I Need Thee Every Hour

There I was. Standing tall and singing "I Need Thee Every Hour" in front of our entire congregation while my mom recorded me to send it to my brother. I wasn't as confident as I could have been, and I admit that for me, I made tons of mistakes. To me, this performance was humiliating until I re-watched the recording, realizing that it's actually decent.

I felt the pain that I had been feeling towards not only my Savior, but towards my friends. To my friends, I would love to tell you that I need you all. It's painful when you're not there. During this song, I felt both happy and scared, not because of the crowd, but because I'm not sure how to feel about most of my friends. In the past few days, the friends that have made most of the difference are Krista, Sienna, and Dawson. The only ones I'm completely positive on that actually care.

The other ones have just fallen out of my grasp. Not that they've gone down a different path or that I "hate" them now... but only because they've established something else bigger than me, and when I try to fit myself into the equation, I'm pushed back out because I have no idea what any of them are talking about.

Inside Jokes. They're supposed to be what keeps friends close... right? The problem with inside jokes is that when you use them around people who don't know about the joke, they feel left out. That's how life is right now for me. Getting pushed out of conversations unintentionally just because of my own cluelessness.

Awkward Silences. We normally hate these right? I've found that people who are trying to include themselves back into big groups of friends use these awkward silences to their advantage to sneak in more about what they've been doing lately if nobody's been asking. So, in ways, it can be healthy for many friendships. In my situation, nobody asks, so I'm just waiting for the perfect moment to add myself in.

The two things we all thought were necessary and unnecessary have just been
replaced all along due to the fallout of friendships.
I know see their utter importance.
More than ever.

Every day, I feel alone. If it weren't for Krista, Sienna, and Dawson, I might as well not even come to school anymore, and just drop out. I feel now more than ever that I'm not wanted or needed at all. I don't know what to do anymore, and feel as if nobody cares. What am I supposed to do if they won't let me come back? Just let it happen? 

Then it seems as if I'm losing nearly everybody.

The Opposite

There I am... sitting by myself alone in my room when I check my Facebook and see that.. nobody really cares enough to make it to my performance tomorrow morning. I'm going to sing I Need Thee Every Hour tomorrow morning at my church, and so I invited the people that I thought would love to come... They all ended up rejecting me in a way, and none of them even came to my party... What have I become?

I thought Friendship was Magic... But it all seems to be just a big joke. I understand that inconveniences may have come up, but none of my friends accepted my request... Shows you how much they actually care. It makes me scared, terrified in fact. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm writing this if I have no friends to actually read it. "inspiring my inspirations?" more like... disappointing my inspirations.

How do I get out of this tight spot? All I can do is think about how lonely I am... I try to make new friendships, but of course they're busy with their own friend-circles. The ones I used to have, have faded off and probably don't even care about me anymore.

I'm a joke. There I was last year, friends with nearly everyone I met... but here I am now... with nobody but my boyfriend. He doesn't even know how much I cry every day... nobody knows. I used to be so happy, but I don't know what happened besides realization setting in.

What do you do when all your friends leave you like that? It's a slap in the face that nobody ever expects. I look up to my "Hope" poster me and Sienna made in June and all I can think of is how nobody ever comes over anymore, and how nobody really cares... I am that girl. That girl that you talk to when nobody else is there to talk to. The embarrassment. The humiliation. The agony of being her.

If only there were some way of leaping out of my pit of despair... Some way I could just stop, but I feel like I'm trapped. Everywhere I go there's constant reminders of how I've failed somebody, and how they've walked out of my life.

Dissed

The good news, I made it into chamber singers! The bad news, I have nobody to share my overwhelming happiness with. As I sit alone in this corner, where the two of us usually sit, I find myself pondering why... he's the only one that hangs with me., or even bothers to try. I get that I have some friends that are happy with me, but it's just not the same. There's always this barrier of awkward, as they tend to bring up inside jokes that I dont know  about. It doesn't seem fair... my ex hangs out with his ex, my friend Julia,  and it just confuses me so much because he looks at her the way he used to look at me. It seems they have a secret love, and jamlia is back intact. To me, none of this makes sense. Whatever happened to them in the past, neither one seems to even phase it.

As I write all of this, I get more and more upset because... He's laughing at me. He was the one that told me to never be afraid and that he would always protect me, and here he is stabbing me in my heart, and also the little pieces that had been pieced back on. He was going to stay in my heart forever, just because he was my first boyfriend... Now I just want to make myself forget, and just pretend Dawson, who's sweet and treats me like a princess, was my first boyfriend. What left is there to do when your ex and your friend diss you like that. I'm not sure what to do anymore...

My Heart's Raging Chaos

Waking up, I could definitely tell it was going to be a great day! I even put on my favorite eye-makeup. Afterwards, I receive a text from my man saying "Morning, Bek." From the start, I knew something was up... I said morning back, and then he started expressing his feelings with me basically stating that he didn't really feel loved because of how I was acting the previous day, which was in reality, just a really bad day for me and I couldn't smile that much.. and I wasn't too talkative either. I could sense something was wrong the day before too because on the way to our Algebra class, he wouldn't walk with me, he'd walk with everyone else and talk to everyone else. As he lead on, I began to tear up, and I quickly removed my eye makeup and grabbed a fresh tissue box and proceeded to pull out all of it's contents, and run outside to watch for the bus.  He had told me that Krista suggested that me and him take a break, and that he was going to consider it depending on how I acted that day. Laying on the ground, I cried and even gagged on my tears and nearly choked myself on them. I even coughed up some blood! After seeing all of that, I started to become very frightened and I didn't know what to do.

