Yes I do! and so just as I would think life would go on, I get a text from Gavin saying that Dawson's been pissy all day and that he will talk to him, and see if he can make it any better. I'm going to stop and do my shout-out RIGHT NOW.

'Epic' Shout-Out of the Day:
Gavin: Gavin thank you so much, you've helped enormously with Drawkah. I don't know where Drawkah would be without both you and Chelsea. Thank you for standing by me, and being my loving big brother, that I need. You're a great person to have in my life, and I hope you don't leave. Thanks for everything, Gav!

Continuing on, I thought that I'd point out that not only have I been depressed about this, but Dawson has been too.  I see why that would've been hurtful to him. I would have been depressed about it too, but at this point, Drawkah won't be able to continue if we keep having stupid little fights like this, that don't even amount to anything. I bet his friends hate me because I'M the one making him depressed. I feel like I'm going to be the girlfriend that he looks back on and says: "What did I EVER see in her?" I don't want to be that kind of girlfriend, I want to stand by him and be strong, and be the one that he can look at and say: "That's my girl." When I have Dawson, I'm happy. When I don't have Dawson, I'm depressed. That's how simple it is with the life of Bek. I can't help but obsess over him, and I better just face it right now. If Dawson and I ever break up, I'm doomed. I'm not going to get anywhere in life because I can't live without him. I want him to know that I'd do anything to be with him. Anything.

'Lil' Song of the Day: Without You by David Guetta

Q&A Session~3

Is your mom a good cook? Do you like to cook? What is your favorite thing to cook?
My mom, in my opinion...gets LAZY when she cooks because we don't really eat anything fancy or anything like that. I don't really like to cook. My favorite thing to cook is instant potatoes..because it's just water and then BAMM just like magic, there's food there.....YUMMY food. ^^

Describe the most serious illness you have ever had.
The most 'Serious' illness I've ever had would OBVIOUSLY be asthma. Not only has it affected my breathing, but it's affected those around me because they will all worry about me. It's really sad because one minute I'll be totally fine, and then next I'll be out of breath. I can't run or do sports.

What is the most exciting place you have ever visited? What made it exciting?
The most exciting place I've ever visited would have to be Universal Studios because everywhere I turned there was a cool ride that I wanted to go on, and something fun! One of my favorite things that we did was that we found a place with a bunch of hats, and we just sat around and tried a bunch of them on! ^^ Totally exciting.

Describe a childhood birthday.
Oh boy...it seems like my childhood was forever ago! You know...now that I'm a teenager! Okay, now the birthday that I remember the most for some odd reason was when I turned five! It was a Saturday, and my siblings got to stay home with me, and I remember getting waterguns! A ton of them! Rachel and Jordan kept teasing me with them, and spraying me in the face with it while we ran around in the sprinkler outside. Those were the days where I didn't have to worry about anything at all, but still cried for the stupidest reasons such as slipping on the grass outside because it was wet. Oh well, I had a bunch of fun! It's one of those memories I'll always remember and cherish. Thanks Rachel and Jordan.

Tell about your favorite TV show.

Ohh boy...As you guys probably know, I am what is known as a pegasister! It's a girl, who likes the TV show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Friendship is Magic is about a unicorn, named Twilight Sparkle, who goes on adventures learning more about the magic of friendship and responsibility. The series has become so big now that they are soon coming out with a spin-off movie named Equestria Girls, which I personally am excited for! I hope that this new MOVIE is going to be really really good! Sure it's a risk with their whole entire fanbase, but I'm really excited to see how it turns out because even though Lauren Faust left the show, they still have managed to progress more and more.

Tell a courtship story about your parents. How did they meet, etc?
Go to Comfort Zone: Triplet Skating to see how they met. =)

Describe a typical day in highschool.

Technically I know how to answer this since I just graduated from being a FRESHMAN. A typical day for me: I go to school, hang out with Dawson before the first bell rings and then we both go to our geometry class, and then after that, we go to our history class. After that, it kind of sucks because I go to lunch, and he goes to Science. During lunch, Isaiah and I just hang out and talk about random crap just because we can, and most of the time it's got something to do with Dawson. After that, I go to Seminary, and Dawson goes to Technology. After Seminary, Dawson walks me to Science before he gets on his bus for Track. If I'm lucky, Dawson will run all the way from the highschool to the Jr. High just to see me before I get on my bus home. Sometimes I won't feel like riding the bus though, so I'll get my mom to pick me up, and Dawson and I will hang out at the park until they show up.

Anyways! I hope you enjoyed reading today's blog post and getting to know a little bit more about me! I'm sorry if some of the questions will repeat on these types of posts though, I don't really look back to see what has been used. Thanks for reading! Now here's the dailies:

'Epic' Song of the Day: Secret by Maroon 5

'Lil' Shout-Out of the Day:
Mary: Hey I need you to contact me soon! We were planning to get 'married' on June 6th, remember? I don't really have anything ready yet, do we need to push things back, make sure people can come, and go wedding shopping first? Because that might just be the thing to do! Love you, Evil. Text me when possible.

Be Strong With Me

This song, is possibly one of the most beautiful love/friendship songs I have ever heard. I know that this song is supposed to be an LDS/Mormon song, but it honestly works just perfectly here on my blog! I'd like to go ahead and dedicate this song to all of my closest friends and most of all, Dawson because this applies to all of our relationships. If you ever get the chance, look up Jenny Phillips' songs. They may be religious songs and stuff, but they are really comforting, and can really change somebody's mood.

Not only is this song talking about leading each other into the light, it's talking about keeping a STRONG relationship with that one person. This song kind of deals with the opposite of jealousy, which was the topic of yesterday. This song is so comforting, and it doesn't rub anything in your face because it's made for everyone, because we all have the same privileges, and capabilities. As I said, Jenny's songs are all religious, but that shouldn't stop us from listening to them because most religious songs send out a good message.

To go along a little bit with the topic of yesterday, I just found out that someone...other than my boyfriend has developed a crush on me. I don't know what it is, it might just be a test...to see if I can still stay with him after someone has admitted they like me. It's true that Dawson's got plenty of girls crushing on him, but when I get a guy crushing on me, it's something different. I guess something that deals with jealousy, would be trust. If you trust somebody enough, that jealousy goes away because you know that they wouldn't leave you for them. Of course, as you know, I do have trust issues because whenever I trust someone...they seem to turn around and stab me in the back. Possibly this is the reason as to why I get jealous so easy. As I said, it's still just a trial, a test.

Of course, we're all just trying to get through life in one piece, picking up the broken pieces of our hearts one step at a time. I'm here to let you all know, we are never alone. There's always God that we cant tell and talk to our problems about. We may think that nobody understands, but Christ understands because not only did he die for us, he did it so that he may know what we all have went through, or will go through, so that he can listen to us even better, and gain that understanding that nobody else has for us.