It was all happening again. Just like all the previous times, and all the other times he proceeded to let me down... Going through my phone, I started looking at all the sweet texts he sent me, and I came across one that said that he promises never to wake up and decide not to love me... I forwarded that message to him to remind him about the promise he had made to me, and to remind him more of the good times we had. Seeing the bus, I stood up and tried to get my act together... at least for the whole time I was in front. Going back, I sat in my seat, pulled down my hood and looked through the window, as people would try to talk to me, I'd pull it down farther to hide my teary face... I thought about all the what-if's about today. What if he slaps me for trying to kiss him today? What if he pushes me away when I try to share my side? What if... I lose him forever? It was all too terrifying. As Kiley comes down the bus aisle, she sits by my side ready to comfort and aide me in my weary state. I told her all about it, except for the bloody part and laying on the ground. I showed her the text message he sent, and how devastated I feel. We continued to hug, and she, being a good friend, asked what I needed, and gave her own opinion on the situation. Getting on the other bus, we started to laugh about just random things as we went along to the high school. Thinking to myself, I realized that I needed to do whatever it took to get him to stay with me.

Waiting outside for a matter of 5 to 7 minutes in the snow, I see him, and I stretch out my arms awaiting a hug and a kiss. He gives me all of that, and as we walk to the school, I try in my head to be as perfect as can be and not to screw it up... Don't screw it up, Bek. Don't screw it up, this could cost you the love of your life. I lost hold. Overwhelmed, I stumbled over to the building with Dawson as my guide, pulling my hood down farther and farther. Everyone was looking, I could tell just by the silence around me. He pulls me aside, and promises not to leave me as I continue to cry and cry and cry. He pats me on the back, and says that he's sorry and he stays with me, and looks at me with comfort and protection in his eyes. Relieved, but overwhelmed, I cling to him, tighter and tighter with every moment that we're together. I wanted to go home, but the only reason I was going to stay is to be with him, and try to actually make it okay for him too. After all, if I went home bawling without him making anything better besides staying with me, I'm sure he'd feel terrible. I stayed... just for him.

As the day went on, the voices in my head, an echo of those that say we won't last repeat and repeat, I tried to keep sane, but I kept getting panic attacks and burying my head in my desk trying to just hide from the world... I wanted to text my mother about it all, but I knew I couldn't because we were at school, and phones weren't allowed. At lunch, Dawson attempted to soothe my fears, and honestly, it worked for a bit. I'd still panic...on and on. I knew I couldn't ride the bus for that reason, and so I stayed after so that my stepfather could pick me up.

I get home, and my mother made me cookies to soothe my emotional wounds, and so I took about 10 of them into my room and stuffed them into my face until he contacted me.... He asks if I wanted to play Minecraft, and I practically jump at the thought. I get on my computer, and call him up, and try to fake it until I make it. Acting silly together usually heals Drawkah up anyways! As time went on, me and Dawson grew closer and closer. Something as simple as that is mending us back together, and showing me that he cares and that it's going to be okay. If we continue to just... be ourselves with each other, things will get better.

I just feel like right now Dawson is the balance between me and Chaos.

Top 3 Band Picks

Alright, I know this post is late, but it's time for February's special blog post! We had ONE voter, so give props to Sienna Wareham for giving us the special blogpost's topic.

Top 3 Bands That I Adore

1. Maroon 5: The Kings of Music, Your Argument is Invalid

I know that all of you saw this coming, but here it goes. Maroon 5 is the best band there ever was and ever will be. From songs like She Will Be Loved and Back at Your Door to songs like Misery and Love Somebody, Maroon 5 is a total classic hit, and those who hate them probably don't know that they're the artists that did those popular songs.

2. Coldplay: Phenomenal, Emotional, and Inspirational

Coldplay has always been one of my favorite bands from the moment I started liking music. When my sister, Rachel, was going through cancer, me and my brother came together through Coldplay. Their inspirational lyrics and critical lesson in each song was just perfection in it of itself. My favorite song by Coldplay would have to be Viva la Vida just because of it's sentimentality, and the one that's gotten me through the toughest of times is Us Against the World. It reminds me of the special message that the world can be cruel, but even with true love, you can defeat it without even worrying about the troubles that surround us. 

3. The Lighthouse and The Whaler: Soothing and Relaxing

 The Lighthouse and The Whaler, a band that's loved by few, is one of the only artists that I can enjoy while doing my homework. Listening to this band has improved my life a ton as it has many songs with long instrumental breaks that are just filled with time to think about what's actually happening in the song. It's beautiful how well they plane things out in the songs without always having to sing it out to the recipient.

To All That Say We Won't Last

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like without him. But then I realize... I've already gone through that. Honestly, I can never see myself going back to that life. During that life, I was stuck in some sort of fake happiness as I thought I knew what love was with another man. After meeting Dawson, I knew we had some sort of special connection. People sometimes ask me: Are you willing to settle for less than your true partner? simply because they choose to believe that Dawson and I are most likely going to break up in the future, and that nothing lasts forever. They believe that someday I really will meet someone that will be a greater and a bigger love than him. To this, I say, You simply don't know him like I do.

I've taken time to talk to my parents about what they felt like in love. My mother and step-father are what I would call best friends. As I've observed their relationship, I've learned many things that having a temporary boyfriend probably wouldn't be able to teach me, along with the relationship my mother and my own father had. Seeing my father and my mother go through all sorts of relationships, I made my own list about what qualities were going to be perfect for me. My mother would always tell me all the amazing and the somewhat embarrassing things that would happen when she dated around looking for her second marriage, and I always learned from her mistakes when it came down to it. Dawson is my best friend, just like my mother and my step-father. I can rely on Dawson and tell him anything, and he will always be there to help cheer me up in any circumstance.

To all that say that I don't have enough experience, I say that yes, I have experienced heartbreak, something very crucial in picking ones' true love. Lacking experience is the least of my problems. Watching each of my parents go dating several more times as I tag along on some of the dates, my mother and father taught me the ins and outs of dating, aka what to do and what not to do. Even though I'm not even 16, I've seen what guys are like on dates, and I've taken what I like and dislike in mind.

To all that say you're too young to feel true love, I ask a question in return, so I'm not to love? I love my parents, I love my friends, and I love quite a lot of things. Saying that I'm too young is like saying a child is not to say I love you mommy, until the "proper" age. Think about it, we all have crushes, don't we? If I were to tell you, in return, that you're too young to feel true love, it would make you want to feel true love sooner than not, right? As a somewhat rebellious teenager, I would agree with that statement of wanting things right now, but you simply don't know him like I do.

To all that said: Never date a non-member, what about the missionaries? My religion preaches about our responsibility on this Earth to spread the gospel to everyone, no matter what their circumstances. I prefer not to judge someone based on their religious practices, but I was able to help this wonderful man grab hold of the gospel in his life once again after being inactive for a few years. Today, he goes to church just like everyone else, but his family stays at home. He wants to get married in the temple someday, and he longs to see his father once again, as his parents got sealed in the temple right before his father's death. He knows that heavenly father will prepare a way for him to see his father once again, and me helping and guiding him back to the gospel has helped him through the darkness that was cloaked around him. If I never dated Dawson, he might have not been reached out to, and would've remained shrouded in darkness and depression. In a way, we're all missionaries, aren't we? We should all spread the gospel that we know and love to those who need it in their lives. We should all share our testimonies and not be afraid of what others think of our religion because it's what we believe individually and as a group that will save us. You never know, you just might be inspiring those around you by standing up for what you believe in.

To all that say: You marry who you date, I see that to be the truth, but here's the thing. I honestly do want to marry Dawson, so why would that in any way stop me from dating him, if I cannot find anything wrong with him? Even though many may say that I don't have enough experience, that i'm too young to feel true love, to never date a non-member, and that I ultimately marry who I date, I'm totally fine with him, and there's no reason to break up with him. If you have a problem with our relationship, To all that say, Dawson and Bek need to break up, I say in reply, you don't know us that well then.

Stress Has Caught Up

Spoiler Alert: I want to give up.

All this homework, all these finals... ALL THIS STRESS. It gets to me, and I never thought High School could be so hard. I know that during the trimester, all that's really going through my head is oh my gosh, this is so easy! But when the end of the trimester comes, I scream for help and nobody comes to my aid. Oodles and Oodles of homework is shoved into my face, and then I lose my weekend. This weekend flew past like it was nothing, the entirety of the weekend I was working on homework, and right now I wouldn't even know if I'm done with it all because well... I give up! That's as good as it's going to get, because I'd love to see the teacher's reaction when they see me falling asleep in their class. "But she's such a good kid." They'll say. Exactly. I'd love to get revenge on every teacher in our school, but the problem is... I just... I...can't. Striving to get a perfect grade in High School...is too much for me. The only class I don't have an A in right now is Algebra (i've got an A-), and I'm sure that it won't get better, even though I would love it to. Going into Finals week is honestly hard. Mostly because I know that the next trimester's got much harder things in store. Goodbye, Life. Hello, Stress. I'm not even sure I have time to myself anymore... I'm so backed up with my relaxation time that I don't know what I'll do...

I won't give up on this blog, and I will say this... there won't be a giant blast of posts soon, but there will be more than there has been in February because I'm just stressed because of Testing and big assignments...like a research paper and a certain choir concert and a biology test to study for.

Have some happiness though. (AKA MARCH'S COVER)

Valentine's Day 2014

Warning: This post is all about DAWSON DAWSON DAWSON!

Valentine's Day with Dawson this year was so... sweet! Sweeter than chocolate even though he got me some of that chocolate. Originally, the plan was for him to come over and just sit around lazy all day and cuddle and watch Transformers. I was totally astounded when I saw him carrying in a bunch of stuff from his car. When Reino opened the door for him, he came in with something wrapped in a big ol' blanket and he had a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolate with ribbon tied around it and a key that came with it.

As you can see, what I got I thought to be very special! When he took the blanket off of the other item I found that it was a big TEDDY BEAR!! It's so cute in every way wit a tan skin and a big brown nose and cuddly inside and out! SO awesome!!

I'd love to thank Dawson by giving him a little shoutout in here... well not little, but BIG for my little man. <3 Thanks, babe.

The Winter Ball 2014

I know it's kind of late to be doing a post about this night, but it was so perfect that I couldn't skip over it or ignore it any longer. It all started out as just a lazy day, and I ended up doing  before and after pictures of me getting ready for it all.

When Dawson showed up, Reino opened the door and Dawson pulled out from behind his back a bouquet of roses. He must have been listening to me a while back because at one point were talking about bucket list items, and getting flowers from a guy was an item on mine. The flowers were really beautiful, and my mom was tempted to keep them to herself. My mom even posted a picture of them on Facebook telling Dawson, "Well played." He really knows how to sweep a Bek off her feet. Haha

Before we left the house, we took the usual picture for my parents before we go mess up our looks at the dance. After all, he did dress up a little more than he did for Homecoming. It was a special occasion to be seeing him in a button up shirt and tie.

The night kept getting better and better. I saw a bunch of my friends and we all grew closer from the dances we all shared. For example, I used to not be too fond of Linsey, but at the dance, we grew closer and danced with each other, with no awkwardness at all! Through all the dances with my friends like Tyler, Sienna, Emily, Braxton, Jerika, Kiley, Dawson, and more I actually felt like I was a part of something. Though I am not friends with James anymore, I still am part of multiple groups of friends. I feel like I belong.

Overall, the past week or two have had some important lessons in store for me. I have learned to really put myself out there, in hopes that others will take me as I am. I have learned that friends can be the people that really make a big difference and influence in your life. I have learned that there's a time for friendship, and there's a time for love, and that I shouldn't dwell on Dawson, Dawson, Dawson, when I'm hanging out with other people. Some of these lessons are the lessons that really needed to be learned in order for me to overcome the upcoming year of 2014, and make way for new challenges in this year. What do I say to 2014? It. Is. On.

Q&A ~4 A Typical School Day

It's still January, and here's what you picked for this month's special post: Highlight of 2013 and LME Q&A! Since LME Q&A had more votes quicker than Highlight of 2013, This month we will be doing the Q&A. I think it's better that we just classify the highlights of 2013 as Lil Miss Epic 1st Anniversary: TOP PICKS. That's basically my "top picks" of 2013 overall, starting from "The Key to Understanding." Anyways, I picked some questions at the beginning of this month to pretty much ponder on for the entirety of the month, and here they are! For my next Q&A, be sure to submit your own suggestions!

Tell about your favorite aunt.