'Epic' Song of the Day: Be Strong With Me by Jenny Phillips

'Lil' Shout-Out of the Day:
Chelsea: Hello, Chelbo! You still have some stuff at my house, but uhh I was wondering if maybe NEXT week we could set something up...like a sleepover with you and Mary! Kind of like the one we did when we all first met! We obviously need to hang out, girl. Keep us updated on The Scootalooser!

Jealousy: 2 ways.

A whole new meaning of different! He's acting different, doing things differently, and it's like he's not shy around me any more. Should I be happy with this change, or is it too much? I don't know what to think. One minute, he's saying whatever he wants, next he's acting like I don't really exist, and next he's all over the idea of getting to be with me, and wanting to kiss me over and over. I realize now, I don't really know what's going on in that kid's head. Should I be worried about Drawkah? Maybe I shouldn't play hard to get because there's other girls that have already let him know that they like him a bunch.

I get jealous super easy and there was this girl at the party Dawson and I went to. I had to leave, and so he biked back to the party, and the girl gave him her number.. I basically fell asleep when Dawson told me about this, and so he was just like: Fine then! Don't text me, I'll just talk to her or fall asleep. I've never been so scared waking up to a text message that says just that. I immediately burst out in tears, and think to myself: "Is it really worth it?" Dawson wasn't replying and that's when I decided...I'll spam his phone, and get his attention. (the opposite of playing hard to get) He's just like: Why are you spamming my phone? And I'm all like: Cuz..  ='( and then that's when he gets worried. Sometimes I just don't understand his logic, even though he tells me that I shouldn't try to understand it. Thing is, I want to...more than anything because that way I can see what's going on in his head when he does things like this that confuse me. When we got yearbooks signed, he kept telling me he had inappropriate things in there written by other girls along with their phone number. What can I do about that? NOTHING. I don't know what they wrote, he won't show me!

The most irritating part of it all, I GET JEALOUS! Jealousy is the topic of the day, I guess! Sometimes I just don't know what to do about it? Do I just bury it down deeper, or let it show? Should I tell him how often I get jealous? Will it encourage him to make me even more jealous? Anyways, I was watching this show called Awkward, and it had one of the girls, Tamara, getting super jealous of one girl fangirling over her boyfriend. The other girl Jenna, the main character, was not jealous of a whole group of girls fangirling over her boyfriend, even though it had been way more extreme than the first girl's. The question still on my mind, do guys like seeing their girl jealous, or do they want the girls to be jealous of her? THAT is the real question. In my honest opinion, I feel like I'm doing the second one for Dawson. I feel like I'm making guys jealous of him. From my experience right now with Dawson, it seems like he's more of the first one. It seems like he likes seeing me jealous. Here's what I have to say about this though...It hurts. REALLY bad...When he makes me jealous, it shows me he has other options, and when we break up, he could go to any one of them, and replace me just that quick.

Song of the Day: I Wish by One Direction

Shout-Out of the Day: 
James: Hey, how's The Daily Tower? You don't really write as much anymore, and it makes me think that your blog is dying away. Also, are you okay? You haven't really been replying to some of my text messages. Anyways, I care about you, Epic Facer. Hope you're having a good Summer so far, you deserve it.

Saying Goodbye to Him

It's really hard...going through another Summer without the one I love the most. First Summer I did that was torture, I'd cry all the time, and sit alone in the dark waiting for an e-mail, text, Facebook message, or even a call. That one time he did call, after we had hung up, I always burst out in tears because of how much I missed him. This Summer, hopefully won't be as bad as the last. One reason, his parents don't hate me, and Dawson would do anything to contact me...ANYTHING.

As I said, it's really hard being without him so far. However, I'm not the one who should be saying it's so hard because Dawson is the one who's suffering more than I am. It's really sad when he tells me that he's bawling, and that he misses me like crazy and that he woke up in tears, and continued to bawl. However, it makes me just a little bit satisfied because I know that this is our REAL test...If we can get through 8 months and 10 days of being together, I'm pretty sure we can get through a Summer without seeing each other ever single day. Now that I think about it, it won't be absolutely horrible because when we look at the bright side, Dawson and I will still be able to see each other on occasion. Whether it be a Movie night, hanging out at the park, or having the missionaries come and visit. I understand what Dawson's really thinking about though because he's thinking that something drastic will happen, and it will ruin Drawkah and we won't be able to fix it like we did at the trailer and like we did with simple alone time. My solution: If we truly love each other, we'll be able to get through the Summer.

I find it surprising that I haven't been bawling over him, like I had expected. Obviously last year was full of tears and darkness, so I had completely gone through depression like that. It took Dawson and I like 20 minutes to say goodbye, and during those 20 minutes, we kept saying stuff like: "I'll miss you, I love you, and Kay see ya." The problem with us saying "Kay see ya," or "Goodbye," is that we didn't actually leave for the longest time. We just sat there repeating ourselves, and wiping away tears, and listening to a little bit of Maroon 5, with songs like "How" and "Runaway," which I had to turn off because it was making me want to cry. One of our last kisses was like an "all-in-one" kiss though. It started out with just a peck, then open mouth, then him biting my lip, and me doing the same, and then one with tongue. I expected that to be the last kiss, but then it wasn't because he had kissed me while i was sitting down, and he was standing up, getting ready to run out of there because I told him he had to. I told him to run because he wouldn't be able to see me cry, I won't get the torture of seeing him leave so slowly, and I didn't want to see him crying.

If Drawkah had undergone any other difficult experiences, I'd choose the Almost Break-Up because that one was super major, if you didn't already know. It was so hard, and I think that if we got through that, then we can definitely get through this. I miss him so much already, and it's always hard to say goodbye...but at least we didn't break-up.

Song of the Day: How by Maroon 5

Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: I'm just asking you to stay strong because I know that we can get through this Summer..if we got through The Almost Break Up, then we can get through this, I promise you. It'll all be fine in the end, I think that this Summer will end up making or breaking our relationship. Even more though, I think it will make our relationship stronger knowing that our relationship is more than quality time and physical touch like part of our love languages. However, we have another love language we could obviously use..that we share of course, and that is: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION! It'll all be fine, darling. We'll get through it I promise. It's hard hearing about you crying all the time, and I just want you to know that you won't have to go through what I had to last Summer. I won't leave you alone like he did, even though he didn't mean to. I know what it's like, and I'll try to make this Summer good for you. I love you, sunshine.

I'm 15 For a Moment...

Looking back, the past two and a half years have flown by. My years in our little junior high school are coming to an end it seems. Every day I learned something new, whether if it was from my friends or in our math classes. I can't believe that THIS was the last year ANYBODY is going to that accursed junior high. Sure, we all hate the school, but at the same time, some of my most fond memories were made there. To be perfectly honest with you, my time in the junior high, was the best 2 years of my life. MOSTLY this year because I got Drawkah, and a bunch of new friends. Sure I loved being 14, but I have got to admit it. I think that being 15 might be a disaster. I think it's going to be because of all the high school drama. At least I have something to look forward to though...I'm turning 16 in like 364 days now! =)

I've never really had what people would call a good birthday. TO be perfectly honest with all of you, this recent birthday was number 3 on my chart of horrible birthdays. Here to list some reasons why it sucked.
1: Waking up to a text talking about somebody else's problems.
2: A good morning text from Dawson, and nothing else.
3: People keep telling me what to do!
4: School.. =P
5: One of my friends said  I was fat...
6: Dawson kept ditching me!
7: Chelsea didn't stick to her word...at all.
8: Drama
9: Party split in half between me, Emily, Dane, and Dawson to Julia, Gabby, and Chelsea.
10: Lies!!
11: Am I even alive right now?
12: "Hey it's Bek's birthday!!" said a friend. "NOBODY CARES." says my bus!
13: Can we open presents now? One person will be gone, and then someone goes up to get them, and then they disappear so on, and so forth.
14: That skyping dork told me to get off his computer screen because I'm ugly on my birthday!
15: ^ He lied to Chelsea and said he sang to me.

Here to list some reasons why it was amazing.
1: Stepbrother's call.
2: Samantha's beautiful first birthday present.
3: Songs about Jane!
4: Dawson came to my party!
5: Harrison's birthday songs. (Math and Seminary..preferably Seminary)
6: Chocolate cakes!
7: Playing Honey Do you Love me?
8: Set of the most beautiful scriptures.
9: Dawson addressed the issue, and has stopped ditching me.
10: Krista seemed to really care about how I was doing!

Yeah, well there's more reasons to why it was horrible sooooo yeah. My birthday is higher up on the bad birthday list for a reason. That's okay though, there's not a lot of advantages to stuff that you can and cannot do when you are 15. For example, next year will be a big deal because I'll turn 16 and I'll be able to go on dates.

Song of the Day: 100 years by Five for Fighting
I'm fifteen for a moment...caught in between 10 and 20, and I'm just dreaming...counting the ways to where you are.

No shout-outs because I can do whatever I want on my blog. =) Love you guys!

Comfort Zone: Triplet Skating

Hello everybody! This is a comfort zone project, it's a project that we do in Choir every trimester, and this is what I did this trimester. As I read through it again, I realized that it could also be considered as a very "well written" blog post. I hope that you guys enjoy reading this! Thank you!

Back before I was born, my parents hadn't met until they had bumped into each other at a skating rink. Back then, I don’t know if it was either Starlight Skating or some other skating place they had both went to, but that’s where they had met. My father, who was sort of shy, didn't really know how to skate; he’d never gone before. My mother was the complete opposite, and she loved to skate and talk with her friends and wasn't at all shy. My mom and one of her friends spotted my father sitting all alone with skates on, but just sitting on the bench. They both felt bad, and decided to go help him learn how to skate. That night, they both held his hands as they skated across the floor. Later, of course, my mom and dad fell for each other, and got married and had three kids, the last one being me of course.
Looking back at this story of how my mom and dad met, I had realized that not only have I not triplet skated with anyone; I hadn't had much experience with skating at all. I had only gone skating two times. Both times were with my dad, who has turned out to be pretty good at skating, like my mother. However, I never really learned how to skate, I just made assumptions about how to. I have never really tried to pull off the triplet skate before because I usually need a lot of room to be able to skate normally, and I didn’t want the other two people to fall because of me. As an attempt to fix this, I invited a couple of my friends and my dad to go skating with me.
My entire plan was to invite Krista Phillips, Mary Landon, Dawson Hammond, and my father to go skating with me. I planned to just basically have fun with them, and when given the opportunity to Triplet or Couple skate with two other people, I would. After that plan was over, of course my comfort zone project would be done, except for the fact that I would have to basically write about my whole experience with the situation.
The original plan was to basically leave to skate at around 2:00 p.m., but it turns out that’s when the skating place closed! Krista contacted me and told me that it wasn’t really going to work, so immediately I contacted my dad and all of my friends basically saying that I was headed to pick them all up right then and there. Of course, being 3 hours early would be a big surprise to them all; they were in shock because they had other things to do. Dawson just happened to be washing a car, Mary was hanging out with some of her neighbors, and Krista was basically home alone so our parents couldn’t meet each other. However, they all happily joined us as we drove to Starlight Skating in Idaho Falls. When we got there, we all felt like we were going to fall on our faces and be super embarrassed. Surprisingly, the first hour or so had no falling for any of us except for my dad, who’s getting weaker and weaker so we can’t blame him. During the first 15 minutes, Mary and I kept holding on to the bar surrounding the rink because we were scared we were going to fall still. Krista and Dawson kept intimidating us so we finally just let go of the bar, and skated around without it. With that to be my third time skating, and I hadn’t been skating in 2 years, I was actually doing pretty well. However, I had those moments where I almost fell, but not quite; I kept catching my balance last second! Right when Mary and I got used to skating, that’s when they had the Triplet or Couple skate light on, so that you can only skate if you’re holding hands with another person, or two other people. I looked at whoever was next to me at that moment in time, and it just happened to be Mary and Dawson! I took both of their hands, and took the middle position. In my case, that’s the spot I wanted the least just because I could easily mess the two of them up anyways. We were all doing just fine!! We got half-way across the entire rink, and then BOOM! Mary hit the back of my skate making me fall and dragging Dawson down with me! Somehow Mary survived the “Triplet Crash,” and skated to the bar for safety. That was the only time I fell out of the whole entire time we had skated at Starlight Skating. I was so surprised with myself, that I just decided to keep working and working at it to improve. As the rest of the day went on, Dawson was a little bit more curious about the relationship that I have with my dad, and wanted to know the story to its fullest. As a result of that want, we basically held hands and skated around countless times without falling. Of course, both of us were getting better and better at skating in a “Couple.”
If you think about it, triplet skating wasn't that big of a deal, but it teaches me a little bit more about how my dad felt when he had met my mother. He didn't really know how to skate that well, just like me. My mom and her friend, or in this case, Dawson and Mary, helped me through it, and let me have an amazing experience with skating. Not only did this comfort zone help me to try new things, and let others help me, it helped me get in touch with a little bit of family history. I feel even closer to my mother and father after I did what they had done, and it’s incredible the little things we can do to improve ourselves and become better people.

Songs of the Day: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen (for my dad) AND A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton (for Dawson)

Shout-Outs of the Day:
Dawson: It's our 8 month anniversary, and we celebrated it without fighting...except the deal with cupcakes. Haha, anyways it's been an amazing 8 months with that, and did you know what 8/12 reduces to 2/3? This means we've been together for 2/3 of a year! Do you KNOW how crazy that is? It's crazy! It's even crazy when people ask us how long we've been together. We say 8 months, and they freak out! Let's face it, 8 months takes dedication, but so does 1 year and over. I'm pretty sure we both know that it's hard for people our age to get even around 1 month anniversaries. It tells me, and I'm sure that it tells you, that we are both "head-over-heels" for each other, and that we feel so close that we can't even imagine everyday life WITHOUT each other. Haha anyways it's been an absolute pleasure to be your girlfriend for this wonderful 8 months, and I hope to continue to be be it.
Dad: Hey Dad! What a heck of a "birthday party" we had! It was so crazy that I ate too much! Why'd you have to over-feed me like that! It's just not healthy, you know? Here I am trying to lose weight, and you go and ruin it for me by giving me cupcakes and ice cream and pizza, and offering me tater-tots and stuff like that! Of course I'm going to run to the bathroom and sit by the toilet and want to give it up! It's just too much, even though it's all so good! You can't let me have HALF of a pizza, and still have cupcakes and ice cream and ADD onto it! That's a horrible idea! Thanks anyways though, I don't know...I think it might've been worth just the pizza and cupcakes. Gee that was wonderful. Anyways, I love you and I look forward to seeing you on Thursday. Hope you find some arm candy.