My favorite aunt is definitely my aunt Deanne. My mother's sister is the youngest and at times quite easy to relate to. She lives in New York and is a single photographer who is also involved in the make-up business with Clinique, a quality make-up brand. Every year she comes down from New York and brings us all sorts of cool pictures of the life she's built herself up in New York and she always brings a ton of make-up stuff for us girls. All the make-up I own is mostly from her amazing generosity. I share her love for photography, and I hope to apply that into my life, as she does.

Where did you live when you were born?

When I was first born, we lived in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Which is kind of funny, seeing as how my boyfriend came from Wyoming.

Have you met or worked with any famous people?

I have never worked with anybody famous before. Then again, I kind of have. My mom is kind of famous in Taiwan for bringing in the very first teacup poodle. His name is Tino the Fluffy Red Elf. So yeah, I've basically raised some celebrities in my life time.

Describe a typical school day in High-school.

Well, first I wake up and get dressed, brush my teeth, brush my hair, and get on my make-up, and then I wait for the bus while listening to music or watching YouTube, or packing random stuff that I forgot to pack back up. While I'm on the bus, I talk to one of my best friends, Kiley. We talk about random things like family problems and boyfriends, or just random events that happened at the school. When we arrive at the highschool, we greet Dawson and walk in, and I walk to English, and sit through a painful hour of just... boringness. Then, I get to walk to my favorite class, Seminary! Full of inspiration, motivation, and good-humored fun, this class is refreshing! 

After a heart-felt lesson of Seminary, I walk to Biology, usually running into Dawson on the way. In Biology we usually take notes or do a lab. When we take notes I get headaches so easy because she always says uhm like an infant, and she usually raises the end of her sentences, which gets annoying. When the bell finally rings for us to get out of that class, me and Dawson go to eat lunch under the stairs. When we finish eating, we usually go flirt at the top of the stairs and cuddle and just tell jokes and just... be adorable. Interrupting our happy reunion of love and happiness, the bell rings and we head to Troylairs to sing our hearts out. The second sopranos usually have a rough time with the notes, but we usually pull through in the end. Either upset with a day of no success, or overjoyed with the accomplishments we made, I walk out of the classroom with Dawson to head over to our last class together, Algebra 2. In that class, I'm usually too exhausted to not act like myself, and I crack a couple of jokes, or feel like all of the material we're learning is easy. Other days, when I'm upset, I'll be the complete opposite, and I'll be silent and feel stupid with the material. When the bell rings for us to escape the long day, and retire to our houses. Dawson walks me to my bus and kisses me good-bye, and I get on the bus and talk to random people on the way home, usually leading most of the conversations I'm in. And that's pretty much it, except for maybe playing Minecraft with Dawson. Haha

Tell about your favorite school teacher and subject.
Mr. Burrows is a lively choir teacher who jumps around and is for the most part, very positive. Full of a ton of stories and inside jokes, this teacher is just very fun to be around. 

Well that's about it! I hope you thoroughly enjoyed this month's special blog-post! Keep inspiring!

Forever and Ever, Babe

16 months ago today, I asked an amazing boy to try out a relationship with me... That relationship is still running strong. We hardly ever fight, but when we do, it ends instantaneously. Drawkah is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I couldn't ask for a better man to be with for the rest of my life.

Today I spent the day with my father, and we did a number of things. First we went to the community park in Idaho Falls and walked around for a while talking about random stuff, and how Dawson asked me out to the Winter Ball, and all the fun things I've got planned for the future and we talked about how I'll be out of high school in about 2 and a half years,

We went to the temple and saw the restoration movie they had at the visitor's center, and afterwards we went to Smitty's and I worked on homework while we were there.

It was so fun, but the highlight of the time I had with my father was the conversation we had on the way home. He asked: "What are your life plans?" I said: "Dad... I want to marry him." There was a slight pause, and then I said: "Daddy, you know I love him." He replied with an "I know you do." We ended up talking about religion and how important it was that he goes on a mission. In the end, I know that I deserve a return missionary, but I'm not sure that's what Dawson has foreordained for him. Maybe he's meant to go into the marines, or maybe he's just meant to stay home with me. We don't have a clue... But, I know I want to be with him, and I don't think anyone can stop that. The next time he asks if I love him, I'll quote Adam Sandler from Click and reply "Forever and Ever, Babe."

Testimony On: Choice

Heyyy!! It's my viewers!! I've kind of missed blogging for the most part. Instead of talking about my life, I've bottled it up, giving me big emotional breakdowns and depression for the most part. To make up for that, I'll write on this, to let me show my emotions. Usually, I'd prefer just having nobody see them at all. But since this is more of like a journal, I kind of need to inform my future self of what lessons I've learned here in the present. 

That's why journals are so important. To remind you of all the challenges you've overcome, and the opportunities and blessings you've earned because of them. Those kinds of things make us stronger, and ultimately shape us into who we will be. Making our personalities better or worse depending on what choices we make. Ultimately, we have two decisions: right versus wrong. We all know what the right decision and what the wrong decision is, but we all just automatically assume that the wrong path won't be as bad, and sometimes that case is true, as we still get blessings on that path. However, the opposite path that we chose not to take won't let us get those blessings because we can't go back and re-do what we have done. Perhaps those blessings are greater, then again we were supposed to take that decision as it gets us closer to our Heavenly Father, and the ultimate goal of happiness. Even though we may see ourselves as perfectly happy now, we may never find the true meaning of happiness if we don't take the right path.

Personally to all of us, this is just a maze. We know which way is going to lead us in the right direction, but we get curious when we see some of our best friends go down the opposite way, making it look like the better choice. Which would you rather have? A life full of happiness, but just for now?? Or would you rather have a life with no regrets here and have your afterlife be perfection in the celestial kingdom? I prefer perfection in the celestial kingdom with my heavenly father. I testify that it'll all be worth it in the end, and that we will all gain peace in that aspect. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Kicking Off 2014

New Year's Eve. The last of 2013 as it was. I decided to invite a few friends over, but Sienna ended up not coming because I told her she could go to her other friend's birthday party instead because that party didn't have many guests. Anyways, I had Mary and Dawson come over and party with me. We watched Equestria Girls and played Cards Against Humanity, and let me tell you. That night was the most fun I've had in a long time. And to top off 2013, Dawson and I actually kissed at midnight. It was perfect.