Hold On...To Your Everything

How many of you have lost someone, or gotten close to losing somebody that you love? That's right...raise your hand if you have. *Bek raises her hand* Okay, so here's the deal...when my sister, Rachel, had cancer...my family started to fall away from the gospel, and not hang on as tight as we should've. I personally know some people that WOULD be LDS if it weren't for a loved one to die. Here's what I am to say... Hold on tight to the gospel....it will help you get through your trials and hardships. Going through something incredibly hard? Hold on...he will protect you. Remember, life is all just a test to see how faithful we are towards our Heavenly Father. Are we going to blame him, and start taking the wrong path, or are we going to try holding on tight, and get help from other friends that care? What's the true point of this post? *sigh* Lately in my life, there's been a TON of talk about cancer...and the experiences people have gone through with it. I'm going to admit this, when Rachel was diagnosed with cancer, my world pretty much stopped, and I thought to myself "Why...why her?" Having a loved one be in risk of dying is possibly the scariest thing ever...unless you're about to die yourself. Through all of your troubles, hold on...hold on to your friends, and hold on to what you believe in. It'll effect your life deeply.

Song of the Day:
Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne

Shout-Out of the Day:
Viewers: If you ever have an incredibly hard trial such as someone going through cancer, or trying to get through a fight...Please just write down your feelings on paper. Do what I never did until now. This notebook is helping me be a lot less stressed. It's just a bunch of letters to all sorts of people. It's filled with secrets, and deep feelings, and it's helping me a TON. Please consider it?

Top Secret.

I have this new top secret notebook entitled Things I'll Never Say, and it's full of heartfelt letters that are full of feeling...id like to share the last sentence out of each entry.

Please...Miss me.
Please...Need me.
Please...Love me.
Please...Stay with me.
Please...Care for me.
Please...Acknowledge me.
Please...Spare me.

Im not going to say who each letter was addressed to, but I just though I should let you guys know ive been getting into some very deep thinking lately. These past weeks, ive been so confused about what is right, and what is wrong in my life. What I can do to strengthen myself, and stuff like that. Im almost 15, what am I going to do next year, when I dont know what im doing? When in doubt, fall on your knees and pray. I dont know if the feelings I have been getting are bad or good lately,  and I dont know half the things going through my head right now. Hence why I focus on one letter to someone, and address my next issue, and vent with that a little.

Song of the Day: What's Good? By Jordyn Taylor

Shout-Out of the day:
Chelsea: thank you for ALL of your help with the whole patch up Drawkah situation.  You're good at supporting others.

Patching Things Up

Alright. Lately,  ive been thinking about what it means to patch up a relationship or a friendship... I've come to a conclusion that it doesn't mean start over, it means to resolve past issues and basically move on.

People Im patching things up with:
Dawson (attempting)
Sienna (completely)
James (slightly...)

I want these three people to know that I want to be amazingly better with you guys in the near future. I love you guys.

Song of the Day:
She will be Loved by Maroon 5

Shoutouts of the day:
Sienna, Dawson, and James. =)

The TERRIBLE Feud

Wow! Now that the TERRIBLE feud we all had is over, and I've been super busy with everything like our Trapezoid video that me and my friends made for Geometry, I have NOT been able to get some time to myself. Right now, I'm taking a risk doing my blog before I finish homework. Apparently writing about feelings and stuff relieves stress, and that's something I ABSOLUTELY need to do!

After this feud ended, I'd been thinking about how the way I would want to be treated would be. I'd also been thinking about ways I could try to improve, or inspire, myself and those around me to do better, and be better. The feud you ask? Well LONG STORY SHORT: It was ALL just a misunderstanding. However, lots of people still have doubts about who to be friends with! If you're not sure you want to be friends with somebody, honestly, just look at yourself, and see if they would need you as a friend. Truth is, everyone needs good friends. You are what you attract, and if you're going to be nice, you'll get nice friends. However, we all need and deserve a friend, someone to talk to, and someone to have your back. Friends are SUPER important. I don't care WHO you are. I know, I know...Some of you probably came to this blog post to see what's up with me doing my so-called evil deeds, well lets put your rumors to rest. I DID NOT tell Chris to break up with Sienna! I asked Chris what was wrong, and he simply said that he was fed up with her behavior, he started telling us(Isaiah and I) about some of the things that he was bothered by. As a result, he was basically saying "Yeah, I want to dump her so bad!" All Isaiah and I pretty much suggested was that he should do what he felt was right, and since that's what he wanted, he dumped her! Of course, nobody likes to be dragged into something that's none of their business.

Well anyways, rumor got around, and that's when nobody cared about feelings anymore. We said stuff that offended, but it got to the point where none of us could stand it anymore. The main friends that were in this feud (in my opinion): Sienna, Chris, Dawson, Bek(me), Isaiah, and Gavin(kinda). Sienna, later that day, apologized to me, and we both agreed that we should wipe the slate clean, and start new. So, that's what we did! First time I saw her when we had made up, I said hi, and she said hi back! It was almost as if that feud never even happened! However, for me it was just a titch more awkward than before. That's okay, because friendship takes time. This, for me, was most definitely a major learning experience. We all make mistakes, but that doesn't mean that most of our friends have to suffer the consequences of our actions, and bad choices. We all just need to be the best that we can be. Then again, we all have hard days, and tough times, so just give people another chance. It's worth it in the end. =)

Song of the Day: Say You Like Me by We The Kings
Yet another song about dedication to somebody! Of course, he sees this girl differently than other guys see her. He's courageous about it, and basically tells her that he's never going down, and he's never gonna leave. He wants to be her boyfriend, and this is his way of confessing his love to her, and it's probably one of the most beautiful love songs, that I, personally have heard in a long time. Lots of the love songs nowadays, are just about lust, and sex..but this actually gives a good message about love, maybe even young love. Of course, this is probably what MOST girls (especially teenage girls) would want to hear! That's why it makes it SUCH a good song, that people could relate to!

Shout-Outs of the Day: 
James: Yikes, I had all this fun stuff to tell you about, but I swear I just can't find the time to do that! It's taken me half an hour to write this entire blog post! Haha, well I know that you probably miss talking to me, seeing as to how, it's great to "catch-up" on what we're both doing nowadays. Yeah, well you'll see me in like 21 days because of that Awards Concert! =)

Dawson: Hey Dawson...I know I've been super stressed lately, and it's probably getting just a LITTLE bit annoying... Let me know. Also, I'm sorry that we don't really act like the couple we used to be. Yeah, I just want you to know that I still feel the same way I did back at our 6 month anniversary, and maybe even more now. At this point, I feel committed to you, and it's amazing because I want you to know that you're possibly the most important person in my life right now.

New Readers: Hey everybody! I'm finding out that a lot of you guys like to just start to wherever I am nowadays! What I strongly suggest, is reading the first blog post, and also Why? It's a Long Story,  Movie Night Memories, and People Can Change. Those will show you just a TAD bit of back story  also I think it'd be wise to read some of the posts before this one. Enjoy being a cloud reader! =)

2013 Spring Cleaning

Anybody having dejavu on my blog posts? Haha...this is kind of interesting to watch. The progression on my blog is CRAZY. To think, the first day that I had my blog up, it only had 2 page views because me and James looked at it. =P EMBARRASSMENT! Yeah.. well anyways!

Yesterday night, I decided to relieve some of my current stress and went to Julia's house. (sounding a little bit familiar, if you know what I mean.) We pretty much just sat at the computer up until we got tired and went to bed...which we then just surfed the web...on our tablets. We're so epicly(is that a word?) lazy! Anyways, the next day I think it was Julia's aunt who came over and helped clean the house! We've been cleaning like all morning. I started out on the front porch, where there was leaves and all this dirty crud up on the sidewalk...I kept sweeping and sweeping with Julia until we got it done. (However, we did take a little break to eat some Wendy's food.) After that, me and Julia went inside and went downstairs...all the boxes that used to be stacked up were now GONE. All that crud was going down to D.I.! We filled up the entire truck one time, and then they dropped it off. While Julia's aunt and cousin were gone, we continued to clean downstairs. 

There was this drawer right next to the couch..the one that Dawson and I sit on..I opened it up, and there was a crap load of fetch in that drawer. That drawer looked like it contained NARNIA! Anyways, I'm cleaning out this drawer, and I'm finding jewelry  string, quarters, pennies, a screw driver, a razor, headphones, notepads, dead batteries, a first aid kit, band-aid wrappers, an awkward ring watch thingy, etc. Anyways, after I cleaned out that drawer, all that I put in there were the remotes and a couple of cables. 

After I had finally finished with that, I got a text from my mom basically saying that she'd be there soon. I went up stairs to wait, and then my mom showed up. I said goodbye, and they said thank you and then I left! THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THAT I'M FREAKING THIRSTY!! Once I got home, I drank some Sunny D...but I'm still pretty thirsty. Oh well...I'll go get some water when I finish up this blog post!

The point of this blog post, you ask? TO SHOW THAT SPRING CLEANING IS FREAKING IMPORTANT!! As my mom always says, "You find things by cleaning"

Song of the Day:  E.T. by Katy Perry
This song talks about Katy Perry's total dedication to someone..preferably an alien. It's like she's falling for someone that is "totally out of your world" As Katy may say, "Boy, you're an alien. Your touch so foreign  It's supernatural. Extraterrestrial." It could also mean a different thing. Like, maybe, a forbidden love. Since it's forbidden she says "Kiss me ki-ki-kiss me infect me with your love and fill me with your poison. Take me ta-ta-take me I wanna be a victim ready for abduction." Or if you want to wrap it all together, it could mean all of this.. Someone that is out of your world in a forbidden love. Anyways, those are my views on that song. If you don't completely understand the song, I suggest taking a closer look at the lyrics...it talks about dedication to someone you love.

Shout-Out of the Day: 

Isaiah: Truth is, I'm not completely sure if you like my blog...at all. It's probably too much drama for you. But as you said like...last week I believe, I know that you at least CARE about me, and what I'm feeling. Right now I feel like everything I do is wrong, and it's pretty hard to explain. First, it's the Mandi situation, then it's the Shine situation, and now it's the Sienna situation. I don't know what the heck I'm doing, or what I need to do to change it, or whether these people are just being total jerks. Anyways yeah...if you ever want to talk about this just text me with "What's wrong?" so that I know that you've read this blog post. Thanks! 

Hate Me...But Why?

Is it possible to have somebody say that you're bothering them when you literally haven't talked to them in like 2 weeks? I kind of have this problem myself...I was going to hug some of my friends good bye, and so I was hugging them, and then one of my friends was just like DON'T TOUCH ME! I was just like..ummm okay then. She had a look that said "BEK, I HATE YOU, AND WANT TO KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!"

Thing is...I don't completely understand what I did to piss her off. Maybe it's just all in my head? I don't really know, but I feel like we're not friends anymore. Those of you who know how I am, you guys KNOW how I am about losing ANY friend...or previous friend. I've been friends with the girl for like a little over a year, and I don't really see why she flipped out on me.. 2 weeks ago..or whenever I got my tablet, we were totally cool. I just don't understand!

Song of the Day: I Won't Apologize by Selena Gomez

Shout-Out of the Day:
The person that this post is about:
Hey...umm I'm really confused about what I did. I know you know that this post is all about you, so hence the shout-out name. If you're going to hate me...please give me a reason, first.

Devotional: Sin

Song of the Day:
Nearer My God To Thee (Hymn)

Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: I really hope you read this...I'm not saying that you're a sinner or whatever and that you need to knock it off, but I just hope that you know that I love you a lot, and that I care about you and that I feel that you need help...not in that way, but I feel like you need to hear from the missionaries, and see what they have to say. I think that you'd enjoy it, and so part of why I posted this devotional on my blog was to show that I'm not ashamed of my testimony, and to also be my own little missionary, and possibly turn heads by showing people that this gospel really is true. I hope you know that this is very important to me, and that I'm not afraid of posting thinks like this.

Okay so usually I wouldn't do this type of thing...like share my Devotional-plan with you guys...to the world and stuff, but I put some stuff in there that's kind of important, and it's all I can seem to think about right now as I write on my blog today...So, If you don't want to read my Devotional, then I suggest leaving this blog post right away, because this post is based on religion, and my religious beliefs. Also, if you didn't already know, I am LDS, or better known as a Mormon. If you're interested in what we believe in or have any questions at all, ask the missionaries (lol) or go to lds.org to learn more. =)

Devotional: Sin

In the Bible Dictionary under Fear it says: "Sin destroys that feeling of confidence God's child should feel in a loving Father, and produces instead a feeling of shame and guilt."

Sin can be very corrupting and can ultimately destroy nearly anything that may get in it's way. Especially if you don't repent for the sin that you committed. Why wouldn't we repent for a sing we have taken part in when we have the opportunity to because of what Christ did on the cross. However, even though sin can be very bad, it's essential in God's plan. For example, Christ died so that he could repent for our SINS. AND nobody is perfect anyways. A life without sin, is almost like us choosing Satan's plan because in his plan, we're not allowed to sin or screw up. WE're all forced to "choose" the right, when in reality we can't choose anyway because there's no free agency.