Mary. Mary is possibly one of my best friends when we DO hang out. I love to hang out with her, and she's just a really fun person to be around. Seeing as how she laughs at all of my jokes and laughs at nearly everything with me, she's just... a PERFECT funny friend to be with!

Dawson. You all know about him, I talk about him non-stop. But lemme tell ya, I don't think I've seen this kid laugh so much at "Cards Against Humanity." All of our cards combined were some pretty weird things. It was funny! I realized he can pick out anything that sounds like something I would say, and he's pretty much right! He always had some of the funniest responses to my black cards. For example, I would ask: "What ended my last relationship?" and he'd answer: "Men." He really does crack me up.

Combined, Mary and Dawson are two of my favorite people to hang around with. That night was really fun, and I don't think I could have asked for more. Thank you both for making me so happy, and kicking off 2014 to a great start! More parties with these two? Sounds like the way I want to live 2014.

Why I Write...

This is my blog, and I'm writing this to all of you guys who feel like reading about the contents of my life. Truth be told, my blog is a journal written for all to see. I describe vivid thoughts and true feelings. When I get messages telling me to tone down about writing about something-- it upsets me because that topic really is what I think about on a regular basis. That regular basis being... all the time. Nonstop. Not only am I doing this for all those who will accept and embrace what I write, I'm doing this for me in the future. So that I can look back and see.. well.. Lil Miss Epic! All the things I used to write about and it's great for brain processing because I get to stop and really analyze my thoughts and feelings into something we all call... WORDS.

Words are things that we use to describe well... everything! We use words everywhere from street signs to modern day technology. Words are everywhere, and it's amazing that we can use words to convey our thoughts and translate it all into word combinations. Heck, my blog title itself is 3 words. Because our names are words, we get special thoughts and feelings to go with them. For example, if I knew a girl named Stephanie, when I think about her I might think about traits of who she is, and the feelings I get when I may see her. Words as simple as Stephanie, could translate into millions and millions of thoughts. Isn't that amazing?

Back to my blog, what I want you all to take from this blog is your own thoughts and feeling, whether it be about a situation I'm dealing with, or a lesson that I'm teaching you. I hope that you may be able to apply something of what I post into your life. I write this to inspire. To inspire others. But, the greatest feeling of them all is inspiring those I've already been inspired by. The acknowledgement that your inspiration will give you when they say they were inspired by something you said to make their life better, is just moving. It's possibly the best feeling I've ever achieved.

Blogging to me is just an endless cycle, I write to inspire, and when they get inspired that gives me powerful feelings and urges me to write more and more, giving them something to be inspired by once again. In short, isn't that what life is all about? Helping those around you to get better, and learning from them how to better yourself from the knowledge they've gathered is possibly the best thing you could do in your life. That's what we're here to do. Learn from each other.

Here Comes Christmas!

Hello, and welcome to Lil Miss Epic! Sorry I haven't posted in about 21 days, but I would've posted yesterday but hey, I was actually vlogging my school day with Dawson for Gunmen's Girl and our 15 month anniversary. We would've vlogged at the mall too, but hey we were too concentrated on buying presents and crap like that. Besides, we wouldn't want anybody to see what we gave before Christmas! This post is basically going to be a little bit of a catch-up post.

As many of you may already know, I went to Salt Lake City to tour with the Rigby Choirs, specifically Troylairs, but I sang with Women's Chorus also because Mr. Burrows wanted us to sing on their songs. I don't know why, though... They sounded just fine without us. Anyways, but the whole trip was pretty darn fun, seeing as how I got to hang with Dawson most of the time, and stuff. The downside is that part of Women's Chorus was singing on Troylairs songs, but they didn't even have our sheet music, so why would they even be trying to sing our songs? It was honestly ridiculous. During "The Virgin Mary Had a Baby Boy," one girl in our choir was going sharp and flat, and we were so worried about who it was, and worried that it might be one of us, to realize that it was a girl from Women's Chorus. Anyways, this unknown girl sang with us on all of our songs, and it irritated me so much because she kept looking over at Krista's sheet music and attempting to sight read all of our songs without any practice in the first place. The lesson I want to give out to you all, if you are to perform something, don't even try if you weren't meant to do it.

Anyways, more about Salt Lake, we went and sang on Temple Square, and gave ourselves a little bit of a tour of all the lights surrounding Temple Square. James actually ended up adding something to my bucket list. Kissing Dawson in front of the Temple. I blush a little just thinking about it. I can play it out in my head. We're just walking around Temple Square together, and when we see the temple we just stop in front of it and talk about it a little and then say how much we want to be together and then wham! Kiss! It sounds just so amazing. James has probably one of the best imaginations for that kind of romantic junk. Haha! Well that goes to prove that I can still fantasize about this little dude.

Anyways, we get back from Salt Lake and I begin to get really stressed over school work and all the things that I had missed while the choirs were gone. I had missed things like tests, and plenty of Homework, and quite a bit of reading. When I get stressed, my back tends to give up on me and so my back hurts all the time. Well, Dawson knowing the side effects of my stress, decides to lend a hand. He carries my backpack around for me, and when I start to limp on my foot, he piggybacks me to my destination, and when I say my back hurts, we sit down and he gives me a back massage. I really appreciate all that he does for me. Even when I'm stressed about all the love I'm not getting from friends or family, he is able to make all of that up in a heartbeat, and can manage a smile to come to my face. Dawson is so unique, and I doubt I'm going to come across somebody better than he is. I feel like he treats me perfect. I remember back to when I was wondering if he really did love me, and I ask myself now why I ever doubted it? It's impossible for him not to! I'm not saying that I'm the most charming girl out there, but hey! I can be myself around him, and he loves me. I can see it in his eyes, his actions, and his words.

So, yesterday me and Daws went to the mall to go Christmas Shopping! We visited a bunch of stores, and teased each other, and he gave me gift ideas for members of my family. When we went into Hot Topic, I noticed these two My Little Pony shirts that I really wanted. One of them was a  Dr. Whooves shirt, and the other was a shirt of the main My Little Pony cast! As we continued to wander around the store, I payed attention to all the things Dawson seemed to like. When I was just about to give up hope, he pointed at a Vinyl Scratch shirt and said "I WOULD WEAR THAT!" I laughed a little, and then picked it off the rack after looking at what other jacket there was. I noticed a paper on the front saying that all hoodies were $25! I found the smallest size, and held it up to Dawson, and noticed it was a perfect fit. I bought it for him, and when we looked at the price tag we noticed I would've payed $70 for it! What a discount! For my Wonderbolts jacket, I had to pay $75!

After shopping at the mall, we went to my house and watched Deck the Halls and The Grinch, while we ate dinner. After that, we took him home and he came out what seemed to be 10 seconds later to give me my Christmas present. He had gotten me the two shirts that I saw at Hot Topic that I wanted, but he had gotten them ahead of time! He had gotten them way before we even got to the mall! What a clever little dude! xD He knows me way too well! Anyways, he also gave me a plate full of holiday snacks... mostly chocolate centered. Again, he knows me way too well. =)

Prosper in Perseverance

Hello, my lovely inspire-rs. I just saw this absolutely magnificent and fun post posted on our choir's Facebook page. It was so inspiring that I've decided to share it with you guys, and feel free to check up on Doodle Alley whenever possible because from the looks of it, it's spreading inspiration everywhere. I give it my full and total support, and I suggest that you give it your support also.

http://doodlealley.com/2012/10/10/be-friends-with-failure/

Anyways, I haven't posted in a while because I've been competing with Dawson for my grades... The only class he's better than me in right now is Algebra, I have a 95 in the class, and he's got a 96! Unbelievable! I thought I was the one who was good at Algebra. To me, it seems like he does amazingly well whenever I'm in the class with him. He seems to just sit there soaking it all up like a sponge and applying each lesson where he needs to. THAT's possibly the best quality you could get from a student. Now if only I could get right down to it. Is he obsessed with the competition that we're doing...or is he trying to impress me? Oh, the mysteries of  Dawson Hammond continue as we leap in to find out more and more about this kid. I thought I knew him, but apparently I still don't know him enough... Which reminds me of a quote...a quote that he has said...about me.

Well this picture brings us perfectly into tonight's subject.When do we really know somebody? Honestly, if you think about it you never can know someone. There's infinitely many layers to them that we've yet to uncover. Heck, chances are they probably haven't peeled back the layers of who they are. Maybe they don't even know who they are entirely. Sure, we've got the main things like oh, I want to be a graphic designer when I grow up, but that never explains who I am. It only says who I aspire to be. It only says what I want to do with my life. Keeping that in mind, it makes us wonder, "Who am I?" I know what categories I fit into, I know what my name is, but that never explains who I am. Maybe the logical answer to the question is... "The world may never know." Even if we're still discovering our many layers and different parts of who we are. 

Why do we dwell on such a hard question? Purpose! We all want to know what our duty is in life, itself so that we can strive to do the right thing and get it done right just to get it over with. But that's not even the point of life. The point of life is to do the right thing anyways and get through all the obstacles and challenges and persevere. Even if we trip along the way, we're going to be just fine because everybody makes mistakes! We're all learning more and more about agency, the power to choose. And that my friends, is the secret to life in itself. Perseverance through the toughest of times. As a teenager, I know exactly what it's like to sit and wonder "What's my purpose in life? Why am I even here? Ugh, when will this all be over?" But... That's not even positive. If you want to modernize this up a bit and say, YOLO then that's fine too. But if you only live once, shouldn't you be having fun along the way and making the right choices instead of things that you'll regret in life? On lives the saying, but think about what you're doing first and if it's the right decision. Will you prosper in your perseverance and never regret a thing, or will you let yourself down because you're too busy trying to find who you are? Step back and look at the picture...Success or Loneliness. Good or Bad. Perseverance or Indifference? It's your agency. Choose what life you want to live.

New Tri New Attitude

Hey, guys! It's been a while since I've last updated. It's been a time of thinking about what's going to come in the future... a time of getting rid of all the stress in my life, and last but not least a time of celebration with my wonderful boyfriend, Dawson. I know what you guys may be thinking... "Ugh. I hope this post isn't a lovey-dovey post about the life of Drawkah." Well guess what! It's not. I promise. The wonderful world of Drawkah is just one of the amazing things in my life, there's plenty of others.

Recently, we got our 2nd trimester schedules and I'm very pleased with several of my classes. Others, not so much. Like Biology! Biology sounds just terrible, I'm honestly not looking forward to it because of how much I suffer at it. But, Troylairs... OH, this is gonna be fun! My first ever tour with the Rigby Choirs! I'm so excited, so grateful, and most of all so nervous! That's just two of my classes, but that pretty much sums up the entirety of my day, I'd rather not talk about all the boring stuff like Algebra and English and well... no. There is another class that I'm quite excited for. Seminary. I tried to read the Book of Mormon last Summer, as many of you may know. Well, I couldn't do it... there wasn't enough motivation for it. Well, now I've got an energetic Seminary teacher that gets me pumped every time I step into the room. Even though I've had two days of the trimester, I'm pretty sure that it's a good start! For his second lesson, he talked about how huckleberries can compare to the gospel. Since I hadn't had a huckleberry before, he had me and two other students come up to try our first huckleberry. They were okay, but I couldn't get a full impression of it because I hadn't worked to get them. So, two classes to look forward to in the day. Great. 

On the more positive side of things, at least I have two electives to look forward to! Hey, at least I don't have to take Social Studies and Health this trimester. If I did, heck... I'd be stressed out all the time. Plus, I wouldn't get to relieve myself with song. I'm looking forward to seeing what this trimester has in store for me. I'll be missing my other classes like Voice Mastery and Publishing, but now it's time to move forward in my Sophomore year, and get a glimpse of what's ahead in my High School life.

Christmas is in 24 days! I'm so dang excited that I'm gonna be counting down the days and singing Christmas songs anytime I get the chance. Get in the Holiday spirit and get out of your bad mood! It's time to deck the halls, and it's time to get to work.