I'd like to bear my testimony that I know this church is true, and that we can repent because of the Atonement. I also know that sin is essential, but not the right path to choose. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Bright Side

Hello, world. Dont let life get you down so much as to ruin your attitude towards the day. Look at the bright side of life, where the most beautiful things are...full of happiness,  joy, and peace. However, if you may turn to the darkness, where the most evil things are...full of scariness, worry, and regret...you could be in a bad attitude and will be more likely to ruin someone's day or do or say something that you will regret later because you dont mean it.

Song of the Day:
1000 Miles by ?..Vanessa Carlton..?

Shout-out of the day:
Isaiah: thanks for letting me rant to you about my problems earlier today. I really appreciate that you can actually LISTEN to me...unlike Marcus and Chris.

My Terrifying Prediction

As some of you may know, my school is having ISAT testing this week and next week. Due to the testing, we have a screwed up schedule. The only class I kept track of is the 3rd block of the day, and the last, with a total of 2 and a half hours, while our second block is juat an hour and thirty minutes. So much stress, but never have I had homework because I always get it done with how much time I am given, in either that block, or the last block of the day.

As a result of not having much to do right now, I've been attempting to calm myself down, and find some sort of inner peace. Ever since the almost break up happened, ive been terrified of losing Dawson, or anyone else. I feel like sometime in the near future, something big and dramatic is going to happen. Usually, id just dismiss the idea, but the idea of something like that terrifies me. I know something big will happen, and I dont know whether its for better or for worse.

I feel like soon I'm going to look back at my "Drawkah" relationship and have some form of regret, whether it may be for making a mistake that could ruin us, or regretting the entire relationship. I don't want him to leave me...he's so much more important than he thinks he is to me currently.  Sometimes I wish I could just tell him how much I care, but honestly I don't know how to put all my feelings into words.

I wish he could stay with me forever, but I know that its not always going to be this way with him. What will I do when I need him the most, but he doesn't need me? Do I still need that form of independance? As some of you may know, I have trust issues, and cws(chronic worrying syndrome). Any decision I could make with Dawson could alter my future at any time and any way. If I screw things up with him, I don't know what I will do.

Song of the Day: Infatuation by Maroon 5

Shout-Out of the Day:
Dawson: Please don't leave me...I love you even more than I know. I just want to be with you. You're so important, and you mean the world to me.

Almost-Break-Up

Warning: DRAMA POST!!

Something CRAZY happened last night! So let's just get on with what happened!

Dawson and I got into an argument last night.

My problem: He wasn't paying attention to me.
Effect: I told him he was annoying.


His problem: I said he was annoying.
Effect: He hung up on me.

I was full-on pissed off at him last night, and for the first time ever was okay with breaking off our relationship, but I quickly turned that around and was like: OMG i want to stay with him! Apparently, this is the twelfth time that Dawson has considered breaking up with me. I was getting very pissed off at him because I was trying to tell him that my day was horrible, but he just wouldn't listen, and you can imagine how bad that made me feel. He was also singing this song over and over. "I live to win till you die till the blood dries in your eyes" Trust me. You'd get pretty annoyed if you're trying to say something important, and then you get interrupted by THAT each time.

ANYWAYS!

We started to talk on Facebook because he turned in his phone! The argument got bigger and bigger, and as it continued to grow, I started bawling...and THEN...I said something that I even regret saying now!! "so its ur call- r we still a couple?" After a little bit of consideration, he said NO!! Oh my gosh! I started bawling even HARDER!! Over and over I kept thinking what have I done? Can I just restart this day?? I'm such a screw-up!! So then I basically told him that I STILL wanted to be with him! And he said he did too! And then I'm like so there's still a Drawkah? and than he's just like: Give me time to think. After a LONNNNG wait, he finally says You know what baby? I say there's still a Drawkah! Now turn that frown upside down and give me a hug! <3 *hugs*. As you all know, at this point I'm bawling even harder. It's around 11:35ishh and I'm so emotional to the point if something happy happens I'm going to be even more emotional. Either way, I bawled up until 4 a.m. when I finally fell asleep.

What I learned:

Honestly, I feel so much closer to Dawson now.

1. Dawson's more sensitive that he seems.
2. I need to have a higher tolerance level around him.
3. I care for Dawson more than I thought.
4. Your eyes can get swollen shut with tears.

That was possibly the most SCARY experience I've ever had. I thought I had actually lost him. I don't know what he's going to do to make it up to me yet...but I'm seriously going through major depression with this, and I think I just need some sleep. After all, I only got about 3 hours of sleep last night.

Song of the Day: Sad by Maroon 5

Shout-Out of the Day:
James: Okay I know that it seems pretty obvious that I'd choose you for a shout-out on this post, but I just wanted to say that you always seem to be my lucky-charm. As soon as you started replying to me, things with Dawson started to get better. After I said "I feel so alone... :'[ :'[ :'[" to you, Dawson finally replied that he wanted to be together still. If I hadn't talked to you at all, right now I might be single. SCARY. Anyways, thanks EPiCFACER/The Daily Tower/Spike/Jewboy/James!

Resolving Three Lies

Hey everyone! I know it's been kind of a while since I've had a longer post.I just kind of want to apologize, and I hope that you guys missed me. The past week has been quite challenging for me. It's not like anything huge and dramatic has happened to me or anything, but the thing is that I feel that now is the time that I look back at all that has happened so far in my life, and I start to cry about it. It's not that I have some huge "tragic back-story" though. However, like The Daily Tower has stated many times over and over, life can be hard; Life's not always easy. Now I'm not trying to get people to feel sorry for me or anything with this blog post, but do you ever start feeling that if you disappear nobody's going to miss you? Do you ever feel that your life is harder than everyone else's lives? Do you ever stop and think that you're the stupidest person in the world? Well I'm here to tell you that you are NOT right whatsoever!

Lie #1. Nobody will miss you: This is NOT true, and I think you know why. We all have friends and family. We all have that person that secretly has a crush on you, but is to shy to say. We all have at least two people who care for us deeply. God and Jesus Christ love us more than anything.
Lie #2. Your life is the hardest: This is NOT true, there will ever be one person with the hardest life ever. That person is Christ. Christ died for us, and he atoned for our sins. If you ever feel this way, I strongly suggest taking some time to think about the way that he died for us, and that he bled from every pore, he was whipped, he was put up on that cross because it was part of the Plan of Salvation. He did this for us because of his love. Because of the Atonement, we have the ability to repent for all of our wrong doings. Remember, nobody is perfect except Christ himself.
Lie #3. You're the Stupidest:  There is only  a few of people that are truly stupid. Those people are the ones that follow Satan. These people are considered Satan's Children. Satan's Children are, and always will be here on Earth to tempt us, and to convince us to make the wrong decisions. Nobody's stupid except for those who are Satan's Children.