Grateful for Rebelsea

People these days just want things like popularity and authority. If I were to give up a lot of things that I want and pick one thing that I truly want it would be the feeling of accomplishment through every task. Thanksgiving is coming and it's time to break out the gratitude. However, we need to be grateful for all the things we have in our life regardless if it's Thanksgiving time or not. I'm thankful for a girl named Chelsea Moore. I know she doesn't want me to say her name anymore, but guess what. Freedom of speech. Besides, I'm not the one who started being a jerk. Whenever we'd see each other in the halls, she'd glare at me. Nowadays when Dawson tries to bring her up, I simply say "Chelsea who? I don't know a Chelsea." The other day I found a CD. It was actually the CD that she made for me as a Christmas present last year. With names all over it, hers had names like "Scootz, Chelbo, and Lil Miss Shooter." Mine had names like "Rarity, Bekolin, and Lil Miss Epic." I listened to all of the songs on it and sat in silence as I thought more and more about our friendship and all the wonderful things she had done for me. I looked at the "Rebelsea," poster that I had in the garbage and wondered if there was more that I could do.

I know she hates my guts, but why am I the only one getting the treatment that I get? Why am I the only one getting chewed out for the things I say, when it seems like the whole school is saying it? Chelsea. My best friend. I still check up on her. She never updates her blog, her Facebook has privacy settings on "Friends of Friends" She blames me for talking crap about her when I know it's true and it was told to me, and the people I "told" already knew about it in the first place. She claims never talking about me behind my back, I know that's crap. As if she's never posted about me on Facebook... One post I remember seeing on her wall that one of my friends showed me said that she was mad at her now ex-best friend. That's the deal breaker. Once I saw that, I knew she was trouble and I felt like she never cared after I read all the comments on the post. Facebook is just a way to either rant about your problems or spread the word of inspiration. The better things you post, the closer your friends may be to you. The more aggressive your posts come off as, the more people get annoyed by you. I truly am grateful for the experience that I've had with this amazing girl. I know that she's different. I don't know who this Chelsea-Evelyn Moore is...but I miss Chelbo, my always and forever best friend.

Explode with creativity and get inspiration from your past. Glow more with inspiration than you ever have before. My challenge to you all is to think about a devastating point in your life, and just write about it and what you've taken from the experience. Write how you're grateful for that bad experience in your life, and post it below in the comments if you'd like! Remember to keep inspiring those around you and be the best that you can be!

Harvest 2013

Hey, guys! Let’s start off with a little bit of Lil Miss Epic business! If you have been watching my YouTube channel recently, I’d like to tell you guys a little technical difficulty. I cannot upload due to the stupidity of the YouTube app on my tablet. Unfortunately, my tablet is my only recording device available to me. As I would love to record for you guys and show you all my progress on Minecraft Survival, I cannot. As soon as I'm able to upload videos to YouTube, I'll upload my most recent videos, which were in the loading cycle when it all stopped working.

All right, so I didn't really tell you guys what happened the day of my wonderful blog's anniversary.. aka SATURDAY, the 9th. WELL. We had a school dance, if you didn't already know. I had asked Dawson to go with me, well here's a play by play.

After writing my blog post, I got in the car with my mother and permit in hand to go up my boyfriend, who was just finishing up his drive at Driver's Ed. I was kind of nervous because he's never seen me drive before. None of my friends have. When it was just me and Reino, I did totally fine. Anyways, I did pretty well, and the only big mistake I had made was I turned off the car before putting it in PARK. I felt so stupid, but I was just so ready to get out of the car and spend the day with my boyfriend.

Even though it was nearly noon, I felt a rush to go tutor him with math. We get inside and check Power School for what he needs to makeup to get a higher score. While he does the assignments, I check up on his other grades and then notice how badly organized his backpack is. When pulling out his math book that was supposed to have white pages and a red cover, it was all turning orange. I asked Dawson what had happened, he said some "pastels" had exploded in his bag. I laughed about it as I cleaned out his bag, and threw it in the washing machine. Even when he had finished all of his work, I just kept organizing his stuff. He wanted me to just drop everything and go watch Lady and The Tramp with him, the movie that I had picked out for the day. I kept organizing and walking in and out of the room on a constant basis as we watched the movie. I found the movie incredibly boring because of course, I had missed all of my favorite parts. Dawson thought it was great! He thoroughly enjoyed it, just as I had suspected. If I had just SAT and watched it, it would've been a much better movie for me. Thinking of what to do after the movie had ended, I started to think more about his grades... Here I am, with a 99 in Algebra, and there he sits with a 52% in the same class. I try to help him, I really do. Then, I see all the other classes he takes. D, C+, A(Troylairs... kind of impossible to fail that one...), D, and F. Well... since D's are acceptable now... I shouldn't be too worried, but it's still a good idea to help him get that grade higher. 8% is the difference between staying with me in our beautiful new high school or leaving to go to the Alternative. I have to make sure he's dedicated to his work.

We had tons of fun. From playing games such as Smash Brothers and Glee Karaoke, we had a ton of fun. With Smash Bros, we put everyone's lives at 99, including the 2 CPU's we had... that were BOTH Yoshis. I chose a pink Yoshi, and Dawson chose Link. After a while, Dawson and I just started committing suicide on the game and just jumping off of Hyrule Castle. It was funny to see the 2 CPU's try to battle it out with still 70 lives. We left them alone for a bit, then came back to check every once in a while, with usually a 5 life difference. Oh yeah, and the CPU's had Handicap at 9, making them super hard to play against. The lowest we got them to was 30 lives, then we just turned it off to play some Karaoke on the Wii. It was fun because whenever it told us to "Make Some Noise" we'd make some weird noise. We had too much fun with it. Especially when rapping because most of the time we'd just give up and go mernahmermermerrrr and mutter the rest of the lyrics.

It came time to go to Harvest, we had my mother drive us there at around 8:30pm and arrived to almost literally nobody there. Come 9 o'clock, people started to show up and the party came in the house. Thing is, nobody was really dancing. Everyone was standing around waiting to dance. Dawson and I were that weird couple where you'd see us and he's on my back and we're running around being stupid. When we danced together, I had him flap his wings with me like a chicken because I can't dance. There he is just "yolo-ing" every dance that has people leading it, and he goes up to lead them as well. Like Gangnam Style, he can't do it too well, but he just YOLO's it and doesn't care what others think about it. Harvest was fun as heck. I love going to dances with Dawson. Since it was a Girls Choice dance, I was the one to ask him to dance with me every time. One of the times, when it was a slow dance, I went out to the dance floor and he just ditched me to go talk to some other people. I just kind of danced around in circles with my "ghost" partner that didn't really exist. Noticing that I was "dancing with somebody else," he jumped in to the empty spot that was reserved for him and for him only and said sorry. I started thinking... Where's Chelsea? I continued to look around for the crazy chick and her red-headed boyfriend, but couldn't find them. This was the second dance she hasn't attended...and I know she asked her boyfriend to go with her. Later, to my surprise, Chelsea broke up with Conner, her red-headed boyfriend. I don't know the reason, but I felt bad for him because he sat there reserved by her and didn't even get to go to Harvest because she broke up with him. Poor guy.

With the night advancing in constant fun, I started getting tired. Dawson's parents came to take me home and as soon as I got home, I took a shower than layed down. Drawkah had planned an all nighter... I wasn't so sure I could do it. He called me and I picked up, as my usual self and we talked about how much fun we had. I turned off the lights, and layed down again and put in my Bluetooth. I closed my eyes a couple times and to my surprise, Dawson was saying "I love you" and I wouldn't even realize until he had said my name a couple of times. Imagining a conversation that wasn't even happening, I started talking to the Dawson I heard inside my head about the weather. I said stuff like "Yeah, I know." and "No." and he'd say "I love you" or "I miss you" again, and I would continue not to notice until he said my name a couple of times. It got to the point where I was saying the most bizarre things. The most bizarre thing by far would have to be, "Do I turn left at this intersection?" It was completely random because I remember he told me something, and I said wait... what? and then asked that. It was so bizarre and random that it was one of the things we might remember most about what happens when I get tired. I don't know how far it went on until I fell asleep but I was exhausted. 

Harvest was by far one of the most fun and party filled days I've had in a long time, and it was very refreshing. PRAISE FCCLA for doing such a great job with the decorations and making the dance possible. I love you, FCCLA.

Just a selfie today, up top. Because I'm gorgeous and stuff.

Lil Miss Epic 1st Anniversary: TOP PICKS

Wow! Not only is it my blog's first anniversary, but we've reached 7,000 page views! THANKS Thanks to Sienna Wareham's special vote for what topic was going to be chosen for today, I'm gonna be talking about my top picks for my blog! Let's put it this way. My blog's been like a timeline to me, for how it's been during certain points in my life. Even though it's been just a year, I can still piece each post together. Here are my top picks!

Embarrassment
"Embarrassment" is the post that got everyone excited about "Lil Miss Epic" as a blog. It was my first post ever and showed my audience my casualty. Complete with a list of what I planned out for my blog in the future, I've stuck to it very well now that I look back at it. "Embarrassment" was a perfect start for my blog. I wouldn't have it any other way, especially since "Embarrassment"got a total of 50 page views in one day, without my advertisement.

The Kissing Attempt
"The Kissing Attempt" showed the first real contact of Drawkah and the friends surrounding it. Not only did it show my real emotion, frustration, but it was fun to read because it was relate-able. Dawson later of course felt bad about the situation, but at least I got a laugh out of my audience. What an amazing post to start out the relationship of Drawkah.

Why? It's a Long Story...
"Why? It's a Long Story..." is a blog-post about none other than the difficulty of losing friends while you grow up. Not only has this story proven what has happened with just one person, but it's also shown what has happened with another one of my best friends. To be perfectly honest, I was missing both of them for the longest time. But, I've let go. This post I would definitely nominate as the longest post. If I wanted to rename it, I'd rename it The Backstory.

Movie Night Memories
"Movie Night Memories" Is just a story about a girl and a boy's first kiss. Let me rephrase that. Drawkah's first kiss. Not only did I give a play-by-play of our behavior around each other, but I also gave back story of Jakeah(James and Rebekah) as a couple, and how things are different. This post is the best way to describe the transition from James to Dawson. From Hurt to Healed.

But that's not all folks! That was just 2012... There was MUCH more than just 4 little posts. This was the opening era of Lil Miss Epic.

The Key to Understanding

"The Key to Understanding" was what I consider the first Truly inspirational post to come out of Lil Miss Epic.I had several people coming to me saying that it was amazing. "The Key to Understanding" was what made me live up to my title, inspiring my inspirations.

"People Can Change"
Looking back at this post, I had a breakthrough. This post is all about how The Law of Attraction really works. It even explains perfectly my situation right now with several people. I love this post, dearly. Not only is it just about the law of attraction, but it's about assuming things.

"No Matter What"
This post... It shows how much I worked to get into our choir, Troylairs. How much thought and dedication I had put into anything. I knew that I would get in at the end of it, and to be honest, it was a growing experience because it added onto my testimony of the power of prayer and the law of attraction.

"Breaking Stereotypes & Fixing Things"
This post was one of my top picks because of one memory of Dawson that was said in this post as well.When I'm at my lowest points in life, I hear "I'm Right Here." in Dawson's voice. It's so comforting, and it's something that I'll always remember.

"September Dreams Come True"
This night was possibly the best night ever because it was Dawson and I's anniversary. It's always fun to just look back about how lucky I am to have such a wonderful boyfriend. The lesson of this post? Be grateful for all the things that you and your friends do with each other. Memories are the best gift, get the most of it.

"Those Two People"
This is my last top-pick, but it's definitely a post that should be remembered constantly. Sienna and Dawson are the only two who haven't ditched me. They're such great people. I love both of them so much, and it shows the gratitude that I have for both of them. Appreciate who you have.

There you have it, guys! My top 10 picks... Of course, it's more of a timeline of the the top ones that connect the best, but hey. IT WORKS. Don't question my ways. ;)