Now a little bit about my life lately. There has been somethings that won't even leave my mind. For example, an experience that I found out about from Dawson about what Isaiah, him, and Chris were talking about. Here. Let me shape this story for you, from the information that I was given. The guys were playing Truth or Dare, and then someone brought up the subject of Bek, me. As a result, they started to say inappropriate things about me, while Dawson was around. Okay? Well who does that? Why would you talk inappropriate about this girl you like while her boyfriend is sitting right there? The worst part about this is Dawson won't tell me anything more on the subject because everyone thinks that he's lying on whatever the extra information might be, so he thinks that everyone's mad at him. However, he seemed to fix it because it looked like everyone was okay with him today!

If you guys keep in touch with The Daily Tower I just happened to have made his new April cover! I'm pretty excited with the way this turned out! Anyways! Check The Daily Tower out sometime. He's a very close friend, if you didn't already know. <3 SUPPORT TO THE SISTER SITE. (don't call him my sister. O_o)

Mmkay so well.. my mp3 is like completely dead. Reino went to Best Buy today to find out what's up with it. Just know that you probably should contact my phone...not my email if you want a relatively quick reply. JUST SAYING.

Oh goodness! I have GOT to talk about what absolutely made my day today! I was sitting in the last seat of the bus, and there were two guys driving behind us, and so I decided to try something different, so I made a heart with my hands! To my surprise, the teenage guy made one back! I flipped out because I was so excited that he did that and that he was paying attention to that! As his car passed the bus, he stuck his hands out of the window again making yet ANOTHER heart! I was so thrilled!! Too bad I don't actually know the kid. However, I kind of want to befriend him after this cool experience! He looked like he goes to my school. Omg.

Song of the Day: Hey Soul Sister by Train
I actually have a special kind of connection with this song. To me, it signifies the kind of love that's fun and sweet. The song shows that he's dedicated to her, and that she's always on his mind. Because she's in his dreams all the time, he always loves to think about her. It's not one of those love songs that's more like a LUV song. If you don't know what a LUV song is, it's about making love, and not loving each other. There's a difference between love and LUV. Know that difference.

Shout-Out of the Day: 
The Guy Who Hearted Me: I hope you and I meet someday! As I said in the other paragraph, it'd be so cool to meet you! You seem really fun and nice from that experience! Seriously! All that I can say to you right now is: We need to meet each other!

November's Resolution

Alrighty then! It's been a while since something actually really interesting and amazing has happened!! I'm going to treat this kind of like a follow-up post to "Why? It's A Long Story..." I'll be referring On&Off to most of my other things referring as to why something may be really important. So pretty much, this post is like a sequel to that of which happened in November of last year.
 

Seriously. DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T READ MY BLOG BEFORE.

Okay, so as I said in my post "Why? It's A Long Story..." I came to a conclusion that I hated three specific people.  As most of you know, one of the people I classified under "hate" was one of my friends, Coleman. He said very cruel words to me, and they offended. I shall not repeat them if you're not interested, but if you are, then go to "Why? It's A Long Story..." Recently, Coleman decided to apologize. He said that he had been thinking about our argument back in November, and realized that it was really dumb, and that we shouldn't have been fighting over a dumb girl. As many of you may know, this girl has been back-stabbing, and lying to pretty much everyone she knows. Coleman told me about his back-story as to why they stopped talking, and of course I felt pretty bad. However, it wasn't her who decided that they shouldn't talk. It was Coleman, who I'm proud of for having standards as high as he does. He basically told her that he wasn't going to take any of her crap, and left her, and now they aren't talking. Way to go, Coleman! I'm accepting his apology not because all must be forgiven, but because I understand the crap he's been through with her, and I understand that it's not his fault for believing a lie, and accusing me of doing something that I hadn't done. He only chose what he believed to be true. Since he liked her a lot, he decided to believe her, and that she was right, which later bit him in the butt. 

Another post I kind of want to reference back to is "People Can Change" To be perfectly honest, I've been thinking about this post, and have been thinking that I'm kind of a hypocrite, because let's face it, a ton of people around are starting to say that Phebe isn't that bad of a person. I'm starting to slowly forgive her, believing, and studying my testimony on that people can, in fact, change, and that anyone and anything can change. Maybe it's time to forgive and forget, because what if she was another victim of the whole Mandi-situation, and stuff just like some of the people in our school, including me.

I'm not sure I have covered this topic before, but if not, then here's something new. Recently, I've been praying and praying, and hoping that something bigger than me, a tool, some form of grace could help my desperate need. I had a prompting...that I needed to help Dawson. I know this may start to sound creepy and stalker-ish, but ever since Erik got his mission call, I feel obligated to somehow get Dawson interested in becoming an active member of the church. Finally after all this praying, the grace has helped me...and now my wish has come true. Dawson really does want to become again, active. I'm so elated with joy in his decision. Today he attempted to get Isaiah to take him to church, but turns out church for them started at 9, so he missed it. I talked to my mom about this, and she basically had us offer him to come and listen to General Conference with us this up-coming week. Of course, being Bek, I'm absolutely thrilled! His mom basically replied with "We'll see..."

Song of the Day: Scream and Shout by Will-I-Am and Brittney Spears

Shout-Out of the Day: 
Coleman: Hey Coleman! I'm glad that we're actually talking again! All is forgiven! We've all been through crap with her, and to be honest, I'm so glad that you've decided to be, once again,  my friend. It's amazing to know that even though we've gone through some pretty deep shiz, we can be friends again. Thank you for standing up for yourself, and also apologizing to me.

The Results...

Alright! I had a party last night and we all celebrated the fact that we auditioned for Troylairs! Mr. Burrows didn't put up the results on Friday, so none of us found out if we got in or not. I invited over Mary, Dawson, Maddie, Jarron, and Krista was the one who couldn't make it to the party.

First, Mary, Maddie, and Dawson arrived and they just watched me play Twilight Princess until Jarron arrived. When Jarron came we were basically just goofing off before we chose our movie. We all decided to watch A Goofy Movie, but Jarron was upset because he wanted to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. We stopped the movie as soon as Goofy started to sing about the open road, and we all played Curses.

Turns out, I had to teach everyone how to play! In the end, Dawson and I were the only two people in the game. I ended up winning with only one curse card flipped, and it was because I refused to do it.

After that we played Super Smash Bros, and after being beat up and the first one dead, I actually WON against Dawson! I was so proud of myself!

Dawson told everyone that the results for the audition were up, and I pulled out my mp3 and sat down with everyone around me. It turns out, I made it into Troylairs! Jarron, Krista, and Dawson made it in too! Mary and Maddie didn't make it in, and we were all pretty surprised! Especially for the fact Maddie didn't make it. However, she had an asterisk by her name, and that means she gets to go talk about her audition with Mr. Burrows and see what she could've done better. I'm proud of all of us! Good job!

Song of the day:
100 years by Five for Fighting.

Shout out of the day:
Madi Dunn: I knew you could make it into Troylairs this year! Great job!

No Matter What

Alright. I finally got my Troylairs audition over with! I have to admit that I feel like I can do almost anything after that. There were so many things that I was worried about, but now I realize that none of it matters as long as you just try your best no matter what. Don't let your peers tell you that you can't do it, and even when you're positive you won't get in, you can still say that you tried. No matter what.

At first, yes, I was completely terrified and wasn't confident that I was going to get into Troylairs. Guess what! It doesn't hurt to try. To be perfectly honest, I feel like that was the best that I've ever done! Is it because of my latest discovery? Probably! Anyways, I might as well tell you how this all went down...right?

The last bell had just rang, and it was time for everybody to head home. Me, Mary, Krista, Maddie, Jarron, and a ton of other people had decided to stay after for auditions and to work on the school play. My little group of friends, The O-Fam, decided to practice The Star-Spangled Banner before Mr. Burrows arrived. So, as we all sang, including Jarron, we tried our best, had fun with it, and were just getting out nervous energy about auditioning. Turns out, Burrows was running a bit late. He had arrived as soon as Maddie's audition was about to start. However, there were people who were signed up before her that still needed to audition. Yet, there were still a lot of people that signed up but didn't come at all.

Maddie was really nervous about auditioning, and so we all decided to pray while our friend, Jarron, was auditioning. Nobody else was willing to say the prayer, so I pretty much volunteered. After I had put my heart into the prayer, everyone around me started to compliment me and say that I had a way with prayer, and that it was some sort of gift. After Jarron came back out, they wanted me to pray again because Maddie was still really nervous. That time, I made it especially for her and her confidence.

It was finally time for her to audition. I must say, she did amazingly well, and I'm very impressed with her talent. After she went, it was time for Krista to audition. To be honest, Krista did amazingly well. She didn't sound nervous at all until the second half of The Star-Spangled Banner. Krista tells me that it was only because she saw Mr. Burrows writing down things on her Audition form. Then, it was Mary's turn. Mary, is not the best singer on earth, but she still tried. Because I told her that no matter what, she still tried her best. No matter what, we can all try to be the best that we can be, and the only thing that could keep her from making it into Troylairs is honestly just her confidence level.

After Mary's audition, we all just sat in the hall just waiting for Mr. Burrows to call me out to audition. They all said that they'd be there for me, and I said a silent prayer, as I felt myself getting a slight headache. They all talked about what they did wrong, and how nervous they were. Which of course, made me even more nervous. Then I thought to myself, is it really going to make that much of a difference in my life? How will I feel about this audition after it's over with? I'm probably going to think that it was really no big deal, and not worth stressing over. Finally, we hear Burrows call my name in a deep voice. I stand up, and walk in not feeling as nervous as I thought I would be.

The first part of the audition, he was just testing how high my range was, and how low my range was. I'm lucky that I had Jarron, Krista, and Mary in there with me to give me support and I'm lucky that I treated the audition the way I did. I treated the audition like it was just me and Burrows hanging out, and having fun. Burrows really is one of my best friends. From what I know of him, he's the best teacher that I've ever had personally. He's been there for me, and helped me so much.Suddenly, I was comfortable singing. It felt like I had no problem with the audition at all. This is when I realized that I have finally found my true happy place. The RJH choir room. The rest of that audition went by quicker than I expected. He just played five notes, and I sang back on la. Then, there was the very important part. The highlight of the audition. The Star-Spangled Banner. I was completely fine until the last few sentences. I thought about how I did when he played the five notes, and what I sang back. I started shaking a little bit as I realized that i was actually auditioning, and not just hanging out. I tugged on my shirt, trying to calm down as I see Burrows smiling as he writes down how he thinks that I'm doing. I sing "and the home of the brave" and then I come back to reality as I hear Jarron, Krista, and Mary clapping for me, and Burrows smiling telling me that I did amazingly well.
I walked out of the room, feeling like I was a better person for auditioning, and even if I don't make it into Troylairs, this was still an amazing experience.

Song of the Day: The Star-Spangled Banner

Shout-Out of the Day:
Jarron: Hey Jarron, I just wanted to let you know that I felt like I needed you in there with me as I auditioned. To me, you've really become a true friend, and I want you to know that I respect you. I'm so glad that you're here for me in all that I do, and I hope that you see me the same way.

Don't Take Your Family for Granted

Sorry it's been so long you guys... I guess I wanted to share a little bit of what's been going on lately.

With the new trimester going on, things have been very...different. I have Seminary again, and that's always great. I feel like I need Seminary a lot more right now. Why? My brother's leaving, and I have a feeling that Seminary will pull me closer to the gospel, and with my current class I feel like we can become closer, as if we're a  family.

However, there has been some down-sides to this trimester so far. Dawson and I only have two classes together...math and history, and then I have to go to lunch and he has to go to his next class. It's been hard even though it's only been two days. I always find myself just thinking of all the little things about him. He's got track practice for 5th period and after school ends, so I don't really expect to see him all that often. But something completely made my day yesterday...and I felt like I really needed it.


I felt like I was gonna get carsick on the bus again, so I decided to call my mom. So...as I was pulling out my phone, I see Dawson turning the corner. At first, I thought I was hallucinating, and thought wow I really do miss him if I'm starting to see things. I couldn't stop looking at him, so as my friends walked up to me trying to say hi, I said hey and like walked towards Dawson while putting my phone back. We hugged and then he explained as to how he got there. I was so happy. Nobody has ever done something like that for me...or just to get the chance to see me. I called my mom saying to pick me up at the eye-doctor, and she said yes. For the most part, Dawson and I just sat there together, hand in hand, with his arm around me, and my head on his shoulder. We kissed...and it was amazing. He thought something was wrong, and so he was pretty much trying to comfort me. Truth is, nothing was wrong at that moment. I was just happy to be with him.



This morning, I woke up and thought to myself "Well, this is it.." This is the day that my hero leaves me. I won't see him again until I'm 17. I hugged him good-bye...and he gave me his leather jacket. It means a ton to me, and I'm wearing it as I write this post. Ladies and gentleman, don't take your family for granted. As soon as he got in the car and slowly closed the door, I cried. Think about it. What would you do without your hero in your life? This will definitely be a challenge for me, but I'm determined to survive it. Again, this goes a lot with my blog description...inspiring my inspirations...He's my inspiration, but today he told me that I inspire him...and it means the world to me. I love him so much. He's the best brother a little sister could ever ask for, and I'm looking forward to May two years from now when he returns to me.

Shout-Out of the Day:
The Hyper Peeps: Hey you guys. Now that Erik is gone, I'm going to need your comfort. We, as a group, need to hang out a ton more often. I love you all...and I wish you guys the best in your own daily lives.

Song of the Day:
Big Brother Best Friend Forever by My Little Pony

James! You Can Count on Me.

This post? Oh it's nothing much. It's just to remind my sister site, the daily tower, that he's my best friend and that I love him a fetching ton. James, you can count on me. I promise I'll be there for you. No matter what.
Song of the Day: Count on Me by Bruno Mars
Shoutout of the day: Today is all about James! Like it up for support.